[Riz-I & Colored-Chrome]
[Chapter One: iFly]
A/N: Author's note is mine this time, you'll hear from C-C in the next one ;) This collaboration's actually been in the making since August. But it finally got finished last night. Yeah. Epic fail and whatnot. Disclaimdisclaimdisclaim.
Enjoy and all that jazz.
And reviews are loved :)
Subject: Ya-bu-se-YO! (09:23)
You have the honour of being invited to the wedding of Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuuga.
Tell no one.
Except Sakura. And possibly Kakashi- actually; don't tell Kakashi. He'll get drunk and ruin everything. And anyways, drunk Kakashi= serial rapist. I don't need him raping my wife (to be!)
Subject: You don't even deserve a subject line, you IDIOT (10:13)
You stupid, idiot, moron, dobe!
You invite me to a wedding and don't even tell me when or where.
And why shouldn't I tell anyone? Why would Kakashi not be invited? He could get as drunk as he wants- Neji would gouge his eyeballs out with a spoon if he tried it on with Hinata.
Subject: Everyone deserves a subject. Or it could be a VIRUSSSSSS. (10:18)
When: Tomorrow night
And Neji won't actually be there.
See, I tried asking the Hyuugas for Hinata's hand in marriage. I did everything Sakura and Hinata told me to do. I took my shoes off when I went in (I even wore socks without holes in them), I ate everything properly and didn't even stare at all the weird statues all over the place. Anyway, when I asked whether I could marry Hinata- everything went silent (Well- being the HYUUGA house, everything was silent anyway, it just went even MORE silent) and then her dad pretty much had a hernia while Neji left the room and came back with a load of kitchen knives-
Which he threw at me as I grabbed Hinata and ran out of the house…
So me and Hinata have decided to run away to London to get married. *Smileyface*
Well… I decided. Hinata was too busy making sure Neji hadn't attached a bomb to my car.
Sakura has your tickets. Meet us at JFK Airport today at 5pm!! Plane leaves at 7.
"What have I told you about answering the phone in foreign languages!"
"Oh. It's you."
"Who else would it be?!"
"Do I sound like a woman to you?!"
"Hmm. Best not answer that. And anyway, even if you were, you'd be a lesbian and you'd still be married to Sakura. You two are just-"
"If you say another word, I'll gouge your eyes out with a spoon."
"As long as you do it at 5pm at JFK Airport."
"I can't go you idiot. I'm the world's top neurosurgeon- I can't just leave."
"For someone who fondles brains all day you sure do-"
"I do not fondle brains all day!"
"Whatever. You don't really seem to have one. I rang the Hospital pretending to be your dad and said that due to 'certain circumstances too sensitive to be disclosed' you'd be withdrawing your services for a few days. SEE-YOU-AT-5-SAKURA-HAS-THE- TICKETS-DON'T- FORGET-BYE!"
He said the last few exclamations rapidly in one breath before slamming his phone shut.
Sasuke ran his hands through his hair and picked up his mobile.
You have reached Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha. Leave a message. Unless you're Karin. In which case we will have you arrested.
Sakura. Remember all the stupid things Naruto did when we were in High School? And in College? And… well. All his life? In classic DOBE fashion, he's decided to get married in London. Tomorrow… Get packing. We've got to be at the airport by 5. Wait a minute. Why am I telling you this? The asshole tells me you already have the tickets. Anyway. I'll see you at five. Love you.
NEW JERSEY, AMERICA- ELEVEN: FIFTY NINE (AM)
Tenten yawned as she jammed the key into the lock on the front door of her (penthouse) apartment. DJ-ing was seriously a lot harder than it looked. Especially when it was an all-night event. She pushed the door open and scooped up the bundle of letters on the floor. She began sifting through them.
"Bill. Bill. Junk. Bill. Junk. Junk. Junk. Oooh- hand written."
She flipped the envelope over and noticed the Hyuuga seal on the back. It hadn't been opened before… She quickly slid her finger in and shwipped it open.
Out fell a letter with the anal-retentive folding only a Hyuuga was capable of. And a ticket.
