Hey y'all this is my Christmas present to the lot of you who actually read anything in this fandom.

I got the idea after having an awkward class discussion with my teacher Pikachu (her actual nickname).

A/N: Rin is an OC from some of my other fics, and in this one he's Mihashi's twin brother.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the idea that Santa Claus is a dirty old man.

Stalker Claus

It was in the clubhouse that Ren Mihashi's Christmas became a living hell.

"Y'know Santa Claus is a stalker, right?" Tajima said nonchalantly.

Normally everyone ignored the random shit that Tajima had to say, but with the fact that Christmas was only one day away and it was something really weird everyone decide to actually react.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Hanai demanded, slapping the cleanup upside the head. "Santa Claus isn't even…"

He paused when he saw Mihashi puttering by in the corner. It was a well known fact that Mihashi still believed in Santa Claus, and for reasons unknown Abe had declared that no one shatter his childlike belief in the jolly old elf.

"What makes you say that Tajima?" Izumi sighed; he knew that if no one asked Tajima would just tell them anyway.

"Well, he does see you when you're sleeping," Tajima began

"A-and knows when you're awake!" Mihashi squeaked.

"He knows if you've been bad or good!" Sakaeguchi gasped.

"So be good for goodness sakes!" Nishihiro sputtered.

Yeah you can see where it went after that.

(Brief Songfic moment!)

Hanai: Oh you better watch out

Oki: You better not cry

Suyama: You better not pout, I'm telling you why!

Mizutani and Tajima: Santa Claus is coming to town!

(Brief Songfic moment end)

At that moment Abe walked into the clubhouse to see his team singing Santa Claus is coming to Town and Mihashi curled up in a corner.

"What the hell is going on here?" he bellowed.

The revelry stopped as if a record had been stopped.

"I leave you for less than five minute and you all start singing, and Mihashi is curled up in a corner!!!!" He shouted, obviously wanting an explanation.

Whether it was bravery or stupidity that made Tajima step forward we'll never know, but he did nonetheless.

"Well, I was telling everyone how Santa Claus is a stalker and-" he was interrupted by a snowball to the face from outside the clubhouse.

Abe looked over his shoulder to see Rin.

"I came for my brother," he sighed taking his simpering twin by the hand. Rin didn't give anyone the chance to calm the pitcher down while he dragged his brother out to their mother's car.


It was eleven thirty that night when Abe's cell phone started ringing. Through misty eyes he saw that it said Mihashi and picked it up.


"Taka-chan what did you people do to my brother?" Rin demanded over the line.

Abe sighed, for some reason this felt oddly familiar (A/N: I'm terrible for gratuitously citing my past fics)

"What do you mean?" he mumbled as he stretched himself into awareness.

"Renren," Abe flinched at the mention of Mihashi's nickname. "Won't go to sleep and he keeps mumbling something about Santa Claus being a stalker."

"Oh shit," Abe grumbled. "It was something Tajima said today at practice…"

"Well you had better get your ass over here and fix it!" Rin ordered.

"Why me?"

"He listens to you," Rin admitted. "And I'm not having my Christmas ruined because Tajima tells him that Santa Claus isn't a stalker, but the elves are ninjas that want to steal his soul or something like that…"

"Nin-ninjas?" a voice squeaked on the other end.

"No Renren, I was joking, the elves aren't ninjas who want to steal your soul!" he hissed at his twin then to Abe. "Get over here quick."

With that Rin hung up to leave the catcher in a dazed state that he could have sworn had happened once before (A/N more shameless citations!)


After sneaking out of his house with stealth that he did not have he arrived at the Mihashi residence unsure of how to get in.

"Abe get in here!" Rin hissed from above.

Abe looked up to see Rin hanging out of a window beckoning him to come in. Abe didn't have to climb up that high so he got into the window swiftly. They were in Rin's room, which no one was allowed into when they had come for Mihashi's birthday.

"You can survey my room later, get to work!" Rin barked pointing to his sobbing brother in the corner.

"S-Santa stalks me…" Mihashi chanted. "Stalkers… killing… watching…"

"What did he say?" Abe asked.

"Hell, if I know"

"He's your brother!"

"Stop stalling!"

Abe moved with a touch of trepidation. He felt that everyone gave him too much credit when it came to the handling of Mihashi, in fact he thought that Sakaeguchi or Tajima were so much better for the job.

"Ren-kun?" Abe said slowly, using his pitcher's given name would help. Mihashi twitched.

"A-Abe-kun wha-what… here… you?" he murmured. Abe assumed that it was his way of asking why he was there and he told him rather bluntly that Santa Claus wasn't a stalker.

"B-but Tajima-kun said…"

"Yeah, and Tajima also said that if you mix coke and Pepsi your brain would explode," Abe sighed. "Did it?"

Mihashi shook his head.

"And when he said that if you swallowed a watermelon seed they'd grow out of your ears," Abe continued. "Did they?"

Mihashi shook his head again.

"Or when he said that I was an evil vampire who wanted to drink your blood (A/N: Yes, I'm still very shameless)," Abe finished. "Was he right?"

Mihashi shook his head once more.

"So why would he be right now?" Abe smiled, ruffling his pitchers hair. "And about Santa Claus of all things?"

Mihashi wiped his tears away with his arm, and nodded.

"Abe-kun is so smart!" he murmured. "Probably thinks I'm a baby for crying about this…"

"I don't think you're a baby," Abe lied. Hr felt bad for lying, but it was a necessary evil. He got up to go when he felt a tug at his pant leg.

"W-would you st-stay here tonight?" Mihashi sputtered. Abe sighed inwardly and agreed. It was going to be a long night.


Far off in the North Pole Santa Claus was hunched over his crystal snowball with a pad and paper. He was scribbling furiously the events that were taking place in the Mihashi residence.

"Oh C'mon why don't they just make out already?" he mumbled.

Abe was right, Santa Claus wasn't a stalker, and he was a pervert.

I know that this was a bit odd, but hey It's Christmas.

Review as a present to me, and I'll teach you how to evade Santa's naughty gaze