(thank you to all my reviewers. Your patience is much appreciated. I would like to take this time to promote the fanfic That Famous Weasley Charm by LiLMiSSHERMY. It's what inspired me. And it's awesome!!!)
Mission 1: Evade all questions put forward by nosy friends. Note: Be especially wary of the short blonde one and the skinny tanned one.
Location: House common room Tactics:
Change conversation with inquisitive friends to THEIR guy problems.
Fake interest effectively as they will get angry if they discover you are pretending that you aren't bored.
Get rid of cursed hangover
Be prepared to run at any and all sightings of 'Evasion-Priority-No.1'
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Life is over. Forever.
"Hey look" Shouted Lee, pointing over to the staircase "there he is now. We can ask him"
I caught a glimpse of two sets of messy red hair.
HOLY MOTHER OF....
"Angie, Angelina, where are you going? ANG???"
Katie's cry was mostly engulfed by the clatter of the common room, so thankfully Fred hadn't registered what was happening until I was hurtling past him with considerable speed up the staircase. It was only after I had clambered up to my room, slammed the door shut behind me and, for some illogical reason, barricaded it with my trunk that I remembered just how hung-over I was. Fortunately I managed to make it to the toilet before vomiting, as I really didn't have the wits about me to perform a cleaning charm. Or at least perform one without simultaneously setting the carpet, bed and in all likeliness my hair aflame.
Collapsing once again on my bed, I groaned into my hands.
I hate my life. I really and truly do.
All too soon (as in, before I could devise a rational explanation) Alicia and Katie were marching up the stairs.
My head was still hidden in my hands, but that didn't mean I couldn't hear all the mayhem ensuing on the other side of the door.
"Ang?" came Katie's uncertain voice "Are you ok? Are y-hey, the door won't open. I...ALICIA! LEESH"
"Ouch" I could hear the wince in Alicia's response "I'm right here, you twit."
"Ow! Hey! Leesh, did you just kick me?"
"You...you kicked me."
"Well 'Sorry. It won't happen again' might be nice"
"Well it won't happen again, as long as you don't shout in my ear again when I'm hung-over, you steaming-great-Nelly"
"My Dad says it"
"Whatever. The door...it's like...barricaded"
I snorted. No Katie. It's not 'like barricaded', it IS barricaded. By my hefty trunk actually. So, like, stop saying like.
"Or charmed shut?" Alicia offered.
Psh. Right, because hung-over at 8am I am totally capable of that.
I could ignore them.
I would ignore them.
"Ugh" I mumbled as I trudged over to the door, yanked the trunk out of the way, and tiredly pulled open the door.
"Oh, hey, it's you" I said by way of greeting.
The incredulous looks I received suggested they weren't impressed.
Katie, looking a little scared, eyed my trunk warily and then picked it up and shoved it under one of the beds. She then plopped herself, uninvited, down on my bed and curled up into a ball, still staring at me like I'd gone mad.
"Cut the crap" Alicia growled as she pushed past "I have just one question. Do I need to floo Mungo's or is this insanity only temporary?"
Having already issued a one-fingered reply to Lee not 20 minutes previously, and dead opposed to the idea of unoriginally repeating myself, I thought my two-fingered answer was pretty innovative.
"Yeah, seriously, Ang" Katie was peering at me, concerned "you like, totally took off. It was weird. ...Are you PMSing?"
Leaping on the chance, I nodded emphatically.
"Yeah" I inserted as much emotion as I could into the lie "...it's horrible. I sometimes get a little... bizarre when it's my time. So I started feeling sick but obviously I couldn't tell Lee..."
Katie patted my leg comfortingly.
"I know, once a month I turn into this like, crazy monster" she said, understandingly.
"You sound like a werewolf, Kate" she smirked, using the nickname Katie loathed "and besides no-one cares, Katie. Really, like totally no-one".
Wow. She really gets grouchy when she gets hung-over.
"Wow, you really get grouchy when you're hung-over" Katie frowned.
Wow. That was amazingly cool and frightening all at the same time.
"You're not PMSing Ang" Alicia continued completely ignoring Katie. "I know your cycle like the back of my hand."
"There's just something not right with that" I told her cringing into my hand and then, internally, I sighed deeply. They were going to make me explain, weren't they?
"Right" said Katie, folding her arms "explain."
I could have come out clean, but the embarrassment I would be subjected to (and more importantly the girlish shrieks that would ring around my head painfully) seemed like too high a price to pay, so I did some quick thinking.
"Ok. I'm not, er, you know. But still, I guess the alcohol, well, it made me, and I felt like I was about to vomit so-"
My jumbled sentence just fell to pieces half-way through. Thinking on my feet is just not my speciality. They were both pulling faces, as my excuse had many flaws. Like how I had the time to run all the way upstairs to my dorm, barricade the door and get to the bathroom. And exactly why I felt the need to barricade the door in the first place.
So I did what I do best; just like in Quidditch when I'm in possession, I stubbornly dodged their attacks.