From JFK to Heathrow.
Dropping the rest of the post to floor, Tenten hurriedly unfolded the letter and began to read.
I am terribly sorry to suddenly burden you with this- but I am afraid matters are no longer within my control. Circumstances have necessitated my elopement with Naruto Uzumaki to London.
We wish for the ceremony to proceed as soon as possible in the hopes that my family will eventually grow to accept him. Unfortunately, the Hyuuga Household is rather- selective, on matters such as matrimony.
As you are and have always been a dear acquaintance of mine and my closest female companion, I wish for you to be present as my Maid-of-Honour.
I understand if life and circumstances require you to remain state-side and encumber your ability to attend the wedding, however, it would be a great honour and privilege to have you attend.
I have enclosed a ticket for the plane. You need only bring clothes for today and tomorrow.
All other expenses shall, of course, be paid by me.
Tenten laughed. "This is such a Hinata type thing to do." She pulled out her phone (a pink Cyon Lollipop- she went to Korea a few months ago and getting one of those phones was necessary) and her fingers flew across the keys as she tapped out a text.
Tenten: Hinataaaaa!!! 'sup? On d way. Will meet u at airprt 4 arnd 5-ish? Dats cool reet?
Hinata: Oh, it's so wonderful you can come!!
Tenten: Hwz d Best Man? Hottttt as a fajita me hopeees.
Hinata: I'm so sorry. Naruto chose the best man. He is, as you so poetically put it 'hot as a fajita'- but he's also happily married. His wife's been in love with him since Kindergarten. He's been in denial almost as long- until she almost married some weird guy who had bushy eyebrows. Then Sasuke beat him to a pulp and proposed to Sakura on the spot.
Tenten: Kindergarten? Nowdats wot I call COMMITMNT!!
Hinata: Please stop typing like a pre-schooler. You're 25 now, Tenten!
Tenten: Hw mny tyms do I gta tel ya? I is a DEEE-JAY!! Ths is how we rolllll.
Hinata: I'll see you at 5.
Tenten: Fyn, be tht way.
HAMILTON VETERINARY CLINIC, CAMDEN, LONDON, ENGLAND- EIGHT: FORTY SIX (PM)
"I'm sorry, we're closed for the day."
"There must be something you can-"
"I'm sorry. All the vets are finished for today."
"No, you don't understand. I will pay for somebody to see my dog right now. He's been stabbed in the eye."
"What the hell is all this noise?"
Ino looked up. "Are you the vet?"
"Look at my dog."
Sai glanced over at the woman standing in front of him. From the way she was dressed, he could immediately tell she was unemployed.
Not in a 'tacky-old-stinky-clothes-alcoholic-and-lives-in-a-shoebox' kind of unemployed. She was the other kind of unemployed. The 'married-into-money/ born-with-money-so-doesn't-need-to-work' kind of unemployed.
And he would almost (almost) bet his job that her 'dog' was actually a rat with fur stored carefully away in her gigantic handbag. And that it had stabbed itself in the eye with her nail file. But he had sworn to help everybody and anybody… "Take it out then." He sighed, holding out his hands.
"Huh? Take what out of what?" Sai looked as the woman pulled out a large mongrel from behind her, a mongrel with a kitchen fork lodged in its left eye… "I think you'd better follow me."
JFK AIRPORT, NEW YORK, AMERICA- SIX: TWENTY FIVE (PM)
Hinata: Tenten… WHERE ARE YOU?! I've already rung and told Neji that I'm leaving and that there's nothing he or anybody can do to stop me. YOU NEED TO BE HERE OR HE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!! WE ARE ON THE PLANE!! IT LEAVES IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES!!!
Tenten: Hinata- NO NEED 2 SHOUT BOUT IT!! ;L Srry bbz. Looks lyk I gta catch the nxt plane. Traffic n all dat. Ok. It's ya weddin, so I wnt lie 2 u. I fel asleep n wen I woke up it wer already 6:00. I'll meet ya at d hotel. Dorchester, ryt? N dnt wrry bout Neji. I remmba him frm wen we wer kids.
