I sat reading Wuthering Heights - well, trying to read Wuthering Heights - while listening for a familiar sound. I had managed to stagger through one chapter and was partway through another when I heard it, Charlie snoring. I wished Edward was here so I could be sure he was fast asleep. Of course, if Edward was here, I wouldn't be doing what I was planning.
I flipped off my light and opened my door. I tiptoed slowly and quietly down the stairs, taking extra care not to stumble in the dark. In the kitchen, I opened the freezer of the fridge. I was glad Dad didn't do much in the kitchen anymore. If he'd asked, I'd have told him I was saving this for a hot day. As it was, he never saw it. A peeled banana on a paper towel. I looked at the shadowy shape in the moonlight for a moment, letting the icy draft out of the freezer box. Then I took a deep breath and lifted it out.
I smacked it on the edge of the counter once. The fool thing went skidding across the counter top. I only just caught it before it hit the canisters at the back. I grabbed another paper towel to wrap it tightly. It was frozen solid, though. My tap had left a small dent in the one side. Holding the paper towel, rather than the frozen fruit, I made the slow climb back to my room.
I laid it on my pillow and stared at. Was I really going to do this? I remembered the bargain I'd wrangled out of Edward. He was going to try to make love to me while I was still human. This was perilously dangerous for me - he could squish me as easily as I could squish the banana - and extraordinarily difficult for him. I knew if I showed any fear or pain that first time, he'd back out. I also knew, thanks to public school sex ed, that there would be pain that first time. So the answer was yes, I was really going to do this.
I stripped down with a sigh and flopped on the opposite side of the bed. Now the much harder question, HOW was I going to do this? I tried to remember the night before, Edward's goodbye.
"I'll only be gone a day. Two at the most. I should be back the day after tomorrow. I don't really want to go, but Emmett just won't let me be."
He kissed my ear, my chin, my throat.
"Mmm. I don't want you to go either, but I'd rather that than Emmett bust in here and steal you." Emmett would do something like that.
Edward chuckled. "Me, too."
I lay on the bed and ran my hand along my chin and throat, remembering those kisses. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his face. On his lips. That helped. My body began to cooperate. My hand moved down my chest. I ran it over one of my breasts. It was still cold from the freezer and my breath caught. Then I ran it over my stomach, remembering my body pressed to his, his smell... I put my hand to my pubic hair and was relieved to find a slight dampness. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do this alone. Apparently my memory was good enough. I focused on his voice, calling my name.
"Bella. You look beautiful."
"mmmm," I moaned a little as my fingers slid inside me. I rubbed myself with one hand that way for awhile until I felt it wasn't rubbing enough on the outside. I brought my left hand to help, but it felt dry. I swapped hands and moaned again. That was much better. I continued in that way, focused on my memories - his sparkling skin in the sunlight, my hands in his hair, his breath on my lips. I felt a quivering inside me and added wetness in my fingers. I relaxed and took a deep breath. Well, that wasn't too bad. With a sigh, I turned my head to look at the banana beside me. Cold and hard like he would be.
Wait. Did I see something in the rocking chair? My eyes flicked back, but I couldn't make out more than a shadow. Then I remembered.
"Get a grip, Bella, it's just your laundry." I whispered to myself. "Jeez, don't be such a coward." Scolding myself seemed to help. I gripped the banana tightly, trying not to let it slip from my hand. I dug my nails into one end and that helped. It was still very hard in the center, though the outside was thawing. I lay back down and lifted my knees. "You can do this," I told myself. I put the frozen fruit to my tender lips. I held back a squeal to a squeak. That was COLD! Gritting my teeth, I slipped a little inside. After the first shock, it wasn't so bad. I could do this. I pushed a little harder and hit resistance. This was it. I was going to pop my cherry on a banana. Really? I was really going to do this?
"Are you going to ask Edward to do this for you too?" I asked myself aloud, trying to shame myself into action. It worked. I shoved and I tore. I bit my lip on a scream. A few tears welled up in my eyes, but as quick as that, the icy fruit numbed the pain. I exhaled heavily, starting to pull the banana out again. As I did som I smelled the blood on it.
