Half aft indeed...I could have done so much better on this, but I have the worst case of writer's block ever. There was supposed to be an Autobot counterpart to this, but I may not get it done. If I do, it'll more than likely be late, but I probably won't.
BTW, I have no idea why Decepticons are celebrating Christmas...just go along with it.
"Barricade…" a random voice said out of nowhere. "Barricade, wakey wakey!"
"Huh? Leave me alone," Barricade mumbled sleepily, pushing away an arm that was gently tapping his shoulder.
"Come on Barricade, if you're going to sleep on the kitchen table, at least make sure you're up before noon!" another voice snapped.
Barricade opened his optics to find Starscream and Blackout trying to wake him. "What do you want?" he growled.
"Lord Megatron told me to go get a tree, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me," Blackout replied with a bit of hope in his tone.
Barricade stretched out, scraping his claws against the table and leaving gouge marks on the surface. "Yeah, sure, why not. I mean there's nothing better I'd rather be doing, like sleeping, or anything." He hopped off the table and looked around. "Where's Brawl? I'm sure he'd actually want to help you."
"He went with Bonecrusher to the mall. Apparently there's someone there he wanted to see," Blackout shrugged.
Bonecrusher waited impatiently in line with Brawl. He took notice to the fact that they were the only ones there that weren't a small child with their mom and seriously began to doubt that Brawl was actually older than him. There was just no way someone this stupid and childish was older than him… "Alright Brawl, let's hurry it up, talk to the fat guy that you begged me for six hours last night to take you to see because you're like, 4, grab a handful of cookies, and haul our asses out of here. This Christmas music is starting to get to me, and I forgot to take my medication this morning…"
"Okie dokie, Bonecrusher!" Brawl said cheerily.
"Next," some bored, middle-aged guy dressed as an elf said.
At first Brawl just stood there smiling, blissfully unaware of the world around him. Bonecrusher sighed and smacked him upside the head. "That means you, dumb-dumb!"
"Oh…it does? I'm next?" Brawl said excitedly. "Yay! I'm next!" he cheered, running up the steps (and only tripping twice) and giddily sitting in Santa's lap.
"Ho ho ho, and what do you want, uh…"little" boy?" Santa asked.
Bonecrusher glared at him. "Did you just call me a ho?" he growled.
"Great, another crazy…I'll get security just in case," the elf said before walking away towards a nearby phone.
"Santa, I want my very own Chocobo!" Brawl said excitedly.
"A Chocobo? You'll peck your eye out, kid," Santa replied.
"But that's what I want! I want a Chocobo that I can love and snuggle with and ride through fields of deadly monsters!" Brawl protested.
"Uh huh…how about a candy cane?" Santa asked, handing him one.
"CANDY CANE!" Brawl shrieked, munching away at it and returning to Bonecrusher's side so they could leave.
Bonecrusher led Brawl away from the mall Santa. "Have a merry Christmas!" the Santa said after them.
"Don't tell me what to do, fat man!" Bonecrusher snapped before punching Santa and knocking him unconscious in front of Brawl and all the little impressionable children.
"You killed Santa!" Brawl sobbed.
"Uh oh…run!" Bonecrusher said, grabbing him and dragging him away as security ran after them.
"There it is, Blackout."
"Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"
"Such a strong, healthy tree, decorated with a little bit of snow that glistens in the sunlight to compliment the beautiful, serene scenery. Not a soul around. Everything still."
"Alright, let's go axe-crazy on this thing and drag it back home so we can stare at it for a week and throw it away!"
"You got it, dude!"
Seconds later, Blackout and Barricade had both hacked down the tree. Frenzy stepped aside to avoid being flattened by it and cheered the loud boom it made when it hit the ground. Barricade scooped him up off the ground and placed him on his shoulder. "Alright! So now we've got the tree! Let's get it home and decorate it!" he said excitedly.
"And I put the star on top!" Frenzy added.
"Right, and Frenzy puts the star on top," Barricade nodded.
Blackout and Barricade stood back to admire the tree while Frenzy scurried up the trunk to put the star on the top. They noticed Brawl walk in by himself, nibbling on a nubby candy cane. "Hey, Brawl. Where's Bonecrusher?" Barricade asked.
"He's outside. He told me not to follow him. He said it would ruin the surprise," Brawl replied, biting his candy cane in half.
