Tibbs vs. Kibbs!

Summary: AU, After Twilight, It's an all out brawl, who will win? It's Kibbs vs. Tibbs! Who will win the boss' heart?

Disclaimer: I own the idea, but alas, that is all. One day, maybe I'll be able to afford to buy them, but that day is not today.

Warning: Some strong language and mentions of slashy goodness. If that bothers you, then hit the back button. Really, it's for your own good.

Author's Note: I really don't know why I thought of this, and I know I should probably be working on Slaughter House, but I couldn't resist, It's been so long since I wrote anything slash related, I was starting to suffer from withdrawal! For the record, this story is a pure crack!fic. Really, I just thought it would be fun.

"Shooter!" Kate yelled as she dove in front of Gibbs. He heard the shot and saw her fall—apparently lifeless—on the ground. In a second, his gun was drawn and he was shooting at the door to the roof, where a man was hiding. Tony was behind him, shooting as well. Both of them got a few shots on the guy before he fell down dead.

When he was dead, he turned back to Kate. She wasn't moving. Oh god, he thought as he ran to her. Tony helped flip her over. He unzipped her jacket and that's when he saw it.

The fucking bullet proof vest.

He shared a glance with Tony, one both relieved and amused. "You ok?"

"Ow." She whined. Gibbs swiped her hair away from her face. "I just got shot at point blank range, DiNozzo. What'd you think?"

"You're not going to be going to Pilates class tomorrow?" Gibbs tried—and failed to hide his smirk. Secretly, he wanted to bash the woman's skull in for scaring him like that.

Kate whined in pain again before the two of them helped her to her feet. "Protection detail's over, Kate."

Tony smiled. "You did good."

"For once, DiNozzo's right."

Kate chuckled. "Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever heard tha—" She never got to finish.

The sound of the gun shot silenced her.

Gibbs stared down in shock as one of his people fell to the ground.

"Tony!" Kate yelled, utterly terrified. She dropped to her knees, just as Tony had done less than a minute ago with her. She tried to flip him over, but Tony was at least fifty pounds heavier than her, maybe more, depending on how much muscle he had. Gibbs' heart nearly stopped.

And then he heard the groan. Kate let out a sigh of relief. "Tony, are you ok?"

He groaned again as he crawled onto his knees. "I just got shot, Kate. What do you think?"

Kate smirked at him. "That you're a total baby? I was shot at point blank range."

"My shot actually penetrated skin!" The smirk fell from Kate's face. Gibbs grabbed the back of Tony's collar and heaved him to his feet. There was blood.

All over his sleeve.

Kate chuckled again. "Are you kidding me? You were shot in the arm!"

"I still got shot! And newsflash, it hurts more than it does through a bullet proof vest!"

Gibbs had enough. "Hey!" He shouted. The two of them finally stopped. He turned and glared at both of them. "Get the hell downstairs now! Have McGee drive you both back to NCIS, and have Ducky check you out." He spoke quieter that time.

"Gibbs!" Kate tried to argue, but he stopped her.

"There's a sniper up here, Kate! He just shot DiNozzo, now I want you both out of here! That's an order!" The two of them exchanged a glance before doing as he requested.

They took the fire escape, even though it was harder for Tony, given his injury. He heard him moaning and groaning all the way down.

Gibbs turned to the buildings surrounding him. "Ari."


McGee was the first on in the bullpen. Kate and Tony had reluctantly followed Gibbs' order and went down to see Ducky. As far as McGee was concerned, the case was solved. So he sat back in his desk and zoned. He was trying to think of a name for the lead character in his book. What, oh, what to call the man?

The elevator dinged. "It's a scratch!"

"I was bleeding!"

"It was barely an inch deep, DiNozzo." McGee shook his head. Those two just never stopped. The entire drive back they kept arguing about who's "battle wound" was worse.

"It penetrated! Yours got stopped!"

"Point blank!"


"Guys!" McGee yelled out. He was surprised when they actually listened. They usually didn't listen to him. But they actually quieted down. "Both of you were shot. That's all that matters." They turned to him and stared. It wasn't until that moment that he realized just how dumb he sounded. And boy, did he sound dumb. "Well, I, I mean, that, um. It was bad, for, um, both of you, and—"

"Quit while you're behind, Probie." McGee glared. Kate sighed heavily. She gave him a warming smile as she moved closer to his desk.

"Just ignore him, McGee. He's just jealous of how smart you are." Tony scoffed. Kate ignored him, still smiling.

