Title: Lost Anchor

Author: MacGateFan

Rating: PG-13 (language)

Summary: Dean's deal has gone through. Can Bobby help Sarah as she slowly loses her battle with cancer? And where the hell is Sam?

Author's Notes: This is the last in the Anchor Series, but I'm still work on the pre series fics. Disclaimers: Not mine except Sarah.


Dean was gone and Sarah was having a hard time getting a hold of Sam. He took off two days after they buried him. She stayed with Bobby as she dealt with the loss. She had no clue what her brother was up to, but it worried her to no end. And now... now she was getting weaker. She could feel it. She was going to die soon and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Sarah just wanted Sam to be there for her when it was time. She slowly got up from the couch and nearly jumped when Bobby helped her to her feet. "You don't have to play nursemaid with me, Bobby," she said, her blue eyes shining despite the fact that she was sick.

"Hey, this is my house and you're gonna have to follow my rules."

"Whatever you say," she replied, happy to know she wouldn't be completely alone. "Any... any word from Sammy?"

Bobby inwardly throttled that boy. He understood how he felt, but leaving Sarah alone when she needed him was the most selfish thing Sam could have ever done. "No, Sunshine, I'm sorry."

"It's all right, I was just kinda hoping. I mean I have you so I'll never be alone. Thank you for everything."

"This ain't over yet!" Bobby told Sarah as he helped her into bed. He then handed her a notebook and pens. She explained that she wanted to write letters to both her brothers even though at least one of them would never be able to read his. Bobby leaned over a kissed her forehead. "Get some rest. I'll see ya in the morning."

"G'night, Bobby. I love you."

"Love you too."

Bobby shut the door and leaned heavily against it. Taking a deep breath, he headed downstairs. Just as he got to the kitchen, Sarah's cell phone rang. He flipped it open angrily. "Where the hell have you been Sam Winchester!"

"Calm down, Bobby, I'm fine!"

"Well la dee da! I don't care if you lost a fucking arm to a werewolf! You get your ass back to South Dakota pronto!"

"Hey, I'm just returning Sarah's call. She didn't say why she needed me there, but she sounded a bit tired. Is she all right?"

"Is she... Is she all right? One she lost a brother to a fucking demon, two she lost another brother to who the hell knows what and three she is losing her fucking battle with cancer, that's how "all right" Sarah Winchester is! If you love your sister you will drop what you're doing and drive out here NOW!"

Sam needed no further urging. "I'm on my way."


Sarah was sitting on the front porch swing wrapped in a blanket when Sam drove up to the house. He quickly jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He was stunned by how small and frail she looked. He had been such an idiot for running off and leaving her alone the way he did.

"Hey Sammy," she said with smile. Sarah hadn't done that in days but she was so happy to see her brother that she couldn't not smile at him. Besides this was most likely going to be her last night on Earth and she didn't want to spend it depressed.

Sam sat down on the bench, wrapping his arms around Sarah and pulling the blanket around both of them. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered, "I'm sorry, Sarah. I should have been here."

"You're here now, Sammy, that's what matters."

The siblings sat that way for a long time when Sarah suddenly grabbed Sam's hand, squeezing it. "Sammy, there are letters on the kitchen table for you and... and Dean. I know you'll get him back somehow so make sure he gets it. I love you... Love you all. Tell Dean and Bobby that I love them."

"I love you too," Sam gasped out, tears flowing. "We all love you, Sarah."

Sarah looked up at Sam, smiled, and took her last breath.

Sam hugged her close as he cried. He was the last remaining Winchester and even though Bobby was just as much a part of their family as Sarah was, he felt completely alone. He remained there. unmoving for a while until Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," he whispered sadly.


"Are you okay, Sam?" she asked.

Sam nodded, but continued to stare at the ceiling. It had been months since Dean had been taken to hell. Since Sarah died in his arms. He still worked the job though. For his family. He was not going to let what happened to his Mom and Dad happen to anyone else.

His cell phone rang and he reached over to see who it was. Bobby again. He loved the guy, but wished he would just leave him be. The woman with him recognized the name on the caller ID. "Why don't you just answer it?" she asked. "It would get him off your back."

"I guess so," Sam replied, doing so. "Bobby."

"Sam. It's good to hear your voice," the man said. Bobby seemed way more subdued then the last time Sam received an urgent call from him. "I was wondering if maybe you had a few days to come out here."

