okay. if you are a hardcore twilight fan, please don't read this. i stole a few lines from meyer to set the story(which i will conotate with astricts.) and p.s. i don't own this.

The wind shook the tent again* and with it shook Bella. Edward was getting TIRED of her just SHAKING like that. It was so ANNOYING. Despite the fact that he didn't need to breathe, he was starting to huff in frustration. And she smelled so much like blood. She was in the middle of nowhere. They were in the middle of nowhere. No family or friends around to make him feel guilty about offing her. And the more she shivered the more he began to question why he hadn't made up an excuse to get her alone earlier…as far as Edward knew, even Jacob was too far away to do anything about it if he did kill her…

"W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?" Bella asked, her teeth clacking together*. Edward's temper was rising at the fact that she just WOULDN'T go to sleep.

"Two.*" He ground out. You know what, "Maybe…*"

"No, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really.* I—" Edward cut her off, totally frustrated, by leaping onto her.

"Rawr!!!" He screamed as he pounced. She shrieked into the darkness, feeling his fangs sink into her throat. Elated that Edward was finally letting her become a vampire, Bella relaxed despite the cold and gave him easier access to the spot on her neck. Edward, being a vampire, lost it when the blood hit his tongue and because he was frustrated at how annoying she was he began to tear into her throat, crushing the jugular and hitting arteries on the side that pulsed into his waiting mouth. Bella gurgled helplessly as she died and Edward relished in it.

What Edward didn't know was just as he was killing Bella and sucking her clean, Jacob was doing another round about the campsite as he had been the entire night to make sure that Bella was safe for himself instead of letting the leach have total reign over her safety. His sensitive wolf ears perked up when he heard an odd gurgling coming from the tent and instantly went toward the tent.

Edward, with his sensitive vampire ears, perked up when he heard the footprints running toward the tent. In his blood-hazed state, he thought about what Jacob looked like as a human and came to the conclusion that Jacob was a rather handsome fellow and that he would inform him of it the next time he saw him.

Jacob came romping into the tent and looked around wildly, his eyes landing on Bella's pale, dead, and kinda messy body. Instantly, he morphed back into a human so he could speak.

"What the FUCK, man?" Jacob exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"Um, I got frustrated and killed Bella. Wanna fuck?" Edward said, eyeing the dark boy up and down. Moving his eyes away from the body on the other side of the tent, Jacob looked at the vampire who was now giving him appreciative looks. How could you say no to that?

"Eh, sure. Why not?" He relented, stepping farther into the tent.

"Excellent." Edward rubbed his hands together and came toward Jacob, smashing their mouths together in the process.

"Sorry, Loverboy. I can't be on top."

"And just why not?" Jacob inquired, slightly put out.

"Well, you see my dear fellow, my heart does not beat and therefore I do not have a pulse which is necessary for such functions as erections. So, you, my friend, will have to top." Edward smirked.

"RAWR!!!" Edward growled as he came, not actually coming, but definitely shaking with orgasm. Jacob, who was slightly disturbed and slightly turned on by the lack of semen, came quickly after.

"Well, that was fun. Hope we can do it again sometime." Edward smiled cheerfully as he pulled on his other shoe and patted Jacob on the head. Jacob, who was still naked on the floor of the tent, rolled onto his back, confused and dazed as ever.

"Yeah, sure." He said sleepily as Edward left the blistery clearing.