Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or anything else that is completely awesome.
This is written in Abby's POV.
I was home alone, sitting on my couch, crying. My boyfriend had just broke up with me. It wasn't abnormal, but I thought I had loved him, but of course I knew I was just playing mind games with myself. I knew the one man I would always love would never feel the same, so I tried to make distractions for myself to forget him. I guess I was crying now because I knew no matter how long or how hard I tried, I could never forget my love for him. I was never for sure if I loved him or if I fell in love with him. I had always assumed there was a difference. I had been in love with many men before, but he was more on the brink of me falling in love with him. I didn't feel this spontaneously, but I realized it just as quick. I'm guessing the feeling had been building up while I didn't even know it. It was during a case I realized it. A marine's wife had been killed and his daughter kidnapped. I was trying to figure out what drugs were used in the wife's killing. I still hadn't figured them out by the time he came down.
"What do you got for me, Abs?" I turned to tell him. "Well, I know our vic had O positive blood, but there was also A negative on the handle of the knife that was used. I'm guessing that's the killer's blood." I just stopped there, not even going to think about mentioning the drugs. "And the drugs?" I sighed. That wasn't even close to what I was feeling, knowing I would deeply disappoint him, since this was so close of what happened to him once. "I'm sorry Gibbs. There were so many drugs used at once, I haven't been able to find what they were yet." Then he started to lose it. "Sorry? Is that it? Do you think sorry is going to get us anywhere?" I backed away from him, started feel scared. "Well, I- I'm sorry, but…I'm still trying…" Then he started to shout. "Well, if you're trying, you're obviously not trying hard enough!" I have never seen him like this, and I could feel the terror set itself in my muscles. I could barley move. I was literally scared stiff. Then, his stone-hard eyes softened, and they looked so sad and regretful. He came and hugged me. "I'm so sorry." Then it hit me. I knew his family was killed, but this marine was lucky enough to still have his daughter. All Gibbs had were memories. I was just standing there, then I hugged him back. I wasn't facing him directly, but I knew he was crying when I felt the wetness of a single tear land on my lab coat. That was when I realized I was in love with him. He had his feelings hidden so deep within him, but was willing to share his tears with me.
Now I was realizing what could never happen again between us, and I cried harder. Today we had had a fight over- over- over something so stupid I couldn't even remember. I knew after something like that, I could never tell him that I loved him. Then I started to think of what else might have triggered myself to realize my love for him then. Nothing at the moment, but everything else that was building up over the years. Most people that knew him thought he was a tough-as-nails guy with no emotion, which he partly was. But around me, he showed a different side. Outside of those lab doors, he would often make smart aleck comments that were rather funny, but inside my lab, we shared a personal humor no one seemed to understand. Then, we had another type of humor, which literally no one could understand. He knew ASL just as well as I did, and we would sign to each other whiles others just stood in confusion. He was also sweet, loving kind, and naïve. He was never afraid to tell me how he felt about things, but he only thinks I know as much as he lets on. He is dead wrong. Being rather corny, it was his eyes that told me things. They told me things no one else saw in this man. I think anyone could've seen it because he was easier to read than a book, but I think it was no one else wanted to see what those icy-blue, mysterious, complicated eyes. Just to say, his mouth told me one message, but his eyes said something completely different. Sometimes the things I saw in those eyes made me want to cry, but I always shook it off.
I cried more thinking about those eyes.
I thought about his voice- his deep, handsome voice. I loved that voice the most when spoken in a whisper. His deep whisper would soothe me through all those times I was scared, and sent shivers through my spine. His whisper said so many things at once, like, 'Abby, it'll be okay,' or, 'Don't worry Abby. I'll keep you safe.' The one thing I wish that whisper would say was, 'I love you.' At times, it would seem it was saying that, but I knew it was only my imagination.
I thought of his voice, of how it sounded, of how it calmed me, and I quivered.
