Disclaimer: Don't own, please don't sue. Don't have money. Or anything else, really. Warnings: Slash
Derek Morgan carries in him more scars than he can count. So does Spencer Reid.
Morgan is a protective person. He fiercely protects everyone and everything dear to him. This is a side-effect of having lost so much, and he holds on to what he has now with a certain desperation that is curious to watch. He coddles Garcia, is defiantly loyal to Hotch, watches over JJ and Prentiss with care, respects Rossi, and... loves Reid.
Every morning, as he lays in bed and stares at Reid's sleeping face, he can't help the sharp spike of pain that lances through his heart at the mere thought of losing him. Reid doesn't seem to get the point, though, doesn't see the anguish Morgan goes through whenever he is in danger. The kid is a magnet to every evil lurking in the darkness, almost calling out to danger. Morgan's heart cannot take any more.
His father meant everything to him. He would sit on his lap and be regaled with stories of the police force and the endless war between good and evil. He would feel the warmth spread in his chest when goodness won. And he was so proud that his father was part of the cause. His father fought monsters... and won. He was his hero.
When that was ripped from his life, he stood there, the man of the household, the caretaker. He was strong, never letting a moment of weakness slip through, doing what was required of him with clarity and precise effectiveness.
Inside, he died a little that day.
Buford was his way out.
Carl promised him a better life, a way to make it to a place of prosperity and peace. A way to make his mom and sisters proud of him, a way to make something of himself.
He lost more than he ever gained.
Morgan never wanted to look back at those days when he hated looking at his reflection in the mirror. All it whispered back to him was "failure, idiot, whore."
He washed himself clean of his past. He was SSA Derek Morgan now, a vital member of the BAU, a profiler in his own right.
It still hurt. The years of abuse, the pain, the aching feel in the pit of his stomach.
Spencer Reid was his angel, his reason for being.
Never once did he treat him different, even after Chicago. Spencer loved him, held him in times of trouble and poured soothing balm into his gaping wounds. He loved purely and innocently, a love born of hope and fear.
Spencer Reid chased away Derek Morgan's demons.
Pity he would not allow Morgan to chase his away.