A/N– Mua ha ha ha! Tremble in fear, for as I wait patiently for my betas to finish working on my latest two chapters of 'Rebirth of a Legend', I proudly pull from my deranged mind another work of muscle-fueled insanity for your entertainment!
Disclaimer- Nope, I don't own nothin' involved in this crack-fic. If ya try ta sue me, I promise that the only thing you'll get is a huge headache, as well as a raging sex-drive every time you look at peanuts!
WARNING! This fic is a work of oddness with complete and utter... Well, a lack of any sane thought, and bound to cause insanity, as well as severe cases of laughter where, if you are in a public place, will earn you many weird stares!
So, without further adieu, I present my latest act of insomnia-induced literary lunacy!
-Ninja Art of Manly Posing!-
The Raikage faced off against Sasuke, looking at the youth with a cold glare as he bandaged the bleeding stump of his arm, moving in front of the others as he prepared to face off against the Uchiha once again. "If you think my losing an arm will keep me from defeating you, guess again!" He snarled, getting ready to attack.
Sasuke snorted, crossing his arms as he returned the Raikage's glare disdainfully. "I am Uchiha, you don't stand a chance against my inherit greatness." He shot back loftily. "I have two of the ultimate jutsu, which only a Uchiha can use. You don't stand a chance against me. All those muscles, and you can't hope to match me, weakling." With that, he shot forward, charging a Chidori.
"Here he comes!" The Raikage thought, grimacing in pain.
"HALT!" The sudden, loud voice caught the two off guard, forcing Sasuke to leap back at the last second as two huge puffs of smoke erupted in front of an equally surprised Raikage. "Young man! Proclaimed a loud, commanding voice from the smoke-cloud to the left. "To insult the beauty of a well-muscled physique, when you yourself are nothing but a pale-skinned, anorexic child is beyond forgiveness! Prepare to be punished by the Muscle Gods!" The smoke suddenly blew away, revealing an incredibly tall, well-built man with hard blue eyes and bushy mustache, as well as a single golden lock of hair on his otherwise bald head, standing there with his arms crossed and wearing a military uniform.
"Yes!" Exclaimed a voice from the other cloud of smoke, heavily accented. "To insult such a build is an insult to bodybuilders everywhere!" The smoke blew away, revealing another tall, heavily-muscled man, wearing a snappy business suit, his long, honey-brown tresses falling about his shoulders."You must be... Terminated!"
"Prepare yourself!" The first man exclaimed, grabbing onto the front of his coat, ripping it away to reveal his rippling muscles, kneeling into an Atlas pose. "For you face the glorious physique of Alex Louise Armstrong, the Strong-arm Alchemist!" He exclaimed.
"Ahnd me, Govenah of Chalifonia, Arnold Alois Schwarznegger!" Schwarznegger yelled, ripping off his clothes to reveal his Olympian build and neon-green speedo, flexing his chest and triceps, standing just behind Armstrong with the backs of his hands almost touching one another. "We ah the Gods of Manly Posing! Look upon our puhfect bodies and despaih, puny little girhly man!" He exclaimed.
One of Sasuke's eyebrows began to twitch violently. "Do you think you can stand up to the might of the Uchiha? We are the elite. Amataratsu!" He exclaimed, his left eye beginning to bleed as the black flame formed and shot towards the two.
"HAH!" Armstrong exclaimed, standing up and raising his arms, flexing his chest and biceps as the flame splashed harmlessly against his bulging pecs, unable to withstand their flexile power. "Your puny little under-muscled attack stands no chance against the most perfectly built physique of the Armstrong Family!" He exclaimed haughtily.
In the meantime, Schwarznegger turned to the Raikage, looking at him. "I will restore your arm." He stated, flexing his butt-cheeks.
"Wh-" The Raikage started, his eyes widening from the sheer oddity of it all, when suddenly the stump of his left arm began to tingle, then the bandages blew away as his arms quickly reformed, huge iron bracer and all. "How?!" He yelled in wonder and shocked confusion, flexing the fingers of his new arm.
Schwarznegger smirked. "You ah a bodybuilder, ahnd we take care of our own." He replied, looking over his shoulder towards Sasuke. "Who is the puny little bahby ovah there?" He asked.
"That's Sasuke Uchiha, a wanted criminal." The Raikage growled, flexing ominously.
Armstrong twitched a bit at that. "What is a saucy uke?" He asked, his moustache bristling. "It sounds like something that is fundamentally evil!"
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched more prominatly. "He said SASUKE, not 'saucy uke'!" He snapped irritably.
Schwarznegger looked over his shoulder at the Uchiha. "Quiet! Feah my manly sex appeal!" He exclaimed, lifting his right hand and flexing his pinky finger.
"DAMN!" Sasuke swore, instantly calling up Susanoo as quickly as he could, his eyes widening as his ultimate defense barely withstood the manly assault. "What the hell?!"
Armstrong's eyes widened. "Indeed!" He exclaimed. "Look Arnold! It is the fabled Deus Ex Machina Plot Armor! Given only to those who are to weak to be able to really beat anyone themselves! To see a physical manifestation of it is rare indeed! His creator must like him very much!" He said, nearly laughing. "Little boy, your plot armor is indeed impressive, BUT IT CANNOT STAND AGAINST THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY ALCHEMY, PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!" He roared, slamming both of his fists into the ground, causing several huge statues of himself in various poses to spring up, instantly shattering Susanoo.
"What?!" Sasuke screeched, his eyes widening. "Damn you!" He snarled, gathering his chakra.
"It's useless!" Armstrong exclaimed as one of his statues near Sasuke suddenly punched out, cold-cocking the teen, who collapsed bonelessly to the floor.
Suigetsu, seeing his chance, stepped forward. "Ha!" He yelled. "I can become even more muscley than you!" He cried out as he suddenly bulged with muscles.
"Your puny fake muscles cannot stand against our manly physiques!" Arnold exclaimed, curling his left arm, causing Suigetsu to spontaneously pop like an over-filled water balloon.
"Finally!" Karin cheered.
"What shall we do with him?" The Raikage asked, motioning to Sasuke's prone form.
Armstrong and Schwarznegger looked at each-other, nodded, then looked back to the Raikage. "We do the triple super manliness pose of ultimate posiness. It is the only way to wipe a taint like his from existence." Armstrong replied. Getting a nod of consent from the Raikage, the three bodybuilders surrounded Sasuke, then struck various poses, causing Sasuke to simply disappear, never to be seen again.
"NOOO!!!" Kishimoto screamed, wearing a Darth Vader mask.
"Now then, good sir." Armstrong started, walking over to the Raikage and posing in a friendly manner. "We must return to our places in Bodybuilding Heaven, the True Home for Eternal Posers, but we shall return if you ever need us! So keep posing the good fight, my friend, and know that there will be a place of honor for you in the posing hall of fame when you finally pass on and come to us in Bodybuilding Heaven!" He exclaimed as he and Schwarznegger faded from view.
Raikage nodded grimly, flexing once in appreciation before turning, seeing everyone else there, staring at him with open shock. "What?" He asked, sweatdropping.
"I don't even want to know." Gaara deadpanned, turning and walking away, quickly followed by the others.
After everyone else left, Madara popped into existence. "Tobi is a good boy!" He exclaimed happily, eating a cup of banana pudding.
And everything was alright with the world.
A/N– Man I enjoyed writing that! *giggles madly, mind clearly gone*