Hope everyone's been good and not suffering from FOTB withdrawl. Roxy had a sickass Christmas and is now an official laptop owner. Whether or not this will amount to faster updates, we will soon find out!

When you're practically immortal, chances are you have better things to do than celebrate the new year. But if you happen to be Darren Shan, you'd love throw a huge party with an abundance of food, lights, an bright shiny things that make an old-fahioned Vampire toss his cookies.

After the Ski Vacation Near-Catastrophe, Last-Christmas-Chaos, and of course the Wedding From Hell, a certain half-Vampire officially knew better than to drag his socially challenged Mountain-mates into another human tradition.

(Rewind: we're several months after the Spider Wedding, when everyone was forced to clear out of the mountain for Madam O and Scary Grey Spider's honeymoon. However, they made it as far as the airport before realising their credit cards were expired. Apparently it takes approximately 3 months to apply for a new card if you're a Vampire. Luckily, marriage has transformed Madam Octa into a patient individual. So anyway, our story begins on Boxing Day 2009. Darren is hoping Madam Octa has forgotten the reverse-honeymoon plan. He plans not to discuss it in hopes of adverting the inevitable natural disaster that would occur if the Vampire gang was unleashed back into civilization... )

But with his can of Red Bull in hand and balls of steel, tempered by years among bloodsucking beasts, Darren Shan marched into the Hall of Princes to announce that there was NOT going to be a life-sucking soul-draining grey-hair-sprouting early-onset-schitzoprenia-inducing death-trap of a celebration of the New Year. Just so they knew.

Kurda was running around, smacking into walls and trying to remove his hot pink stocking into which his head had been stuffed by Mika. Mika was sitting on the couch with Arrow and Harkat, reading a truck magazine. (They were thinking of purchasing a second vehicle, to keep the Essie company.) Seba was desperately digging in his obviously empty stocking, determined to find the 500-dollar, brand new state-of-the-art, vibrating, tongue-polishing, throat-freshening electric toothbrush. (Arrow had pinky-promised him that it was indeed in there.) Larten was configuring his new cappucino-expresso-mocha-maker. Paris was carefully organizing his gifts in alphabetical order.

Christmas had been a slightly quieter event this year. Of course, cookies had indeed been made, but this year they were accompanied by an entire gingerbread village: a pink mall by Kurda, a cafe by Larten, a nice normal house by Darren, a pet store by Harkat, a giant hunk of dough by Mika and Arrow that was supposed to be Vampire Mountain, a skyscraper by Paris, and a lump of icing with 5 and a half jujubes stuck to it. Seba swore on his life it was a perfect representation of a dog. This charming arrangement lasted about 10 minutes before being messily devoured and slightly trampled. At least Darren had the sense not to bother with a Christmas musical production this year.

But before he could even open his mouth, Kurda yelled from atop the new back-massaging armchair:

"Darren! Daaaarren! Darrendarrendarrendarren! Darren!"


"Guess what!"

"I just did!"

"Shut up...Kurda. I wanna...tell him!" Harkat exclaimed.

"ITWASMYIDEA!" Arrow snarled posessively.

"Be quiet. I will inform my student of our recently developed plan." Larten announced.

"Kill me." Darren muttered.

"For New Years-"

"We're going-"




"I don't know, I thought they knew!"

"We haven't decied!"

"I thought Harkat was picking it!"

"Well, Larten has not...downloaded the...restaurant guide yet!"


"Don't WHAT me, you were supposed to order the GPS!"

"I thought we would have settled upon a location by yesterday!"

"So we're going somewhere. Like a vacation." Darren groaned. "The one time i don't make plans. You guys just can't help yourselves. I want to relax for a few years, not drag you guys all over the planet."

"You don't have to worry about me, Darren. Mika will carry my stuff for me." Kurda promised.

"Madam Octa desires her private honeymoon!" Larten protested.

"I wanna get out of this rock!" Arrow stated.

"I'm getting...bored of...the scenery." Harkat made a rare complaint.

"When do we leave?" Darren sighed depressively.

"Umm, how long would you estimate if we plan on sticking to our schedule?"

"I would say...8 minutes and...47 seconds?"

"Get packed, Darren." Paris advised the boy Vampire as he picked himself up off the floor.

i dont think this will be a long fic...i know ive done a vacation fic, but i wanted to get them outta the mountain for a stretch :)

youve been with me long enough to know your job.