A Soulless Doll's Memory:
"Your assignment is to describe yourself in every possible way: appearance, talents, personality, etc… Include references and events from your break and ways you have or will change for this new year."
Hinata's English teacher droned on. She cringed upon hearing their homework that covered their winter break. She could see Sakura smirking out of the corner of her eye and knew the pink haired girl would surely describe how beautiful and popular she was and would remain.
"I want you to write it as if you are telling a blind person who you are; use as much detail as possible!" The bell rings dismissing them to 5th period. Later that night Hinata sat to work at her paper.
The next day Ms. Anko requested the papers be passed forward and it seemed forever as she glanced over them pulling out three randomly from the stack.
"Alright, I've chosen the three that seem to be the best ones in the class. Your second part of the grade is to guess whose paper is whose. Okay paper number one:" "I have flowing pink hair like silk and the most beautiful and flawless skin in the world! I am sixteen years old…"
Hinata zoned out for the rest of Sakura's paper, there was no point in continuing to listen. From the first sentence it was clear Sakura was the writer, being the only person in their class with pink hair not to mention the only girl with that much of an ego.
"Okay paper number two!" Ms. Anko announces seeming as excited as a little kid with a new toy. "None know the color of my eyes for they are shielded from this cruel world! Such a cruel world indeed! Once covered in my best friend the spider now…"
"Shino." Hinata whispered to herself. He was the only bug obsessed kid in the class and so predictable.
"Alright now for our third and final and the best so far! I didn't even know the writer until reading through the entire paper!"
I can play the piano, swim, do yard and house work, write, and draw. You would say in general I'm a well rounded person, one able to do all. But that's only in a general point of view after all.
Hinata freezes, even ceasing to breathe hearing her own paper being read allowed and can only listen in shock.
Appearance wise I'm seen as petite in other words fragile, delicate, easy to break, yet still cute. Short compared to most but still slim and curvy, with a body people could end up envying. Everything about my looks is different and unusual, so easy I am to pick out from a crowd. I have boy length unevenly cut indigo hair, with bangs designed to cover my face; my eyes so pale and lacking in most pigment they seem to adapt any light color that suits them, often giving the allusion of me using colored contacts; grey, grayish blue, blue green, grey-blue, even lilac. A feat seen often enough as beautiful and unique, but at the same time freakish. My skin...naturally pale in which my blood veins can clearly be spotted in my wrists, somehow is still able to tan and not burn in the sun, and in some cases can take on a more yellow tinge then someone of Asian descent.
As far as my personality I am described by many as sweet, adorable, a good listener well mannered, shy, a pushover, and sensitive. Perhaps this is correct, but only as I stated before in a general point of view. If people would only take the time to look beneath the surface then the truth would never be overlooked.
I am a soulless doll. I have no free will. Doing as I'm told, puzzled when asked what I want and feel. Always refusing my own thoughts and point of view simply acting from what others wish. Once upon a time I could feel, love, and care, even take charge! But none the less that happened a century ago and no matter how hard anyone wishes we can't ever turn back time.
Everyone who had chatted and ignored the papers read before Hinata's now seemed trapped in a bubble that refused to allow any sound and listened intently as Ms. Anko continued onward.
I remember being a small child at the age of five, excited as any other for kindergarten. That kind of excitement mixed with complete and utter fear. Anxious to make friends to belong somewhere. But from the beginning that seemed to not be the case. Impulsive, opinionated, and stubborn, a natural born leader and fighter it wasn't long till I was shut out from everyone. No longer welcomed and left to be alone. The next few years of my elementary school days fallowed the same pattern as if I were destined to be alone till the end of time, for every time I gained friends, I would lose them. So it shouldn't be a shock to anyone that the time I got to fifth grade I had given up on friendship and became reclusive.
Middle school. A new chapter to my life. There people desired to be my friend, but so numbed of kindness and affection I kept them at bay never allowing them inside the wall I put around myself. Eventually as time wore on I adapted and discovered that to not be isolated forever I had to be kind and treat people right. So when eighth grade came to an end I ended it with many "friends". Although not making it through my final year without heartaches. The will I had left over the course of my final year in middle school had been beaten from me.
