Instrumental Overture begins as the title credits roll on the screen…

House! The Musical, or "Once more with Tapeworms!"

(First Number: "Going to the Clinic")

We cut to Greg House walking around in the Clinic, obviously bored out of his mind, and wishing desperately for a one-handed monkey with a bottle of Motrin to take his place. His cane is gone, obviously the Ketamine worked.


Every single day

The same arrangement

Gotta earn my pay, her way

Still, I always feel the strange estrangement

mouth the same old spiel, this just isn't right!


I've been hiding in a room, playing my yo-yo

Just hoping no one knows

That I've been going to the clinic

Not even playing my part

I just hope she doesn't check my charts!


Clinic's always stupid, and kind of pointless

Now it's just way too bor-ing

Even near the grave

Your moronic case, doesn't mean a thing



Missing cane thing.



Thanks for noticing.


Dancing Nurses:

He just marks time, waiting for the bell

But lately, we can tell

That he's just going to the Clinic (Going to the Clinic)

Facing it somehow


Patient as House injects him in a sensitive spot of the anatomy:

He's not even half the doc he...ow.



Will I have this duty forever?

This is hardly my life's endeavor?



How can my co-pay…




I don't want to be-e-e-e-e

going to the Clinic

losing all my drive

I just need a case

to really interest me

and my mind n-e-e-e-e-d-s

to Revive!

As House finishes singing his number, his arms still upraised, the nurses and patients in the clinic burst into applause. There is a terrified expression on his face as he realizes what just happened. He desperately starts walking toward his office.