I just had to write something for the Christmas holiday.
My version of a Night Before Christmas.
It might be a tad crackish, and possibly stupid.
Please don't be offended if it is. It was all written out of jest.
I hope it's funny and makes you laugh.
Reviews would be wonderful!!!! No flames.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house.
Not a ninja was stirring, not even the bitchy spouse.
The paper bombs were hung by the chimney with care.
In hopes that the sparks would send St Nicholas aflare.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds.
After ingesting their nighttime meds.
And Sakura in her pink and I sleeping in my cap,
She had knocked me unconscious with a hard slap.
I awoke when outside arose such a clatter.
That we grabbed our shuriken to see what was the matter.
Sasuke flew to the window, quick as a flash.
Despite having a horrible rash.
He looked outside then smiled, and called to us both:
''The fat bastard is here! Come on, let's go!"
We ran to the roof and were startled to hear.
The call of Santa with his eight reindeer.
He was fat and old, and looked like a dick.
So it had to be good old St. Nick.
"So you damn dirty drunk, you really came?''
Sakura yelled, but he had no shame.
"Now, Asser! Now, Cancer! Now, Prancer and Dickson!
On Vomet! On Stupid! On, Bonner and Spitzen!
Those kids, they're trying to kill us all!
Those freaking Buddhists, let's make them bawl!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
We sprang to the air, up towards the sky.
I snuck up behind and yelled, "Boo!''
But somehow he had known what I would do.
The sleigh full of toys landed on my roof.
''You, blond boy! Are you some kind of doof?"
He laughed mockingly, and I growled at the sound.
''Shut up, you pedophile!" I yelled at him now.
His gay, furry outfit was covered in soot.
For he also had some pot stashed with his lute.
I threw a kunai and aimed for his sac.
Sakura tried to knock him down with a death smack.
But the old man escaped, all jolly and merry.
Until Sasuke shoved a pole right up his hairy-
As he fell to the ground, he cried with a howl:
"Son of a bitch, all right! You brats win, let me go!"
We smiled, hearing him admit defeat.
Then we grabbed the toy sac, and climbed to our feet.
''Sakura, stay here and watch ol' Santy.
We'll deliver the gifts to the kids who didn't get any!"
Which was every child in the village no doubt.
We were sick of Santa jipping, and leaving us out.
Just 'cause we're ninja and are trained to kill,
Doesn''t mean we don't deserve the holiday thrill!
The next day, the children awoke with cheer.
Finding presents in their houses for the first time in years.
We let Santa go, and thanked him this time:
"Thanks for the gifts! They didn't cost us a dime!''
He snorted, unamused, while rubbing his sore ass.
He promised next year, he'd certainly be back.
We smirked, and heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas, Naruto! Oh wait! Did I mention that I did your mom last night?"