Instrumental Overture begins as the title credits roll on the screen…

House! The Musical, or "Once more with Tapeworms!"

(First Number: "Going to the Clinic")

We cut to Greg House walking around in the Clinic, obviously bored out of his mind, and wishing desperately for a one-handed monkey with a bottle of Motrin to take his place. His cane is gone, obviously the Ketamine worked.

House:

Every single day

The same arrangement

Gotta earn my pay, her way

Still, I always feel the strange estrangement

mouth the same old spiel, this just isn't right!

~%$%~

I've been hiding in a room, playing my yo-yo

Just hoping no one knows

That I've been going to the clinic

Not even playing my part

I just hope she doesn't check my charts!

~%$%~

Clinic's always stupid, and kind of pointless

Now it's just way too bor-ing

Even near the grave

Your moronic case, doesn't mean a thing

~%$%~

Nurse:

Missing cane thing.

~%$%~

House:

Thanks for noticing.

~%$%~

Dancing Nurses:

He just marks time, waiting for the bell

But lately, we can tell

That he's just going to the Clinic (Going to the Clinic)

Facing it somehow

~%$%~

Patient as House injects him in a sensitive spot of the anatomy:

He's not even half the doc he...ow.

~%$%~

House:

Will I have this duty forever?

This is hardly my life's endeavor?

~%$%~

Patient:

How can my co-pay…

~%$%~

House:

Whatever.

I don't want to be-e-e-e-e

going to the Clinic

losing all my drive

I just need a case

to really interest me

and my mind n-e-e-e-e-d-s

to Revive!

As House finishes singing his number, his arms still upraised, the nurses and patients in the clinic burst into applause. There is a terrified expression on his face as he realizes what just happened. He desperately starts walking toward his office.