I looked at the clock. 24:43. He was probably walking out of the NCIS building now. Maybe if I called him… No. Then I thought. It could make things better, or worse than they already were. It could make him suspicious, but then again, I have called him late before. I reached my hand for a phone, then drew it back. What if I let it slip? What if he didn't feel that way? Everything I have loved would be gone. I would lose his shoulder massages, his laugh, and his lips on my cheek. I would lose his hugs and the ability to look into his eyes without him thinking I was obsessed. Of course, I would lose my Caf-Pows, but those didn't really matter. I reached for the phone and picked it up. I didn't give a crap what I would lose. I just needed to let this secret digging at my heart out before it killed me. I started to dial his number when I heard a knock at the door.
I looked at the clock again. 1:27? I can't believe it took me that long to decide whether or not to call someone. I got up and looked through the peephole. Gibbs. Dear God, it was Gibbs. I backed away from the door. Sure, I wanted to talk to him, but not face-to-face. "Abs, I know you're there. I can see you through the peephole." Crap. I forgot people could do that from the outside. I slowly opened the door. "What?" He opened the rest of the door for me. "I wanted to talk." Wow. How freaking ironic. He came in. "About what?" He gave me a look. "You know exactly what Abigail Sciuto." Uh-oh. Full names being used here. He's never said my full name before and it felt… weird. "Well, what about it? I thought we weren't suppose to talk about personal problems…" In work outside of work. He sighed a deep, heavy sigh. "I wasn't at work. I was in a… more personal place." Wow. My lab is a personal place to him? How… sweet. Well, sweet and suspicious. Why was lab a personal place? The only way I could think it would be a personal place was if… I stopped thinking. "I just came to say, sorry for starting something so stupid. I mean, I can't even remember what we were even fighting about." I wasgoing to disagree and say my part- you know, 'No, it's my fault,' and all that jazz, but first…
"You would've said that at work tomorrow if that was all you were going to say. What else is there?" He laughed. Why was he laughing? This was a serious situation… kind of. "You always seem to know me Abs. There is something else though. Today, after whatever happened, I was thinking. I shouldn't start things like that over nothing. I mean, what if I really hurt you? Emotionally, of course. If I did something that stupid again, I might… I might lose you. I couldn't live with myself. You mean a lot to me." Awww, how sweet, but not really what I had been hoping for. I had just noticed we were still standing, and he walked towards me. "You've been crying Abs. What's wrong?" I walked to the couch. I stopped before I sat down to think. Good God, I couldn't tell him. I stood up and tried to look defensive for my thoughts. I kind of forgot my face was still wet when Gibbs came in, and well… I don't know! I just couldn't tell him! "Abby, what were you crying about?"
"It's nothing! Just… just some guy trouble." There. It was the truth, just not the whole truth. "And?"
"And what?" Okay, Mr. Monkey-See-Monkey-Do, you don't need to know. "You know, I…"
"I know that's not all that's bothering you." He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I know my girl. You've had guy trouble before. Do you need someone to talk to?" I put my arms on his, and laid my head on his chest while thinking, What the heck are you doing? You're letting it slip! You're letting it slip and you know it! He kissed the top of my head. He swayed with me in his arms. Wow. This was so romantic, and it would be the perfect time to tell him. "Gibbs?" I whispered. "Mmm-hmm?"
"I love you."
He looked down at me. I looked up at him. He didn't look angry or confused. He looked… he looked as if he would say something important to me.
"I love you too."
I looked at him, tears starting to run out. Oh, come on! I just finished crying, but these were tears of happiness and hope. A tear escaped. He gently took his hand and wiped it away. He caressed my cheek for a moment, then took his face to mine. Almost every day I could feel his lips on my cheek, but I never thought I would ever feel his lips to mine. I thought of more reasons of why I loved him. It seemed as if he could always read my mind.
I thought of him, and he came.
For all the people who don't say God freely, forgive me. I thought that would be better than saying darn constantly. Everybody, have a happy New Year!