Hinata: You should know, Neji hasn't got-
We now request that all passengers please turn off all electronic devices and fasten your seatbelts. After the customary checks for security, we will be taking off in a few minutes. Thank you for flying Delta Airlines and we hope you enjoy your flight.
Tenten: NEJI HSNT GOT WHAAATTTT?!
Orange Customer Services: Your message could not be delivered. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
HYUUGA MAIN HOUSE, UPPER EAST SIDE, NEW YORK, AMERICA- SEVEN: OH THREE (PM)
I am leaving for London to stop your niece making the most ridiculous mistake of her life.
I shall be back as soon as possible.
"Yes Sir, Neji-Sir?"
"Don't call me that. I need you to cancel all flights leaving JFK Airport to London, Heathrow."
"I'm sorry sir, Neji-sir. One flight is just about to depart. I can cancel all others, however."
Neji grits his teeth. "There's no need. Just- book me a ticket on the next flight to London."
"Stop calling me that!"
"Yes Sir Neji-"
Neji hung up.
He pulled on his black leather jacket and then grabbed a scarf which he wound around his neck as he opened the door and stepped outside. He slid into his Bugatti Veyron and started the engine. "Right. Airport."
DEPARTURES LOUNGE, JFK AIRPORT, AMERICA- EIGHT: EIGHTEEN (PM)
Neji took a seat in the Departures Lounge, and began drumming his fingers on the armrest in irritation.
After he'd been doing this for God only knows how long, a pale, slender hand with contrastingly rough palms clamped down on his.
He looked up to glare at the person who was touching him. "I'm hung over, you know," she explained.
"That's wonderful. But not an excuse for touching me."
"You're giving me a headache."
"I'm sorry." Neji turned to face her properly. "But by definition of 'hung over' I assume you already had a headache."
The girl rolled her eyes. "Smart ass. You're making it worse."
"Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if your hair wasn't so tightly wrapped in those stupid cinnamon buns."
"What does my hair have to do with anything?"
"It accentuates your infinite stupid."
"It's infinite stupidity. Stupid."
Neji sighed and turned away from her. She tapped him hardly on the shoulder. "Oy! You! Look!"
Neji turned and clamped a hand over her mouth. "You're making a scene you stupid girl."
"I'm not a girl! And I had something really important to tell you."
"Screw you." And then she stood up and walked away to a seat on the other side of the Lounge.
Business and First Class Passengers are requested to please make your way to the plane entrance for boarding. Please have your Passport and Ticket ready for examination. Please remember that families traveling with children are to board first.
Tenten watched the arrogant jerk stand up at the announcement and begin making his way to board. As he passed her, she stuck her tongue out at him and then withdrew it to yell "Jerk!" after him.
He didn't even turn around. He was probably accustomed to it.
About fifteen minutes later, she and her fellow Economy Class passengers began to make their way onto the plane.
Just as she was about to take her seat, a stunningly pretty blonde air hostess tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, ma'am. You've been upgraded to First Class. Please follow me." Dazed, Tenten followed, wondering what the catch was. As the hostess, with a name badge declaring that her name was Anko, pointed to her new seat and Tenten saw the person she would be spending the next couple of hours of her life sitting beside… she found it.
HAMILTON VETERINARY CLINIC, CAMDEN, LONDON, ENGLAND- FIVE: FORTY TWO (PM)
"Will Muttley be okay?"
"You know- from Dastardly and Muttley? I kind of like to think of myself as Dastardly and Muttley here is my canine partner in crime."
Sai stared at the blonde woman in front of him, kissing her mongrel of a dog who now had an eye patch and was still groggy from the effects of anaesthesia.
"Would you like to tell me why there was a fork in… Muttley's eye?"
She stopped stroking her dog and looked up at Sai, tears in her eyes. "I don't know. That's just how I found him."
"You found him?"
"Yeah." She stood up from her kneeling position next to the dog. "I was walking to the British Library and he was just shivering under that little brick awning bit as you go in from the side that's next to King's Cross."