She leaned against his desk. "Thanks Kate," he said, smiling back.

Her eyes dropped from his face. "What's that?" McGee looked down, trying to figure out what she was talking about. Oh shit. He tried to pull the paper away, but she was too fast. She crossed the squad room with a paper in front of her face. And of course, Tony's interest was piqued.

Kate laughed. "McGee what is this? 'Jibbs? Fibbs, Dibbs?'" She put the paper down. "What are you trying to do?"

McGee sighed. He figured the safest answer was the truth. At least Gibbs wasn't here. "I'm trying to think of a name for the main character in my book."

Kate's eyebrow arched. "You're writing a book?"

"Yeah, Kate, didn't you know? McGee's a writer, like Dean Koontz. Only geekier." Kate laughed.

"So, this, um, Jibbs, I assume is based on Gibbs?"

"Gee, Kate," said Tony sarcastically. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

McGee flushed a bright red. "I just, um, think that he'd be an interesting, you know, character." His eyes darted between his two colleagues. He knew that they wouldn't just let his go, they never did. But one could hope, right? "So, um, you have any… ideas?" He looked at Kate through his eyelashes, hoping that a cute puppy look would have the desired effect.

Kate smiled, this time only slightly mocking. "How about, Kibbs?" Her smile brightened.

Tony scoffed, while McGee just stared at her confused. "Why Kibbs?"

"Because," Tony stood up and crossed over to Kate. He was smiling, but it didn't look friendly. Actually it looked slightly territorial. "Kibbs is a combination of Kate and Gibbs. Our little girl here is telling us she has a crush on daddy." McGee wrinkled his nose at the analogy.

Kate smirked back. "Well, Gibbs is certainly sexier than you are." Tony chuckled in disbelief. She turned to the other man. "And I think it fits."

"Of course you do!" McGee slunk deeper into his chair, suddenly regretting bringing this conversation up. "Combining your names like that is just," Tony pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. "It's a declaration of your undying love for each other."

"You're just jealous 'cause I wouldn't come at you with a ten foot pole!"

"You're standing a foot away from me right now." Kate's smile fell a little. Tony's eyes widened as his mouth fell into an 'o.' He howled his laughter. "McWriter, if you want a name for your main character," he turned to the younger man. "I'd go with Tibbs."

McGee nearly fell out of his chair. The color disappeared from Kate's face. Tony continued as if he didn't even notice their reactions. Though he probably did, but was enjoying it too much. "It has a nicer ring to it than Kibbs."

It took nearly a full minute for Kate to get the words out. "Are, are you saying, that yo, you, like Gibbs?"

Tony just smiled, like it wasn't a big deal. "Well, like you said, he is kinda sexy." He took a step back, but stopped when Kate barked with laughter.

"I knew it! I knew you were trying to hard! All the stories about your conquests! I knew you were gay, you had to be."

"Well, actually, Kate, there is this thing called 'bisexual.' And for the record, all of my stories are completely true."


Tony paused as he contemplated that. "Well, ok, sometimes, I said it was a woman, when it was really a man, but for the most part." He shook it off like it was nothing.

McGee stared at them in shock. He couldn't believe just how easily Tony came out of the closet. Tony just admitted to thinking their boss was sexy. Their very male boss. Although it did explain Tony's constant desire for Gibbs' approval, but still, it was Tony,and Gibbs! Today's events just got a whole lot freakier.

"And you like Gibbs." Kate glared.

Tony glared back. "So do you."

She chuckled. "Yeah, but unlike you, I actually have a shot at him."

"Gibbs loves me." McGee couldn't believe what he was hearing. Were they really having this conversation? It was Gibbs!

"Oh please, he's like five seconds from firing you on a daily basis!"

Tony put up his index finger like she just proved his point. "But he doesn't, does he? 'Cause he likes having me around."

Kate shook her head in pity. "Tony, even, on the off chance that Gibbs was gay, you would still have no chance. Gibbs wants someone who's actually intelligent, and competent, who challenges him." Her smiled widened. "Like me."

"You telling me you're a man, Kate?" She smacked him in the arm. The arm that he just got shot in. McGee flinched for him. Tony groaned. "And if Gibbs really wanted intelligent, he'd date McGee before you." Kate glared. McGee almost fell over again.

