Jacob's New Love (It is a Shocker!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and if I did, I'd be rich and not writing these ridiculously random Twilight and Jake/Weird Crack type pairing stories. So if you think I am miraculously Stephanie Meyers and own the copyright to these books, you are crazy. I OWN NOTHING!!!

Author's Notes: Why do I keep writing these crack stories instead of my real ones??? Argh, stupid writer block, I mean really. I got the story outline theme thing in my head but I am not quite sure what to write next to get there and what filler and/or important stuff to put in currently. Hopefully, inspiration will strike me VERY soon, so I could write something serious as fun as these strange psychotic stories are. I mean, how else do I keep coming up with these? It doesn't help, when the computer with all my story files had been virused. It is now fixed, but Word is completely unusable so my chapters that I had written are gone. Oh well, I'll just have to continue using what had been already posted up. Warning! This just came to me and is so bizarre that it's… bizarre. You know, like my very strange Jacob/Joe Jonas (I still don't get where or why that popped in my head) dream. Oh, and, Jacob (if you can't figure it out, lol) curses a lot.

He growled as the sickly sweet stench of a vampire recently just gone came wafting over to him from near the borderline. "Stupid bloodsuckers," he thought to himself. Grinning, he ran after the scent, hoping that the bloodsucker had hung around. He always did enjoy the chase and thrill of hunting them down before finally catching them and ripping them apart. And this one was that bloody female vampire that they had been trying to catch for weeks yet who kept escaping. Unlike the others, this Vampire was smart and had a miraculous knack for escaping. There was a whole bunch of times when they almost caught her but somehow she always managed to find a hole or escape rout or something and get away. It was really very annoying and worrying. A bloodsucker on the loose is never a good thing and while they didn't have any reports on her preying on the humans yet, she was clearly not a 'vegetarian' and was therefore a danger and menace. All vampires were. Who knew when they would lose control of the bloodlust and go on a massacre? That, and she was after Bella. He did not like that one bit. Even if she was with that stupid Eddie.

He didn't know why she liked the Cullens. Bella had been left on her own for her "own good" or some bullshit like that by her 'oh so wonderful!' vamp lover who took his family with him when he left. Seriously, what was wrong with her? Where was the anger and hate? Where was the resentment? Really, he left her in the fucking woods after fucking breaking her heart and nearly driving her to fucking insanity! Then when she came to him, he put her back together and gave her a life again. She was broken when they were gone and he put her back together. But then the small she leech 'Alice' came back saying that her brother was going to Italy. What did that mean? Apparently it was something bad and Bella left with Alice to go stop it from happening. It was tempting to go try to talk her out of it but he had been mad and Bella was headstrong and very stubborn. She never listened to anyone's advice. There would have been no point to it anyways. Plus, he might have gone berserk on the little leech and Bella probably wouldn't appreciate that very much.

Then the Cullens came back and she went back to them and forgave them. Just like that! It was like they hadn't left and destroyed her, nearly killed her. What was that? It still made him hurt. He loved the girl but no, there was no room for anything but the damn Cullens in her life. He had been hoping and it had seemed…but no, once they came back, it all ended. Bella had been hoping they could still be friends but it is impossible, at least for him. He had loved her too much and she rejected him, time after time after time. He couldn't just be friends again, not after that. Also, she had allied herself with the bloodsuckers, their enemy. Didn't she understand the enemies thing? Werewolves and Vampires just don't like each other. Besides, she has her bloodsuckers. Aren't they her 'family'? Bella didn't need him. Once this last Vampire is taken care of, he would be leaving. Permanently.

Following the scent, thanking his lucky stars that it didn't cross onto the Cullen's side and he'd get to kill her, he turned into a small clearing. Surprisingly, the leech was still there. She seemed to be deep in thought. Suddenly, she stiffened and turned around.

"Why do you Wolves keep on following me? I have no quarrel with you, I just want the Swan girl." The leech said in a surprisingly high Soprano voice. It just did not seem to fit her. Suddenly she stared and he stared right back at her and they stood there, locked in some staring contest for a few minutes until he felt the Pack starting to transform. Not wanting them to know, Jacob quickly trotted behind a tree and changed back into a human and threw on the pants. Stepping out again, he noticed Victoria still hadn't left. He didn't know why but he liked that. She hadn't run off like she usually did.