"Well that doesn't make any sense" vs. "Sure it does"
"Um....actually, it doesn't" vs. "you're crazy"
I zoomed up the metaphorical pitch and intercepted "I'm not crazy" with an "I don't know, you hooked up with Lee. That's kind of crazy" and expertly passed to Alicia with a flawless "right Leesh?"
Leesh picked up the ball and flew to the hoops.
"Yeah, Katie, how did that even happen? I didn't know you liked him."
The quaffle soars across the pitch into the hoops. Conversation has been changed.
Angelina wins the match!
(25 minutes later)
Oh dear sweet Merlin I should have just stayed in the common room and confronted Him. I should have run out of the common room to someplace nice, like Snape's personal office or the inner circle of hell. Anything but this.
"And Lee just goes to me 'So how 'bout it' and I was thinking 'wow, talk about unromantic' but I also, like, really really wanted him to kiss me, so I just-"
My God. It's an unstoppable torrent of lava exploding from the deadly volcano; Mount Bimbo.
Alicia is looking pretty happy though. No not happy, blissfully oblivious to the world, which is odd because I thought she would have been locked in Azkaban by now for murdering Katie in cold blood?
Katie sneezed. And she didn't just sneeze, she squeaked like a chipmunk on helium and made Alicia jolt out of her weird little daze.
I stared at Leesh, eyebrows raised.
"Her story was working like a sedative" Alicia smiled dreamily "my whole head just went delightfully numb." She frowned and sat up straighter. "You and your bloody flu. Why didn't you wrap up more in the cold, you scantily-clad dolt?"
Katie crossed her arms across her chest angrily.
"Me? Alicia, Me? Honestly, you've been harping on about that girl wearing the same clothes as you, but together you were both only wearing enough fabric for half of one non-hooker dress in the first place!"
Alicia's lip curled back menacingly.
"Well" I said cheerily "this has nothing to do with me, so I think i'm going to head down for breakfast before potions. You coming?"
I deliberately asked them to accompany me so I wouldn't seem rude, but I knew neither of them would agree.
Alicia, because like me, I'm sure she wouldn't want to eat anything for a long, long, meteor-hitting-earth-and-entire-new-species-building-new-civilisations-and-taking-over-plant time.
Katie because she'll stubbornly sit and face out Alicia until the cows come home.
"Ok then" I smiled at their hostile silence.
That's one bullet dodged.
I walked out the room feeling pretty damn smug.
"Oh wait. Ang, come back. We were going to ask you-"
No, Katie. No.
I can't run away again. I'm too ill. Do not get up and follow me. Do not get up and follow me.
That was the bed spring.
Don't do it, girl. I'm warning you...in my head...which I'm relatively certain you can't hear...
The door handles turning and I'm bloody rooted to the spot. Why am I rooted to the spot?
"Oh, careful Katie. I wouldn't get up like that, your skirts so short half of your knickers are hanging out, not that anyone will want to see them."
The handle stopped.
God bless Alicia and her bitchy inability to let any comment slide. I'll buy her something extra shiny next time we're in Hogsmede.
Checking round the corner for any sign of red hair (there was, but it was only Harry's friend Ron) I scampered down the steps and out of the common room.
Unsure of what to do next, I paused trying to formulate a plan in a very muddled and alcohol-affected head. If I went to the hospital wing she'd be sure to quiz me, but she wouldn't tell anyone else. Getting to her without seeing anyone, however, would be a challenge.
Asking McGonagall for a hangover cure to get rid of the headache I acquired from sneaking out to a party at 11pm would be similar to walking into an Auror's office and asking for a plaster to stick over the gaping wound of the man I'd just stabbed.
Finding the antidote in Fred's room was an even more unpleasant idea.
I'd just have to suck it up and head down to Pomfrey's.
No big deal really.
"Georgie-Porgie" yelled a voice around the corner "pudding and pie. Kissed the girl and made them cry."
"out for more, Fred. They were crying out for more" George answered back wisely and he walked into view a moment before his brother and Lee did.
Fortunately that short moment was all I needed and I was sprinting off again before they could say "Hey, was that Ang running away again?"
(Which they did.)
Apparently I wasn't too ill when the person I'd humiliated myself for eternity to was around. I only stopped running outside Snape's classroom, a full half an hour before lesson started. Panting and squinting through my pounding skull, I leant against the door just as it opened suddenly, causing me to tumble into the greasy bat himself.
"Miss Johnson" he smirked in his oily tones. How is it that his voice sounds as greasy as his hair? "Might I inquire as to your early time and unusually energized state? Not running away from trouble, are you?" he asked silkily "Or are you just exhilarated at the thought of my lesson?"
Trying to appear impassive to his arrogant sneer, I looked up at him and said in what I had hoped would sound like an honest reply,
"Er...Sir. I'm going to go with the latter..."
"Really" He didn't sound questioning, he sounded positively scathing.
"Well then, by all means, Miss Johnson, come in and help me prepare the work stations. How, ah, nice of you to show such an interest in your studies. "
He held the door open for me. I didn't have a choice but to go in.
"Thank-you sir" I mumbled quietly as I unhappily trudged into his classroom.
I am officially the most pathetic person in the history of Hogwarts.
It's really not the title I was hoping to earn during my 7 year stay here.