A/N: This fic is completely different than First Kiss. There is almost no angst in this … just a lot of fun! This is slash and involves a threesome, but it is not graphic at all. Again, this is for fun only. I'm not actually advocating for anyone having a threesome. Be smart, people.
The Seduction of Kurt Hummel
Part I: Discussions
"He is not a girl, Finn."
"Obviously, I know that, Puck."
"I don't think you do. You're thinking of him like he was a girl."
They were in Finn's room arguing about Kurt's masculinity or lack thereof.
"I am not. I just don't think you know what you're talking about," Finn said with a pout.
"Think about it, dude. What went through your mind in math class today?"
Finn thought about it for a while. "I really was trying to listen…"
"But…" Puck prompted.
"Mrs. Beck was drawing angles on the board. Can I help it if they looked like pointy breasts?"
"And in history?"
"That's not fair, man. We were studying the Salem witch trials. Everyone knows witches are sexy."
Puck just looked at his friend like he was an idiot. Which was actually a fairly accurate assessment.
"And in Glee? When Rachel and Kurt were having a sing off to see who would get the lead?"
Finn thought about it for a second. "Well, when Rachel was singing I thought about what a great singer she was. She really did a good job."
"She was wearing that short skirt and a scarf over her sweater," Finn said. "And then I imagined her wearing nothing but the skirt and the scarf." He smiled at the memory, and Puck thought he might lose him any minute.
"And when Kurt was singing?"
"I was thinking about what a great singer Kurt was…"
"And…" Puck was getting frustrated. It was like pulling teeth, trying to get anything out of his friend.
"And that… okay, same as Rachel. You have to admit, he would have looked good in that skirt."
"I agree, but it totally proves my point!"
"Puck, it just proves that I think about sex all the time. It doesn't prove anything about Kurt."
"I'm going to say it again. Kurt is a dude. An adolescent male. Therefore he thinks about sex all the time. Why would you think he would be any different?"
"He's always worried about clothes and fashion."
"And you think about football and videogames."
Finn had to agree with that. Maybe Puck did know what he was talking about. He just didn't want to get his hopes up.
"Okay, Puck. Let's say Kurt is thinking about sex. And suppose he even wants to have sex. Why would he be interested in us?"
"Why wouldn't he? We are two hot guys."
Finn still looked skeptical.
"Look, Finn. Kurt looks at you like you're an ice cream cone on a hot day. He is definitely into you."
Finn didn't argue with him. It was hard to miss how Kurt looked at him longingly sometimes. "But he doesn't like you at all. I mean look at all the times you've tortured him…"
"Hey! Why does everyone forget that you were with me during all… well, almost all… of those times? Just because I was the one doing the throwing, I get all the blame."
"Cuz, I look so sweet and innocent," Finn said with a smile.
"And I do love that about you," Puck replied with a smirk. "But it's still not fair. And we're getting off track. I actually think Kurt is into me."
Finn stretched out on the bed, putting his hands behind his head. "I don't see it, dude," he said.
Puck narrowed his eyes at his friend as he watched him stretch. Was he trying to distract him? It wouldn't work. He was focused on his goal.
"It was after football practice…"
"Kurt's not in football anymore."
"Really? I must have missed that… since he hasn't been there for weeks," he said sarcastically. "He was in the locker room after practice to give us a message from Mr. Schue."
"I don't remember that."
"You were still in the shower. Would you quit interrupting me so I can tell you what happened?"
Finn didn't respond, and Puck thought he might just regret his temper later. "So I had just got out of the shower when I saw Kurt, and you should have seen the look on his face."
"So you didn't have anything on?" He was smiling widely, and Puck had a good idea of what he was thinking about.
"I had a towel on. Focus, Finn."
"Right. So you had a towel on, and Kurt was staring at you?"
"He was totally checking out my body."
"Puck, you think everyone's checking out your body."
"That's cuz they are. Jealous?"
"Damn straight, I am. You know I didn't like it when all those moms were all over you."
Finn was starting to pout again, and Puck knew he would have to distract the other boy or he'd be difficult for the rest of the evening. They'd both had plenty of girlfriends throughout the years, but within the last year they had grown a little tired of girls. They still lusted after them, of course, but girls now days seemed more worried about credit scores and being popular. Really, what happened to sex? That was the great thing about guys. They loved sex so there was no conflict. Which brought him back to thinking about Kurt. And keeping Finn happy.
"Come on, Finn. You know you're my boy."
"Yeah? Prove it," he said cheekily.
And so their discussion of Kurt was put on hold while Puck reminded his friend of just how much he appreciated him.
Later they were resting from their exertion when the topic came up again.
"I can see why Kurt was staring, Puck. You do have an amazing body." He was currently running his hand over the other boy's chest, accenting his words with action.
"Thanks, Finn. But it wasn't just that Kurt was staring, it was the way he was staring. He was practically drooling."
"Even if he thinks you're hot, he doesn't like you. I don't see how we are going to get past that."
"But you're willing to try?" Puck looked eagerly at his friend. Finn had been very reluctant. It wasn't because he didn't like Kurt, just the opposite. He didn't want to get shot down by the fashionable Gleek.
"I still think we need to make sure, Puck."
"Fine. We will just have to put our little gay boy in several situations and see how he reacts. Then we will know for sure if he is interested in us."
"You know, Puck, even if he likes the both of us… it doesn't mean he would like the both of us together."
"Again, Finn. He is a guy, not a girl. If he likes us, I doubt he will be squeamish about a threesome."
"Just because you are a sex maniac, Puck, doesn't mean everyone is."
Puck didn't say a word. He just gave Finn a smirk.
"I'm just worried…"
"You worry too much, Finn. Sometimes you can be such a girl."
"Maybe," he replied with a smile. "But I didn't hear you complaining a few moments ago."
"And I'm not complaining now," he assured him with a grin. "So we're gonna do this thing then?" He held his breath as he waited for Finn to respond.
Puck smiled at his friend.
Operation: Seduce Kurt Hummel was about to commence.