The Wonderful World Of Disney
Chapter 1—A New Kind of Princess
Once upon a time there was a castle just beyond a magical forest, and in the castle there lived all manner of magical creature and princess, but just because something is magical doesn't mean that it has to get along with it's roommate...
"Cat fight!" those were the words that woke up every single inhabitant of the castle on that particular morning. Everyone from the West Wing to the East came hurrying out of their individual rooms—except in the case of the Gypsies of Notre Dame, which tended to sleep in one crowded room like homeless people—and into the foyer where two Disney princess stood yelling at each other.
"You hateful wretch!" Belle yelled at Ariel, her eyes bulging from their sockets.
"Don't be mad just because--"
"You stole my hairdryer!" Belle hissed, ignoring the discouraging looks from the other Disney characters as they came down the stairs and crowded around her. In the matter of a minute a group of probably two-hundred Disney characters had managed to make a huge circle around her and Ariel.
The Little Mermaid just shrugged passively. "I needed it to dry my hair after I took a bath last night." she paused then added, "You do know what a bath is, don't you Belle? It's that thing that involves soap, shampoo and water; you should try it sometime. It might keep you from looking like a greasy, run-down, old ragamuffin."
Belle let out a roar, grabbed a handful of Ariel's red hair, and started kicking and punching her, screaming all the while, "You whore! You whore!"
And from somewhere in the crowd Quasimodo, who had succeeded in climbing on top of one of the castles towering pillars, looked down and yelled so loud that his voice echoed, "Kill her!" If anyone loved a good cat fight it was the hunchback of Notre Dame.
But the Beast did not. In a second he had jumped in the middle of the fight, grabbed Belle, and was trying to safely get her away from Ariel. This was more for the Little Mermaid's sake, as he had seen what Belle could really do when she was angry, and it wasn't pretty. He hauled his Belle away and whispered in her ear, "Don't make a big deal out of this; she's not worth it. We'll buy you a new hairdryer."
Belle crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "But I want a pink one this time, with my face on it, so that when someone tries to steal it they'll know what they're getting into." and she spat out a mouthful of blood; Ariel had punched her in her mouth probably five times. Belle glared over at the other princess as she smoothed out her dress. "Where's your man, Ariel? Swimming in the fucking ocean, you fish freak?!"
Ariel just turned, walked over to where her prince, Eric, stood, and gave him a long kiss on the mouth, despite the blood that was trickling from her lip down her chin. Belle just rolled her eyes and motioned for the Beast to follow her. "Come, Beast." she commanded as she walked away, pushed through the crowd of onlookers, "It's breakfast time."
The Beast followed, just as obedient as a dog. Meanwhile those in the crowd just mumbled and began to disperse. Snow White looked up at her prince and whispered, "I hate this place. It seems like there's a new fight every morning."
He frowned. "That's because there is a new fight every morning. What can you expect in a house full of princesses?"
He and Snow White laughed until Aurora came up to her, her gorgeous waves of blond hair falling over her shoulders. She smiled at Snow White and asked, "Hey, ready to get breakfast started today? It's our turn in the kitchen."
Snow White broke away from her prince and asked him, "You don't mind, do you?"
He laughed heartily and shook his head. "No, my love. Go and cook to your heart's content!"
"Oh thank you!" and she gave him a kiss on the cheek and hurried away into the kitchens with Aurora, both princesses laughing and giggling girlishly.
Fixing breakfast for a hungry crowd of hundreds of Disney characters is never an easy task; the bread dough needed to be kneaded, the pancakes needed to be flipped, and the bacon needed to be perfectly cooked according to each character's preference. For example, each time Hades stepped into the line he expected to see his food burned so that it was inedible by an mortals standards, and if it didn't fit his exact request...well, let's just say that they were still rebuilding the kitchen from the Lord of the Dead's last temper tantrum.
