A/N: This is a sort of comedy, but not a crackfic. Remember that it's supposed to sound a bit ridiculous as you read it, and it's not supposed to have nice flow or be very eloquent. If there are things such as repeated words, it's for comedic effect and not because my thesaurus cheated on me and is now living with some puffed up bloke named Dictionary who thinks he's better than everyone else because he can define things... Well la di da... It doesn't matter. I've got Encyclopedia now, and he doesn't leave me alone at night... Go frolicking off with your big reference book... What do I care?... Ahem. Remember that this is just for fun! I may continue it, I probably will considering it leaves you at a cliffhanger. Enjoy reading it! ... Defining things.. Pah.
... Defining things.. Pah.
The first thing he knew was that it was hot. Very hot.
Whatever it was, it was scalding, and it had the nerve to bear down on his sweating body from what he assumed was an upward position. This came to the second conclusion that his fuzzy mind slowly processed; he didn't like it very much. A stray thought came into his head that suggested he get up and move. His finger twitched, and he decided he did not like moving very much, and that it was much more convenient to stay lying on whatever it was he happened to be lying on. In his imagination, he pictured himself glowering at the notion, who was depicted as a short, cowering individual. Some sluggish fact floated along lazily that told him he was very good at glowering, and was a glower-y sort of person. He supposed he agreed with it, and continued to the next dilemma; why was he lying prone on some surface beneath some hellish heat? His mind went blank. He gave this question up as a bad job and decided to explore his other senses for a while.
His nose, or what he assumed was his nose, twitched. He could smell something rather salty, and something rather sour. His ears were suddenly called upon to do some hearing, and they jumped to life like construction workers caught drinking. He heard annoying squawks and a whooshy sort of noise that re-occured every six seconds or so.
Here's how it went;
WhoooooOOOOOOOOSSHHHHHhhhh.... ....He was at a complete loss as to what this noise could possibly be, and decided to think about it later. He moved on to touch; and forced his muscles to move his body a pinch. He ended up squirming slightly and imitating a dying worm. He squirmed once more. Beneath him was very rough, like a thousand itchy things were holding his form. For a moment, he lay completely motionless to see if the surface reacted in any sort of way. He held his breath in anticipation, and realized that there was such thing as air. At this point in time, his mind was only working on a very small, pathetic level so he forgot immediately about the possible threat of possibly displeased surfaces.
To him, air was fascinating. It coasted in and out so smoothly into his waiting mouth and throat. Apparently the air loved him back, because it kept stroking and caressing his body all around, which he decided that he did like.
The last sense for him to explore was his sight. At first when he attempted to open his eyes, they were completely stuck shut. A few moments of struggling ensued before one eye popped open like a stubborn pickle jar.
It was bright, blindingly bright.
He shut it again, and gave himself a few moments of recuperation before attempting to open it again. This time, he opened it more slowly, letting the eye adjust to the sudden burst of extreme light. Finally, he was able to look around and he gave a small whoop of excitement, and found he had a voice.
Blue was all he saw, flawless pure blue with a large bright platinum yellow circle that sat like a pimple on the perfect azure face. He pried his other eye open and stared with them both at this amazing event, this yellowish thing on this giant blue thing. He stared at it in wonder for what felt like hours before suddenly, something dark obstructed his view.
He let out a small sound of dismay and the dark blob slowly came into focus.
He was staring at two twin blue things, as bright and as perfect as the large one he had been gazing at seconds before. The top of the dark blob was covered in something long and white, as was all around a smiling mouth. The long white thing tickled his skin lightly, and a long crooked nose came into few. Perched on top of them were a pair of half-moon spectacles.
Something told him that this was a fellow man, and that he had once known him.