I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouagement, it really means a lot to me! Now, on with the story.....................
After dropping Brennan back home, Booth had driven around aimlessly, trying to process the day's events. He'd been hesitant to find out the results, knowing that in all likelihood the procedure would not have been a success, but actually hearing the word 'negative', he couldn't help but feel a little crushed.
He'd expected that they'd talk about it, try and come to a decision about how to move things forward, but the whole way home she hadn't even looked at him, never mind spoken to him. He'd tried conversation twice, but both times he'd spoken it was obvious she was too lost in her thoughts to even hear him.
He'd taken a detour on the way to her apartment, hoping that sometime in the extra ten minutes she'd give him some kind of sign that she was ready to talk, but after eventually pulling up outside her place, she'd jumped out of the car without even an acknowledgement.
That had been two days ago, two days in which he hadn't heard from her even once, and his calls had gone unanswered. Even on weekends they usually spoke at least twice a day, and he was torn between his fear that something had happened and his gut feeling that this was one of those times when he just needed to leave her to process it in her own way.
Knowing her as well as he knew himself, he could understand why this had affected her more than anyone would have thought. Temperance Brennan was not a person used to failure. Her whole adult like, she'd always achieved whatever she put her mind to, professionally and physically at least. He'd seen how excited she's been that day when he agreed to make a baby with her, her eyes showing him that this was something she'd wanted with every cell in her body.
He knew she thought she'd hidden it well in the next few weeks, but he could tell the changes in her. She'd greeted nearly everyone with a smile, giving her grad students much more praise and support than normal, eating regularly even without his prompting.
He could tell that in her mind, there was no possibility that the procedure was anything but a success, so to find out that she wasn't pregnant must have been devastating for her. He wanted to be with her, to support her and talk things through, but he respected her obvious wish to be left alone.
It surprised him to find her waiting in his office on Monday morning, reading through some case files ready for the court case they had to give evidence for that week. Anyone else looking at her wouldn't be able to tell that there was anything different to normal, but he could see that underneath the carefully applied make up she had the same dark circles that he did, that her eyes were missing the sparkle they'd had in recent weeks.
She proceeded to fill him in on the information he needed, not mentioning anything about the doctors appointment or the weekend, pretending that it was just an ordinary day and that the last month hadn't happened.
'I tried calling you this weekend Bones, I've been worried about you. Do you want to talk about this?' He sat next to her on the couch in his office, making sure there was space between them but wanting to show her that he was there for her.
'There is nothing to talk about Booth, as discussed before the insemination there was always the statistical probability that the procedure would be unsuccessful. I've spoken to my doctor and discussed the different options going forward, he's recommended that we attempt the IUI a few more times before starting to look at alternative options. However we have agreed that going forward we will use fresh samples rather than using the frozen samples from your last donation.' She was refusing to look at him, talking fast and staring straight down at the paperwork. It didn't take a genius to work out that she was putting on a brave face.
'Huh?' He was a little stumped at this one, he'd presumed that since she'd been so obviously avoiding him this past weekend, she'd also have been avoiding the discussion with anyone. He couldn't help but feel a little hurt that she'd already discussed this with her doctor, making decisions for them both.
'Who's 'we' Bones?' He could tell she didn't understand what he was saying. 'You said that 'we' have agreed to use fresh samples. Seeing as you've avoided me all weekend, I'm struggling to understand who 'we' is?' The penny had obviously dropped, she looked at him briefly before returning her eyes back to the case file, biting slightly on her lower lip the way she always did when she was fighting back her emotions. 'When we decided that we were going to go ahead and have a baby, we agreed that we would both be consulted every step of the way Bones. You making arrangements with your doctor without speaking to me first, that's not what we agreed.'
She was silent for the longest time, eyes still cast down and avoiding his, but he could tell that she'd heard him and that it had affected her. 'I apologise for my actions Booth, you are correct in that I have violated my end of the agreement.' Her voice was distant and controlled, not changing in tone or volume. He knew this voice, it was the voice she used when she was shutting down her feelings, building another layer to the brick wall she built to protect her heart. 'I understand that this means that our agreement is void.'
He instantly understood that she'd misinterpreted his words and thought that he was pulling out. 'That's not what I'm saying Bones, I just want to be included in each of the decision process.' He could tell that she wasn't convinced, that in her over rational brain she'd somehow come to the conclusion that he no longer wanted them to have a baby. 'I want to have a baby with you Bones, I want to be the one to father your child and be there for you both for the rest of our lives. It may not be a conventional arrangement, but I still want what you want, a little mini Bones with your brain and my heart.' She smiled at that one, finally releasing her lower lip, he could visibly see her relax. 'A little girl with your eyes, or a boy with my zygo-whatever-it's-called.'