Today, however, the problem wasn't with the Lord of the Dead, it was with Sir Claude Frollo. He glared down at his plate of food with a sneer on his face as he took his seat with the other Disney villains. As a general rule, heroes or good princesses didn't associate with the villains, just as a simple precaution to ensure that no wounds got salt rubbed in them.
On this particular day, however, Claude Frollo couldn't help but object. He sat down next to Jafar and sighed dramatically. Jafar, never one for making new friends or doing much 'social interaction', rolled his eyes and twisted his curly beard around one long, spidery finger. "What is it now, Frollo?" on his shoulder his parrot, Iago, let out a squawk, landed on his plate and began devouring his master's entire meal. Jafar payed Iago no mind though; he couldn't remember the last time that he had actually succeeded in eating a full meal.
Frollo observed the bird's behavior with a frown then said to Jafar, "They did not cook my bacon as I specified."
Over to his right Maleficent couldn't help but to speak up. "Well how did you ask them to cook it, you bothersome fool?"
Frollo shrugged moodily. "I only asked them to cook it with three ounces of Gypsy meat and some of Madame Esmeralda's beautiful ebony locks..."
Hades, who had been swallowing a piece of charred toast, chocked and had to wash it down with a glass of black, cold coffee. "Ugh! That's disgusting, Fro! What the hell's wrong with you anyway?!"
Again Frollo shrugged and picked at his plate gloomily. "I don't see what is wrong with that request; they burn your food every morning, and they can't slaughter a few gypsies and shave Esmeralda bald? What kind of shitty place is this?"
A ways away Ursala, who had been overhearing the whole conversation, shuttered and gulped down the cup of sea water that was in front of her. "Ugh." she muttered to herself, "Disgusting.
Over by the Princesses/Hero side of the room everything was peachy as usual. Hercules, Philoctetes, and Pegasus where all flinging food onto the villain's side and laughing; Jack Sparrow and Will Turner were fighting with their forks while Elizabeth Swann, ever the lady, sat back looking disgusted at her Will; Wendy, her brothers, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, and the Lost Boys were hiding under tables and soaring around the dining area, pouring drinks onto Captain Hook's head; Robin Hood and Little John were busy stealing food from Prince John and carrying it back to the table where the starving citizens of Nottingham sat. Yep, everything was pretty much normal.
Everything was going normal, that is, until a sudden cry came from the breakfast line; it was Davy Jones, yelling at the tops of his lungs at Snow White. "Listen here, lass, I don't care how tired or overworked you are, you will fix me my fish sticks for breakfast! Not lunch or supper, breakfast! Do you understand?!"
Snow White, who was a very sweet natured and emotional princess, nodded and clasped her hands together and pointed them up at the sky as if praying. Tears began to leak from her eyes. "Oh, yes sir, just please give me time. That's all I need is a little time."
Davy Jones glared down at her. "Just how much time, lass?"
She looked over at Aurora, who was busily busting and cooking. "Judging by how busy we are, probably about, oh, say ten minutes."
Davy Jones nodded, smacked his lips, the tentacles that were his beard twisted and writhing all the while. "Ah. I see." then he turned to the rest of his crustily aquatic crew and repeated, "About ten minutes boys!" they all grumbled and griped.
Over on the hero side of the room Jack Sparrow jumped to his feet and took out his sword. "You should be grateful that the lass is cooking you anything at all, savvy?"
As soon as he was done saying this Barbossa jumped to his feet and yelled, "Jack Sparrah you sit your lily livered ass down this minute, before I run ye through!"
And somewhere the subtle chuckle of the Gypsy King, Clopin Trouillefou could be heard amongst the Gypsy side of the dining area. "Ha, he said 'run you through'. That's gay."
Barbossa took out his gun and pointed it straight at the Gypsy King. "You have a comment you'd like to add, boy?"
Clopin, who was leisurely stretched out with his feet resting on the table and his hands laced behind his head, shook his head and tipped his purple hat. "No sir. Please continue."
Elizabeth Swann jumped out of her chair as soon as Will had risen out of his seat. "Will, where are you going?"