Elementary and Middle school, the first nine years of my life…I was taught so much about myself and other people and realized in a way after being around many types I could mold myself into what they wanted, my own little unlucky gift. But along with the knowledge I gained I also lost many things. I lost my best friend who quit eating and eventually I was forced to put down, I lost the ability to care for animals, and I lost my fight with everything around me. The one thing that had made me stand up for myself vanished to no more, like vapor; you can let vapor out of a jar, but once you let it out there's no getting it back.
High school. I have gained good and bad qualities from it. The bad ones named so by others not by myself. Because I no longer possess my own free will I am often seen as a puppy and will fallow certain friends catering to their every will. The few emotions I still hang onto is the slim ability for me to love and not do what I truly wish not to. I love a small group of ten people out of all the people I have as my friends. But even then toward them my emotions slowly leak away to nothing. Even if I were to (to be as blunt as possible) make out with one of them I would feel nothing more then the fact of what happened. It would be nothing except a simple memory, me simply trying to force myself to feel something; anything…
The good ones, I am now not ashamed of who and what I am and what I desire. I know it's not my fault for being this way and not to be scared to admit it. I have learned to be incredibly kind to others and to take their feelings into consideration. And most of all I have learned I can rely on others for comfort, that I don't have to be scared to allow someone physically close to me and to let go of the past the most I can,
Sometimes someone may get lucky enough to see me actually allowing myself free will but even though those times are so rare I find I no longer care what happens to myself. No longer caring if I see my anii-san again or my onee-chan. A doll's emotions are painted on, artificial, no one knows what the doll wanted for the doll doesn't speak for itself. For a doll's events and people involved in its life are just memories.
I am Hinata Hyuuga and soon enough everything to me will be a simple memory. I do as others please, once over this Christmas break acting for myself. Now forced to question if me acting for myself was right or wrong, either way I doubt it'll happen again. Every day my will and emotions leak from a cut in my being, a cut so deep that not even stitches could keep infection out. Not every broken toy can be fixed, not every broken heart can be put back together.
Ms. Anko finishes reading with a dramatic pause. Everyone is quiet in awe before turning to Hinata and beginning to clap.
"That's amazing Hinata! I knew you were a great writer, but how'd you make that all up in one night! It's like a horror story!" Naruto exclaims. Hinata shrugs and allows her hair to cover her face, and couldn't help but think smugly and bitterly to herself they still didn't get it.
Then again people always chose to see what they wanted to see not what was really in front of their very noses. To see what is, requires thought and dissection of every movement, facial expression, and word of a person; this being so much work why bother?
"Very good Hinata! Although please don't write fantasy next time I wanted the truth!" Ms. Anko semi-complains.
"Of course! Gomenasai I guess I got carried away with myself." Hinata replies faking a laugh.
"I'm home!" Hinata calls out as she walks through the front door of her house, she's met by sobs and squeaks. Walking into the kitchen she sees her two best friends Temari and Ino crying.
"Hinata!" Ino sobs while wrapping her arms around Hinata in a tight hug. Hinata stands there unresponsive waiting for an explanation. "Sasuke's dead! He got killed in a car crash while he and his family were driving home from a doctor appointment! Your anii-san is dead."
"Okay." Is all she's able to say, not even tears fall.
"Are you going to be okay? You and Sasuke were so close! Like real life brother and sister!" Temari says kindly. Even as Temari said this Hinata felt nothing; Sasuke was dead. Where were the tears that were to supposed to fall?
"I'm fine. I'm going to go to my room now." Hinata replies, Ino and Temari nod in understanding.
"Okay hun; well let us know if you need anything!" Temari says.
Hinata walks into her room, locks the door, and falls into her bed, and lays there waiting for the sorrow to hit any negative feeling at least. But nothing came; no one had said she should feel sad. It wasn't long before she was fast asleep with Sasuke in her dreams, soon to become just another memory…
Anii-san~ older brother otherwise known as Ani.
Onee-chan~ older sister
Hey guys! Yeah I know it's depressing, but I'm experimenting with something new! You might be seeing a lot of one-shots from me depending how things turn out. Anyhow…I hope you liked it and can't wait to the new year! Hopefully I'll have new ideas for new stories for yall to read and enjoy! Please read and review!