"Is that really all you can say? You're a vet. You're supposed to be more emotional."
Ino groaned and rolled her eyes. The vet, Dr Sai, had operated on Muttley for the past- she didn't know- ten or so hours and she could tell, since he managed to save Muttley's sight, that he was a genius at his job.
But he was useless at emotions. Ino just knew.
Which was a shame.
Because he really was quite hot.
But he was a vet.
Which meant mummy and daddy would never approve…
Ino scowled. Screw them.
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN AMERICA AND ENGLAND- MIDNIGHT (AM)
Why are you writing me a note? You're sat right next to me.
Yeah, but Hinata's just across the aisle. You really think I want her to hear?
What could you possibly say to me that you wouldn't want Hinata to hear?
I could say I think you should take Reproductive Organ Enlargement pills, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want Hinata hearing that.
Your reproductive organ is a perfect size. Really. In fact, you should perhaps get it reduced. It really is-
I'm replying! You can stop.
Good boy. Now, do you want to hear what I have to say or not?
Go on then…
Want to join the Mile High Club?
Are you kidding me? Sakura, there are elderly people on this flight.
Saaasssukkkeeeeee! You used to have a sense of adventure! What's the worst that could happen?
The door could open. Or we could be heard. You might not know this, but you shriek pretty loud.
No need to shout… Pretty please?
No! Don't TOUCH there. SAKURA! NO! Oh… oh God.
Sasuke grabbed Sakura's hand from where she had put it and pulled her towards the toilet.
"Where's teme and Sakura-chi?"
"I don't know. I think maybe they went to get food."
"Oh. They do that pretty frequently, now, don't they?" Naruto looked innocently at Hinata.
She merely looked at him, trying to get it into his head that Sasuke and Sakura were doing what he himself had asked her to do so many times before.
You see, Hinata was a firm believer in the whole 'No-Sex-Before-Marriage' thing. That was probably one of the reasons they were rushing it so much...
"Do you think they sell ramen on this flight?"
"I don't know. I think maybe you should go ask." As Hinata silently wondered to herself whether or not she would be able to sleep at all during the flight, Naruto mentally debated whether he could be bothered to get up and do that.
"Nah… " he decided, "I'm sure they'll bring me back some of whatever they're having."
Temari got up from her soft seat in the Business class cabin feeling slightly drained. Her seat companion was sleeping (it didn't look like he knew how to do … er-anything else), and the in-flight movies were all tearjerkers.
Why did her life suck?
Being forced to go to London was bad enough. Her manager had been giving her more work than she could handle. She needed to have a word Karin as soon as she landed.
Her new collection was making news all over the world because of the apparent "fresh, new , style" that it brought to the models of the most fashionable places on Earth. And thus, she had to go to London for the fashion shows.
As she walked towards the end of the cabin, she heard some very disturbing sounds "OW! Sasuke, my elbow's digging into the tap!" and, following that, "Mm, whatever." from the restroom in front of the cart full of free cookies and drinks.
As she listened to the soft giggling and gasps coming from the stall, she grinned to herself. He grin was short lived, however, as a sudden bump of the plane made her once again really wish she wasn't on a plane.
You see, Temari was kind-of-sort-of afraid of heights. She wasn't phobic or anything, but, yeah… She didn't like them.
And thus she hated travelling on planes. As far as she was concerned, only an idiot would actually enjoy flying higher than the average bald eagle chose to fly.
Having finished her break she went back to her aisle seat and tried to close her eyes and drift off. She had just about drifted off when something incredibly heavy dropped onto her shoulder.
"What the hell?!" she shrieked.
The man sitting next to her, whose head was the aforementioned 'something incredibly heavy' stirred, lifted his head and yawned. Stretching, he turned to blink sleepily at Temari. "You know, if I'd known I'd be sat next to someone this troublesome, I would've flown Economy."
Temari clenched her fists and turned in her seat to properly face him.
"Do you want to die?"
A/N: Kekeke :) End Chapter One. Review to let us know what you thought. They're always loved. And reviewers will get.. erm... our neverending love and devotion. ^_^