Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Been a while since I updated, please forgive me. I hope you like this chapter. It took a while to write. Read and review if you feel like it! Thanks x
Edward Cullen sat at the kitchen table; shoulders slumped with his elbows connected to the smooth wooden surface. He closed his Topaz eyes and inhaled deeply. He then exhaled and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. All he could smell was her. Out of all the aromas that surrounded him, he seemed to always find hers and focus on that only. It wasn't even a habit, it was a subconscious need. It was the only part of her he could freely indulge in without pushing her away. It was also the cause of his torment and torture.
He was very good at pretending he was as stony in the inside as his indestructible exterior. That the mere idea of love and a mate were trivial, that no such thing existed for him. He'd lived years wishing for it until he gave up on it. And with that, he gave up the last remaining piece of who he was. He turned his back on what humanity he had left and walked the path of a superior mindless being.
Emotions were messy and the notion of a mate for every vampire ceased to make sense to him. He became an unrestrained mad man. He walked the earth and did as he pleased. His moral compass was broken and wherever he walked he left a trail of dripping blood.
What was there to a man who turned into a beast- willingly? Havoc was where he found peace.
On a path he would walk, and what life he encountered fled in terror. The rhythmic sound of his steps would send a warning signal- something sinister this way comes. It had always been that way, Edward and his shadow.
He would stand, from a distance, as a silent observer of what once was a frame he belonged to. Humanity, he was so far gone he wouldn't recognize it even if he were to turn human again. So, he stood and observed, with cold empty eyes, the frame of humanity he would eventually break and burn in the dead of night.
"Stop thinking about your past."
Edward let out a hollow chuckle, tilting his head lightly in the direction of the sing-song voice that belonged to his sister "And I thought I was the mind reader."
"You're not as unreadable as you think, brother." Said Alice Cullen, smirking lightly at Edward and sitting in the empty chair across from him.
They both sat in silence, content to just share the same space. No words were really needed to be exchanged. Alice had a knack of appearing just as he was on the abyss of falling into his old ways, it was seldom a coincidence and Edward was well aware of that.
"You can't fight fate. It's poetic really, once it's set in stone, everything has a beautiful way of coming together. A human cannot fix that which they deem unfixable. But we can. "
Edward looked at the empty chair across from him, his eyes focused on one spot while his mind wandered in the realm of possibilities. Alice was never one for idle comfort chit chat, there was always some deeper meaning to her words. Something, she would keep hidden by physically disappearing before he ever had the chance to read it from her thoughts directly; a temporary immunity to his gift of mind reading. He would eventually know though, he knew everything about everyone. He only ever needed to listen to the words they didn't utter.
Except with her.
Fate, indeed, was poetic.
Pain was all Bella could feel, lying on a bed not her own and home that wasn't a home. She was confused, which added all the more to her pain. How was she ever going to carry on existing if all she felt was utter emptiness and despair? She looked at her life with bleak eyes and gave up. She had given up before and tried to help herself, tried to take the pain away, tried and failed. Was there a reason to that? What did she ever do to deserve this constant pain? She thought of herself as a highly moral person, helped when help was needed and stood up for those being put down by mindless ignorant hearts. She was a good daughter, at least she thought she was, and tried to take the good and the bad of life one step at a time. She had dreams, hopes and desires that will never surface. She was truly alone and isolated, in a small room in her mind, slowly burning away.
She sat on the window seat, staring out into the cloudy sky. Suddenly, the necklace around her neck felt too heavy, the socks on her feet too warm and the air she breathed too suffocating. She yanked her chain off and threw it across the room. The weight was still there, threatening to break her neck. She looked down at her palms and screamed. Bella's eyes fluttered open. She was on the window seat, staring into a cloudy sky. She moved to pinch herself; the dull pain in her forearm reminded her gently that this time around she wasn't stuck in a nightmare. She had drifted off.
"What is it you see, in your dreams?" It was a deep soothing voice, so melodic and serene; it filled her heart with comfort and peace. Bella turned her head to stare at beautiful topaz eyes; she smiled, knowing no harm would befall her, absolute in her trust.
"This is never how I feel, are you doing this to me?" her mind prevailed over her body, no matter how natural it is to feel the way she was feeling now, she knew it wasn't her. It couldn't be.
"My name is Jasper Whitlock. I don't believe we've had the pleasure to meet properly." Said the blonde vampire with a courteous nod from the armchair he was currently occupying.
"Is this an ability of yours?" asked Bella, turning her head to continue staring out her window.
"Mmh." She hummed in acknowledgement.
"What are you afraid of?" Jasper asked and she closed her eyes as another wave of calm washed over her.
"Why, asks the crocodile."
"I can feel what you feel."
"But I can't turn it off."
"I'm here to help."
"If that's what you wish."
"Take this away."
It was an odd moment. Where her peace turned to the nothingness she was used to. He left taking what he brought away per her request; she knew she was back alone.
