It's been a really long time since I have posted anything, so I hope I'm not to horrible. As always they don't belong to me, neither does Bother, it belongs to Stone Sour. Read and review as always please. Written in Abby's POV. Also, it might help to listen to the song as you read. Spoilers for Hiatus...probably both of them. Hope you like it, though it probably doesn't make much sense. It was just what popped in my head while listening to the song.

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

I watched him lie there, completely helpless and hooked up to all of the machines that were helping to keep him alive, and I realized that I may never be able to tell him how much I love him. Not necessarily that I am in love with him, just that I love him. The explosion could have killed him. Should have killed him, honestly, but it didn't. Who knows what kind of life it has left him with, but he is alive nonetheless.

I don't even remember how long it has been since it happened, just that it's been way to long to go without talking to him and the usual banter that goes on between us. There has always been an underlying spark there, though I have never been sure how it got its start. Connecting with each other is what has always been, and something I realize now that I have completely taken for granted. I promise myself, for what seems like the millionth time in days, that if he makes it through that I will always remember this day and always remember to tell him how much I appreciate him and everything he does for me and the team.

He's awake now and I couldn't be happier, until I find out the worst part of it all. His memory is stuck in the 90's and he has no clue as to who I am or anyone else on the team for that matter. He thinks he's just lost his family and I have no clue how to help him. I'm not completely sure what to do, but I know that he is still Gibbs and that one of these days, he will remember us all. I hope.

When I realize that he has gotten his memory back, I fling myself into his arms and never want to let go, only doing so when I remember how weak he still is from the explosion and the coma. I see him coming out of MTAC and I realize he is completely pissed at what has happened. I feel awful for him, but I just know in my gut that something awful and closer to home is about to happen and that almost overrides the pain I have for him at the moment. Almost, but not quite.

When he put his finger against my lips, I could feel the tears coming. When he kissed my cheek and pulled back, they wanted to slip over the edge, but I was determined not to let them. I think my heart just broke more than it ever has and I just want to curl into a ball and cry until I have no more tears. My hero just walked out of my life and I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I don't know how, but I go on. Life at NCIS is still the same, just without Gibbs. Its boring and mundane, but we all have jobs to do. Just because he walked out and didn't care anymore doesn't mean that I should. Everyone goes on until one day, Ziva's in trouble. He comes back to help her and once again, he leaves without a word. Hes still my hero, he always will be, but right now I'm mad as hell and I don't know why I bothered caring in the first place.

END