"So what do you plan to do if you're discovered?"

Yuki looked up at the girl with a puzzled look upon her face. There was no way that such a simple race would suspect her, so it was entirely pointless to worry about it.

There was no reason to think about it. There was no reason to worry. Everything would all fall into place as it always did.

"You need to come up with a more tactful persona for yourself," Ryoko continued to lecture. "If you go down there like that, what are they going to think? They're going to think you're nuts, that's what they're going to think."

"Yeah," Yuki laughed. "But everyone thinks I'm nuts already. So I'll fit in perfectly on the surface.

Ryoko sighed. This mission would be completely pointless if their commander wasn't even willing to go through with the operation. She understood Yuki's hesitation for infiltrating the school, but it simply had to be done. It was her duty to fix the wrongs that she was responsible for.

Yuki Nagato was a very thin girl with a head of lavender colored hair. It was often quite messy and in complete disarray. She never took very good care of herself, and this often shined through in her disposition. Though many of the men on the ship found her attractive on a purely physical level, there was nothing in the manner in which she held herself that would suggest any sort of authority. She just seemed like a lost little girl in a world filled with overly serious adults.

Ryoko Asakura, on the other hand, was entirely uniform. She simply reeked of authority. Her long blue hair ran all the way down her back, making her seem more feminine and lady-like than Nagato. This was further complimented by her soft features, including a pair of aqua blue eyes that perfectly matched the shade of her hair. In comparison, Nagato's simple brown eyes just couldn't compete.

Many of the men onboard the Sapphire believed that she should have been a commander, but alas, Yuki had found some way to slip past her again.

"Listen Yuki, you either follow the guidelines or you bail. And we both know what happens when you bail. You lose your position."

Yuki slouched backwards into her chair, trying her best to keep chipper given the circumstances.

"You've been with these people much longer than I have, Ryoko. Why don't you be in charge of the operation?"

"Because the higher ups want you to do it. You're a commander, Yuki! You should have all of this under control."

Ryoko glanced around Yuki's quarters, completely unimpressed with the complete lack of order and discipline. Files laid strewn all over her computer desk, while a large array of books and literature laid piled on the floor. This wasn't acceptable for a commander, even if she was the youngest in her class.

"In truth," Ryoko continued. "We need you because you're brilliant."

"Yeah, right."

"No. You are. You are the only one we can really come to for this."

Yuki shook her head back and forth. The last couple of years as a commander had been unpleasant, but she made no mistakes. Now that she had made one, she was responsible for cleaning it up.

"Last time I checked," Yuki rambled. "Screwing up an abduction prank didn't usually have these sorts of consequences. Haven't you done the same thing?"

"I'm not a child anymore. And neither are you."


Yuki rose to her feet, launching her black rolling chair backwards. "So you admit that the one thing I have in this world is something you can never have. A childlike look at the world. I look at the world childishly, do I?"


Nagato was the only commander who would be able to fall this out of line without getting kicked out of the Federation. They needed her for her guts and brains, but when it came to her maturity, Yuki's faults truly shined through.

"And why not? The world is mine for the taking, after all. Last time I checked, I was the youngest commander in the fleet."

"Only because of your brain, ma'am. Not because anyone can actually stand you."

"T-That's completely besides the point."

She plopped down into her chair once again, spinning it around in circles. This continuous lecture on the part of an inferior officer was something she was going to choose to ignore. After all, she would be the one giving the orders from here on in.

"I guess it will be kind of fun," Yuki said as she continued to spin. "Earth is a pretty nice planet. Lots and lots of hot guys there."

"You're going to a high school, ma'am."


Ryoko fought back the urge to lecture. Now was not the time or the place.

"Wake up the rest of the crew," Yuki ordered. "Tell them that Operation Suzumiya will now be underway."

"Did you make that title up just now?"


Ryoko turned to leave. She had no desire to deal with such a simpleton any longer.

"I'll alert the men."

"Don't let the door slide across your ass on the way out."

"They want us to what?!"

She was not surprised by Itsuki's reaction, but such things were to be expected. The last time they had pulled an infiltration operation on Earth had been centuries ago, when a man started changing water into wine after a simple probing.

"I don't like it any more than you do," Ryoko confessed. "But it's your duty and mine. We can't let the Council down."

