I don't own Twilight or any of its characters - That honor goes to Stephanie Meyer.

I don't own the story/poem this one shot replicates - that honor goes to Clement Clarke Moore

I do however own the insanity that gave birth to this one shot.

This story was beta'd and encouraged by the wonderful TwificFan

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land,

Edward Cullen was playing a white baby grand.

Esme had hung the stockings so nice,

While Jasper had Emmett in a head lock device.

The humans were nestled all snug in their beds

Unaware there are vampires that can see in their heads.

Carlisle was working the nightshift of course,

While Emmett attempted to get out using force.

When up in a bedroom their rose such a clatter,

Edward jumped from the bench to see what was the matter.

He ran to the door like a man on a mission,

Finding Bella in almost a human condition.

She sat on the floor with boxes all around,

She warned him with golden eyes not to make a sound.

Alice was bounding down the stairs to the tree,

Saying, "Well I already know what you picked out for me."

"I love it," She said as she bounced up and down,

Carilsle could hear her excitement on the other side of town.

Rose was sitting on the couch simply reclining,

Ignoring her husband and brother as they kept on fighting.

This night was not lost on this type of vampire,

As Esme sat working to build them a fire.

The scene in the room looked almost quite sane

Until Emmett wanted to toast marshmallows like it was some kind of game.

He said he wanted to make popcorn to throw at his brother,

Edward and Jasper just looked at each other.

Between the two of them they knew they could take him,

It seemed his odds of winning were really quite grim.

Esme wanted to stop them and save her precious house,

She knew it was too late when Edward went to pounce.

Jasper soon joined them and everything went crazy,

They all tried to watch but the scene was soon hazy.

The fight went on until Emmett was restrained,

The look on Esme's face was really quite pained.

The presents that once sat so nice in a pile,

Were now all over in just that short while.

All the women just stared and gave them a look,

Rose went so far as to smack Emmett with a book.

Edward and Jasper, at least, felt bad,

They made a new pile so their wives wouldn't be mad.

"Why do you act like your all five years old?"

Esme was laughing as she tried hard to scold.

For even she had to admit,

This scene was funny, so she didn't throw a fit.

Eight vampires celebrating this of all days,

Was odd - even for them - in the most unusual way.

So here they all sat, surrounded by gifts,

Then the guys decided to see how many they could lift.

Esme got nervous and adamantly said no,

As Emmett got up, starting the show.

"Your father will be home soon, will you please just behave?"

This is a very important day that Esme did save.

They replaced all the gifts with the greatest of care,

Knowing that Carlisle soon would get there.

As he walked in the door, Carlisle saw all the joy,

He couldn't help think it had to do with his three boys.

He couldn't help but laugh at his family and say,

Merry Christmas, that giant box is mine get out of the way!

So now that you've read this moment of madness,

Just remember the Cullen's and be filled with Gladness,

For it's not every day you get to hear vampires say,

Merry Christmas to all, we won't eat you today.

Also, the next chapter of Learning to Love is now with my lovely Beta TwificFan, who also beta'd this as much as was possible. She's working on a new story of her own that is simply amazing so far, I'll let everyone know when it is posted.

Therealteacher just posted a new story. It's really good and has some fun lemons in it. Go check it out ASAP.

If this story put a smile on your face, please let me know... reviews are the fuel that keeps me going.