This is for Courts, because I've missed you and I've lost sight of the little things, the good things. And that's you.
Remember when we wrote those fics together, the crazy ones after way too many coffees? Well, I ate a whole lot of chocolate, drank a few gallons of coffee so I'm ready! Enjoy!
Summary: The crazies are after another hunt, crack style! For Courtney ;)
Warning: I've got plenty of mouth now Language goats!
Disclaimer: Please, with the amount of coffee I drank for this, I'm not at a sane level and I love it like that- It's how I'm sposed to be, thanks for letting me see I'm happier when I'm me.
Don't change girly x
"Look, if you're scared don't go complaining to me! You shouldn't of pissed it off!"
Dean gawked. "I didn't! Look, we've been over this, I didn't know and I'm sorry."
Sam stood off to Dean's left, silent and looking anywhere but at Courtney's eyes.
"Don't look Sam" Fiona whispered.
"I'm trying not to." Sam winced as a chair broke and Courtney threw the pieces over their heads.
"When I look at her when she's mad...my insides go cold." Sam said fearfully.
Fiona smiled. "Don't worry, you didn't piss her off."
"OW!" Dean yelled, rubbing the Courtney sized fist mark off his head. "I am sorry. I didn't know it-she would do this."
Courtney huffed. "It's an it! Just like the film" Sam and Fiona grunted in fear but Courtney raised her hand. "No clowns guys, joke."
"Don't fucking scare us like that!" Fiona sighed.
"Look, Courts, I really am sorry, but...what harm has it done." Dean mumbled, eyes sombre.
Courtney narrowed her eyes, her hands on her shapely hips. "Harm?...how about bringing the end of the world! You spoke to her...after I warned you..." Courtney clenched her eyes, licked her lips in anger. "Remember when we hunted those beasts with the blinding powers and you promised you'd listen to me in future."
"We didn't hunt-"
Sam and Fiona were effectively trying to cut Dean off, making cutting notions with their hands.
"The bitches." Sam whispered.
"Ohhh." Dean's eyes widened. "Oh, those things...the, the barbies?" Dean stood, gave as much room as he could between himself and his angry woman.
"Yeah, those things. You promised you'd listen to me, to us! And now you've gone back to do the exact opposite thing I told you! You went to her...to the very beast out of hell!"
Fiona gasped. "Your mother?" She squeaked.
Courtney shook her head, deathly serious. "Close Fi, but no...much worse."
"Dean, what did you do?" Sam said, physically shaking.
"He fed it...the very thing we've been trying to fucking kill! He fed it! Sugar!"
Dean looked beyond confused. "Wait, what are we actually talking about?"
Courtney moved slowly into her duffle, unzipped it and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Then suddenly snapped it open and Fiona screamed at the image.
"What, what? Court's what did he do?" Sam asked, eyes wide.
"He..." Courtney seethed. "He fed the...the squirrel sugar..." She covered her mouth as she gasped.
Dean blinked. "That's it?...it looked hungry! I didn't do anything-" He stopped abruptly as Courtney turned seething eyes on him. "You owe me so much sex for this." She whispered gruffly.
Sam straightened, confused yet again by these girls crazy hunting tactics. "Okay Courtney, what do we need to do...because last time, I almost got girl-i-fied."
Courtney pulled out all of her guns, laid them out on the bed.
"Thank you Sam, I'm glad you're behind me. Fi knows...we've dealt with these before."
Courtney and Fiona thought back to the time...and shuddered.
"We need what we always need. Our secret weapon."
"Coffee." They said as one.
Dean's mouth was hanging open. "You always use that."
Courtney glanced at him. "It works like salt for you guys, you always use that."
"Because it's effective." Dean answered.
"Same deal here boys." Courtney said, filling the water pistols already with a special ground blend even Starbucks couldn't strengthen.
Dean scratched absently at his head. "Okay, where do we start? I believe you, but I think we need to...see, what we're up against."
"Euurrgh...those horrible beady black eyes!" Fiona gipped.
The drive into the woods wasn't as comfortable as the last few hunts with spirits.
"The roots are ruining my paintwork babe." Dean said, shaking his head.
"I'll fix it, You fix your problem with the nut throwing mice in trees!"
Fiona nodded in the backseat with Sam. "Good one Court's."
They stopped just as the moon was rising in the night sky, guns and water pistols strapped to their chest, raisons, the squirrels most feared fruit and tubs of Vaseline to grease up the trees, they wouldn't be running anytime soon.
