"No!" Rose's fists hammered against the sterile white wall separating the parallel universes. "Bring me back! Bring me back…" she repeated in a whisper, her hand caressing the wall. She held her breath. She could still feel him! A faint reflection of his energy. Fading so fast. She wanted to hold on to it, embrace it, fill the void in her heart. 'The void,' she thought. 'Would have been better.'
Anything would have been better - anything but the emptiness. She sank down, head on her knees and gave in to the pain as tears streaked down her face. She pushed Pete's comforting hands away and rolled into a tight ball at her mother's embrace. She could not face them, could not bear them – not yet. They took him away from her. Right now there was only pain – throbbing pain grabbing and pulling every fiber of her heart. A part of her was amazed her body could survive with a heart destroyed, but she could feel it. Softly under all the pain, beating steadily as if to mock her. She willed it to stop.
She woke up to the pain – hot, all consuming pain tearing her heart apart with every breath. She was still breathing, her brain registered, but it didn't bother to send a signal for her eyes to open. 'What's the point?' She would never see him again.
She could hear movement, some whispered voices, but her ears refused to transmit the information to her brain. "What for?' She would never hear his voice again.
Somebody pulled the blanket up to her chin – the fabric scratched her chin. 'What's the point?' She would never feel his coat brush her cheek when he embraced her.
Rose allowed the pain to take over – dull her thoughts into numbness. It would not work on her heart, she knew, but she hoped to turn her mind off. She longed to slide into the unconsciousness luring with its promise of no pain.
Everything ends, Sarah Jane's voice demanded her attention on the edge of her mind. Rose squeezed her eyes shut tight trying to push the words out. Everything has its time, Sarah Jane added, sounding so sad. Not as sad as I am now, Rose's mind fought back. I thought it would never end; we would be the exception – for once. Not so much for her, but for his sake. But no - time or faith or whatever you want to call it was too jealous of their happiness. They intervened punishing them with the cruelest life sentence.
'Just leave me alone,' Rose thought.
The cobwebs wavered in promising relief – a chance to forget. Numbing all feelings, all pain until her life light was extinguished. It didn't matter any more – nothing mattered any more.
'Pain and loss define us as much as love and happiness-' Sarah Jane's voice didn't give up. Another memory from her old world – his world now. 'Maybe he will travel back and you can grab him. Be his companion again,' she thought bitterly. 'With me out of the way now!' Rose willed the numbness to drown her, but Sarah Jane's face kept swimming into focus. Sarah Jane had made her decision and the Doctor had respected it. Rose knew she was being unfair, but why didn't she stop bothering her?
'The universe has to move forward,' the voice said in a tone of good-bye.
'Just like the Doctor,' Rose thought, pain soaring through her heart and she opened her eyes with a gasp.
She was alone in a strange room – good. She still wasn't ready to face them yet, but she knew what she had to do. All she needed was a bit more time, to feel stronger to be able to pretend she was going to be fine. Not for her or her family's sake, but for his. For him, she would not give up. She would find a way – any way to get back to him, even if it took all her life. She would move forward like the Doctor. Forward to the moment when she would meet him again.
If there was one thing she had learnt from him – it was not to give up. He wouldn't either if he thought there was the slightest chance to get together again.
Rose sat up and threw the blankets away. 'It's time to face the truth,' she thought. 'I'll never be with you in your universe, but I'll make sure I find a way to be with you in mine."