Sam hesitated, but something in the way Bobby was talking got his attention. "I'm in Iowa so I'll be there as soon as I can. I promise."

"See ya soon then."

The drive to South Dakota didn't take very long since Sam had already been near the border. He had vowed to stay away from Bobby in hopes that his bad luck didn't affect the man he had come to think of a second father. However something in his voice caused the need for Sam to go back.
As Sam pulled up to the house he noticed that Bobby was talking to someone who was under the hood of a car. He looked up as the youngest Winchester walked over to him.

"Heya, Sammy," he said, giving him a hug. "Something's happened and I want you to be honest with me."

"What are you talking about, Bobby?" Suddenly the man rolled out from under the car and Sam nearly paled in shock. "Dean!?"

"You look like you've seen a ghost!"

Sam was speechless as he stared at his brother. The one who had sold his soul to a demon in exchange for allowing him to live. The demon had collected Dean's soul over four months ago so how the hell (no pun intended) was he standing in front of him?

He finally found his voice after a while. "Well, seeing as you're supposed to be dead..."

Dean shrugged. "I don't know why you're so surprised, Sammy. You said you'd find a way to bring me back."

"No offense, dude, but I didn't. I couldn't find a way."

"Must've been Sarah then," Dean replied. "Where is she, by the way? Bobby's been pretty tight-lipped but I figured she'd be with you."

Sam shared a glance with Bobby. "Dean, Sarah's... she passed away almost three months ago."

"What?" Dean looked over at Bobby, hoping they were just pulling his leg. Those fucking demons who tortured him had been telling the truth. He shoved Sam away when he tried to give him a hug. "She can't be dead! She can't! I won't accept that!"

"What are you going to do?" Sam asked. "Make another deal? Losing you practically tore us apart, Dean!"

Dean's gaze dropped to the ground as he clenched his fists tightly. He didn't know if he should be angry or sad. He knew for certain he wasn't going to be relieved, though. They always said you should be when a loved one dies from cancer because they weren't suffering anymore. Maybe he was being selfish, but he would rather have Sarah on Earth.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean whispered, tears in his eyes.

Bobby was stunned to say the least. He never thought he'd actually see Dean cry again. The last time he did, the boy was only six. "Dean, Sarah wrote a letter to you," he said, handing it to him. "I'm sorry I waited for Sam to tell you this, but I thought it would be best."

"S'ok, Bobby," Dean replied as he stared at the letter. After a few minutes he finally took it and went over to sit in the Impala. Taking a deep breath, Dean opened it and began to read.

Dean, these are the words I didn't get to say to you the night you were taken from us. I should have said this to you before, but I know you would have tried to stop me from a chick flick moment. I still don't understand how you think you're not worthy of anything even though I might understand why you believe that. We got the short end of the stick as Winchester's didn't we, but I don't care! I just want you to know that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! Not if it meant I couldn't have you and Sam as brothers or Mary and John as parents. You all saved me from a life that probably wouldn't have been very long. And yeah so I didn't go down fighting as a hunter like you or Dad, but that's okay because I got to live and that is the most important thing, big brother. You are the most worthy, important, brave, amazing person I know, Dean Winchester! You have always fought for this family and for that I will be truly grateful. I love you to no end and I only wish I could see you now as I write this letter. I miss hearing your voice, Dean. I miss you so so much. I am so proud of you, Dean and I will always be there for you and think of you forever.

With much love, your sister, Sarah.

PS Give the Impala my love, she's our home away from home.

Tears were pouring down his face, but he didn't care. He didn't regret one second giving his soul for Sam, but he did regret not being there for Sarah when she died. Dean's head dropped to the steering wheel as he mourned for her death and he didn't care who heard him. He just didn't fucking care!


Sam sat at the kitchen table staring at the beer bottle in front of him while Bobby moved around the kitchen making sandwiches. Dean had been in the Impala for almost two hours and they knew he'd be hungry. Sam shuddered as he heard the heart rendering sobs of his older brother. Dean was always the strong one but he knew it was time for a role reversal. After all, Sam had already (almost) come to terms with Sarah's death. Not getting to say good bye to her was probably tearing his older brother inside.

The two shared a glance when the front door opened. Bobby grabbed another beer from the fridge and put it on the table. Dean was quite as he sat down, opened the bottle, and took a long swig of the cool liquid. Setting it down, he took a deep breath before he spoke up, emotion still thick in his voice.

