Title: Whose Supernatural is it Anyway?
Author: Dragon Starbo
Beta Reader: No beta reader, doing this one solo. Please keep that in mind.
Disclaimer: I don't own Whose Line is it Anyway or Supernatural. Never have, never will.
Author's Notes: This is a late Happy Birthday and Hanukah gift to BlackRain88. I would have gotten this done a lot sooner, if not for my crazy busy life. So, with a little spare time, instead of working on my ignored fanfics that are already going, I decide to make a little one-shooter . . . If any reader from the other fics read this, no, I haven't given up on them and will be continuing them after this.
Victor Henricksen sighed as he slumped onto his couch. He had been on this one case for months, running all over the country, racking up his frequent flyer miles, and all he had to show for it were a bunch of false leads and dead-ends. But what else did he expect from the infamous Winchesters? Those boys were raised and trained by their ex-marine father who went off the deep end after his wife died. They know how to hide their tracks very well. They can charm their way into any house and look completely normal.
Of course, they were no match for Agent Henricksen. It was only a matter of time until he caught up with them. They'll make a mistake; the bad guys always get cocky and slip up. But this cold fact was little comfort to the experienced FBI Agent. While he spun his wheels and waited for Dean and Sam Winchester to fuck up bad enough, more people were going to get hurt and die at their hands.
But there was nothing he could about it tonight. It was a rare Sunday that he got to spend with his family and he tended to make the most of it. He played with his girls – well, had a talk about boys with his 14 year old and his 12 year old showed him her knew soccer moves. While his girls had slept in morning, he spent quality time with his wife. He missed all of his girls so much but they were the reason why he did this job. He was making the world safer for them.
"So, what're we watching?" he asked.
"Whose Line is it Anyway," his littlest answered. "They've been advertising how they have two unknown guys on tonight's show."
"I hope they don't bump Wayne off for the night. He's the best," his oldest huffed, as if she already knew the answer.
"I'm more of a Ryan Style girl," his wife whispered. She was snuggled up to him on the love seat and she stretched up to kiss him on the cheek. "I like my men tall."
From the chair and ground, his girls made gagging noises which made Victor roll his eyes. He paid no attention his girls' pretending to die as he kissed his wife back. The credits to the pervious show finally ended and it started right away into the show they wanted to see.
"Gooooooooood evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyways! On tonight's show: 'Oh no you didn't' Ryan Styles! 'Oh, he so did' Colin Mochrie! 'Oh, Captain, my captain' Dean Brooks! And 'Oh Romeo, oh, Romeo' Sam Scotch! I'm Drew Carry, your host, and let's have some fun!"
"No Wayne, Cassia," the younger sister said.
Cassia shrugged. "At least these guys are cute."
"Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right. The points don't matter. The points are like tanning oil to a vampire – it just doesn't matter."
The audience laughed. The Henricksen girls laughed. Mr. and Mrs. Henricksen went on kissing.
"If you've never seen the show before, what happens is I give these guys suggestions and they make stuff up right off the top of their heads and I give them with points, but the points don't matter. At the end, I pick a winner and the winner does a little something special with me and the loser gets to pay the cab fare home in the morning."
More laughter mixed with some groans and the youngest asking, "What does he mean?"
"Nothing, Jay, it's nothing," Cassia said. "Just watch the show."
"Let's start this show off with a game called Two Line Vocabulary!"
"Daaaaad!" Cassia complained as Drew stumbled over the instructions. "You said you were going to watch the show!"
"I am, Baby, I am," Victor said as he continued to kiss the wife he loves so much.
"No you're not! You're just doing mushy stuff with Mom!"
"Ewwwwwww!" Jay turned around so they could all see her disgusted face.
"All right, all right," their mother laughed. "No more mushy stuff."
"For now," Victor muttered under his breath. He reached down for his glass of water on the coffee table and only when he lifted it up to take a drink did he notice who was standing next to Ryan Style and Colin Mochrie. This so-called "unknown talent" was one half of the duo he had been searching for all of these months. The face on the TV screen took him by surprise so hard that he nearly choked on his water.
"Baby, are you all right?" his wife asked as he sputtered and coughed and she rubbed his back.
"I'm fine," he choked out, his eyes close. Dear Lord, I've been working too hard. There is no way I just saw what I saw. To prove it to himself, he opened his eyes.
And stared in udder shock at the image before him.
"Ryan, your two lines are: 'Don't you look pretty.' And 'Just bought it yesterday.' Sam, yours are: 'I was your chef.' And 'I want a hug.' So, Colin, you're their boss, take it away."
