Disclaimer: Still poor because I don't own Naruto
"Man, Kakashi-sensei's even later than usual." Naruto complained.
"A jonin like him really should be more responsible." Sakura added.
"Hn." Sasuke offered in agreement.
Hehe … I'll get that lazy bastard for always showing up late. Hmm … while we're waiting I can totally ask Sakura-chan out on another date! She's gotta say yes eventually! With a wide grin, Naruto turned to the girl and began, "Hey Sakura-chan…"
Sakura was paying the blond boy no mind, as she was entranced by the way the wind was blowing through the hair of amazingly handsome Sasuke Uchihi. "Um … Sasuke-kun? Maybe while we're waiting for Kakashi-sensei we could…"
"No." Sasuke cut her off.
"You didn't even let me finish." Sakura objected.
"You were going to ask me out on a date, right?" Sasuke asked. When the girl nodded mutely the dark-haired boy continued. "Perhaps I wasn't clear enough the last twenty times you tried to get a date out of me; I do not want to date you. I don't have time to waste with girls; I've got more important things to do."
"Sakura-chan! If Sasuke doesn't wanna date you then can I?" Naruto cut in.
Sakura's fists clenched in frustration, and barely restrained the urge to clobber the annoying the brat. There was a proper time place, and manner to ask a girl out, and Naruto always ended up picking the worst combination possible of all three. "Shut up before I shut you up, Naruto." Before the boy could say anything more, the girl stalked off for a bit to get over her disappointment over another rejection and her anger with Naruto being … too Naruto-like.
Naruto turned a furious glare on the Uchiha boy, who met his glare with disinterest. "Why d'you always have to mess things up for me with Sakura?" Naruto demanded.
"Don't blame me for your failures, loser." Sasuke shot back. "Besides, it's not like I'm encouraging her. If I could figure out a way to get rid of her I could."
Naruto gave a humorless chuckle. "Kinda funny, isn't it? I can't get her to like me, and you can't get her to stop liking you."
"Maybe you should act more like me." Sasuke said with a smirk.
"Yeah, well maybe you oughta act more like me." Naruto countered.
The boys glared at each other for a several seconds, gradually relaxing as the two shared a thought simultaneously. What the hell, it's worth a shot. Besides, gotta do something to pass the time while waiting for our lazy sensei.
"Look at me, I'm an idiot who's massively overcompensating for the fact that nobody will ever pay attention me." Sasuke deadpanned. "One day I'm gonna be Hokage. Believe it."
"Hn. I'm a stuck up asshole." Naruto grunted. "I hate everyone and I'm never happy."
The two boys regarded each other, and Sasuke turned his head to the side and scoffed. "This is stupid."
"Yeah." Naruto said, nodding his head in agreement while his face was screwed up in concentration. After a few moments the boy's face brightened as he discovered the solution. A quick transformation jutsu later there were two Sasuke Uchiha's waiting at the bridge. "Now you turn into me, and we'll just act like ourselves!" The more energetic Sasuke suggested. "This'll definitely work."
"No." Sasuke declared. "That's an idiotic idea, even for you. There's no way I'll let you run around Konoha in my body; you'll ruin my reputation. Not to mention that if I'm running around as you I'll be boosting yours. There's also the fact that I can't produce tons of shadow clones like you do, and you don't know any of my moves. In a fight it would be obvious we'd swapped. It's a stupid idea."
"No it's not, it's awesome!" Naruto insisted.
"That's what you said about all of your plans to find out what was under Kakashi-sensei's mask." Sasuke reminded the boy.
"Well, they were awesome!" Naruto insisted, returning to his normal form. "It's just, stuff kept going wrong so the plans never quite worked like they should've."
"Because they were stupid." Sasuke added.
This inaugurated a full fledged argument between the two boys, which, like most of their arguments, mostly involved Naruto yelling a lot and Sasuke offering the occasional brief comment when Naruto stopped speaking for a few seconds. Once the argument died down Naruto began working on his next scheme to win Sakura's affections, while Sasuke worked on some of the finer points of using his Sharingan. After a few minutes Sakura returned, followed shortly by Kakashi-sensei finally appearing.
"Sorry I'm late guys." Kakashi apologized, seeming slightly more worn down than his usual upbeat self? "I was up all night reading porn and overslept."