Will shrugged. "I don't know. I kind of have to use the bathroom."
Elizabeth smiled, a beautiful and welcomed sight to the pirates that were seated around them. "Oh good. I've just about had enough of this foolishness; I'll come with you."
Will knitted his eyebrows together. "You'll come with me to the bathroom?"
She nodded eagerly. "Come, let's go." and she grabbed his arm and escorted him out of the dining room. All the other pirates watched her with their mouths open.
Ragetti leaned over and elbowed his friend Pintel in the ribs. "Oi, Pint?"
Pintel rolled his eyes and sighed. "What?"
"She's like a dog, ain't she?"
"You know that there's another word for that, don't cha?"
Ragetti frowned in thought then shook his head and answered, "Nah there ain't."
Pintel nodded and insisted, "Yeah there is; it's called a bitch. That lass is the biggest, clingy bitch that I've ever seen. It's pitiful."
They burst out in childish laughter as Jack Sparrow leaped over their heads and began to fight Davy Jones. Everyone abandoned their plates of food and watched the pirates fight. Eventually Barbossa himself jumped into the fray, slashing and stabbing at Jack with his sword. Thank goodness that Will Turner had gone, or Jack might have just had to worry about getting killed.
The fight was soon broken up, however, as a little white rabbit came hurrying into the dining room, jumped right in the middle of the pirates and proclaimed, "Her majesty, the Queen of Hearts!"
Everyone groaned and hurried back to their seats before—BOOM! The doors to the dining room burst open and the Queen of Hearts entered, tailed by a dozen card soldiers. She held her head high. Alice gritted her teeth as the queen passed her. The blue caterpillar just inhaled deeply through his Turkish water pipe, and the Cheshire Cat just sat in his seat grinning. The Cheshire Cat was a bit of a drifter, sometimes sitting on the villains side, sometimes on the heroes/princess side, or sometimes he just didn't show up all together. Today he was sitting on the good side, his grin intimidating everyone around him, except, that is, the ever eccentric Winnie the Pooh. Yes, Winnie the Pooh and the Cheshire Cat had become good friends.
The Queen of Hearts pushed past Davy Jones in his crew just as Snow White stuck her head out of the kitchen door, her face dripping with sweat, and said, "The fish sticks are ready!"
The Queen of Hearts wrinkled he nose. "Fish sticks? Fish sticks? No, no, no, my dear. I demand freshly squeezed grape juice, homemade butter, and approximately ten perfectly cooked and stuffed turnkeys, thank you very much. I shall wait here until you are done."
Snow White groaned and yelled back into the kitchen, "Toss the fish sticks! We need grapes, turkey, and fresh butter!" and she retreated back into the kitchen.
Davy Jones just stood there for a second, his arms hanging limply at his side, then he went right up to the Queen of Hearts. "Hey, now. What's that about? We were in line first!"
She shrugged and snapped her fingers. In a matter of seconds a dozen or more of her card soldiers had closed in around the captain and were all pointing their spears at him. Davy Jones backed away, staggering slightly as his peg leg almost slipped, and he turned to his crew and whispered ominously, "Release the Kracken."
The message was passed down the line, and by the time it reached the end there was a loud cracking noise and a rumble that shook the whole room. The princesses all screamed shrilly and hugged their prince for support. Even the strong-minded Esmeralda hugged her love, Phoebus, as a huge tentacle broke through the wall.
Snow White stuck her head out the kitchen and looked around. When she saw the Kracken's tentacle, she gasped. "What is going on here?!"
Davy Jones glared at her. "Get back in the kitchen and dig my fish sticks out the trash can, lass!"
She nodded and retreated back into the kitchen and locked the door. The Queen of Hearts, however, didn't seem fazed in the least. She said to one of her soldiers, "Bring me the Cheshire Cat." and grinned slyly as the Kracken's tentacle began smashing everything in the room. She didn't have to wait long before the pink-striped cat suddenly appeared on her shoulder. He stared at her with his unnerving yellow eyes and huge, foolish grin.