Barricade looked out the window and saw Bonecrusher's tracks in the snow leading into the forest nearby the base. "Surprise?"
"Yeah. He said he had a surprise for me." Brawl finished eating his candy cane and sat next to Scorponok in front of the TV where one of those stop motion Christmas specials was playing.
Blackout and Barricade exchanged looks. Bonecrusher's "surprises" usually ended with Brawl getting hurt. "Somebody should check on him," Barricade pointed out.
"Not it," Blackout replied.
"Not it," Frenzy quickly added.
"Ah, dammit…" Barricade growled. He helped Frenzy out of the tree and handed him to Blackout before trudging off outside.
He followed Bonecrusher's tracks into a clearing in the forest. Bonecrusher was kneeling behind a rock by the trees, watching the clearing like a hawk. There seemed to be a homemade trap located in the clearing. The trap consisted of a box that was propped up with a stick with a string tied around it, presumably so Bonecrusher could yank the stick away and snap the trap shut. "Uh…Bonecrusher? What are you doing?" Barricade asked, crouching down beside him.
"Shh!" Bonecrusher replied before going back to staring at the box intently. "You'll scare it off!"
"Scare what off?" Barricade replied, whispering in turn.
Barricade gave Bonecrusher a skeptical look. "Chocobo?"
"Brawl said he wanted a Chocobo for Christmas, so I'm going to catch him one!" Bonecrusher replied impatiently. Barricade stared at the box along with him for a few minutes.
"You're trying to catch it with a box?" Barricade finally asked.
"Yes. This way when I catch it, it's already in the box so all I have to do is wrap it." They were silent once more. "Hmm…maybe I need to use more gysahl greens?"
"Gysahl greens? They look more like leeks to me…" Barricade pointed out.
"Shh!" Bonecrusher snapped.
Barricade looked from the trap to Bonecrusher. "Okay…well, I'd love to stay out here on this snipe hunt with you, but I've really gotta get going…" he said, standing up.
"I'm not hunting snipes, I'm hunting Chocobos," Bonecrusher corrected.
"Yeah…sure ya are…" Barricade replied. He made sure that Bonecrusher wasn't going to follow him before taking off running back towards the base.
Blackout was napping on the couch when Barricade got back. Not wanting to wait for him to wake again, he jumped over the back of the couch and landed on him. Blackout shrieked, jumping up into the air and sending the smaller 'Con to the floor. "What was that for?!"
"I'm back," Barricade announced, laying on his back on the floor. "Bonecrusher's gone insane."
"Bonecrusher's always been insane. His file says that he got kicked out of a high security psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane, remember?" Blackout replied.
Barricade was about to form a response, but stopped when another thought occurred to him. "How do you get kicked out of a high security insane asylum?"
Blackout shrugged. "He found a way. So what was it he was doing?"
"He was out looking for a Chocobo." Blackout glared at him as if he didn't believe him. "No seriously. He's out there in the snow trying to catch a big yellow bird with a leek and a cardboard box."
"Primus, you're serious? Why?"
"Brawl wanted a Chocobo, so now Bonecrusher's trying to get him one," Barricade explained. "It confuses me too…not just the whole part with him trying to catch an imaginary bird, but the part where he still claims he hates the guy and then does shit like this to make him happy."
"Hmm…I guess even Bonecrusher is nice on Christmas," Blackout shrugged.
"Or maybe he was abducted by aliens and replaced with a Bizarro counterpart," Barricade suggested.
Blackout peeked out the window, but Bonecrusher was too deep in the forest for him to be able to see from there. "Should we maybe stop him?"
"Why stop him? He's out there away from us," Barricade pointed out. They both silently contemplated that for a moment.
"Think we should lock the front door before he gets back?" Blackout asked.
At around sundown, Bonecrusher finally came inside empty handed. He shook the snow off his armor and went to turn up the heater. He growled at Barricade on the way past.
"So, you finally realize that Chocobos don't exist and gave up?" Barricade asked.
"I'll find it Barricade, I know it's out there and I'll find it," Bonecrusher replied stubbornly.
"Uh huh…" Barricade sat down on a nearby table. "And what makes you think it's there?"