"So what's the plan?" Sam said as he breathed some warmth into his hands.
"We flood them out." Courtney suggested as she pointed to Fiona and herself. "You'll need to grease up all the trees around us that you have time for, they'll swarm in, because of the sugar they've have time to mutate, they're stronger...spray the first army with coffee, they'll be weak enough but shield yourselves, they'll have nuts! Maybe even tiny spears made from the trees!"
Dean and Sam blinked in unison. "Uh...right." But they trusted these girls, after all they were experts in the para-paranormal.
"Court's what do you need me to do? I can climb the trees, give you guys time-"
"No, the last time you tried self sacrifice, you changed your mind halfway through and screamed for me to come back...plus they kinda fi-napped you and...you scream enough."
Fiona swallowed. "I'll be different this time."
Courtney nodded, "Okay, after that I'll meet back with you guys and we'll go in for the queen bitch! She took something from me a long time ago."
Fiona frowned. "You sound like Arny from Last Action Hero, you okay?"
"Shhhh! Can you hear that!?"
The foursome stayed silent, eyes looking everywhere in the darkness, ears straining.
There was a loud metallic ting and as the hunters glanced at Dean's beloved Impala, there was a large, smoking acorn shaped hole in the frame work.
"FUCKIN' BASTARDS!" Dean screamed and then they heard it again and the ground beat with tiny feet.
"RUN!" Courtney screamed and pulled them behind a large oak for cover.
"Holy shit! You were right!" Sam said in panic.
Fiona frowned. "You thought otherwise?..."
"Uh, oh...uh no...no." Sam shook his head, glancing down.
"Good." Fiona said. "Cos there will be no more of those uh...things you likey likey in the bedroom if you did." She nodded, fist up. "Yeah."
"Sorry." Sam mumbled, lower lip trembling.
"Uh...you're sexy when you pout!"
"Hey, pillow talk for later!" Dean said. "Those things scratched my car! Right, tell me what to do." He spun to Courtney.
"Get your guns and fire. We head to their biggest tree and we fight."
Dean grinned. "That was...a goddamn amazing speech." Dean said huskily.
Courtney flashed him a devil grin. "Focus honey...focus. Shoot now, sex later." She winked.
Dean cleared his throat and the hunters made their moves to head out, they could see the trees move with tiny beady eyes already.
"Kay guys...GO GO GO!"
Sam and Dean took the left while the girls took the right and already the greased trees were leading them to victory, the little shits were falling and squeaking as they died.
Dean sprayed a large approaching group and watched amazed as they shrivelled and died.
Courtney was taking up the front while Fi struggled to fight the ones clinging to her legs.
"Fuck off Chipmunk!"
Courtney did a double roll and stood with the still coffee smoking gun, a quick glance round as all the squirrels lay still around them.
"Nice move." Fiona said.
"Hey, remember when I told you about that plan...what I thought they were up to?"
"Oh yeah." Fiona said, interested.
"I think I want some payback." Then she smiled like a true hunter. "Let's fucking get the furry bastards!"
Dean and Sam followed behind, eyes watching like heat sensors to anything that moved.
They eventually came up to a large bush, all meeting back to back and making sure they weren't followed or compromised.
"There, you see it." Courtney said as she peered over the bush. "They've got patrols about and they're stronger now, thanks to the sugar! Dean!" Courtney shot him a die-now look.
"How are we gonna' get past them?" Sam asked.
"Relax- I'll do it." Fiona said and stood.
"No Fi! They might remember you! We just need to get up into that tree"
Fiona shook her head. "Of course we fucking do...climbing trees, the only way...fucking exercise." She grumbled.
Courtney pulled out some cans labelled with a big 'X' and handed one each to the team.
"They're Espresso in a can, coffee bombs." She grinned. "Sam, follow me in and Dean, follow Fi, take out as many as you can and I'll see you at the top of that tree."
They moved out, as soon as the first bomb went off, there was a swarm of activity, fur exploding and squeaks and shrill screams as they battled their way through dozens of evil beings.
Courtney huffed as she wiped brown specs of fur from her face and spat it out of her mouth. "Bllarrghghhh...ugly little fuckers! Guys! Get climbing!"
The team made their way up the oak, the brothers seeming to find easy purchase on slippery branches, Courtney made her way using her knives and Fiona growled angrily as she dragged herself up the tall tree, hitting her head on every branch and scraping her knuckles.
"This kill better be freakin' worth it Court's!" Fiona said as she climbed up higher.
