"There's something about Seifer"

Written by:
Debbie (author of "Garden of Shadows")
Leanne (author of "A Dream to End the Fantasy")
Donna (author of "A Sacrifice")
Eric (author of "Pretty Magical Soldier Knights SeeD ")
Maggie (author of "Winds of Destiny")

Authors Note: (please read)
This story was originally a 'pass around' story. One person would start it off and someone else would continue it and so on. Well, this is what we came up with .....


Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin walked straight into Balamb Garden as if they owned the place. They kept their heads held high with cocky smirks on their faces. It was as if they were on some sort of mission. When people saw the trio, they would flee to clear their pathes...everyone knew that Seifer had some.....issues. ...issues mainly with his overwhelming need to be controlled by women and a collection of plush toys, but that's hardly the point.

At any rate, only one person did not avoid the trio, namely Selphie Tilmitt, who rushed up to them and said-"There you guys are! I need to ask you something!"

Fujin gave Selphie a withering stare. "DRESS UGLY. YELLOW NOT IN SEASON"

"Whatever, Miss Eyepatch as fashion accessory. Seifer, I'm tryin to raise money for the Garden Festival, and I decided to have a bachelor auction! Girls pay gil and the winner gets a date! Zell already said yes!"

Seifer thought about how little money Zell would bring in as Raijin yelled "I'll do it!"

Selphie ignored him. "Well, Seifer? If you're in on it the internet crowd might join in. You interested?"

"...interested? Are you kidding me? This is more of a Squally-affair!" Seifer replied without hesitation.

"Squall's thinking about! And maybe..." Selphie paused. "..maybe THIS could be your chance to really show him up!"

He raised his left eyebrow in a sudden spark of interest. "True, true...someone as damn sexy as me could
probably kick ass in that field of entertainment. When do we start?"

Seifer thought about it, then finally said "Sure! Just as long as I get part of the profit and I get to wear a thong!"

Selphie looked at him in amazement."You'll do it?? Great!! I guess I can give you 3%...and of course you can
wear a thong Seifer! The girls'll love it!"

Selphie ran off to do some more recruting. Fuujin just stared at Seifer and imagined him in a thong. She drifted
off into dreamland....

As Seifer and Selphie discuss their scheme, Quistis Trepe was grading tests upstairs. Now, while Quistis was considering the Festival, it was not to get a date with a man, but rather on her own money making attempts. "It's past time," she thought "for my Triple Triad parlor to come out of the basement and into the light." Now what Quistis needed was a scheme that would allow her to make a huge profit without kicking back twenty pecent to Cid and Edea for running the tables.

That was when Rinoa walked in.

"Hi Quisty!" Rinoa said cheerfully.

Quistis sighed heavily and looked up from her papers.
"..what do you want?"

"Just wondering something. I hope you're not planning on bidding for Squall at the auction because we all know
who's gonna win ANYWAY." she said while blistfully taking a seat in a nearby chair.

Quistis removed her glasses and smiled sweetly at Rinoa. "Oh dear thick-headed Rinoa, I have no interests in
Squall. I hear Seifer's gonna be there...in a thong!"


Rinoa sat up quickly. "...say again?"
Quistis chuckled lightly. "Seifer... in a thong."

They both sighed in dream like states just as Selphie burst through the classroom doors...

"they fell for it!" Selphie yelled.

"I heard!" said Quistis.

"Fell for what?"Rinoa asked.

"Dammit Rinoa! Don't you ever listen to a word I say??!!" Quistis said.

"ummm....yes? what was the question again?"

Both Selphie and Quistis sighed.

"Selphie and I had a plan to get back at the guys for....

...."for ruining the SeeD graduation."

"No kidding, eh?" replied Quistis. "I mean, Zell didnt even socialize, all he did was
eat his stupid hot dogs all night long!"

"And what about Irvine!" scoffed Selphie. "He just HAD to flirt with every single girl
there...not that i care, of course."

Rinoa and Quistis exchanged glances with raised eyebrows.

"I can't believe we're doing this!" said Rinoa rubbing her palms together,
"and with Seifer in a thong!"

The girls' evil laughter filled the room.

All of a sudden, Squall walks in...

"Squall!" Rinoa cried happily and rushed toward him. Quistis quickly grabbed
Rinoa's blue frock to hold her back. "Down girl."

"What are you guys doing?" Squall asked, slightly annoyed that his thoughts were interupted by a room of giggling girls.

