Artemis focused on the task before him, an interview. Now, one would normally not suspect Artemis to even bother getting a job since he doesn't need the money and it would only waste his time, but he was curious. After all, Artemis was applying for a supposedly cursed position in a magical school in Britain. His one bright blue eye and his shifting hazel eye bore into the sparkling visage of the Headmaster of said magic school.

Dumbledore looked down at the previously submitted application for the generally disliked, if not hated, and cursed position of DADA teacher. He had done some background research, and found that even if the Fowl family (maybe, there was no actual proof, they just seemed to randomly get large sums of money in the mail, but that usually means something) was involved in shady business, Artemis was the first wizard to ever belong to that family in almost hundreds of years. They might as well have been the purebloods of the muggle world, so there was virtually no chance young Artemis could be involved with Voldemort. And it would be entirely obvious if Artemis was a spy, his sheer non-magicness (Dumbledore faintly considered that magicness probably wasn't a word) in his background would stand out too much. His records also stated that he clearly took his O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s privately and passed with flying colors only a month ago. Dumbledore knew that Artemis really didn't have enough experience in the field to be a good teacher for DADA, but he would probably be much better for the students then Umbridge.

Dumbledore sighed and dropped the papers he had been looking at. Either way, the students were probably not going to be learning much this year, but at least Artemis would allow them to practice their spells. He knew Fudge was paranoid and Umbridge would probably minimize practical application learning.

"Why do you want this job?" Dumbledore asked, facing Artemis with his chin resting on his hands. Artemis smiled his creepy, vampiric smile.

"Curiosity." Dumbledore blinked, it was not an answer he had been expecting. Perhaps, 'I want to pay back the community' or 'I felt I wasn't ready to leave the learning environment' given the 'educated' feeling Artemis was giving off. Maybe even 'I was bored', but simple curiosity? How curious.

"Do you have experience with children about school age?" Dumbledore asked.


"In the form of siblings, friends, or a previous job?"

"All of the above"

"Why should I choose you for this position?"

"I'm your only choice. Do not take me for a fool Dumbledore, I know the truth of the scandal going on between you and the Minister"

"Do you now... What do you plan to cover in the upcoming year?"

"Practical self-defense application, practical defense application, and theoretical moral application and challenges facing wizards and muggles"

"How will you involve students?"

"I plan to bring in help from people with experience in dealing with wizards and muggles, magical creatures of a manageable size and overall terrifying appearance, and textbooks. The students will be presented with questions which will force them to think 'outside of the box' as some would say, and I plan to introduce the practicality of strategy and how to apply it to every situation."

"How would you motivate the students?"

"Psychology" Dumbledore leaned back, Artemis may actually be more than just better then Umbridge. He had a lot to think about, but Artemis got the job.

"It is tradition for teachers to take the train ride with the students their first year teaching here, after that it is up to the teacher whether they wish to ride it again. We will start with a one year trial, and see how you are afterword. Term begins September 1st, but I will need a list of supplies for all years by the end of the week." Artemis nodded, before grabbing a folded paper out of his pocket and handing it to Dumbledore.

"I already wrote one out in the event I was accepted" Dumbledore nodded and took the paper. Artemis stood and walked out, his creepy eyes finally turning away. Oh yes, Dumbledore had a lot to think about.


Artemis walked slowly towards Hogsmeade, where a portkey was waiting to take him back to Fowl Manor. Butler was probably getting very impatient, after all, he wasn't happy that his charge was going away for a year, maybe more. It had been hardly a year since he had come back from his little trip through time, but he barely seemed to have aged a day. Artemis thought it probably had something to do with the trip, but he wasn't sure if it was the time-traveling or the magic he had stolen. Yes, stolen. When Artemis studied some more on his magic, he learned that his stolen magic had actually opened pathways throughout his body and stimulated a part of the brain until he had begun to produce his own magic.

The discovery was life-changing.

Statistically, the simple fact that it was so easy for his own body to start producing magic showed that there was probably a high percentage of humans born with the slight variation and were capable of using magic. Thus, he dove into legends like he had with his interest in fairies. He came across many different stories, but there was always a main, almost archetypal, magic-user. The wizard. And the central hub of wizardry lied in Britain, and so he came. He first chose to go to the capital because if a group of wizards were in hiding, they would want to be in a place where strange people move around constantly, they would be near the non-magic hub for news and the like, and a place where transportation to virtually anywhere is possible, and the capital was the best place for that.