Victor couldn't take his eyes away from the screen. Colin was trying to tell "his assistants" what they were going to do for a big party coming up. Ryan, of course, was playing right along, saying his lines just at the right moment to piss off Colin.
Not wanting to disturb his girls, he pulled his wife off of the couch and took her into the hallway. "Marie, did you see what I just saw?"
"The new guy isn't that bad," his wife completely missed the point.
"That new guy is Sam Winchester!"
Marie looked at him. "No he isn't."
"I'm telling you, that's him!"
"You're just tired, Honey. That's Sam Scotch, a comedian who caught a break and ended up on Whose Line."
"Nooooo, that's Sam Winchester with a fake last name! Didn't you look at the pictures I gave you?"
Marie looked away for a moment and then back again. "You know I don't like looking at those. It makes me think anyone can be a bad guy."
"Anyone can," Victor growled. His wife, ever the optimist, never wanting to see the bad side of life. Usually he found that a wonderful thing, a balance to hell and shit he wades through every day. Right now, it was a hindrance. He looked back in the living room, where his girls were giggling at Ryan suggestively saying to Colin, "Don't you look pretty?" Clearly she didn't show the girls the pictures, either. He was half-and-half on that. On one hand, he wanted his kids to have their childhood. On the other, they needed to be prepared for what was out there in the world and they were certainly old enough to memorize some mug shots.
"Honey, now why would one of the 'baddies' that you hunt end up on a basic cable show?"
"I don't know, to taunt me! What I want to know is how no one knew who they were letting onto the show!" Victor marched off to the kitchen.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting some answers!" Victor yanked the phone off its charger like it was at fault.
Marie sighed. Her husband, ever the FBI Agent. She returned to her kids.
"Where's Dad?" Cassia asked.
"Getting something more to drink," she lied smoothly.
On the TV, Sam was asked by a frustrated Colin, "What do you want?!"
Sam sighed and, looking put-out, said, "I want a hug."
The whole audience, including the three girls, awed and cooed at him. Ryan also seemed moved, for he gave the other tall man – not as tall as Ryan – a big hug, causing more awes and coos. There had to be some mistake, Marie was certain of it. No way could someone with those puppy-dog eyes and that pout be wanted by the FBI. Maybe he just happened to look enough like the other Sam and Victor was just working too hard again.
Drew hit the buzzer to signal it was over. Colin went back to his seat and Sam made to do the same, but Ryan held fast, his eyes closed and smile on his lips. This made the audience cheer and Sam look very comfortable. For a second, Marie thought she saw his hands spring up like he was going to do a martial arts move to get Ryan off of him. But then he took a deep breath and hugged Ryan back.
Finally, Ryan let go and the two returned to their seats. The lineup starting on the side closer to Drew's desk was Ryan, Colin, Sam, and then Dean.
"A thousand points to Ryan and Sam for becoming every girl's dream in the audience," Drew laughed.
Cheers and applause again, mostly dominated in the higher pitch of women cat-calling. However, there was a distinctive lower pitch mixed in there.
"And some of the boys, too, apparently," Ryan smirked.
Cassie and Jay busted up laughing, Jay rolling on the floor. Marie studied Sam Scotch and Dean Brooks while they were on screen. Dean was smirking, shooting Sam glances. Sam looked like he was trying to go along with the humor while covertly trying to give Dean death glares.
Commercials came and went, Cassie and Jay called for their father, but he merely promised to be back in there in a minute.
Drew Carry was at his desk, like he always was, holding his cards. "Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Hey, for those of you keeping score at home, Colin has almost points to redeem for some Rogaine!"
Colin ran his hands through imaginary hair. Ryan pretended to pet it and said, "It's so soft!"
Drew laughed and said, "Let's keep things moving right along with one of my favorite games – Scenes from a Hat!"
"Oh, dad loves this game! DAD, YOU'RE MISSING SCENES FROM A HAT!" Jay cried.
"Don't shout, Jay!" Marie said. "Cassia, tell your dad he's missing the show."
Cassia turned her head towards the kitchen and shouted, "Dad! You're missing the show!"
Marie gave her eldest a look while the two girls giggled. However, the shouting did get Victor to come back, who seemed to do a complete 180 from his earlier disgruntled nature. He held three bowls of popcorn, one larger than the other two, and gave the two smaller ones to his girls. The popcorn had chocolate, M&Ms, and marsh mellows mixed in it for the girls while the adults had plain popcorn.
"Thanks, Daddy!" the two girls beamed and went back to watching the show. Dean had unfortunately said something that was very not funny and Drew had to recover with a joke that made it all worth it. Now it was Sam who was smirking beside Dean.