"Thanks for, uh, giving me some time guys."

"It's all right, Dean," Sam replied with a smile.

Bobby nodded as he set the plate of sandwiches on the table. "We all have our moments and your secret is safe with us."

Dean's eyes lit up at the pile of food. "I'm starving!" he said, snatching one up.

"Nice!"

"Hey, I haven't eaten anything in four months, Sammy!"

"You already ate five cheeseburgers and two bags of chips before Sam got here," Bobby reminded him as he sat down.

Sam chuckled, but sobered when he was realized that of course Dean hadn't eaten in four months. He was in fucking hell! Come to think of it, they weren't really certain how he got out of there. "Um, I hate to bring this up while were eating and, no offense Dean, but how did you get out of the pit?"

Dean stopped chewing and stared at Sam. He remembered every single horrible detail of the pit except the part where someone yanked his ass out of there. He wasn't going to tell them, of course, after all, he had a lot going on his brain of his and he didn't want anyone to pick around it. "Dude, I don't know! The last thing I remember was getting torn to shreds by Lilith's hellhounds."

"Lets just hope it was someone who ain't asking for payback," Bobby replied, shaking his head. "All we need is another demon wanting something from you!"

"Here here!" Dean said, raising his bottle.

**********

That night Dean slept and he dreamed. There were bright flashes of red light. No, fire all around him. He was chained to something and soon a man was standing before him and began speaking in a really creepy voice. "It's time to come off the rack, son," he said. "If you do, I'll stop torturing you but you'll have to torture someone else."

Slowly nodding in agreement, Dean allowed himself to be taken down. He nearly got sick when he was asked to turn around. "No!" he cried. "She can't be down here! She's not fucking dead you bastard! I will not... No!"

"Come on now, Dean. It'll be fun! We'll do this one together!" the man replied, sliding a knife across the girl's belly.

Dean shut is eyes tightly, but they instantly snapped open when she began to speak. "Please, Dean," she gasped out as the man continued to cut his sister. "Please! Help me!"

"Sarah..."

"She's dead, deep down you know that Dean. She will forever hate you for sacrificing yourself for Sammy boy and leaving her to die all alone. You do realize that Sam wasn't there for her either and it was all your fault!"

"SARAH!" Dean exclaimed, sitting up in bed. He was tangled in the sheets and sweating beyond belief. Sam tried to get his attention, but he did not respond to his younger brother. Instead, when he finally untangled himself, he ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Sam sank back onto the bed, head in his hands as he tried to figure out how he could help his brother. "Sam?" Bobby asked from the door, concern evident in his voice.

"It's Dean. Bad dream," Sam explained. "I think you're gonna need to break out the hard stuff because he's gonna ask for it."

Bobby nodded. "I'll meet you boys downstairs."

It had been ten minutes since Dean went in the bathroom, before Sam knocked on the door. "Hey, you good? Bobby's getting something to warm us up."

"Yeah. I'll be down in a few," Dean replied, his voice thick with a emotion. He didn't try to hid it either. Once he was certain Sam was gone, Dean opened the door, fully clothed. He had to get out of there fast. He needed the cold night air on his skin, wind blowing on him through the Impala's windows.

By the time Sam and Bobby heard the Impala start, Dean had sped off.

********

Sam found Dean exactly where he knew he would be: the cemetery. Dean was sitting in front of the tombstone, tracing her name. He was about to say something when Dean began singing. Sam wasn't familiar with song (and he certainly didn't think Dean could even carry a tune) but he felt tears flowing as he listened to his brother.

You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Once he was finished, Dean spoke up. "Come here, Sammy."

Sam sat down next to him, wiping his tears. "Dean, that was... I don't even..."

"Pastor Jim used to sing that to us about Mom."

"He did?" Sam asked. "How come I never knew about that?"

Dean shrugged. "It's not something we would discuss around Dad, ya know. I mean, I'm sure he would have liked it, but it was something for just us when were little. By the time you were old enough to learn it, Dad decided you were also old enough to start learning the finer points of hunting."

"That makes sense," Sam replied with a nod.

It was at least five minutes before Dean spoke up again. "Sammy, I... hope Sarah knew how much I loved her."

"She did, Dean. I know she did!"

Dean nodded, getting to his feet. "Come on, Sammy, I think we need to have a drink on the best sister to ever live."

"Sounds good to me!" Sam replied with a smile.