Author's Note: Written for the Hetalia Kink Meme on Livejournal. This is the cleaned up version, and I retitled it from "That's Amore". Rated for sexiness and language. Pairings include Romano/Prussia and Germany/Veneziano.
Partners In Crime
"Ve~" Veneziano said, peeking into the kitchen. "Romano, is that what you're wearing on your blind date? You aren't going to make a good impression like that!"
Romano glared. "I told you already, I am not agreeing to whatever idiotic plan that you and the potato bastard have come up with! I'm not dumb, you know. I know you're just trying to distract me with mushy romance so that you two can make out. Well it's not going to work! I'm not letting that wurst-for-brains jerk give you German Cooties or annex you or get you pregnant and then leave you depressed and alone without even paying child support!"
Veneziano stared blankly at Romano. "So you really want to wear your apron to your date?" he asked. "Well. Okay. I guess it's kind of cute with the ruffles and I'm pretty sure he likes cute things..."
Romano's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You're trying to set me up with Spain, aren't you? I'm going to punch the potato bastard for even suggesting that and then I'm going to headbutt Spain for agreeing to it, stupid perverted idiot..."
"It's not Spain!" Veneziano said cheerfully. "It's someone else. And I really, really think you'll like him if you give him a chance! Please promise to give him a chance!"
"I didn't agree to the date at all," Romano grumbled, but Veneziano's lower lip was stuck out in a trembling pout that warned of imminent tears and Romano knew he didn't stand a chance against his brother when quivering lips and crying were involved.
"F-fine," Romano snapped, averting his eyes. "But it's just one date and I'm not promising to like him or anything! If I do this, you'd better not pester me about it ever again, either!"
Veneziano wrapped his brother in a gleeful hug. "You're going to have so much fun! Germany and I planned everything! You'll go for a romantic dinner and eat pasta together, and then you'll go on a stroll along the beach in the moonlight!"
"I'm probably going to hate him. You have horrible taste in men," Romano said, peeling Veneziano off of him irritably.
"But Germany doesn't! Germany picked him out because he said that it would be like hitting two birds with one stone. I don't know what he meant by that, but he likes me so I know he has good taste!"
Romano winced at the idea of dating someone as flighty as his brother, but didn't actually say anything other than a mumbled "Yeah, well, whatever."
"So are you going to wear the apron on your date? Because he's going to be here soon, so if you want to get changed, you should probably do it now!" Veneziano said, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying to look as innocent as possible as he surveyed Romano's outfit.
Romano scowled. "Well then he's going to have to wait until I finished making these noodles! Who does he think he is, showing up and expecting me to just drop everything for a stupid date with him?"
"Ve~, Romano!" Veneziano whined. "I'll finish the noodles later if you want, and I'll help you get ready too. I want you to look nice! And then you and Pr -- um, I mean your date! You and your date will fall in love and be really happy together and get married and have little babies and then we'll be one giant family!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Romano demanded.
"Just put these clothes on and you'll be fine!" Veneziano said cheerfully, shoving an armload of clothes into Romano's hands. Romano stared at the clothes, wondering where they had come from. Veneziano hadn't been holding them a moment ago, had he?
Whatever. This was just further proof that behind that vacant grin, his brother was a manipulative fiend who had plans.
Romano took off his loose house pants and frilly white waist apron, shucking them carelessly on the floor and replacing them with the pressed cream slacks that Veneziano had given him. "They make my butt look weird," Romano said bluntly, staring at his reflection in the oven door.
"They make your butt look good," Veneziano corrected. "Now the shirt!"
Romano began unbuttoning his shirt with an annoyed eyeroll, but as he was pulling it off, there was a loud knock on the door. Veneziano squealed and raced for the door. "I'll get it! I'll get it!" he shouted.
Romano trailed after, curious despite himself about this "date".
Veneziano flung open the door excitedly, revealing... a pair of black slacks and an enormous bouquet of white roses and blue cornflowers. "Hello," said the bouquet in bored monotone. "It is such a pleasure to meet you. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you, although as I look into your eyes, I feel as if I already -- what the fuck is this crap?"
"Read the note cards," said a resigned voice from just out of sight. Romano scowled. He recognized that voice. Potato bastard.
"These note cards suck," the bouquet replied. "Besides, I don't need note cards taken out of your stupid books in order to woo someone. I'm Prussia. No one can resist this kind of awesome!"
"Read the note cards," Germany gritted out.
"Give flowers to date," said the bouquet, now revealed to be Germany's brother Prussia. The bouquet lowered, and Prussia peered at Veneziano. "You're adorable! You look just like Veneziano, except cuter since you're going on a date with the incredibly awesome Prussia instead of mooning over my less-awesome brother." Prussia thrust the flowers at Veneziano. "These are for you."
"I don't think.." Veneziano said hesitantly. Romano interrupted him without actually saying anything, but through the sheer force of his glare as he stormed in the room.