"Who are you?" Victoria asked, in a kind of shell-shocked tone. She seemed…nervous. If she wasn't a bloodsucker, he might have thought she was.

"I'm Jacob." Jacob said simply as the two just continued to stop and stare at each other. Finally Victoria looked down.

"I see," she said and she sounded…embarrassed? Jake couldn't believe what he was hearing. Do Vampires even get embarrassed, he vaguely wondered, and shook his head. He didn't think it was possible. Not only was he talking civilly to a Vampire, he was talking to a non-Vegetarian vampire that had been after his friend and former love. But…he couldn't seem to find the anger. Not knowing what to do, he just stood there awkwardly.

"You're one of them," she murmured. "Why...why do you protect her? She's nothing really special. She's nothing, she's not pretty, smart, strong, has nothing remotely interesting about her, she's clumsy, a pain in the neck in all cases. My vengeance does not involve you. Her 'Edward' killed James, and it was all her fault! If Edward did not insist on protecting the girl, James would have been bored and not bothered with the effort of trying to get her from other Vampires. He would have lived! There would have been no need for all this. Or they could have let him take her, either way. Why do they care about what happens to some lowly human? My revenge is simple; I simply desire a love for a love. But…I can't do it. At first, the Cullens weren't here and it would be pointless to try without them as I need to strike them where it hurts. They left her and I was really surprised they would do that after what they did to protect her last summer. I decided to wait but they never came back. I almost gave up but then the small one came. It was game time, now that the Cullens are back. But then, there are all these annoying dogs chasing after me trying to stop me. I couldn't stop all of them. The Cullens are also back protecting the stupid human. Now vengeance can't be exacted."

Victoria sat down and gave a sobbing motion, as if she was trying to cry but then snarled. "I can not cry, no matter how hard I try. I can not get rid of the sadness. All I can do is hate. The all-consuming fire, it burns like the venom running through me. Do you understand?" Jacob looked up and was surprised to see Victoria standing in front of him. She gasped, shocked for a second and her nose quivered.

"Wha…you smell really good. For one of those dogs I mean. The others smell horrible but you smell," takes another unnecessary breath, "amazing". Jacob shrugged awkwardly. This was getting to weird for him. He had come to kill her, not make conversation with her and how was he supposed to respond to such an off the wall comment such as that? At least, the revenge comment made sense. He actually sympathized with her, something that shocked him. While not agreeing to all the things she said about Bella, albeit he did wonder why he loved her now, considering she refused him everytime, he did get what she was saying. He felt that too. The overwhelming anger, the bloodlust, and the desire to rip into the enemy…he wanted to do those things too. He couldn't though, that would start a war with the Cullens, a war that the Wolves could probably win but at what cost? He couldn't do that to his Pack Brothers. He was more counting on the Treaty to keep the Cullens tied, that way they wouldn't change Bella, not if they wanted to still live here without fighting. He would personally love to destroy Edward but Edward's family would rip him apart. Maybe he could take another down with him but it was still a losing fight. He didn't mind, but Bella would. He didn't want to do that to Bella. Even now, that she rejected him and stomped on his heart for the Vampire.

He stiffened in shock. He thought of Bella, and there was nothing. No pain, no agony, nothing. Even the pulsating rage he felt at the Cullens was dulled and muted. He felt…happy. A feeling that he hadn't felt for a long, long time. He almost forgot what that was. He felt light and buoyant, a weight that he hadn't even known was there lifted off his shoulders. He looked over to see the same look of recognition pass through Victoria's eyes. She exhaled loudly in surprise, and turned to him. All the world came to a standstill. Everything was gone but her. She kept him rooted to this world and she was everything to him. When he realized what happened, he couldn't help but gasp softly. He had…imprinted. On a Vampire, no less. The thought should have made him recoil but he didn't. He instead smiled as Bella and the Cullens and everything flew off. He was finally free.