And of course he had a prompt response. "I heard it. And I have some photos that I took of it." He held up some photos of what was supposedly a Chocobo, but were too fuzzy and unfocused to tell. They kind of reminded Barricade of those photos he saw on the Internet of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.
"Bonecrusher, remember that time you thought there was a fairy living in the garage and it turned out to be a firefly?" Barricade sighed.
"Only because I caught the fairy the night before you guys looked. I keep her in a peanut butter jar in my room. She makes a nice night light," Bonecrusher countered. Barricade shook his head and gave up, walking out of the room before the crazy could rub off on him.
"Blackout! Blackout! Check this out!" Barricade said. Blackout looked up onto the roof where Barricade was standing to see what he was doing and saw that Barricade had set up an inflatable Santa Claus. Before he could ask what was so special about that, Barricade plugged something in and a set of lights lit up. "Well? What do you think?"
"You have Santa Claus...pissing off the roof..." Blackout replied. They were going to get complaints about this, he just knew it...
Barricade sighed and shook his head when he saw Bonecrusher head off again to his trap. He went back to helping Blackout put up the Christmas lights. At least he had help this year. Granted it was likely only because he'd used the lights to spell out bad words on the side of the base the previous year. His only regret was that their base was too far away from civilization for anyone other than the other Decepticons to see it.
"Bonecrusher's starting to creep me out, Blackout," Barricade interrupted the silence.
"Only starting?" Blackout replied skeptically.
"Well, he's creeping me out more than he usually does," he shrugged. "You think maybe that's what he's really trying to do? Creep us out? Because I always thought he was too intelligent to believe in Chocobos."
"He also believes in vampires, werewolves, and military intelligence, Barricade," Blackout pointed out. "He's not that smart."
"Right. Let's just finish up so I can check on Bonecrusher and get some of that eggnog that Megatron made this morning," Barricade quickly changed the subject.
Barricade hiked out to the clearing where Bonecrusher was waiting and found him sleeping against the rock he was hiding behind. The leek was gone and there were tracks leading to and away from it. "Hey Bonecrusher, check it out! The Chocobo came!" he said, waking him up.
"It did?! It came?!" Bonecrusher said when he woke up. He looked at the tracks and sighed. "Those are deer tracks." Barricade laughed at his misfortune.
"You're never going to find it, Bonecrusher. Know why? Because Chocobos don't exist!"
"That's what they said about Narnia, but I went there. I shot a unicorn to prove it," Bonecrusher replied smugly.
Barricade glared at him. "Then where is it?"
"It's still getting stuffed. I'll have it back after Christmas. Now go away before you scare off the Chocobo!" He got up to put more leeks underneath the box and shooed Barricade away.
"Oh yeah, I was supposed to tell you that Megatron made eggnog," Barricade replied before leaving. "Do you want any."
Bonecrusher shook his head. "No thanks…my aft still hurts from the last time I drank…" he grumbled.
"Okay. More for me." Barricade left Bonecrusher to himself and hiked back to the base. He passed the lights that he and Blackout had used to spell out, "Santa drop off your extra presents here" along the way.
Blackout was staring at his eggnog when Barricade walked into the kitchen. "Yeah…Barricade, don't drink too much of this. Lord Megatron might have put a little too much liquor in it, and I don't want you going crazy with it like last year."
Barricade shrugged it off and stole Blackout's glass. "I'll be fine. This isn't like the first time I ever drank before."
Blackout watched him worriedly. "Seriously Barricade, you'll be hammered in no time."
"Blackout, trust me, I'll be fine. I've done heavier drinking than this before," the Mustang reasoned. "Remember back when we were roommates in college?"
Blackout thought about that a moment. "Oh yes…that was the same day they decided not to do any more live newscasts in the neighborhood…" He shuddered as the memories started to flood back. "Which further solidifies my decision that you shouldn't drink too much."
"I'll drink as much as I damn well please," Barricade replied, walking away with the pitcher of eggnog and an irritated Blackout glaring at him.
'Blackout, can we have a little help in here? Barricade's acting up again,' Megatron requested through Blackout's com. unit.
Blackout sighed and walked out into the hall where Barricade was drunk as hell and leaning against Megatron so he didn't fall over. "Barricade, what are you doing now?"
"He isn't letting anyone through the hall, that's what he's doing," Megatron sighed, trying to get Barricade to stand on his own.