He got a proper laugh at that one, and after what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, she finally looked at him, not just a brief glance like what he'd got when he first walked in, but a proper look into his eyes, testing them to make sure that his eyes were telling her the same things as what she was hearing.
'Zygomatic. Although a prominent zygomatic works equally well on a female as on a male, in fact in many cultures, a prominent zygomatic is often more closely associated with females and is seem in many high profile models and actresses, for example Angelina Jolie has a well defined zygomatic…'
'Are you trying to tell me that I have girly cheekbones?' All of the tension from their earlier conversation had disappeared as they entered into their familiar banter.
'I am merely stating a known fact Booth, there's no need to get sensitive about having a facial characteristic most typically revered on females.'
'Well me and my girly cheekbones are still 100% committed to having a baby with you Bones. All I'm saying is that next time, please remember to discuss things with me before making arrangements with the doctor.' He reached out and took her hand in his, holding it lightly. 'So when's the next appointment?'.
'Two weeks tomorrow. In the meantime I've printed off some information about steps we can both take to try and improve the likelihood of conception.'
'Whoa, slow down there a second, what kind of steps? I thought everything had already been checked out, 28.8 million, remember? And I already have a kid, so we know that things down there are working perfectly fine'
'Yes Booth, I do remember, you felt that it was enough to start your own country, but I still feel that we should both try and be as proactive as possible. And also I would like to point out that Parker was conceived a number of years ago while you were still in your sexual prime, and studies show that sperm mobility decreases with age.'
There was nothing like discussing his sperm count and mobility to embarrass and annoy him. Even after five years of working with Bones, he still found it difficult to speak about sex around her, particularly when it was his little swimmers that were the topic of discussion. 'Fine. What do I need to do?' Knowing Bones to be a bit of a health nut, he dreaded hearing what he knew was bound to come next.
'To begin with research suggests that you should refrain from sexual activity in the days leading up to the donation.'
'Whoa, you can move on from that one Bones, you already know that I'm not currently sexually active so that's not going to be a problem. Do these things also apply to you?' Having barely discussed anything to do with the logistics of the pregnancy, they hadn't discussed sex or other people. He knew that in the past she'd had a few sexual partners that she'd kept hidden from him, knowing that he occasionally had a tendency to over-react. He'd presumed that she wasn't seeing anyone at the moment, and the thought that she could be with another man at the same time as trying to make a baby with him made him feel physically sick.
'Sexual activity in females does not affect fertility in the same way as a male Booth, as the number of eggs released in each cycle remains the same regardless of the frequency of intercourse.' He was acutely aware that she'd managed to both answer his question and not answer his question at the same time, but he couldn't figure out of she'd been intentionally coy or if she really was oblivious as to what he was trying to ask her. 'But when I was referring to sexual activity I wasn't just referring to sexual intercourse. How often do you masturbate Booth?'
Even if he could find the words to even try and answer that question, but brain and mouth didn't seem able to work together. In all the time they'd worked together, she'd mentioned masturbation a few times, but never so bluntly as to ask him how often he did the deed.
'I can see from your reaction that you are not comfortable answering that question, so instead I will just ask that you limit your masturbation so that there is a gap of at least three days between two consecutive ejaculations, in order to preserve the density of your semen.'
He honestly could not believe that he was sat in the office, with the door open so that anyone could come in and hear their conversation, discussing how frequently he was able to relieve his tension.
'Moving on, I would also recommend that in the weeks leading up to your donation you refrain from alcohol consumption, which can cause an increase in your estrogen level and affect sperm count. '
Wow, not only was she telling him the frequency of masturbation, she was not putting limits on his beer? If it had been anyone else trying to dictate so much of his life, he'd have put them in their place straight away, but knowing how much this meant to her, he simply nodded. Who was he kidding anyway, he knew that he loved this woman so much that he'd gladly walk to the end of the earth for her.
'We're running out of time and I can see that you're slightly uncomfortable discussing this, so rather than discuss the rest of the suggestions, I'll forward them to you when I get back to my office.' She packed away the case file she still held in her hand and stood up, unknowingly smoothing down her dress so that he could see the outline of her brilliant figure. 'Are you ready to go the the courthouse now?'
He would never be able to understand how she could so easily go from discussing something as personal as his masturbation frequency to work within the same sentence. He knew that the whole day he wouldn't be able to get the conversation from his mind.
'Oh, one last thing Booth… Thank you…. For everything, I just wanted to say thank you.'
With just one sentence he could forgive her anything, and it reminded him of the reasons why he was putting up with all of this embarrassment. He knew there'd be a lot more personal discussions to come, and knowing Bones she had no problem bringing them up in the most unlikely of places, but for the prize of actually making a baby with her, he knew he would put up with anything.
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