AN: This is in response to all the homophobic reviews some friends of mine got. It is also in response to all the homophobes who READ slash fanfiction. If you don't like it then why the hell are you reading it? Here's what my boys think of you and your homophobic attitudes.
To Each His Own
For the FicFource writers: DK, WF4, and Sera
Shawn Michaels and John Cena were in one corner of the break room acting silly while Vince McMahon was giving a speech about Monday Night Wars. Whenever Vince wasn't looking, he would pinch Cena on the ass. Cena of course, couldn't do anything about it because he didn't want to get him or Shawn in trouble.
"Well…I think that's all," Vince explained. "Oh and Shawn, stop pinching Cena's ass. If you don't people will start thinking things about you two," he winked before engaging his staff into conversation about taking down the competition.
"Oh they already do," Teddy snickered. "Shawn Cena…It kinda has a nice ring to it."
"No more than Randiase," Cena retorted back.
"Naa…I think he means 'Centon'," Cody smirked.
"Oh please," Shawn grinned. "Centon's a lot hotter than 'Codiase'."
At this Cody frowned. "Whatever man," he mumbled.
"Oh come on guys. It's not that serious," Randy laughed. He was late for the meeting and just did make his way in the room before Vince could spot him.
"It is serious Randall!" Cody said hotly. "People in the internet community think we're all gay."
"Um…isn't wrestling just slightly gay anyway?" Kofi reasoned. "I mean come on. We're all hot, half naked men rubbing our bodies against each other in the ring 4 nights a week. Can't get any queerer than that!"
"Oh you would be the voice of reason," Cody spat. "You don't even have a name spliced pairing yet."
"So what?" Kofi shrugged. "Shawn's been paired with possibly every known wrestler to date, including gross people like JBL and he's not bothered by it."
"That's because Shawn wants people to think he's gay." Hunter made his way towards them stopping only to plant a kiss on Shawn's cheek. "Hey beautiful. How was your weekend?"
Shawn grabbed Hunter drawing him in for a quick kiss on the lips. "It was great. I took Cena bowling."
"Oh gross!" Cody exclaimed. "How could you guys do that?!"
Shawn just rolled his eyes. "Dude. You have got to lighten up! Hunter and I did this all the time when DX was rated 'R' circa 1997. We don't do it now because we don't want to scare little homophobes like you…and kids…tho kids are so gay these days.
"Shawn! Focus!" Hunter scolded.
"Right. So um…times have changed and this is a gay world we live in. DX likes to cater to all. Besides, Hunter and I have an understanding. We're best friends who like to walk the fine line. You my friend need to lighten up a bit."
"Yeah but…it doesn't bother you at all that people like Dark Kaneanite, wrestlefan4, Sera…Seraphalexiel and…and that Shawn's Angel something or nother is slashing you up? They even pair you with Bret! Your mortal enemy!"
Shawn snorted before he doubled over with laughter in Cena's arms. "I..I can't…"
"Calm down Sexy Boy," Cena laughed. "He can't help it if he doesn't know the real story behind you and Bret."
"What? Did I miss something?" Cody asked.
"Cody my man, listen here," Randall said. "These people that write about us in the fanfiction world are just having some fun. It's not like what they're writing is directly effecting us. I'm married. My lovely wife reads fanfiction and gets a laugh out of it. Shawn has a lovely wife and so does Hunter. Both women know that what they do on screen is for show. It's their 'characters' and DX's motto is 'you make the rules and we break 'em'. Society says being a homo is wrong so DX crosses that line and in turn they have legions of fans – both gay and straight. It's just good business and it's all in good fun. No harm Coddles," he teased.
"Tsk. Well let's see you justify this," Cody snapped. He pulled out his I-Phone and quickly pulled up the term 'Hardycest'. "Explain this. There are people who write fics about Matt and Jeff being…being lovers," he shuddered. "That's so wrong."
"Did somebody say Hardy?" Matt asked. He pushed his way through the group, his brother standing behind him.
"'Sup guys. Why so serious?" Jeff asked.
"Oh just trying to get Cody to lighten up. I think he came across some fanfiction and it has him all homophobic and such."
"Fanfiction. That's some scary stuff," Mark laughed.
"Mark! How do you know about fanfiction?" Cody asked.