"No one gets through here unless they do a dance for me," Barricade explained, nearly dropping his drink on the floor.
"Barricade, I'm twice your size. What if I just tried to get around you?" Blackout inquired.
"Oh trust me, don't," he shook his head, almost stumbling over. Frenzy walked through the hall and did an elaborate tap routine past Barricade before continuing on his way. "See, Frenzy did it!"
"Frenzy's a moron! Now come on, you need to lie down!"
"No!" Barricade protested. He pushed away from Megatron and took off running in the opposite direction.
"Barricade, get back here!" Blackout snapped, chasing after him.
Barricade attempted to run into another room but instead collided with the wall next to the door. "Ugh…who put that wall there?" Barricade asked, drunkenly stumbling backwards into Blackout's arms.
"What did I tell you Barricade? You're wasted and it's not even noon!" Blackout groaned, trying to place him back on his feet. Barricade refused to stand on his own and ended up getting placed on his side on the floor. "Come on, Barricade! Get up!" Blackout nudged him in the leg, trying to get him to stand up.
"The floor says hi!" Barricade giggled. Blackout sighed and picked him up, attempting to carry him to his room. Suddenly and without warning, Barricade jumped up and took off running across the base again. "WHEEE! Come catch me, Blackout!" he screamed behind him as he took off down the hall. He whizzed by Thundercracker who gave Blackout a quizzical look.
"Megatron made eggnog!" he explained as he rushed past Thundercracker after Barricade.
"Hey, tree! Catch me!" Barricade said before leaping up onto the Christmas tree and knocking it down to the floor.
"Barricade, NO!" Blackout protested, realizing it was already too late. He covered his optics, not wanting to brave looking at the damage. "Oh my god, what have you done?" he asked helplessly.
"Pretty tree go boom!" Barricade snickered, still lying on the floor on top of it. Before Blackout could stop him, he took off running again.
Having been expecting somebody, Bonecrusher returned early with nothing to show for his patience and sighed. Only a couple more days until Christmas and he still didn't have his present for Brawl. He looked around and noticed the chaos that was left behind in the base, notably the tree lying on the floor that Starscream now had to clean up. Barricade must be drunk again.
"Looks like we're going to need a new tree," he sighed. Not that he really cared. He hated Christmas trees. Oh well. Guess it worked out in the end then.
His timing couldn't have been more perfect, as he heard someone coming in behind him. "Bonecrusher!"
"Scavenger…" Bonecrusher mumbled when the Constructicon hugged him from behind. He gave Scrapper a look like, "Did you have to bring him with you?"
"The other Constructicons made me bring him," Scrapper sighed. "It's probably for the better. They probably would have killed him by the time I got back."
"Bonecrusher! I found something for you on the way here!" Scavenger said excitedly, holding up a hunk of scrap metal.
Bonecrusher stared at it a moment. "What is it?"
"Huh…you know, I don't really know…but maybe you can pelt Brawl with it or something?" Scavenger replied.
"I see there was a casualty," Scrapper said when he noticed their tree. "What happened?"
Just as he finished saying that, Barricade drunkenly pranced through the room past them. "Come on, everybody! Get free with me!" he exclaimed as he continued on by.
Blackout quickly followed after him, covering his optics to avoid seeing something he shouldn't. "It's half past noon! Put your armor back on!"
"Barricade still has that booze problem I see," Scrapper sighed once the awkward silence amongst everyone in the room passed.
"'Join the military!' Mom said… 'They pay for college!' she said…" Starscream mumbled to himself.
Scrapper looked back at Bonecrusher, thankful that he lived on another base. "Okay, so what was it you needed me for?"
"Follow me," Bonecrusher replied, leading him outside towards his trap. Scavenger followed closely behind, even though he was never invited to do so in the first place.
When Barricade finally woke up, he found that he was sleeping on Blackout's berth while Scorponok and Blackout slept on the floor. That, and that he had the worst hangover since last New Year's. "Hi, Blackout," he grumbled. Blackout rolled over and glared at him. "What?"
"You drank all the eggnog, trashed the Christmas tree, went streaking through the base, and then passed out in my room," he explained.
Barricade shrugged. "Why didn't you move me then?"
"I tried to. Then you punched me in the face. By the way, you're finding us a new tree."