"You rang, your majesty?"
"Yes, cat. I require you to grin at that Kracken's tentacle."
The Cheshire Cat shrugged and turned to face the huge tentacle. Immediately the destruction stopped the tentacle disappeared; a bubbling, gurgling sound could be heard as the Kracken retreated from the cat's horrid smile. Davy Jones gasped and looked around.
Everyone else took their seats and crawled out from under their tables, looking around nervously, but despite this, the day was still pretty much proceeding as normal.
The rest of the day proceeded as normally as it could, and eventually the time came for everyone to go down to their separate lodgings and go to bed. This, like everything else in the castle, was a difficult task, mainly because the castle itself had about thirteen floors, but each housed about three dozen separate environments.
The Gypsies walked down into the cellar and into the man-made catacombs beneath the castle, where their makeshift Court of Miracles was hidden. Quasimodo, Esmeralda, Phoebus, and went all the way up to the highest towers of the castle, where the bells were housed. Frollo, of course, went as well, but stayed in a separate room from the rest of them. In fact, all the villains generally stayed within a relatively close location to their enemies. For example, Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, Abu, Iago, Genie, and Jafar would all go to the 'Agrabah' section of the castle, but stay in different rooms.
Once they had all gone to bed and the castle was empty there came a knock on the door. Bambi, Thumper, and Flower got up to answer it, because they were on the ground floor and the closest to the door. Bambi answered the door and let out a yawn.
"H-Hello? Is anyone there?"
Thumper looked outside into the darkness and gasped. "Bambi! Look, it's--"
But he was cut off by a kind and loving voice. "Now aren't ya'll the cutest things! Why, I don't think that I've ever in my life seen somethin' so cute!"
Bambie opened his eyes as a warm hand gently patted the top of his head. A girl stood in the doorway, a beautiful, dark girl, with a earthy green dress. Next to her stood a man with tanned skin and a perfect, pearly smile. He said, "Yes, I think that this is the place, Tiana."
She nodded eagerly. "Why, yes I do believe that it is, Naveen." then she peered down at the skunk, Flower. She knelt down beside him and asked kindly, "Is this where all the Disney princesses live, sweeite?"
The skunk nodded and stepped aside so that she could come in. "Yes ma'am."
Tiana laughed as she stepped into the castle. "Oh, please, darlin'! Call me Tiana! It sounds so much friendlier." and she looked around the foyer with an amazed look in her eyes. "Wow. Quite a place you've got here, boys. Is anyone else home?"
Bambi frowned. "We can call them down if you like, but you might wann think twice about--"
"Oh yes," Tiana said, her eyes sparkling, "please do! We're so eager to meet the others, right Naveen?"
The prince nodded. "Yes, but please tell me if they will accept living with as gorgeous, perfect a man as myself."
Tiana laughed, thinking that it was a joke, but Naveen really was serious. He frowned. "What? What is so funny? Did I miss something?"
She grew silent and the laughter melted from her face; she shook her head quickly. "No, Nav. Nothing at all." and she turned back to Bambi, Thumper, and Flower. "Could you please get the others for me?"
Thumper nodded. "Yes, Mrs. Tiana." and he raised his leg then began to rigorously thump the ground with his foot. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP...
Then everything grew silent. Tiana frowned and looked around. "Are you sure that they—oh dear, what was that?" the castle had begun to quake as all the Disney characters came hurrying down the stairs at once. The Gypsies slowly came walking out of the kitchen, where the cellar that led to their catacombs was. They were putting their matted, dark hair behind their one-ear ringed ears and rubbing their eyes as they came into the foyer.
Tiana smiled at the crowed and said shyly, "Why hello there. I...umm...this is my husband, Naveen, and I'm Tiana."
One of the princesses, Cinderella, spoke up, "So if he's a prince then what does that make you? Another princess?"