Artemis had begun by simply wandering, every now and then he would see someone dressed or moving around awkwardly and concluded that they may have been wizards not used to hiding, foreigners, tourists, (since, after all, there is a difference), or just socially awkward people. After a few days, he came across a dingy pub and saw that only strangely dressed people, supposedly socially awkward people, and people who looked like beggers went in and out of. Every now and then, an excited child might run in, and Artemis concluded from the way no one else saw it (Even Butler. Actually, especially Butler) and that any electronic device he saw would go heywire as soon as the person neared the building, that it was hidden by magic. So he went in and left his poor friend to panic. The moment he walked through the door he knew that he had found the place. A woman wove a wand and a tea kettle levitated up and poured her some more. The Fireplace lit up green and a wizard came out. The place, though depressing and mostly painted dark colors, was actually unnaturally clean. Artemis nodded and walked back out.

"Butler, I seem to have discovered another hidden civilization. However, it appears as if you cannot enter since you do not have any magic. I wish to explore some more, but shall be back shortly. Please wait here, I'll be fine." Butler nodded, but was still rather paranoid, especially when it came to Artemis. Artemis did sometimes wonder if that paranoia had begun to rub off onto him, but he pushed aside his own feelings for his logical conclusions.

Over the next month Artemis threw his whole self into the world of the Wizard, he had followed another wizard into Diagon Alley where he learned everything. He read and bought a copy of nearly every book in Fluorish and Blotts, got a wand (Hazel wood, 9 inches, fairy wings core. Ironic), Transferred a large sum of money to Gringotts (and concluded that the goblins there are probably descendants of the People who didn't make it underground a millenia ago) and applied to take his wizarding school tests. He passed, of course. It only took him a few months to study and learn enough to pass. Then he wanted to learn more about the wizarding world.

So he applied for a job.

With his interview over and September 1st quickly approaching, he decided to pack and make a few more trips to Diagon Alley.


He had finished packing and, though he loved Armani suits, he really didn't think they were best for teaching children. Instead, he wore simple black slacks, a thin silk black top, and tie. Over it all (to blend in with the wizards a little more) he wore a midnight blue long coat made of Vicuna for warmth of course. He had to make a visit to Diagon Alley to see if his order had come in yet, so he left Butler in charge of the house (Since his family was currently on vacation in Santorini) and flooed over to Fluorish and Blotts.

"Wow, most of these book are pretty recent"

"So? Doesn't that actually make them worse? Ow!"

"Honestly Ron, it shows that our new DADA teacher is probably very up-to-date and those other books are so out-of-date anyway"

"Hermione, here's that other book you wanted"

"Oh, thanks Harry. Alright, now that we have the updated version of Miranda's Standard Book of Spells Grade 5, we just need one more. Come on Ron, at least help us find Strategy in Battle by Artemis Fowl II"

"Jeez, alright, alright"

Artemis arrived right in the middle of this little chitchat between friends, but totally ignored the three who gave him looks of distrust.

"I am here to pick up an order which should have come in at noon today"

"Name?" The receptionist asked, not even looking up. Meanwhile, Ron kept glancing at him.

"He's a Slytherin"

"Ron, honestly! Just ignore him and help me find the book!"

"Ron might have a point, Hermione. He looks about our age, but I've never seen him before"

"My name is Artemis Fowl II" The teenager told the receptionist, who suddenly looked up with wide eyes and nodded. She seemed to scramble slightly before grabbing a pile of books and handing them to him.

"I'm afraid it is about 243 galleons for them all" Artemis just nodded and handed the receptionist the money, quickly counting the number of books (sixteen. four squared) before taking the books, shrinking them, and promptly leaving the way he had come. Leaving a large group of people gaping who had heard the price and his name, including Ron, Hermione, and Harry.


Artemis levitated his bag up onto the rack, and sat down reading his book; Magic and Technology by John Atanasoff. A couple of people came in and sat with him, but he mostly ignored them, faintly noting their names and appearances.

"Hi, my name's Ginny. What's yours? Are you a first year? I don't remember seeing you before" The small red head sitting next to him seemed to have finally noticed his existence. He calmly set down the book in his lap, mentally noting what page he was on.

"Artemis Fowl II, but you will call me Professor Fowl" His differently colored eyes raised up and looked at Ginny calculatively. Harry looked at him with some suspicion, remembering seeing him in Flourish and Blotts. Artemis simply looked back to his book and continued reading, but kept a small percentage of his mind listening to the conversation around him, unconciously noting their vocal patterns, making unsteady(at best, but probably quite accurate considering Artemis's skill at that particular subject) psychological assumptions, body behavior, and relationships. He also noted that he was introduced to everyone in the cabin at some point, even those who came later. The girl with very disorderly russet hair had stared at him for a good while after learning he was to be a professor, as if expecting he would start talking to her just to make her stop staring, what a ridiculous notion. Hogsmeade soon came in sight and the students changed into their robes, abandoning the casual clothing they had been wearing before. Artemis simply put down his book and stared out the window, his mind in many places at once. As the train slowed to a stop, Artemis stepped off the train and looked for the carriages he was supposed to ride. The students parted around him, as if able to sense that to come to close to him would bring possible disaster. He boarded a lone, empty carriage (pulled by thestrals he noted, looking at the creatures oddly) and rode by himself up to Hogwarts.