"You liar!" Naruto shouted at his sensei from sheer force of habit.
Sakura nearly went along with their routine of yelling at their continually late sensei, but frowned thoughtfully when she heard the man's excuse. "Actually, I think he might be telling the truth this time Naruto."
The blond considered her words for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah, Kakashi-sensei being late because he's a giant perv sounds a lot more believable than him helping old ladies or rescuing cats."
"You guys … don't have much respect for me, do you?" Kakashi asked his genin.
"Not a bit."
Kakashi's shoulders slumped in dejection.
"Maybe this will teach you not to be late any more!" Naruto shouted performing a quick handseal. I can't believe I never tried this on him before; he's such an obvious perv it'll definately get him. A burst of smoke enveloped Naruto, and when the smoke began to clear the boy had been replaced with a busty girl.
Sakura fists clenched by her sides and the girl grit her teeth in a furious snarl. The sexy jutsu was probably one of the most perverted thing Naruto had ever come up with, and Sakura really hated it when Naruto acted like a pervert. By contrast, Sasuke simply remained in the exact same pose he'd been in before Naruto activated his jutsu, and Kakashi … gave absolutely no visible reaction.
Damn … that mask and his headband mean I can barely even see any of face, so I've got no idea how he'll react unless he starts acting like a mega-perv. Just as Naruto was about to cancel the jutsu, Kakashi said all too casually. "You know Naruto, I'm really starting to like you."
"Agh!" Naruto quickly returned to his normal, male, self then leveled an accusing finger at his sensei. "You … you're even worse than pervy sage! You were gonna do perverted stuff to me if I hadn't turned back to normal self, weren't you?"
Kakashi regarded the agitated boy mildly, then asked. "Huh? Did you say something?"
Any retort from Naruto was effectively cut off by Sakura's fist slamming into the side of his head. "Why do you keep doing that disgusting jutsu!" And why is Naruto's female version prettier than me! It's not fair!
"It's a distraction technique." Naruto defended himself. "A lot of ninjas can't concentrate on fighting when I use the sexy jutsu! I took out a jonin with it once!"
"The only people it would ever work on are perverts like you!" Sakura snapped. "Even then it didn't do anything to Kakashi-sensei when he's a pervert. Against a real ninja it's worthless; Sasuke-kun was completely unaffected." Sakura turned to regard the boy of her dreams. "Right Sasuke-kun?"
Sasuke remained silent, still in exactly the same position he'd been in when Naruto activated the sexy jutsu.
"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, sounding a bit worried. Usually asking the boy a direct question would at least get a monosyllable answer out of him, so complete silence was a bit odd. "Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, tentatively touching the boy's shoulder.
The slight pressure of Sakura's touch was enough to disturb Sasuke's fragile equilibrium, and the boy tumbled down to the ground. "Hah!" Naruto crowed triumphantly. "See, the sexy jutsu's awesome!"
"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, torn between worry and mounting indignation. How can the sexy jutsu work on Sasuke-kun? He can't be a pervert! And why is he reacting so strongly to Naruto's sexy jutsu when he always ignores me? Turning a baleful gaze on Naruto, Sakura growled his name as if it were the vilest of curses, and began stalking towards him, cracking her knuckles ominously.
"Hey, it's not my fault." Naruto said, backpedaling frantically.. "If Sasuke wasn't a closet-perv then the sexy jutsu wouldn't have done anything to him." Noting that his words only further enraged the girl, Naruto groaned in resignation. "Crap … you're gonna beat me up no matter what I say, aren't you?"
Sakura's only response was to continue her murderous advance. Desperate to avoid the girl's wrath, Naruto quickly created a dozen shadow clones, and each promptly fled in a different direction. "I'll just kill you a dozen times then!" the enraged girl shouted chasing off after one of the clones.
Kakashi considered the area where less than a minute earlier his team had been ready and waiting to go on their next mission. Now Naruto had fled to avoid dealing with an enraged Sakura while the girl quickly set off in pursuit of the object of her rage, and Sasuke was lying on the ground twitching with a bit of drool coming out of his mouth. "Sasuke? You alright?" Kakashi asked, trying to determine if the boy had any serious medical issues.