"Oh we were just planning th- " Rinoa started, but Selphie clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Ahem, the festival! Right!" Selphie finished while exchanging a look with Quistis.

"Werr..caaddd..dofrf..toodsd.sawa.." Rinoa yelled under Selphie's hand [translation: "We can't do this to Squall!"] Quistis laughed. "hehe, shut up, Rinoa."

"What's she trying to say..?" Squall asked, more annoyed than ever.

Just then Seifer walks in...wearing nothing but a thong!


"What's going on in here?" asked Seifer.

"We're just planning for the festival! That's all!" said Quistis.

Seifer noticed Squall staring at his thong. Squall started to blush. Seifer was just about to say something to Squall when all of the sudden, headmaster Cid burst into the room.

"Can I be in the meat market too???" he asked eagerly.

"Well..." said Selphie.

*crickets began chirping in the background*

How ironic. 3 giggling girls, a red-faced SeeD, and a naked man wearing a thong ---and all eyes were on the headmaster.

"Uh.." began Seifer scratching behind his ear. "Quistis? mind if i borrow your whip for the bacholor auction?"

'count on Seifer to break the tension' Selphie thought wryly.

"NO! my whip is a weapon, not a dominatrix sex toy!"

"Well? Selphie? Am i in or what" said Cid.

All of a sudden, Zell burst into the room.

"Hey Squall, what do you think of this tho--" said Zell but he stopped when he noticed the room was full of people, and that Seifer was wearing the exact same thong as he was.

"Ahahahahha!!!" exploded Seifer while pointing and laughing at Zell. "Is that ALL? Haahaha! talk about your wet noodle!"

"My eyes!!!" Rinoa cried as she buried her face in Squall's feathery jacket.

"oh you're all so funny! har har!" Zell said sarcastically. "Anyway, Squall, what do you think?"

Squall stared wide-eyed at both Seifer and Zell.

"Hey! Selphie, I can be like them too!" Cid said suddenly and ran out of the room.

"God help us..." Quistis whispered.

"So Squall! I need an opinion here!" Zell persisted. Squall finally blinked and realised what he was looking at. "DAMNIT Zell!" quickly he grabbed Rinoa and used her as a sheild. "Hey! Don't make ME look! I -Aaaaaaaaaagh!!!" Rinoa screamed at the site of 'too much Zell' and fainted.

Suddenly, the doors slammed open and Cid stepped back in...

wearing a bright red thong just like Zell and Seifer's.

"See?? I can be just like them!" Says Cid excidedly.


Shudders are heard around the room and then everyone faints except for Squall. He's staring at Cid and blushing once again.

"Gee, I never knew I was so damn hot!"

Suddenly, Edea bursts into the room....

Ignoring Cid in his thong (which brings a tear to his eye), Edea said "We're in it up to our armpits! There's an army of superdeformed characters with infinitely superior design technology outside and they brought lawyers!"

"What are you talking about, Edea?" Squall asked. The others are reviving from their faint slowly...very slowly.

Edea shouts "Final Fantasy IX has been released in Japan! We were supposed to move out of here last month, and now they want the turf!"

"No!" Squall shouted. "We must fight for our Garden!"

"In thongs?" Quistis wondered.

(The men blushed furiously, except for Cid, who grinned)

Selphie struck one of her typically cute poses. "Squall's right! Its bad enough that practically every game magazine that reviewed us bitched that we werent as good as Final Fantasy VII, but now we're getting knocked off by a buncha medival goofs! And if I hear one more guy go on about Garnet being so cute I'm gonna go mushroom cloud!"

Squall rubbed his forehead. "Whatever. C'mon guys, let's go pick a fight"....

...which was when Xu walked in, carrying a whip. "Quistis, I wanted to return this..." she began, then noticed the crowd of men in thongs. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Why do you have Trepe's whip," Seifer sneered. It was getting a bit cold so Seifer had put on his long grey trench coat on top of his thongs.

Quistis glares at Seifer. "Are you implying something about me? That I carry a whip for a reason? That I'm one of those, you know what!"

"No," Seifer replied. "Just curious. But now that you mention it..."

"I was just borrowing it. Nida was getting fresh...hey, did you guys know there's a bunch of FFIX guys outside?"

"I'm not that kind of woman you know," Quistis said to no one.

It was then that Garnet walked into the room in the most drop dead sexy little black dress.

"So," Quistis sneered as she planted herself directly before Garnet, "I guess they've decided to use 'super-slut' as a new attack huh?"