He gazed at her intently, hoping to read some sort of secret message behind her practically expressionless exterior.

"I would follow you to the ends of the galaxy, you know that right?"

A blush escaped from her face. Itsuki Koizumi never ceased to be the romantic, regardless of how dire or dangerous the situation. He claimed to adore her above all of the other officers, but she knew better. Flirts such as him never stuck true to their promises or their own fabricated ideologies.

There had been a point when she had considered breaking the code and seeing him personally. That was until she realized that he had been seeing every other girl on the ship. His manners and elegance helped provide him with all of the one-night stands a man could possibly want.

She wasn't going to be just another score on his play list.

"Please don't do that," she ordered. "I am your superior, and I expect you will treat me with respect."

He bowed in the pleasant manner from which he was known, his wonderfully floppy brown hair falling over the front of his face. It was hard for Ryoko to believe that a man with such elegance could be such a selfish pig on the inside.

"Spread the orders to Mikuru as well. You know how to handle her better than me."

In truth, Mikuru was the only cadet on the ship who was on the same level as Commander Nagato. Their outlooks both seemed to be deranged and completely removed from any sort of reality, making them a fantastic tactical pair.

Koizumi knew from experience. No one rocked the bedroom quite like Commander Yuki.

"I screwed up," Nagato began. "I know you were all expecting me to be in some kind of cess pool of denial, but fortunately, I am not as silly as some people seem to think I am."

Nagato's entire squad stood in front of her desk. The lot of them all looked as if they were preparing to face some sort of galactic holocaust. They all stood in uniform, their pendants from The Council dully glittering within the flickering lights of the quarters.

Yuki looked at them from left to right. Kozumi stood with his trademark grin, looking as if at any moment he would be rewarded with some sort of surprise treasure.

Cadet Mikuru stood with her typical pompous stature, making sure that her breasts were emphasized for everyone to admire. Her doll like features and amber brown hair were enough to make any man drool and any woman gag. She was nothing more than a walking sex pot.

Of course, Ryoko Askura remained almost entirely motionless, waiting to be assigned her orders.

"You all know what happened on the planet," Yuki continued. "You were all there when I dropped the pill. You all saw what happened to that poor girl on the surface. And now we're paying for it. We're paying for it hard."

Yuki laughed as the three continued to look as professional as they possibly could. She always wondered why they stood in such a fashion in front of her. Her ripped blue shorts and stained white t-shirt apparently didn't help to relax them.

"It really should be any of you guys up here giving this whole speech instead of me. But the truth is, the Council thinks I'm better than all of you. It isn't something I mean to brag about, but what the Council says goes. So I'm in charge of seeing that our little abductee, whom I've learned goes by the name of Suzumiya Haruhi, is kept under control."

Nagato stopped for a brief moment, deciding whether it was a wise idea to mention that she had intentionally jammed the God Pill into Haruhi's mouth to simply see what would happen. The memory of humorous, but far from necessary in her mind.

"Suzumiya Haruhi is nothing more than a simple Japanese teenager, and she also so happens to be the only blemish on my record so far. The Council is keeping a really tight lip on what exactly we did to her, but it's our job now to watch her and... apparently wait for her to blow something up."

She sat back in her chair, and began twirling around in circles.

"We leave tomorrow night for Japan. Pray I don't kill myself before we get there. Either that or hurl."

She spun the chair even faster, watching as everything quickly became a daze.

"I suggest you all go to your rooms and spin around in your spinney chairs... or whatever you people do for fun."

What is it with me and crack-fics lately?

I've had this idea for a while now, but I never thought I would actually get around to writing it. Pretty much, this story is going to be my 'crazy' outlet for whenever I'm feeling bored and I just want to write something a bit insane and fun.

I've actually got a bit of a plot developed for this, but it's really the joy of messing around with "Haruhi lore" that will be bringing me back to write the next chapter.

Leave your 'Honest to Suzumiya' opinions on this one. As usual, I want to hear everyone's complaints and compliments. If you thought the story was terrible, tell me. If you loved it, tell me. If it was meh, tell me. Ect ect ect.

Also, any grammatical corrections are welcome. Those always help a ton.

Thanks for reading!