The carriage holding Artemis slowly bounced along in the back of the other carriages, the thestral pulling it being quite old and tired kept stopping for a few seconds to rest. Naturally, Artemis was running a little late.

The other carriages dropped off their passengers who strode into the great hall and sat at their respective tables, the carriage which Artemis was in pulling up just before the first years managed to get out of their boats. Now, Artemis realized that he was late but he also refused to be a messy person as he knew he would be if he rushed. So, he straightened out his dark blue tie and made sure there were no wrinkles in his silk black shirt or black slacks. Then he walked forward with confidence into the great hall.

Every eye turned to him, but he didn't feel nervous or anything, simply striding forward until he was standing before Dumbledore. The old wizard gestured to a seat a little ways away, Artemis nodded his head to the old man out of respect before sitting in the chair to which he was pointed to. He sat in between a large, almost toad-like, woman and a short man who was probably one of the descendants of the Fairies who was left aboveground. He could tell that there were several, but it seemed like only one group had been accepted by wizards as somewhat equal. They were usually short, pointy eared, wrinkly, and bald on the top of their heads. Artemis wasn't sure of the fairy name for this specific breed, but the wizards called them either goblins or elves depending on their job. Artemis smirked, after extensive research he had discovered that the wizards and Haven had no idea of the others existence, and Artemis planned to keep it that way for as long as possible. He remained stoic and silent as he sat, but acknowledged the presence of the two sitting by him with a nod. They both seemed to want to talk to him, but didn't really know what to ask. Then the sorting started.

And Artemis was astounded by the sorting hat. He focused and memorized the song, analyzing it and finding that the hat was quite intelligent. But was it? If that hat took all year to make that song, then it might not be that smart. But, if it produced the song then sat around doing nothing but thinking for the whole year, it could be very smart. After the students were sorted, Dumbledore stood up and the hall went silent.

"Tuck in!"

Food seemed to appear on the plates by magic, but Artemis had researched everything he could about Hogwarts before coming here (Butler's paranoia must be rubbing off on him) and knew that it was actually a system similar to portkeys, where the food on one plate exactly one floor below him would be transported to it's corresponding plate above. He ate.

"Ah on'n ust im"

"Ron, chew your food before speaking"

"Sorry, I was saying that I don't trust him"

"I kind of agree with you Ron, he's creepy, but I trust in Dumbledore's judgement"

"I agree with Harry for this one Ron, creepy doesn't necessarily mean evil"

"Fine, jeez"

"I just hope he's a good teacher"

All three nodded and ate.

After a while, Dumbledore stood up once more and pinged his glass for all to hear.

"First of all, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden, many of you seem to forget that. Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is Professor Fowl" Artemis stood up and nodded then sat down, doing nothing else. Though he heard a few jokes going around about his name ('Professor Foul'). "And due to recent events the Ministry has decided to appoint a Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Professor Umbridge." The toad woman stood up as Artemis had, but cleared her throat and successfully interrupted Dumbledore.

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizard of vital importance. Although each Headmaster has brought something new to this historic school, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be prohibited." With that, Umbridge sat down. Artemis was surprised, the situation between Hogwarts and the Ministry was actually worse than he had first thought, a mistake on his part.

"Thank you Professor Umbridge, that was most...illuminating"

"Illuminating? What a load of waffle!" Ron said, not understanding a word of what was just said by Umbridge.

Hermione frowned, "Don't you understand? She basically said that the Ministry is taking over Hogwart!"

"They can't do that though, can they? I mean, Dumbledore's the headmaster" Harry protested weakly.

Hermione just frowned at Umbridge, lost in thought as the students and staff were released for bed.

Artemis himself was escorted by a small house elf and shown to his classroom. His office was in the back of the classroom, but had a second doorway which managed to defy all physics and open up into the hallway (magic, duh). The third doorway led to his chambers, a small bathroom (by Artemis' standards) and an acceptable bedroom and bed. (once again, by his standards. They were very plain, but large) He opened the chest at the foot of his bed and could not see a bottom, so obviously it was made to hold nearly anything and everything which could fit through the entrance. Artemis removed his sleep wear from a bag before he placed his bags into the chest and they vanished into the seemingly neverending abyss. Nodding to himself, he changed and set his old clothes onto a chair in a neatly folded pile, trusting the house elves to clean them. Then he collapsed onto his bed and mentally prepared himself for his first class the next day.

Please Review!