"Nevermind!" Prussia said, yanking the flowers away from Veneziano and shoving them in Romano's direction. "I call the shirtless one! Tough luck, West."
Romano flushed bright red as he realized that, yes, he was shirtless. He quickly yanked on the red button-up shirt that Veneziano had handed him earlier and began buttoning it up to the topmost button. "Shut up! Forget it. I'm not going on this date."
"Romano~" Veneziano whined, jutting his lip out and staring at Romano with water brimming at the corners of his eyes.
Damn it. It was the return of the quivery pout and the tears. That was cheating.
Romano stomped up to Prussia and snatched the flowers, then tossed them on a low table. "Come on, then. Let's get this over with."
"Eager, are we?" Prussia said, slinging his arm around Romano's waist as they walked out the door.
"Get your perverted hands off me!" Romano shrieked, scampering forward out of Prussia's grip.
When they were out of sight and earshot, Germany slipped inside the house.
"That went really well!" Veneziano exclaimed, launching himself into Germany's arms for a hug.
Germany was surprised to find himself agreeing. "I never thought they'd actually make it out the door."
"But since they did..." Veneziano's grin was feral, almost predatory. Most people would be surprised to see it on Veneziano's face, but Germany just leaned in to kiss it off, for once not worried about an untimely interruption from one of their brothers.
* * *
"Alright," Prussia said as they stood outside the restaurant.
Romano raised his eyebrows, looking sulky and unimpressed.
"Here's the thing," Prussia continued. "You're cute and all, but this is a sucky date. We're in agreement on that, right?"
"I don't want to be here with you," Romano said. "I only agreed to this date because Veneziano was being really annoying about it, so don't get any ideas Potato Bastard Brother."
"...Right," Prussia said."Okay, so what you're saying is that you'd rather go into that restaurant and eat my share of the pasta as well as your own, right? Without my awesome presence to distract you?"
Romano almost answered yes. Almost.
"Where will you be while I'm eating your pasta?" he asked suspiciously. Surely someone forced to live off of wurst and potatoes everyday wouldn't lightly give up the chance for delicious Italian pasta with tomatoes. This Prussia had to have an alternative angle.
"Where will I be?" Prussia repeated. "I will be... doing awesome things. Really awesome things!"
Romano stared, utterly nonplussed.
Prussia frowned, staring at Romano, sizing him up. "Alright. I'm going to trust you with this because you're kind of cute, okay? So don't let me down by blabbing this to everyone who'll listen, especially your brother and West."
Romano scoffed. "Why would I tell the Potato Bastard anything?"
A slow smirk crossed Prussia's face. Maybe he could make this work to his advantage. "So you don't like West dating your brother, right?"
Romano gave Prussia a look that made it clear that he thought the answer was obvious.
"...Right," Prussia said. "So you if -- hypothetically, you know -- someone were to wreck their date tonight, because you know they're going to try and have one, then you'd be willing to go into that restaurant and eat pasta or whatever. Hell, you'd even be willing to provide an alibi for your absent date, right?"
Romano stared appraisingly at Prussia. "Hypothetically? I'd demand that the stupid tomato hater's brother take me along so that I could make sure he didn't screw up in screwing up my brother's date."
"I think you'd better leave this to the experts," Prussia scoffed. "I've been disrupting their dates since they were just 'strictly friendly in a platonic way' visits. Just go in the restaurant and don't worry your cute little head about it."
"Well obviously you haven't been disruptive enough!" Romano said furiously. "You suck at ruining their dates!"
Prussia was amused. That was probably the first time anyone had ever told him he needed to be more disruptive. Still, no matter how cute Romano was, Prussia was not going to stand by and let Romano insult his awesome efforts at breaking up Veneziano and Germany. "Well how about you?" he asked. "It's not like your screaming matches have been all that productive. All you succeeded in doing is convincing them that they need to distract you."
"That exactly what they did with you!" Romano fumed. "Now shut up and let me help!"
"This isn't your normal 'burst in and scream at them' job. It's an awesome, Prussia-worthy plan that involves stealth, intrigue and water balloons. I don't think you can handle it," Prussia said seriously.
Romano's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare underestimate me where my brother's involved."
Prussia raised his eyebrows, surprised and impressed at the venom in Romano's voice. "You know, I think that we could really work this to our advantage. Those boring, fucking saccharine lovebirds aren't going to know what hit them."
Romano was alarmed to find himself matching Prussia's violent grin, but then again, Prussia was proving to be quite different from his potato bastard brother. It was true that Prussia hadn't yet succeeded in breaking up Veneziano and Germany, just as Romano had failed. But together? The idea held possibilities.
Prussia leaned forward, putting his hand on Romano's shoulder as he explained his plan. Romano didn't notice the touch, going so far as to lean into it as they strategized.
This was going to be awesome.