She smiled and giggled. "Why, I guess it does!"
All the other princesses groaned and wrapped their arms around their prince protectivley, as if afraid that Tiana might try and snatch them at any waking moment, but the new princesses just smiled and squeezed her husband's hand.
"Me and Naveen were just wondering if we could stay here a while. Isn't this a home for Disney princesses?"
Esmeralda nodded and smiled. "Yes it sure is, and you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. Come. I'll help you carry your stuff to your room."
And Snow White jumped forward and volunteered as well. "Oh, oh! Me too!" then she turned to Tiana and said graciously, "Welcome to the house, sweeite." and grabbed a handful of luggage and began hauling it away.
"Wait!" Esmeralda said suddenly, turning back to Tiana, "Where did you say that you wanted to live?"
"Live?" she asked. "I didn't know that I had a choice."
Snow White nodded. "Sure, there's the bell towers, the West Wing—but that's the Beast's home and his wife, Belle, is a selfish bitch—and then there's the ocean out back and the--"
"But we're from Louisiana. Do you have a place for that?" Naveen asked. When no one answered he added, "Or at least a swamp or bog? We have some friends that need a place to stay as well."
Snow White gasped. "You have friends? Oh, how lovley! Where are they?"
Naveen smiled and yelled out the open door, "Ray, Mama Odie, Louis, Charlotte, Dr. Facilier, and Lawrence! Time to come in!"
Everyone watched as a light bug, old woman, alligator, another girl in a pink dress, a man with a staff and top hat, and a tubby man entered the foyer—then they groaned. Over by the great warrior Shang, Mulan let out a curse.
"Damn...another princess to watch..."
Shang looked down at her and frowned. "Why are you so worried, Mulan?"
She sneered. "Because that bitch might try and steal my hair straightener...come on. We're going to find it right now and hide it before she finds it." and she and Shang went off into the 'China' wing of the house, with Mushu and the cricket following close behind.
Everyone glared at Tiana as she, Snow White, and Esmeralda climbed up the stair case with luggage in tow. "You're going to love it here," the Gypsy Esmeralda promised. "The castle's beautiful, the cooking is delicious--"
Snow White giggled and said humbly, "Thank you."
Esmeralda nodded and continued. "And the people are...well, the people here are very colorful, that's for sure." and she gave Naveen and Tiana a nervous little smile.
Tiana just smiled back and said, "I think that me and Naveen will love it here. Thank you very much for inviting us in."
Snow White smiled sweetly. "It's no bother, dear, no bother at all, just make sure that you don't touch Belle's hairdryer and you'll be just fine." and without another word of warning, the group climbed the stairs.
**A/N—Okay people, yes, this is technically a fanfiction about Disney princesses and princes and magic and whatnot, but I must warn you now that soon, yes, very soon, the situations will get sticky, awkward, and slightly slashy, so I must warn you now that I don't mean to offend or permanently scar you for life, just give you a chuckle.
Also, I know that I couldn't have possibly begun to mention EVERY SINGLE Disney character known to man, but please give me some time and some insight; let me know what your favorite Disney movie is, and I will try and include it. I have my favorites, and I know that you have yours, so just say the word and I'll try to include them.
Also, just in case you're confused here is a character list (I will not include the obvious one like Snow White, of course):
Clopin Trouillefou (Cleo-pan)—The Gypsy King in The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Princess Tiana/Prince Naveen—The newest Disney princess and prince seen in The Princess & the Frog.
Phoebus (Fee-bus)--Esmeralda's boyfriend in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. According to the movie, his name means, 'Sun God'.
Aurora—Princess in Sleeping Beauty
Pintel & Ragetti—Ragetti is the one-eyed pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean, and Pintel is his short, stocky friend with the beard.
I think that all other characters are pretty obvious, but if you have any questions please let me know. Thanks. ***Disclaimer*** I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY; THEY ARE ALL THE WONDERFULLY MAGICAL WORK OF WALT DISNEY.