"But Christmas is in two days! Where am I going to find a…wait…" Barricade suddenly got an idea.
Blackout sighed. "Is this going to be something stupid?"
"Yep. This is how we do Christmas in the ghetto," Barricade said once he and Frenzy finished decorating the "Christmas ficus".
"Please tell me this is not happening…" Blackout face-palmed.
Barricade was lying on the couch with a pillow over his head and periodically complaining about his hangover whenever someone walked by when Bonecrusher and Scrapper sat down next to him. He peeked out curiously, wondering when Scrapper had gotten here.
"Okay Bonecrusher, Scavenger and I looked over your trap and we think we figured out what you're doing wrong," Scrapper said, holding up a blueprint of Bonecrusher's Chocobo trap.
"What? What am I doing wrong?" Bonecrusher asked eagerly. "Wrong kind of bait? Different color string?"
"You need a bigger box," Scrapper replied.
"Oh come on…" Barricade shook his head.
"A bigger box?" Bonecrusher took the blueprints and looked over it.
"Yes. The box you're using isn't big enough for a Chocobo. You need something bigger," Scrapper nodded.
"And then I'll catch one?"
"And then you'll catch one."
"What's wrong with this conversation here?" Barricade asked himself.
Bonecrusher returned later that night with a smile on his faceplates. "What are you so happy about?" Barricade asked him.
"I saw it," he replied excitedly. "I saw the Chocobo."
"Then where is it?"
"Oh, I didn't catch it. But at least I know it's still there. I should have it by tomorrow," Bonecrusher smiled.
"Yeah? And what happens when it comes in the middle of the night while you're in here?" Barricade asked skeptically.
"Already taken care of. I told Scavenger to sit out there and watch the trap for me overnight," he replied. "Heh…guess he's useful for something after all."
Barricade looked shocked. "Bonecrusher, there's supposed to be a blizzard tonight!" he pointed out.
"Don't worry. I gave him my fairy so it wouldn't get too dark," he said as if that made it all better. Noticing the look on Barricade's face, he smugly added, "Goodnight, Barricade," before heading up to bed.
Christmas Eve morning. Bonecrusher went out to man the trap and sent Scavenger inside. He joined Brawl, Barricade and Blackout on the couch and snatched Brawl's blanket. "Are you okay?" Blackout asked when Scavenger sneezed.
"I do not like snow," Scavenger whimpered.
"Why were you sitting outside all night?" Brawl asked curiously.
"I was watching a…uh…" Scavenger noticed Blackout and Barricade shaking their heads behind Brawl's back. "Er…I was running errands for Bonecrusher."
"Where is Bonecrusher? I haven't seen him since we got back from seeing Santa," Brawl replied, looking around the room for him. "He's not mad at me, is he?"
"I'd say he's mad, but not the kind of mad that you're thinking of," Blackout sighed. He got up to get Scavenger some tissues and hot energon.
"But not at me, right?" Brawl said hopefully.
"You'll find out what he's doing tomorrow Brawl," Blackout changed the subject. He usually tried to avoid telling Brawl that Bonecrusher was always angry with him, mainly that he continued to exist somehow even though he was too dumb to live.
"I wish I knew where he was. He never told me what he wants for Christmas," Brawl said sadly.
"Ooh, I've seen Bonecrusher! I can tell you want he wants," Barricade said. Brawl looked at him hopefully. "He said that all he wanted was a hug from his best friend."
"Really?" Brawl asked with a smile.
"No," Barricade laughed. "Bet you actually felt special for a moment there!"
Blackout momentarily debated dumping Scavenger's energon on Barricade's head, but unfortunately knew the Constructicon needed it more. Instead he settled with patting poor Brawl on the head and saying, "You're such a jerk…"
Barricade ignored him. "He doesn't want anything Brawl. He hates presents. In fact I think he hates everything about this holiday…except for cookies. I think he likes cookies, but that's it."
"But then what do I get him?" Brawl asked sadly. "I'd make him cookies, but I'm not allowed to touch the oven."
"Don't get him anything. He'll likely throw it at you anyway," Scavenger replied, speaking from experience.
"He's not going to throw…" Blackout paused. "Yeah…don't get him anything…"
"But he's my best friend. I can't just get him nothing!" Brawl protested.
