Dedications; Eeny-meeny, miny-mo.... okay, OutCold (cheers for typing up the poemy thingy, to Tiva4evaxxx (you rubber – and no, I will ever stop saying it - even though you don't know what the F*** I'm on about), to moonchild94 (for making me reread Alice in Wonderland – I know you're watching some TV show, but I decided to read through my computer ban – have a great Christmas and an awesome New Year), and last and least (jokes, Al, ask Hayley, I'm useless at resisting the REALLY bad jokes) FadeIntoTheBackground (and I swear, I will have your proper one done by the 1st).

A/N: I must point out that there is put one thing more random than reading "Through The Looking Glass and What Alice Found There", and that's writing a ficlet crossing it over with "Wicked" merely because there was a Goat on a train on both novels.

So with only a little more ado, I give you:

"Alice's Adventures on a Train being Surveyed by an Upper Upland's Gilllikin Snob Talking to A Goat"


"Certain Occurrences on the Rails"

Disclaimer: Don't own Wicked further than a very battered headline copy, or Through the Looking Glass more than a Collector's Library 2004 reprint – slightly less battered.

"So young a child," said the gentleman sitting opposite to her (he was dressed in white paper), "ought to know which way she's going, even if she doesn't know her own name!"

A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman in white, shut his eyes and said in a loud voice, "She ought to know her way to the ticket-office, even if she doesn't know her alphabet!"

There was a Beetle sitting next to the Goat (it was a very queer carriage-full of passengers altogether), and, as the rule seemed to be that they should all speak in turn, He went on with, "She'll have to go back from here as luggage!"

There was a second blonde girl on the carriage, seventeen, and headed for Crage Hall of Shiz University. She sat on one side of Alice, with ten years and a foot on the young adventurer. She had assisted the Goat with his ticket and had become stuck in a conversation with the odd little Animal despite her best attempts to ignore all her fellow passengers.

Alice couldn't see who was sitting beyond the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke next. "Change engines - " it said, and was obliged to leave off.

"It sounds like a horse," Alice thought to herself. And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, "You might make a joke on that -- something about "horse" and "hoarse," you know."

Galinda raised an eyebrow at the Goat, "I am disclined to know you," she just could not shake him off.

"I am a Fellow of Shiz University, on the Faculty of Biological Arts."

You are a shabby dresser, even for a goat, Galinda thought. Money isn't everything. "Then I must overcome my natural shyness. My name is Galinda. I am of the Arduenna Clan on..."

Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, "She must be labelled "Lass, with care," you know - " And after that other voices went on ('What a number of people there are in the carriage!' thought Alice), saying, "She must go by post, as she's got a head on her - " "She must be sent as a message by the telegraph - " "She must draw the train herself the rest of the way - " and so on.

The Goat would just not pronounce her name correctly, it was beginning to get on the girl's nerves, not to mention: political opinions? What did she care about the Wizard's Banns?

But the gentleman dressed in white paper leaned forwards and whispered in Ailce's ear, "Never mind what they all say, my dear, but take a return-ticket every time the train stops."

"Indeed I shan't!" Alice said rather impatiently. "I don't belong to this railway journey at all - I was in a wood just now - and I wish I could get back there."

"You might make a joke on that," said the little voice close to her ear: "something about "you would if you could," you know."

"Don't tease so," said Alice, looking about in vain to see where the voice came from; "if you're so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you make one yourself?"

Who in Lurline's name was the child talking to? Galinda thought despairingly. It was just her luck to have landed the compartment with a seven year-old, the opinionated Goat, and some psychopath dressed entirely in paper.

The little voice sighed deeply: it was very unhappy, evidently, and Alice would have said something pitying to comfort it, "If it would only sigh like other people!" she thought. But this was such a wonderfully small sigh, that she wouldn't have heard it at all, if it hadn't come quite close to her ear. The consequence of this was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite took off her thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor little creature.

"I know you are a friend," the little voice went on; "a dear friend, and an old friend. And you won't hurt me, though I am an insect."

"What kind of insect?" Alice inquired a little anxiously. What she really wanted to know was, whether it could sting or not, but she thought this wouldn't be quite a civil question to ask.

Insect? Galinda raised her eyebrows. She had never made up dumb games talking to imaginary animals at that age. You would think the child would have a little more respect for herself than to do so.

"What, then you don't - " the little voice began, when it was drowned by a shrill scream from the engine, and everybody jumped up in alarm, Alice glancing off Galinda's shoulder who scowled ferociously down at her. "Would you watch where you're putting your elbows!"

The Horse, who had put his head out of the window, quietly drew it in and said, "It's only a brook we have to jump over." Everybody seemed satisfied with this, though Alice and Galinda had a moment of conjoined thought as they both felt a simultaneous nervousness at the idea of trains jumped at all.