Minutes turned to hours as she stared at nothing in particular. The day turned into night and soon sleep would take her into a world no worse than this. Where was there to escape?
She stood up, stretching the muscles she hadn't used all day. The burning sensation was a welcomed distraction from her constant dark cloud. But, it was that prickling sensation again that alerted her of his presence.
She didn't turn around; she just froze where she was, still looking out the window. He didn't really come to see her at all after that night. She still wondered if it had been a dream, because it was so surreal to her. He seemed almost human. Everything was so inverted from the way it was meant to be, she didn't really care for it to be anything anyway. She didn't really care at all.
But that was a lie.
Her heart betrayed her announcing her awareness of his presence. She could completely shut off, but her heart would always give her away. She hated how exposed she was to him, how he could tell just by the beat of her heart how she felt. She knew he noticed all the little things, how his eyes were always on her trying to interpret everything she did. He probably got enough intel on her to write a book about her. Not that anyone would read it she thought cynically.
"I brought you some frozen yoghurt with mixed nuts. You haven't eaten all day." Came his voice from right over her left shoulder. She could smell his sweet breath and feel his closeness radiate off her skin. Something that would have stopped her heart if it could physically happen- and she was convinced that at some point it would happen to her- caused the contrary to occur. She clutched the fabric of her blouse- right over her heart as she felt it, gradually, slow down. It was almost as if his closeness comforted her.
Bella, wide eyes and dazed, turned around slowly and looked up into a pair of toffee dreamy eyes. "Huh?" She let out in a whisper- so caught up in Edwards's hypnotic gaze she didn't even notice their close proximity. Her brain was completely somewhere else, trying to process the bizarre event that just transpired emotionally, until her eyes met his and she was caught up somewhere else completely.
Edward, just as hypnotized by her eyes as she was by his, brushed his knuckles softly on the smooth skin of her cheek bone. They almost ghosted over her skin, until his need to make contact with her, in any way possible, won over his fear of frightening her. He knew he had done enough damage and needed to tread carefully now.
She surprised the both of them when she closed her eyes in reaction to his touch almost instantly, her head tilting ever so slighting into it.
Edward was sure if he had a beating heart it would rock the very earth they stood on with its every beat. His eyes turned to liquid topaz as he engraved her face in that moment into his memory. Something different took place today, something shifted.
Bella opened her eyes with a snap and took two hasty steps back, almost losing her balance. Her body took control over her mind and it scared her to the core "Is this Jasper's doing, is he making me feel this way?"
"He is out hunting." Said Edward shortly. He handed her the brown paper bag with the yoghurt and she took it muttering a 'thank you' absentmindedly. His words were playing over and over again in her head. It made no sense at all unless his ability worked over long distances. Maybe this was another dream; maybe she had dozed off again. This couldn't be real, she couldn't want for him to be around, nevertheless want him to be close to her and actually touch her. She backed slowly into the window seat with the paper bag held awkwardly on her lap. It had to be a dream; she wasn't capable of feeling anything but deep hopelessness and emptiness. Her mind knew that even when her emotions were being controlled. So the way she was feeling now- the way she was not feeling now- had to be a dream. A dream where Edward for once wasn't her tormentor and had actually brought her one of her favorite treats, could it be? She never knew the difference between dreams and reality, but this couldn't possibly be reality.
"What is the meaning of this? Is this real, I can't tell the difference anymore." Bella said tiredly, brining her hands up to massage her temples.
Edward walked over to the armchair and took a seat. He was quite for a long time " Your yoghurt will melt, I suggest you have it now."
Bella glanced quickly at where Edward was seated and looked down at the bag. She slowly opened it and took out the yoghurt container, her stomach happily rumbling at the sight of it. She took the plastic spoon and brought a spoonful of the contents to her lips. The familiar taste and feeling that that one spoon invoked in her made her hands tremble as she took another and another.
This was definitely not a dream. She simply knew and she was not prepared to think about it and dissect all that had happened. She was too tired for that now, she was exhausted.
She put the empty container in the brown paper bag. Her grip on it was so strong the paper ripped where she was holding it. She wasn't thinking of anything except Edward, sitting on the armchair beside her, and Edward shifting to sit on the window seat next to her.
He gently took the paper bag out of her trembling hands and put it on the floor.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked softly, his voice giving her Goosebumps. Bella didn't know what to think, her thoughts overloaded and crashed before she could even process anything. But he was the zebra of her thoughts now, he was right there, asking her a sure 'No' question. Why was she hesitating?
"I'm tired." She crossed the distance to the bed, as shaky in the inside as she was on the outside, and buried herself under the covers. She felt drained, as if all the energy in her body and mind was sucked dry. Maybe this was all a dream after all?
She drifted off almost instantly, fully aware of leaving his question unanswered, fully aware of not having said 'No'.
I hope you Enjoyed this chapter. =)