"I had my sharingan activated when Naruto …" The Uchiha whispered, a glazed look in his eyes. With sudden desperate strength, he clutched his sensei's vest and gasped. "I … SAW … it!" His strength spent, the boy collapsed into unconsciousness.
Kakashi considered the traumatized boy for a moment, then gazed in the direction his other two students had run off in. "So." The jonin muttered. "Looks like I get to do the mission by myself." He considered the matter for a moment, then pulled out what would eventually become his mission report and put down a note that Naruto and Sakura were unable to participate as he was doing escape and evasion training while she was doing pursuit training, and Sasuke was recovering from a recent injury. Now at least I won't get bothered about why I'm doing the mission by myself instead of with my team...
"It appears that Naruto has provoked Sakura ... again." Shino declared emotionlessly as he watched the blond flee from the pink-haired girl's wrath. Teams 8 and 10 had been getting lunch together in order to gossip about the rumors that their senseis were dating. While Ino was by far the most interested in the rumors, but even the relatively gossip-immune team members like Shikamaru were curious, and nobody minded having an excuse to socialize a bit over good meal.
"Sakura should be nicer to Naruto-kun." Hinata said softly. "He tries so hard to impress her." Almost as hard as I try to win his regard..
"I don't know why he bothers." Shikamaru grumbled. "Women are so troublesome."
"Wonder what the idiot did to set her off this time?" Ino asked with a scoff.
Before the genin could begin speculating, Sakura's scream carried over from several blocks away. "I'll teach you to use your damned sexy jutsu in front of me! PERVERT! When I catch you I'll kill you until you die from it!"
"Never mind." Ino amended.
"Why does she get so angry about it anyway?" Choji asked between mouthfuls of food. Noting Ino's budding anger, the big-boned boy quickly clarified. "I mean, I understand why any girl would be upset by that jutsu, but it seems like it bugs Sakura a lot more than it does other girls."
Kiba chuckled and offered his own theory. "It's probably 'cause Naruto's sexy jutsu is hotter than her." Taking a moment to ponder the matter, Kiba added. "Then again, Naruto's sexy jutsu is probably hotter than all the real girls in our year."
Silence reigned over the table.
Slowly, Choji set down the bite of food that had been halfway to his mouth, then uttered four words nobody who knew him had ever expected him to hear. "I've lost my appetite."
Hinata was blushing furiously; Shino appeared unaffected by Kiba's declaration, yet he seemed to be slowly but steadily inching away from his comrade.
Ino spoke next, her voice dulled with shock. "Did you just say that I'm uglier than a gender-bent Naruto?"
"Well, she is smoking hot. He is … Whatever." Kiba declared with careless shrug, while Akamaru put his paws over his eyes and whined.. "I mean, the sexy jutsu's got huge boobs compared to all the other girls in our year…"
With a wearied sigh, Shikamaru offered the Inuzuka some badly needed advice. "Kiba you should probably start running away now."
"Huh?" Kiba asked, not understanding his error.
"YOU MADE ME LOSE MY APPETITE!" An enraged Choji shouted.
"YOU CALLED ME UGLIER THAN A CROSS-DRESSING BOY!" Ino added in her own accusation.
"Oh … yeah, time to run." Kiba turned his eyes up to the puppy on his head. "Akamaru, let's use the man-beast clone to split them up and get away."
Akamaru hopped off his partner's head and trotted off towards home, still in puppy form. The single bark the ninja dog yipped back at his master could easily be interpreted even by someone who lacked the Inuzuka training. "You're on your own."
"Traitor." Kiba grumbled under his breath, before fleeing for his life from two thirds of an enraged Team 10.
"Naruto!" Sakura shouted, still furiously pursuing the boy in question. "Stop running away! You're only going to end up making it worse when I finally catch you!"
"If you catch me, Sakura-chan." The boy countered, still fleeing at full speed.
"You know I'll catch you eventually Naruto, and when I do you'll pay for making me chase you halfway across Konoha!" The girl bellowed. "Now stop running and take your beating like a man!"
"No!" Naruto cried back at the girl. "It hurts when you hit me!"
"It's supposed to, idiot!" Sakura pointed out. "That's why I do it!"