"I met this fan at a bar once. She bought me a drink and asked me about fanfiction. Of course, me being old and technologically challenged, I had no idea what fanfiction was until she told me. I spit my beer out that night. It was damn good beer too."
"So…so did it make you mad?"
Mark shrugged. "I was a little creeped out about it at first but whatever keeps them watching. To each his own I say. It's not like it's ruining my life and if anything, I'll have something to scare me after I retire. I just might read a few and have some laughs…or really bad nightmares."
"Naa Mark. You're often paired with Sexy Boy here. How can you have a nightmare about him?" Cena asked.
"Is that your way of saying you want a piece of me John?" Shawn teased.
"Oh gawd. You all are so…it's incest dammit!" Cody huffed. "That's wrong!"
Matt and Jeff just shook their heads. "Cody…listen here honey. It's not REAL. It is MAKE-BELIEVE. It's FANTASY!" Jeff joked.
"And if they want to fantasize about me and my brother then fine," Matt shrugged. "We can't help it if we look good."
"Well…I don't mind the writing part, but…why can't they pair us with women? Like the Divas perhaps?"
At this Randy just snorted. "Dude. Have you read any of those hetero fics?"
"My wife said they suck," Hunter answered. "I mean big time. All the really good writers are slash writers. And you know what? I'm willing to bet my wife gets ideas from them. Shawn, that JBL…"
"Uh…let's not talk about that," he mumbled.
"And now that you mention it, Shawn you and Chris…"
"Shut it Hunter!"
"But not all the hetero fics are bad." Nattie had been listening to the convo and made her way towards the group. "It's just most of them are really cliché.:
"What you mean?" Cody asked.
She shook her head. "Cena and Trish. So lame. Or how about Jericho and Stephanie? So ten years ago."
"Hey! I resent that! What assclown thinks it's funny pairing me up with Hunter's wife? I'd much rather have my wrestlefan4…er…Jeri. She's hotness."
"Yeah and um…I love my wife," Shawn started. "But I'm thinking of asking her can we keep my Guardian Angel as a pet. I'd love to—
"Shawn!" Nattie laughed. "TMI blondie! Besides, the stories about you and Bret are the best."
"I bet they are," he grumbled.
"I don't know about you guys, but Glen and I want DK. She's amazing!" Mark added.
"Oh can't forget about Sera," Matt added.
"Oh back off losers. Sera is MINE MINE MINE!" Adam screamed.
"Oh you guys are…I'm leaving!" Cody grumbled.
"Cody, as your boss I'm telling you to get over it." Vince was now making his way theorugh the crowd frowning at Cody. "It's not that serious and everyone knows, it's all about the money. If the fangirls want slashy moments then I will keep purposely making Randy and Cena look queer, Shawn and Hunter look like lovers, Jericho and Show look like a new budding couple, and Cena as a hurt lover for Shawn if I have to. You…you bring it on your self too Cody," Vince growled. "You don't wear kneepads showing off your girly looking knees and you're always touching Teddy. Tell me how that doesn't make you look queer?" Cody merely blinked before his face heated up. "That's what I thought. Now all of you, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND GET TO WORK! AND IF I HEAR THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN ABOUT ANY OF YOU BEING HOMOPHOBES, I'LL PUT YOU IN A GAY STORY LIKE I DID BILLY AND CHUCK AND MAKE YOU MARRY BEFORE THE ENTIRE WORLD ON THE NEXT SMACKDOWN!"
"Billy and Chuck?" Cody asked.
Randy took him by the arm and led him out in the hall. "They were homophobes too until Vince cured them. I'll tell you all about it as we drive."
The End...For now...
AN: Nothing like the wrath of Vince McMahon. So…that being said, to all you homophobic writers, get over yourself. We slash writers are very aware that most of these men are married but no one REALLY knows if they are completely straight. And the reason most of us tend to stick to slash is because the WWE purposely make gay innuendos every week. I dare you to argue me otherwise.
DK, Sera, and Jeri, thanks for being good sports. When someone steps up as a hetero writer that can write half as good as us, maybe we'll be more inclined to listen to what they have to say but until then, TO EACH HIS OWN and SLASH FTFW!
P.S. I can write hetero too; i just choose not to. And to my friend Cerebral Princess, this was NOT a knock at you. :)