Reflexively I shoved the fruit back inside before the smell could sicken me. My eyes bulged. It had gone much deeper than before, and being filled suddenly felt very good. I pulled the banana out a bit, experimenting. Warmth rushed in as it exited and made me huff a little as I exhaled, only to gasp as I repeated the motion. If I was going to do this, I might as well do it right. I moved my other hand to my clit but the angle was all wrong. I turned over, putting my cheek to my pillow. I held the banana upright while I slid on it. It was much easier to keep my fingers in place. I spent several minutes dreaming of sliding over Edward until I felt my insides starting to clench. The banana was no longer evenly cylindrical; it had lumps. Those lumps felt good where they moved. I moaned louder.
I thought I felt a breeze on my bottom. Had I left the window open? The thought fled in the rush of pleasure I was giving myself. I started moving my hips faster and faster, gripping the bottom of the banana harder. Then, my fingers slipped, the banana shot inside me, deeper than before, and I screamed into my pillow. I hoped Charlie hadn't heard that. I ground myself on my fingers while the banana was still fully lodged in me.
When my orgasm subsided, I panted a little and leaned back on my heels. As I did so, the banana was expelled. It looked like a mangled, slightly bloody, mess. I felt shame. What had I done? Unable to bear doing more, I scooped up the mess and dumped it on the paper towel, still on the other pillow. I sobbed and tried to hush my cries on my fist. Eventually I buried my face in my pillow, punching the mattress. Why, why, why had I done this? Why had I thought this was a good idea? I couldn't remember anymore; I just felt hurt and shamed. I didn't cry long though, it was late, and I was physically exhausted.
"Edward," I whispered, "I did it for you." I sobbed once more before sleep took me.
The pale light of dawn came through the window when I woke.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Edward greeted me, rising from my rocking chair.
I flinched, surprised, but felt the sheet over me. I must have grabbed it in the night.
He came to sit beside me on the bed and smoothed the tangled hair from my face. "I got back early and wanted to see you. I hope you don't mind."
I shook my head, not quite trusting my voice.
"Well, Charlie just left. So, I'll wait for you downstairs, if you need a human minute or two." He put a hand to my cheek and leaned down to kiss me. The kiss was deeper than I expected, his tongue was in my mouth, over my teeth, tangling with my own twice before he backed up a little. He extracted his hand from my hair, and I noticed just what a nest it was. "I'll be downstairs; you don't need to rush." He gave me another peck on the lips before rising and turning to the door.
That was when I noticed I was sitting up, topless. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted he didn't notice or grateful he was gentleman enough not to ogle. I settled on the latter as I pulled back the sheet. That was when I saw the sticky mess on my sheets and between my legs. Ugh. I stood up and grabbed my robe to head for the shower.
My fingers had just touched the terrycloth when my hand snapped back to my lips. I didn't just smell banana. I tasted banana. My eyes flew to my pillow but there was no trace of banana or paper towel. I sank to my knees in horror. Edward knew. Tears sprang to my eyes. Edward knew! I sobbed once and hushed myself. He would hear me, and the last thing I wanted was him coming now. I snatched the robe and ran to the bathroom, tripping on the frame and catching myself on the sink. I kicked the door shut and turned the shower on. Then I let my sobs run with the water.
I kept oscillating between the bone chilling cold of fear and dread and the red hot burning of shame. What was I going to do? The water slowly evened my temperature and when I turned it off, I'd accepted that there was nothing I could do. He knew. He hadn't said anything, so he was willing to let me pretend nothing had happened. I met my red eyes in the mirror and took a deep breath. He didn't hate me. He didn't look down on me. Everything would be as it had before. Tears welled up again and I stumbled slowly back to my room, still feeling miserable.
I froze inside the door. Edward wasn't there, but my bed was made. I didn't pull back the covers; I knew he had changed the sheets. I didn't deserve him. The tears shifted from morose to giddy. He loved me very much. He was trying to make this easier for me.
I came down the stairs and saw him sitting at the table, idly fingering a brown bag. He glittered where the sunlight from the window touched his skin.
"You look beautiful," he said standing. "Did you have any plans for today?"
I was suddenly wary. "No."
"Good. I was thinking, since it's such a beautiful day, that you might like to join me in our meadow."
"That's a great idea," I said with a smile.
"I packed you a lunch so we don't need to hurry back," he told me, picking up the brown bag.
That whole morning he never gave any indication that anything was out of the ordinary. I started to wonder if I had imagined the banana in my mouth. After all, he didn't eat. My cheeks flushed at that thought. My doubts faded when I opened my lunch. Under the sandwich he'd made was a banana.