The brothers couldn't believe the scene before them, up in the highest branch sat a huge squirrel, huge beady black eyes that scared your very soul and hundreds of minion squirrels scurrying over nuts.
"Look, right in the throne..." Courtney gasped as she saw what the squirrel was holding.
"Fucking jammy bastard!" Courtney jerked up, walked right up to the biggest squirrel, pointing and yelling. "I knew it! I fucking knew it! YOU...it was YOU all along!"
"Courtney get back!" Dean hissed as he watched the whole army turn and stare at her.
"I don't get it." Sam said. "What was who?"
"Shh" Dean hissed. "This is gonna' get good, she's pissed." He waggled his eyebrows.
Fiona reached a large branch at the tip of the incline where her team stood. Thanks for waiting and all guys, she listened to the conversation and saw her best friend screaming right at the queen bitch.
"Whoah." She breathed.
"You took it! I knew!" Courtney jumped, stomped right over to the queen and tugged the earphones out. "My Ipod...you, all along, I knew it was you! But I convinced myself it wasn't! That I was over reacting! But nooo!...You took it, you scheming little furry rodent! YOU!"
Courtney came face to face with its wide and terrified eyes. "Sorry." It squeaked.
Courtney pulled back, startled. "Ah...you...you talk?" She blinked.
The squirrel stood, gave a shy smile and then wrapped the headphones over the Ipod and with clawed fingers, handed it up to Courtney who watched with narrowed eyes.
"This doesn't mean you're forgiven you little rat!" She took the Ipod, held it to her chest. "I've missed you." She whispered.
The squirrel looked to its army and discreetly asked them to move the hell back.
Courtney frowned as she looked down at the Ipod, something was wrong...
Her eyes widened and then she growled low in her throat.
"You...you" She growled. "You SCRATCHED IT! THE SCREEN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY SHOW!" She kicked out with her black boots and nailed the sucker right in the head as it tried to get away.
The creature fell with a shriek, curled fingers and wide eyes with its mouth open in a scream. She'd scared it to death.
Grunting out her breaths, Courtney sighed. "That felt good." She nodded to herself.
There was a few creaks and snaps as the other squirrels realised what happened and Courtney swallowed, way too many to shoot.
Courtney pulled out a large bag marked with an 'X', flammable coffee beans and dumped it on the floor beside the squirrels' throne.
"Dean...Sam...Fi...Just, throw your lighter when I reach you guys...and then climb the hell back down as fast as you can" She said calmly and slowly backed up.
Fiona finally reached where Dean and Sam were...backing out of?
"Hey, what's happening?" She asked.
Courtney shot past her as Dean threw his lighter and they all bolted back the way she'd come.
"RunrunrunrunrurnRUNRUNRUN!" Courtney squealed as she jumped down, branch to branch.
Fiona's eyes widened as she saw the spark catch the coffee bag and she shed a tear. "Those...made nice coffee." She choked. And then all hell broke loose.
Fiona turned and dived down as the explosion caught, limbs flailing as she screamed, rushing past Sam and Dean, past Courtney as she met with an almighty thud at the compact dirt on the ground.
"FI!" Sam screamed
Courtney jumped the last few branches and skidded to the floor next to Fiona.
"Fi, you okay?"
Dean and Sam touched down too, and dashed over.
Fiona's eyes opened, widened as armies of flame throwing squirrels were about to rain down on them.
"What? Fiona what?"
"BURNING TREE!" She jumped and pelted towards the impala, Courtney and the brothers not far behind as the tree crumpled and died, hundreds of Ipods spilling from its trunk.
The team stood there, panting. Satisfied on another hunt well done.
The impala wasn't destroyed, but Courtney swore to fix it with her mad useful talents and Dean drove them home, well to another fully furbished motel anyway.
"I can't believe they took my Ipod. I knew it...and they'd been stealing them, collecting them...for something."
"Maybe we'll never know." Fiona shrugged. "Or maybe we'll see them sooner than you think."
Dean shuddered. "That's not a comforting thought."
Fiona frowned as she watched Courtney riding shotgun. "Hey Court's...you got uh...uh...something right." She gestured on the side of her head.
Courtney reached up and found a piece of burning fur.
"Is that tail? Do I have tail in my hair...oh my god...tail! Urghh."
Dean chuckled as they drove, another mad hunt, well done. And next time...he'd damn well listen.
Merry Christmas Courts Happy new year, yeah? Xx
Sorry it wasn't as random as it could have been.