Johnny Depp's Potato
Johnny Depp lived on a farm where he grew nothing with his cat, Garfield. One day Severus Snape and his wife, Snow White, came to his door.
"Hello!" said Snape.
"Hello there!" Johnny Depp replied, "May I help you with something?"
"No. I was just wondering if you would like a potato seed?" asked Snape.
"Why, I would most certainly love a potato seed!" exclaimed Johnny Depp, "Just yesterday I was sitting there, thinking to myself, 'I would just love to have a potato seed.'"
So Snape dropped the seed into Johnny Depp's hand and rode away on a crocodile. Johnny Depp planted the seed in the ground, and for weeks all he did was watch the seed grow. He didn't eat or drink or sleep or even go to the bathroom. On the fifth week, a cloaked man walked up to Johnny Depp.
"Hiya!" said Johnny Depp, "What might you be needin'?"
"Hello!" said the stranger, taking off his cloak. He was Dumbledore! "I am Dumbledore. I am a wizard. I see that you are growing a potato. Would you like me to make it be bigger?"
"I would love you to make my potato bigger!" shouted Johnny Depp.
So Dumbledore waved his wand and yelled "Bippity-boppity-boo" and then the potato leaves swelled to the size of Victoria Falls. Then Dumbledore left. Johnny Depp called his friends Chase Utley and Captain Hook and dug up the potato. It was the size of New Jersey!
Johnny Depp mashed the potato and put it in a swimming pool the size of New York City. Then, with the extra potato, he made hash browns, tater tots, baked potatoes, spiced potatoes, twice baked potatoes, steak fries, skinny French fries, regular French fries, curly fries, waffle fries, and wavy fries. He dumped eighty-eight tons of this into the pool. Then he invited everyone in the universe to come swim.
One day, six days later, I was swimming in Johnny Depp's pool. I swam through the mushy potatoes. After swimming a mile, I surfaced to find Santa Claus having a vigorous discussion with Donald Duck and the Easter Bunny about whether summer or winter was better for the harvesting of mini magic rainbow potatoes. I swam away.
I swam to the edge of the pool and sat on the steps. Mr. Adams then walked up to me and handed me a pineapple. Remember Mr. Adams? He came in at the beginning of the year to lecture us about pineapples. I swam around, and did a quadruple back flip.
I looked over and the pineapple was crying.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
The pineapple did not answer. Instead, he ate the entire pool of potatoes. This made me upset, because I really love potatoes. So I lifted myself out of the pool, which was now empty, and saw King Arthur sitting in the pool looking confused.
I ripped off the top of the pineapple and ate the rest in one bite.
Then Edward Cullen Ran forward, put the top of the pineapple on his head like a hat, and ran off the Croatia to live with his wife Minnie Mouse happily ever after, next to his neighbors Oprah Winfrey and Albert Einstein, who were married.
So, this is the end of the last pineapple story. The end of Pineapple soup. The end of sixth grade. I can't believe this. So goodbye.
And for the last time,