The Piss Bag.
Jonas' eyes spun uncontrollably as he took the burnout hit of his third bomb joint. He tossed it onto the couch while the ashes of the paper were still glowing orange. He leaned into the coffee table and took a puff. He coughed out smoke that went into the air of a mansion on something of a dream street to me. The houses were lakeside and each had three stories minimum.
I shook my head across the room as I held a red cup filled with root beer, watching Jonas stone himself. I was relaxed, living in the moment, not a muscle in my body tense. Perhaps it was the mota burning in the air, maybe it was the three cans of Lysol one of Jonas' fellow stoners sprayed five minutes ago thinking he was going to get a high off of the smell of roses. Whatever it was, it made me forget about the coming event and relax.
"Kyle," Jonas said in a steamed voice, "You ever had a blowjob?"
"No. You?" I took a sip out of my cup.
"Seriously?" he coughed out in astonishment. "Dude, I'm getting you mouth fucked tonight!"
"I asked if you've ever had one. Oh, and I doubt Alison will even consider touching man parts. She should have been born with a penis, and with the way she looks, her dick is probably bigger than mine." I said.
"Uh… yeah, I totally got one…like last week." Jonas forced a smile.
"Since that's a lie, I'm pretty sure a pathetic fuck like you would call a sex line?" I got up and headed towards the sliding doors and out to where the pool was. The balcony overlooked a lake with a grassy beach. Jonas got up and followed. He dropped his roach as he rose from the couch, fumbled around for it, and finally looked in between the sofa cushions. He pulled it out, along with a vibrator disguised as a tube of lipstick.
When I saw him ask one of his buddies what it was, I laughed hysterically when they replied saying it was a "Pussy crayon."
He came to me with a dipshit look on his face and asked me: "You know what a pussy crayon is?"
"Yeah," I said, "it's like a scented Crayola that smells like fish." I walked out and nodded happily as I watched all the girls on the balcony. None of them were fully clothed, not much else besides bikinis was worn outside. Of course, all the guys were dressed normally. Only we get to be horny without advertising it.
Ryan came out of the stoning room with Eric, who was bouncing up and down nervously and crossing his legs as he stood, by his side. Ryan shoved Jonas as he passed him. "So Kyle, are you ready."
"Is Bouncy ready?" I asked with a smirk.
Jonas blasted through both of them, a joint in between his fingers and another in his mouth. "Fuck yeah my boy is ready! I told him to fight this fight!"
I grabbed Jonas by the shirt collar and pulled him so close I could see the weed between his teeth. Does he eat that shit? I thought before saying, "Shut up before I burn you with your own lighter, you stoned dipshit." I threw him back and he stumbled into the pool, landing on a girl in a small bikini that was drifting along in a rubber raft and dropping his spare joint into the water.
"Hey, baby, you want a hit?" he asked, taking the roach out of his mouth and extending it to her.
"Yeah, I guess." She popped the joint in her mouth and shoved him into the pool, a relaxed smile on her face as she inhaled the toxic smoke.
"Yeah," I said after watching Jonas fail. "I'm ready."
A crowd gathered around us as Eric stepped forward, sweating as if he had already gone two rounds. He wasn't scared or excited. His nose twitched and his feet crossed when he stood still. If he knew anything that was worth a good shit about striking, it was that he should always keep his legs based out, and that he should never cross them over like that.
"No gloves?" I asked, looking at Ryan.
He shook his head. "Lakeside brawlers borrowed all of mine."
"Alright then," I said as I put up my guard. "Let's fuck shit up."
Eric put up his guard and we circled each other in a boxing stance for a couple of seconds. The crowd of drunken teenagers went nuts when they saw the fight was on, and instead of really paying attention to everything Eric was doing for the first few seconds, I listened to the crowd.
He caught me with a jab to my nose that woke me up instantly. I looked him dead in the eye and took a step into range. He backed up, dropped his guard and bounced around with that same look on his face and then went back in my range with his guard.
I saw his chest move as he extended his arm to jab, and clocked him with a snap jab of my own, then stepped in and slammed an elbow across his cheek.
He backed up again, lowered his guard and as he bounced awkwardly I ran in and push kicked him in the sternum, dropping him.
"Kyle!" I heard Jonas scream from behind me; "Come over here!"
I backed up quickly, for he was getting back up. "What the fuck. If this guy wasn't an idiot, I'd come up here just to push you back in the water. Waduya want?" I jumped back in the center of the circle, clinched Eric, and swept him with my right leg, kneeing him as he went down. I went back to Jonas. "As you were saying?"
"He has to take a piss." Jonas said.
I nearly laughed at his stupidity. "You're still high aren't you?" I glanced back at Eric, taking note that he was still moving and working his way back to his feet in a dazed manner.
"Yeah, I am, but you know what that means don't you?" Jonas smiled, and then put out the joint he had in his fingers in the plastic cup or beer the guy next to him had.
"Well, if you kick him in the piss bag he'll pee himself and then all the people here will laugh at him." He still had that stupid smile on his face.
I snickered, "If I knew what you meant, I might have to do it."
Jonas sighed, "You don't know where the piss bag is?"
"I'm not stoned, Jonas, therefore my focus isn't as great as yours at the moment. Otherwise, I would know where it's at."
"Kyle!" Eric yelled from behind me.
"One second." I said and then jumped back in the ring with Eric and we circled each other in a boxing stance once more. He shot for a double leg form two feet away and I sprawled, cross-facing him with such force it was almost a clothesline.
It broke his nose. He sucked it and kept pushing forward, his hands scraping at my calves as he desperately tried to grab them.
I grabbed his scalp and smashed into the concrete, then pushed him back up so that he would stand up with me. When we stood facing each other, he was almost falling over, taking baby steps so he wouldn't fall over as he went for me. I stepped back to Jonas and told him to continue.
"The piss bag," he explained, "is right between the crotch and belly button. Got it?" He lit another joint.
"Got it." I stepped forward and got rattled by a stiff jab surprised me and pissed me off. I shoved him back in anger and threw a vicious side kick right in bellow the belly button. His pelvis was black and blue.
His eyes dilated. He dropped to his knees and his face went white, and the crowd cheered as if they had just witnessed some miraculous act of God. I smiled as I felt the frustration in my stomach die down. As I walked back to Jonas, I saw Jake Tyler looking at me from the second floor balcony. I smiled.
"Dude!" Jonas jumped in front of me, "you are going to be amazing!"
Ryan McArthy looked back at me from Eric, who was crying on the floor with pee stains on his shorts and half the school laughing at him, with astonishment in his eyes.