A/N: Hi nothing in Twilight belong to my they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I make no money out of this (promise) I'm only doing it for fun.

Dear Diary…

I cannot help to think about them, Edward and That human (now vampire because of the baby she gave birth to). The love that is between them makes me vomited I tell my brother but I really envy them.

How would it feel to have someone that would die for you? Edward would have exposed himself to the humans so that he could join her in the after life, if there is something like that for vampires. At least that was the case when he thought her dead.

He is not the strongest vampire out there but he thought Demetri on her behalf. The thing that I found really sweet (don't tell my brother that I used the word sweet) was when he faced my "mind-pain" and me just so that she should not have to. Not that it really mattered in the end she did not feel a thing. I was so angry no one not even Aro could with stand my power but her comes a fragile human and don't feel a thing.

I was secretly in love with the idea of being in love with someone like Edward (not Edward himself I need someone more manly). I think that is way I reacted like I did when we found out about Renesesme. I mean Bella gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Al right so I did not know at first that she was a hybrid but still I was jealous. My one wish is to have a baby but that is something I never will have.

That big oaf of an Emmet thought it would be funny when he sends us an invitation to the girl's wedding. Nessie, I think is the nickname they gave her, is to marry a werewolf. Werewolves and vampires is natural enemies yet they she is so loved by her parents that they would let her marry the one man she loves.

I cannot help to wonder if my parents would have allowed that. Marrying the family's one and only enemy. I think I would go to the wedding even if the rest of the Volturi does not want to go. I may just have fun.

I cannot stop to think about Edward and Bella and the fact that they could love each other. Nessie and her werewolf will be happy because they have their family's approval and everything.

Never will I forget the impressive scene the wolfs made when they stood united with the Cullen's. Al ready to defend there lands and everyone and thing that lived on it. You could have seen the power just coming of off them.

I Jane from the Volturi just want someone to love me! I want to be human (as much of a human a vampire can be) and not a soulless machine Arowants me to be. I'm tired of hiding my true feelings from my brother. I hate hiding my feelings period. I hate the bitch I have became but I must be her to survive. I will survive even if it is just to find my love. If he will be human or vampire my love will be my life mate. That means I will leave the Volturi. If he is human like Bella (were before Edward changed her to save her live like I heard from some where) and he dies I would pull a Juliet like Edward wanted to pull a Romeo. If he is a vampire like me I will have to have him a save distance from Aro. It will break my heart (yes I do have a heart) to leave Alec but my mate will always come first. The best part will be that I wouldn't have to be the Bitch any more.

The sooner I find my live mate the better.

A/N: This is my first fic so please be nice with the reviews and if you have advice on how to be a better writer it will be accepted. I am not English speaking and my best friend MegiPegi that is has not seen this. So there will be some mistakes but I hope they are not to big.