Garnet simply stared at Quistis with the same dumb blank expression that she had in the Japanese Coke Commercial. Selphie then stepped forward and proceeded, "Yeah, I'm the only one here who's allowed to wear scandolously revealing dresses and get away with it!!"

"..Does this thong make my butt look big," Zell suddenly asked from behind, "I mean, honestly...you can tell me the truth."

Squall placed his hand on his forehead and muttered "Shut up Zell."

It was then that Seifer decided to...

...go back down to Balamb to go fishing. "This is getting too surreal for me," he said, leaving.

"But does my butt look big?" Zell whined.

"Yes," Selphie said.

"Does that mean you actually look at my butt then?" Zell asked.

"It's kinda hard to miss," Xu interjected.

"Superslut?" Garnet asked. "Well, maybe it is, maybe not. But I'm here, as the official royal representative of FFIX, to ask you to please vacate these premises at once for us! Its our time now!"

Which was when Cloud Strife walked into the room...

...wearing a thong.

"oh my GOD!" said Squall incrediously! "alright, everyone get out of the dorm! out out OUT!!!"

"sheesh, what a grouch..." someone said, and everyone left the room

squall was too tired for all this nonsense. he changed, and got into bed.

"hmmm.."he thought. "maybe i really should participate and wear a thong with the other guys..." he felt kinda left out. maybe he could find a red one like seifer and zell. then, squall went to sleep in a dreamless fit.


the next day, squall decided to go along and wear a thong like the other guys.

"maybe i have one under my bed" thought squall. he bent over and began searching under the bed for a thong.

suddenly, seifer walked into his room.

"well well well...isnt THIS an inviting view" said seifer reffering to Squall's butt in the air. He smelt suspiciously alot like alcohol and not fish.

"Aargh!" yelled squall when seifer slapped his butt.

Then Xu ran in.

"you guys you guys!!! the FFIX characters are back!"

"but today's the day of the auction!"

"what do we do?"

"...I say screw them! I'm in a thong man!" Seifer yelled. "Yes and I'm sure that would probably scare them all away..." Xu said with a silent chuckle. Just then Selphie walked in, "Xu! They said they only came to auction!!!"

"Really? No war?"


"Yep! I knew that Garnet chick couldn't resist me!" Zell said walking boldy into the room.

The room exploded with laughter.

Hours later, the SeeD men were lined up on stage preparing for the so-called-auction. Among them were: Squall in a thong accessorized with his 2 studded belts, Zell in a red thong and his matching red gloves, and Seifer in his red thong and a whip (which he had 'borrowed' from Quistis when she wasn't looking).

"So when does the bidding start?" asked Seifer eagerly.

"Yea...when?...soon?..." all the guys asked.

"...well," Quistis said with a most wicked smile. "It doesn't."

"Huh? What's she talking about"? the crowd of half-naked men murmered.

Swiftly, Quistis took the mic in her hand while Selphie and Rinoa took out the water hoses. "Attention, boys! We have a new game! It's called 'Get out, or we'll fire!" she said pointing to Selphie and Rinoa.

"Now what the hell is this?" Seifer demanded. "Is this about your whip? Here take it back!" he said thrusting it toward her.

"Why thank you, Seifer!" Quistis said with a most serene smile. "Now we have a dominatrix toy to help us!"


The many thong-wearing men ran outside into the cold weather. All the girls and the ff9 characters roared with laughter. "Jokes over! Let us back in!" Zell whined.

"tch! Yea right!" Selphie yelled to them. "We'll let you in as soon as we feel you've learned your lesson!" and with that, the doors were slammed shut.

"Well this is super..." Squall sighed leaning against a rock. Of course, Squall and Seifer weren't cold because of their 'manly' backgrounds, but everyone else was freezing their asses off! They had to get back in...

...but how?

"Great, just great," muttered Squall under his breath, "This is all YOUR fault, Seifer."

"Shut up, puberty boy," retorted Seifer instantly wishing he had his gunblade with him - someone deserved another scar.

"We need to think of a plan and work together!" Squall called out to the group of men.

"Hmmm...why don't we..."

Well that's what we have so far! heheh, basically the story was passed from person to person. The course of the story was ALWAYS changed! We never knew which way it was gonna turn!

-Debbie (also webmaster of Gunblader [FFVIII shrine])
-Leanne (also webmaster of Rinoa's Relm)
-Donna (also webmaster of Simply Selphie)
-Eric (also webmaster of Final Delusions)
-Maggie (also webmaster of r e d -a tribute to treble charger)