"You're mean Sakura-chan." Naruto whined. "Why d'you always have to be so mean to me?"
"It's nothing less than you deserve for being so stupid and perverted and annoying!" Sakura declared.
"Would it help if I said I was sorry?" Naruto asked desperately.
The girl paused in her pursuit, her rage appearing to drain away. "Yeah, it would." She said softly.
Naruto stopped running away, and slowly began to approach the girl who had until moments ago seemed intent on killing him. "Does that mean you forgive me, Sakura-chan?" The boy asked tentatively.
"Yeah." The girl said, favoring him with a rare smile and beckoning him to come closer.. "Come here, Naruto."
Wow, she's looking at me really nicely … maybe she's gonna hug me, or maybe even kiss me? That'd be so awesome! The boy approached, a hopeful smile on his face. Sakura smile back.
Then she clobbered him.
"Gotcha." The girl said with a victorious smirk.
"You tricked me!" Naruto shrieked, a look of shocked betrayal on his face before he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"That was just one of his clones." The girl growled. "Dammit." I'll hit the real one twice as hard when I find him to make up for it.
"Another bowl of miso ramen." Naruto requested, letting out a satisfied burp as he finished off his fourth bowl. "Getting chased all around Konoha by Sakura-chan makes me hungry!"
"What did you do to get her angry this time Naruto?" Ayame asked.
"Eh … the usual." Naruto said with a careless shrug.
"I don't know why you're always getting her so riled up." Arame chuckled, then added. "One day you're going to push that girl too far."
"Nah." Naruto said, waving a hand dismissively. "It's a thing Sakura-chan and I have. I do stuff that bugs her, and she gets pissed, she hits me and yells at me a bit, and that's it. It's like a … like a … what's that word for stuff you do over and over just 'cause?"
"A ritual?" Ayame suggested.
"Yeah, that's it!" Naruto said, nodding enthusiastically. "I tease her and get her angry, then she clobbers me. It's weird, but nice. At least she's not just ignoring me or something."
"So ... you like it when the girl you have a crush beats you up?" Ayame asked skeptically.
"Well, when you put it that way it sounds weird and kinda freaky." Naruto grumbled. "She doesn't really beat me up though; I mean, she doesn't really hit me hard enough to hurt bad or anything, and I heal pretty fast anyway. That's how you know she likes me."
"You think she likes you because she doesn't hit you that hard when you make her angry?" The ramen girl queried.
"Yeah." Naruto agreed, nodding enthusiastically. "Sure, she doesn't always act like it, but you can tell that deep down she's into me. She might say she likes Sasuke, but I think it's pretty obvious that once she finally sees how awesome I really am she'll be into me instead. The only reason she likes him and not me is that she thinks he's a cool elite ninja and I'm just a loser. Once she sees I'm not a loser everything'll work out."
"Really?" Ayame inquired, struggling to restrain the urge to laugh.
"Believe it!" Naruto assured her. "I bet she's secretly lusting after me all the time." Naruto frowned, then added. "I hope her secret lusting after me doesn't involve peeking on me in the baths or something; secret lust is alright, but I don't want her being all pervy."
"Of course not." Ayame said with a giggle.
"She can't pretend she's not into me forever." Naruto declared. "You just wait, someday soon Sakura's finally gonna admit she likes me! You know why? 'Cause I'm awesome like that." Naruto grinned and added. "It might even be today. I bet when she finally tracks me down a couple hours from now she'll have forgotten why she was pissed and be, like 'Naruto, I love so much!'"
Ayama couldn't take it any more, and quickly set the boy's ramen bowl down in front of him before she burst into laughter.
"What's so funny Ayame-nee-chan?" Naruto asked, confused by the girl's behavior. Then a horrible premonition struck the boy. "Sakura-chan's been right behind me the entire time, hasn't she?"
"Hello Naruto, I suspected I'd find you here." The girl in question greeted, her voice filled with venomous fury.
"Crap." Naruto groaned. Before the boy could attempt to flee a hand grabbed a chunk of his hair on the back of his head, and with a single vicious motion slammed the boy's face right into his ramen bowl. "Ow! It burns!" Naruto screeched as steaming hot ramen covered his face. "It's delicious, but it still burns!"
Then the boy disappeared in a puff of white smoke.
