A/N: This is a companion to the Glacier trilogy, you can read it after Dragon, or Reason. It's from Cuddy's point of view.

She walked around in a daze…

someone had said…

He…was… dead…

It was a lie…

He… can't … die…

She worked all day, pretending not to notice the sad looks everyone gave her…

She smiled at patients, and nurses…

She was fine…

She sat in her office doing paperwork… waiting for…

Him... to come…

To slam her door open…larger than life…

Demanding a brain biopsy on…

His... patient…

The day went on …her door never flew open…

She sat, and waited… for…

Him…

to come…

to say naughty things to her

to drive her crazy with frustration...

He… never…came…

Her phone rang and rang…

She couldn't hear it…

She was waiting… for…

Him

The sun had gone down… her office was dark…

She waited still…

He… never… came…

Lucas came… and found her…

She sat staring… at her office door just waiting… for…

Him… to come…

He … never… came…

Lucas shook her shoulders gently and called her name but…

She couldn't hear Lucas…

She was listening… for…

Him…

…listening for…

His cane…

….waiting… for…

Him… to come…

Wilson came…

Wilson's eyes … red rimmed … full of sorrow… and anger…

Wilson shouting her name…

Wilson shaking her…

Wilson saying …

You don't care!…

He...is… dead…

It's… your …FAULT…

Get over yourself!

Go home to your baby… your boyfriend!

She didn't hear Wilson…

She was waiting… for…

Him …to come…

He …never…came…

Wilson was crying on her office couch but…

She didn't hear Wilson…

She was waiting… for…

Him… to come…

He…never… came…

Lucas, put Rachel on her lap…

She felt Rachel's little baby hand on her face…

She looked into Rachel's sweet baby eyes…

She hugged… Rachel's sweet babyness …tight to her chest…

She smelled … Rachel's innocent baby smell, and…

She heard…

She heard…

Wilson crying…

She heard… the words Wilson said…

She heard the voice…on the phone…

He… is… dead…

She heard it all…

And then…

She saw…saw the sad looks… in everyone's eyes…

She saw … the blame…the anger… in Wilson's eyes… but most of all…

She saw… her door…

the door…

HE … would … never… come… through… again…