Tony straightened up. "And if he's going to choose someone competent, he'd choose me before you." Kate scoffed. But that didn't deter the man. "Gibbs had to teach you basic investigative techniques. You're a profiler, big whoop, but if you're so great, how come you didn't realize Samantha King was a murderer? Doesn't sound very competent to me." McGee blanched. Some things were out of line when it came to Kate. How she screwed up with Samantha King, or Suzzanne McNeil, or… pretty much any way that Kate screwed up.

Kate looked like she was about to sucker punch him. But then she completely shocked both men when she just smiled sweetly. "I protected the President."

Tony smiled back, much to McGee's surprise. "I know. You only tell us that every single day. But you forget, Kate. I was there! And I climbed inside a body bag and got tossed onto the beltway for that damn case! You hit on the sexy federal agent!"

"Well what's so great about you? All Gibbs ever does is smack you. And he actually tucked me in when we were asleep in the squad room the other night." She smiled smugly, as if that just sealed her entire argument.

Tony made a baby face. "Aww, that's so cute. And it's not like it's something that your father would ever do for you, I mean, tucking someone in, that's reserved only for lovers."

Kate glared. Tony continued like nothing happened. "According to Abby, Gibbs was a wreck when I was on sick leave. I come back and he was still concerned with my well being."

"Have you taken a look in the mirror, Tony? You look like hell."

"Still look better than you do." Kate glared. McGee nearly smacked himself when he found himself mentally agreeing with Tony. He was seriously losing it working with these people. "And I am senior field agent, not you."

"Only because you've been here longer." Kate shook her head, as if her next thought upset her.
"And, ok, so you're a good investigator, but you're also juvenile, childish—"

"Those are the same things."

"Whatever! What could Gibbs possibly see in you?"

"Well what could Gibbs possibly see in you?"

"I'm a woman!"

"Is that really the best you got?" Tony shook his head.

"I have class."

"Well, yes, you proved that with your wet t-shirt contest win."

"I don't go around staring at every woman I meet!"

"Well, no, not a woman, but you do to men. Face it Kate, you're a total feminist hypocrite."

"You know guys, don't you think this is—"

"Butt out, McGee!" They both yelled in unison. McGee slunk back in his chair again. Tony was going for the throat. Any second now Gibbs would walk in and hear what they were talking about. And both of them would probably be out of a job.

"I don't flirt with witnesses!"

"No! You date suspects!"

"He was cleared!"

"He was part of the damn job!" McGee shook his head. Everyone on the floor was watching the two of them argue with each other. And what's worse, they probably knew what the argument was about.

"Who was part of the job?" McGee jumped. Where the hell did Gibbs come from? He hadn't heard the elevator, saw him coming. He just freaking appeared!

Kate and Tony stepped away from each other. "No one." Kate answered. She looked anywhere but at Gibbs. Apparently she finally learned how to act like an adult. All McGee could think was 'about damn time!'

Gibbs stepped between them and smacked Tony in the back of the head, harder than he normally did. Tony's head jerked forward as his face scrunched up in pain. Kate burst out laughing. "What was that for?" he asked indignantly.

Gibbs stepped into his personal space. "In less than a month, you got the damn plague, blown up, and shot! You ever do something that stupid again, and I'll kill you myself. Got it?" Tony looked like he was about to argue, probably about how it wasn't his fault for any of those things, but the look on his face stopped him in his tracks.

"Got it boss." Gibbs nodded.

"McGee!" The man in question jumped.

"Yeah boss?" The former sniper turned his glare to him. McGee quickly stood up, fighting the urge to fidget. Or run away.

Gibbs was silent a moment longer, just staring at the probationary agent. Finally he spoke. "I like Tibbs too." McGee toppled over. Kate's jaw dropped. Tony was left standing, smiling smugly.

Gibbs started walking towards the elevator again. "Grab your gear, I found the sniper's nest, and I'm sure it's Ari's. Time to go hunt the bastard down once and for all."

It took a second for two of the three of them to move. McGee was completely stunned. Surely, Gibbs didn't mean it the way he thought. It was Gibbs, after all. He probably agreed that it just sounded better than the others.

"Oh, and DiNozzo." He said as he reached the elevator.

"Yeah boss."

The next words were spoken as more of a whisper, so the rest of the floor didn't hear their conversation. "The next time you wanna tell the team that you're sleeping with the boss, just say it." He winked.

McGee dropped his bag just in time to catch Kate when she fainted.

If this sucked, in my defense, it's like after three in the morning, and I apologize, but I tend to do most of my writing late at night after my mom goes to sleep. Please review! And yet again, flames are welcomed here! As long as you don't bash Tony! He's mine and we Italians are very protective of what's ours! lol