"A shadow clone eating ramen." Sakura growled. "Only Naruto would do something that stupid."
"Ah … Sakura-san?" Ayame addressed the enraged girl. "You broke that bowl, and bowls cost money."
"Make Naruto pay you back." Sakura suggested.
"He's not the one who broke one of my father's bowls." Ayame pointed out.
"Right … sorry." Sakura apologized, and quickly paid for the damage she had inflicted. I am going to kill Naruto. Slowly, and painfully. Then he'll be dead, and I'll be happy.
Naruto grimaced as another clone met its end at Sakura's hands; he had hoped that having a couple shadow clones to vent her rage upon would give Sakura a chance to calm down, but instead it seemed like she was getting angrier and angrier every time she dispersed a clone. To make matters worse, the most recent clone to die had been uncomfortably close to the real Naruto's position. Gotta draw her away … maybe if I can make a clean getaway I can just lie low for a couple hours and give her a chance to calm down. She can't stay mad at me forever.
Fortunately for Naruto, his shadow clones thought exactly like him, and the nearest one had already come up with a particularly inspired way to draw Sakura's ire and attention away from the real Naruto. Unfortunately, Naruto, whether as a clone or the original, did not always consider the full consequences of his actions before launching a particular gambit.
With a burst of smoke the clone transformed itself into a replica of Sakura, and then shouted at the top of its voice. "My name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm in love with Naruto Uzumaki!"
Well, that'll definitely get her attention … and I probably need to hide for a couple of days now, not just a couple hours.
Sakura was starting to wonder if she should just give up on her pursuit of the infuriating Uzumaki. While she was still righteously pissed at him, the simple fact was that she was running out of energy. Naruto had always had a massive edge over her in stamina, and tracking down and taking out half a dozen of his shadow clones had pushed her to the edges of her endurance. For all she knew the boy had long since gone to ground while she was running herself ragged chasing shadows.
I'll get him tomorrow when he shows up for our team meeting. He won't miss a chance for training or a mission, even if it means letting me get my hands on him. Of course, this being Naruto he'll probably have forgotten I'm mad at him by then anyway. Yeah … I'll just call it a night and get him tomorrow.
"My name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm in love with Naruto Uzumaki!" The shout sounded like it came from several blocks away, and it didn't take the pink haired girl long to guess why she was hearing her own voice making such a ridiculous announcement. NARUTO you BASTARD!
Suddenly, Sakura found her second wind.
The girl went barreling towards the shapeshifted Uzumaki, fueled by a deadly combination of rage and humiliation. By the time she tracked the Naruto currently masquerading as her down he was already moving along the rooftops at high speed, repeating his reputation-ruining announcement every couple blocks.
Sakura tried to simply chase the boy down, but he still seemed relatively fresh while Sakura, even with rage powering her, was exhausted. I'm not gonna be able to catch up with him, and I've already tricked one into coming closer before … even Naruto won't fall for the same trick twice in one day … probably. As another fraudulent declaration of love was belted out for all of Konoha to hear, the girl decided that it was time for extreme measures. I'll just nick him, and it's only going to be another shadow clone anyway.
The doppelganger seemed quite shocked when Sakura pulled out a shuriken and sent it flying at her double accompanied by an enraged shout of, "I hate you Naruto Uzumaki!" The weapon left a small scratch on the clone's arm, and in the next instant it disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Another clone down." Sakura declared, her voice thick with exhaustion as the adrenaline rush of her enraged pursuit of the particularly offensive clone faded. I can't believe Naruto did something like that when I'm already angry with him, but I might just have to call it a night here, I can barely stand. This roof is nice and comfortable, and I don't think I can make it home anyway.
The real Naruto frowned as he watched his crash sag down on the roof, appearing to be on the verge of falling asleep on the spot. Man, I forgot Sakura's not used to working this hard; she's been chasing down shadow clones all day. I better make sure she gets home safe; maybe that'll make her forgive me.
Naruto quickly crossed the rooftops towards the downed girl. Unfortunately for him, Sakura was still conscious and aware enough of her surroundings to be aware of his approach. Another one of Naruto's shadow clones, huh? Well, I know how to deal with them.