"Ooh! Get him a dead cat! Nothing says "I love you" more than a dead cat!" Barricade suggested. Blackout unconsciously held his cat, Mittens, to his chest plate.
"Neh. He already has one of those," Brawl shook his head. Blackout suddenly looked rather worried.
"Alright. Give him smoal then," Barricade replied.
Brawl and Scavenger looked confused. "Smoal?"
"It's like cheap, knock-off coal, except it doesn't produce any heat. It just smokes," Barricade replied.
"Isn't that joke from Red vs. Blue?" Blackout asked.
"Go back to watching your bootleg copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special, Blackout," Barricade countered.
"Yes Barricade," Blackout sighed, focusing his attention back on the TV.
Brawl opened his optics slowly and noticed the time on his clock. His little spark racing, he leapt up off his berth and dashed through the base screaming, "Christmas is here! Christmas is here! Let's see what Santa brought us!"
Bonecrusher stirred from where he'd passed out an hour ago on the couch. "Heh…4am…Brawl let us sleep in this year…"
Everyone was half asleep and gathered around the Christmas ficus while they waited for Barricade to drag his ass downstairs. "Wait…so you want us to do what now?" Bonecrusher asked Blackout, looking up at the mistletoe that he and Brawl were sitting under.
"Look! It lives!" Blackout said when he saw Barricade walk mechanically to the spot next to him.
"I still think this could have waited until sunrise," he grumbled, slumping in the seat and leaning against Blackout.
"Here Scavenger…you might want to open your present now…" Scrapper said, handing Scavenger a present.
Scavenger opened it to find a box of cold medicine. "Thanks! Just what I needed!" he replied with relief.
Blackout reached back under the Christmas ficus and pulled another present out. "To Starscream, love Megatron," he read the label before tossing it to him.
"Aww, you got me a present? Thanks, Megatron!" Starscream said with a smile before opening it. "Oh…thanks, Megatron," he added when he saw what it was.
"I didn't know what size you were, so I just asked for extra, extra large," Megatron replied proudly. Blackout and Barricade leaned over so they could see what Megatron got him and both started laughing when they realized it was a T-shirt that said "Property of Megatron" on it.
"Here Barricade, this is from me," Blackout said, handing Barricade his present.
Barricade unwrapped it and stared at it, confused. "A bag of marshmallows?"
"Yeah. Thought you'd like something to toast over all your coal that you got in your stocking," Blackout replied, getting a punch in the jaw in retaliation.
It took a moment for Blackout to recover. At the risk of getting punched again, he asked, "What about me? Did you get me anything?"
"Of course I did," Barricade replied. "I didn't know what to give you, and I wanted it to be something personal anyway, so…" He reached behind the armchair Ravage and Scorponok were sleeping in and pulled out a jar. There was a dead, two and a half foot long, mottled purple-grey slug-like creature with thousands of bright orange, itty bitty legs, no eyes, and a sucker-like mouth lined with six rows of sharp, serrated teeth suspended in a yellowish liquid inside it. "I decided to give you the parasite that I had removed from my stomach two months ago!"
Blackout tried to hide how disturbed he was by Barricade's gift, not wanting to make him feel bad. "Gee Barricade…you shouldn't have."
"If you shake the jar, it looks like it's dancing!" Barricade shook the jar and watched it move around inside. "Wooo! Look at it dance!"
"Hey Brawl, that big present under there's from me," Bonecrusher said after taking a sip of his hot energon. Brawl pulled the present away from the Christmas ficus and after squealing like a guinea pig, began tearing at the wrapping paper.
"It's not the body that goes to the severed head you gave him last year, is it?" Starscream asked worriedly. Bonecrusher didn't answer as he watched Brawl open his present.
Once Brawl got the lid off the box, he got even more excited when a large yellow bird with a red bow tied around its neck jumped out. After exclaiming, 'kweh!' the bird started flapping its wings and running back and forth through the room with a very gleeful Brawl chasing after it, announcing "I'm gonna name it Jeffrey!"
Barricade stared dumfounded at Bonecrusher, who calmly took a sip of his drink and smugly said, "Told ya."
Merry Christmas, everyone! =D What's the best present that you got? My mom bought me an Xbox360 and Borderlands! =D Unfortunately I can't play it for a while since it stays at my mom's house and I live with my dad...dammit, there's always a catch.