Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

This is my First FF and although it starts short and slow it picks up quickly...give it a few chapters...We have a lot of ground to cover.

Red: Love you Love you...thanks for helping me get this off the ground...TeamEd. You are my sex kitten lmao!...To my sister BabyCullen thanks for making me laugh on a daily basis.

Please if you read....review me! How else will I learn? But be nice...as you can. Have a great read!


This word kind of gets to me,

And gravity, wants to bring me down.

John Mayer



My tiny toes drift over the edge of the building, only 4 floors up, but far enough that if I were to fall it would land my ass in the hospital. I rock back and forth, teetering on the edge without a care in the world, singing rather loudly.

"98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer…take one down pass it around 97 bottles of beer on the wall…"

With one eye closed I try to focus my other eye on the pretty lights of the passing cars down below. I don't want to jump. I just want to feel….something…anything…fear, hate, love, passion…ANYTHING! I have been coming up here for the past two months. It gets me out of the apartment and I feel free up here. The only feeling I can muster.

I slide my feet down and drape my legs over the edge, bottle of SoCo raised, toasting the night on top of my new apartment building, over-looking Ventura Blvd.

"Ahhhh Sheryl Crow!" I scream. "The sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd" Oh, I'm so stupid...hahah, not Ventura Blvd duhhA.D.D Bella you have drunken A.D.D.

"ISABELLA SWAN! Have you lost your mind? Get off the ROOF and come let me in!"

"Yes, Rose, my bestest friend in the whole wide world," I laugh.

I back off the edge carefully and make my way off the roof, down the hatch, and to the elevator. Bottom floor…yep…here I come Rosie, she so hates that nickname.

I take one step out of the elevator to examine her body language. It did not look good for me, so I smile my best smile at her. She is glaring at me through the glass doors. I walk up and press my face against the cool door, puffing my lips on the glass.

Her fist comes up and beats the door where my face is pressed against.

"Ooow, Fuck! Rose, that shit hurts." I rub my face.

She starts laughing at me. "You deserved that. Now open the door, please."

"Ok, ok, don't get your flipping panties in a wad. Relax."

I open the door to the lobby and back away from her awaiting the wrath of Rosalie Hale.

"What the fuck were you thinking, being on the roof singing like a drunken fool? And holy hell why were you standing on the edge? Bella, that has to be the worst idea you ever had," Rose scolds me with concern as if she were my mother.

"Oww, Rose, stop poking me. Retract your claws, it stings and I'm sure it's gonna leave a mark!"

She can be a bit of a bruit. If she were not my best friend, I would…awww, who am I kidding, she would kick my ass!

"I know Rosie, but look I have…sigh… had a hard day and all." I look down at my feet. I know what's coming next and I really want to avoid this all together. I can see my hands start to shake, sweat pulling on my forehead.

"Bella sweetheart, you can't even walk on a flat surface with out making a fool of yourself, and now you taking a stroll on the roof ledge like a balance beam? Your day must have been fucking hell for you to pull a stunt like that."

I could see it written in her eyes, worry and concern, the vein pumping, working overtime on the side of her neck. That's when it hit me, every emotion I had been searching on the roof starts spilling out of me. I could not help myself and it terrified me.

I broke down, right there in the front lobby of my apartment building. Drunk and balling my eyes out. How pathetic I am in allowing anger to take hold of me for being so helpless.

My knees give way and I sink to the floor, feeling the cold wall pressed against my back. It felt as if I were moving in slow motion. I could feel each bump and crevice as I slid down the wall. My tears felt heavy, as if they were too big to be falling out of my eyes. This…this is what I was trying to feel. Something…anything!

She grabbed my face and pulled it so our noses where touching, looking me dead in the eyes, while my body surrendered to the shakes. I'm sure I was having a nervous breakdown or some shit.

"Your emotions are all over the place. Bells, look at me. Tell me what is going on, please!" she begged as her voice broke.

"I…I…well." I could not find the words.

"You're scaring me, B."

"I'm s...so sssorry! I hate today. One year, Rose...one year!" That's all I could fight out, an internal struggle just to whisper those words. But the look on Rose's face…for a second I was sure I saw fear flash in her eyes, apparently recalling a lot more then even I could. Her face cleared up and re-focused on me still shaking on the floor. She grabbed my hand and my keys to the apartment.

"I am so sorry, Bella." She wrapped her arms around me and leaned her face against the top of my head. "I did not even remember what day it was let alone what week." She looked like a ghost just walked over her grave. "I am going to run up to your apartment to get your purse and a jacket for you. Looks like we both need a drink."

I sat there for a moment willing myself to calm down. Deep breaths in, deep breaths out, you got it under control, Bella. I feel like a slave to the fucking panic attacks.

I hear the "Ding" of the elevator releasing Rose. She's on her phone giving someone my address. I can only imagine it's for a taxi. Now that I have my bearings I stand and move my way slowly towards her. My hands wrap around my waist as if a gremlin were about to jump out of it at any moment. Rose pulls me outside, still on the phone talking to god knows who. She wraps my jacket over my shoulders and tucks me under her arm.

"No Jessica! I won't be at work in the morning. You'll just have to do without me for one day." Rose looks in my direction with a smile and a wink. "I'm going to spend the night will Bella and then hang with her tomorrow."

I was able to pull out a smile for her. It's strange to think that till a year ago I was normal. Well, as normal as anyone can be. My life has taken quite a turn. Although I finished college with a degree in graphic design, I chose a different path all together…photography, and on the side I sing and play guitar at a local bar.

The taxi pulls up and Rose guides me gently into the back seat. She handles me as if I were a piece of fine crystal, ready to break at any moment, showing signs of fracture. Rose rubs gentle circles on my back. The effect is calming, beginning to ground me. My breathing changes, becoming more even as the panic attack subsides. Only a few blocks away from my new favorite hangout, McCarty's, I am counting down the seconds till I drown my demons with a little liquid courage.

OK well it's short and sweet! Please PLEASE REVIEW ME.

The chapters from here on out tend to get longer and longer. Please... If you are not alowed to puchase alcohol you should not be reading this. I have a filthy mouth and I tend to live in the gutter. So hang on to your nickers....Lets get this show on the road.

Did I mention you need to review? Please (batting eyes)