The girl pulled out a kunai and sent it flying in the boy's direction. Unfortunately, she was too tired to aim as well as she had before, and instead of putting a minor scratch on him the knife sank straight into the meat of his leg. With one of his legs suddenly no longer able to support him, Naruto tumbled off the roof with a dismayed shout.
Another clone down. Sakura congratulated herself. Her aim might have been off, but the end result was still the same. Why had she been so worried about not wanting to score a solid hit again?
The answer came crashing down on her shortly after she heard Naruto go crashing to the ground and didn't disappear in a puff of smoke like all the other clones did. I wanted to avoid solid hits in case it was the real Naruto! "NARUTO!" Sakura shouted in sudden panic. "Are you alright? Say something!"
"Owwww." The wounded boy groaned. "That's a lot of blood."
Oh no … what if I hit a major artery! He could die! I might've just killed Naruto! A wave of guilt struck the girl, and redoubled as she remembered all the times she had joked and half-seriously said that one day she was going to kill Naruto. Earlier that very day she had told she was planning to kill him, and now she might just have done so. NO! I didn't mean it! I was only joking! "Hang on Naruto! I'll be right there!"
Her exhaustion completely forgotten, Sakura rushed down off the roof and quickly located the downed boy. In addition to the wound from kunai, and Sakura was dismayed to note that Naruto had foolishly removed the weapon from his leg, Naruto had picked up a number of scrapes and bruises from his tumble off the roof. The leg wound was clearly the worst injury, pumping out blood slowly, but steadily. "Sakura-chan," The boy gasped. "You…"
"I'm so sorry Naruto!" Sakura cried, tears prickling her eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you! I thought it was just a shadow clone, and the kunai slipped and … Naruto I'm so sorry!"
The boy smiled weakly. "S'okay, Sakura." Naruto groaned in agony, then asked. "Hey, is it just me, or is getting kinda dark here?"
"You're going to be alright Naruto!" Sakura assured him, pulling out another kunai to cur off the boy's blood-soaked pants leg and turning it into an improvised bandage for his wounded leg. "It's not that bad, I think the bleeding's already starting to slow down!" Sakura couldn't really tell if Naruto's blood loss was slowing, but she desperately needed to believe that it was.
"Sakura." Naruto said softly. "Sorry about all those stupid pranks I did. I know they bug you. Sorry I'm so stupid and annoying too."
"No." The girl shook her head, scattering tears from her eyes. "You're not stupid or annoying, well not really, and I actually think some of your pranks were kinda funny."
"Oh … thanks. Um … Sakura … I think my leg's still bleeding pretty bad." Naruto groaned. "Um … I'm starting to feel kinda cold too … that's bad, right?"
"It's okay Naruto." Sakura assured him, clutching the boy in a desperate hug as if holding onto him would keep him from passing on. "You're gonna be okay." The boy shifted in her arms, and ended up with his face pressed against her modest breasts, but Sakura was far too distraught over his impending death at her hands to care.
"You hate me don't you Sakura?" Naruto groaned.
"No, I don't." She assured him.
"But … you said…"
"I was angry, I didn't mean it." She said, clutching him closer. "I … I care about you. I … we're always joking and playing around and winding each other up, and I always thought we didn't need to even say anything, because…" The girl choked down a sob, then continued. "I wish we had more time … you can't die Naruto!"
"Well, since you asked so nicely…" Naruto said, suddenly sounding exactly like his old self.
"Naruto?" Sakura gasped.
"I heal fast." The boy said, shooting her a wide grin.
"You mean … you…"
"Yeah, I'm fine." Naruto assured her, still grinning like an idiot. "So Sakura-chan, why don't you tell me more about how much you love me while holding my head against your boobs?"
Naruto wasn't particularly surprised when Sakura punched him while shrieking like a banshee. He'd known that line would get him clobbered, and he pretty sure he'd already had a beating coming for pretending that he was dying and scaring Sakura so badly, but some things were worth taking a punch or twelve from Sakura. The look on her face when she realized what he'd done was priceless, and he'd finally confirmed his long-held belief that Sakura's breasts, while small, were nicely perky.
Still running away and hiding for a couple weeks to give her time to calm down seemed like a good idea. Hadn't Pervy-Sage said something about wanting to go on a training trip to go look for some old lady?