"What happened to your phone calls?" Marie whispered in a low enough voice that the girls couldn't hear.
"It's six o'clock on the West Coast. Even if anyone was in today, they've already gone home. I'm just going to have to wait until tomorrow."
"Are you going to tell the girls?"
Victor looked at his girls, laughing as Sam tried to rhyme. "Not tonight."
"Are you positive these are the same Sam and Dean?"
"Yes. I don't know what they're trying to do on this show, though. They're into kidnapping, torturing, killing, even digging up graves –"
"Shh! Not in front of the G-I-R-L-S."
"Honey, they're teenagers. I think they can –" One look from Marie and Victor knew he was dangerously close to not getting any more "mushy stuff" later that night, and so wisely closed his mouth.
Drew Carry pulled a card out from the hat and said, "People not likely to get a second date."
Sam purposely walked across the stage, yanked Ryan into the middle of the stage and left him there. The crowd awed at his pout and Ryan said over them, "Was it the hugging? It was the hugging, wasn't it? It's always the hugging!"
Sam managed a laugh at that as Ryan got back up on the step. Then Colin stepped down and in a creepy-supposed-to-be-sexy voice, "Hey, your dad's kinda hot."
Dean stepped down and did his best geek impression. "Uh, y-yes, I am SexyDragon on – where're you going?"
Victor had to give it to them. For wanted, deranged criminals, they were pretty funny. Of course, that was part of the danger. They seemed to be able to slip into any town, any situation, and have people believe they really belonged there. Despite his wife's intentions of keeping his little girls as little girls, he knew he was going to have to warn them about the Winchesters. If those boys ever decided to target his family, if they ever found his home . . . he needed his family to be as prepared as possible.
The commercials came again and the girls got up to get their own drinks and take bathroom breaks.
Marie watched them go and then asked, "Are you going to call anyone else tonight?"
Victor sighed. "No. This show was taped months ago. This will give us insight into where they've been, maybe fill in the time line a little bit more, but it won't tell us where they are now. I can already see this is a dead-end."
Marie kissed her husband. She was so proud of him. A few years ago, if something like this came up, he would be calling the airport for the next available flight out to California, no matter how cold or tenuous the lead was. It often did not result in a break in the case and it was straining their marriage. Marie already resigned to having a husband that was gone more than not; the girls have adjusted to it pretty well, too. But one thing they were not going to stand for was for Victor to work when he was home. Marie gave him slack tonight, but she was also ready to raise hell if he decided his first weekend off in a month was going to be spent working.
The show came back on and the girls got back just in time to hear Drew tell them it was time for a game called Dead Bodies. Ryan, Sam, Dean, and girl from the audience would be doing a scene in a play, and Sam and Dean and the girl would fall dead.
"Oh, good, Sam and Dean get a break," Cassia said. "They're funny, but they are so not used to this."
"Of course not! They're amateurs," Jay said with a grin. "I bet Sam would be good at soccer."
"What's so great about Sam Scotch? He's like a big kid. Dean's better. He's cooler."
"Is not! Sam's way better than Dean!"
"Dean can kick Sam's butt any day!"
"No he can't!"
"Yes, he can!"
Victor looked at his daughters with dismay. They were falling for the Winchesters! He opened his mouth to say something, but his wife jerked on his sleeve and mouthed, "You promised!"
Victor looked at his wife with an exasperated look. His wife shook her head sternly and Victor sighed and gave up. "I'm telling them tomorrow morning," he whispered.
Dead Bodies went on and at one point, Ryan had the girl from the audience take one of Sam's shoes off and tossed it up into the lighting, where it got stuck. Everyone cheered wildly and even Victor found himself laughing, especially at upset look the younger Winchester with his eyes closed.
"Uh-oh!" Ryan cried in a high-pitch, woman voice, while moving the girl's mouth. "I lost your shoe!"
Drew Carry decided to end the game there – he was nearly falling out of his seat with laughter. They all got up and the girl shook each of their hands before going back to her seat. Colin came down from his seat and looked up with the others as they tried to find Sam's shoe. The camera found it and showed it stuck in a very hard spot.
At this point, the director came out to asset the problem and Ryan ran away in mock fear. They were talking about different ways to get it down.
"Gimme your other shoe," Colin said, still staring at the shoe, but he had his hand out in front of Sam. Sam took a step back.
"No, just stand on Ryan's shoulders, Sam," Dean offered. "You two are tall enough."
Sam shoved his brother lightly to show that he didn't approve of that joke plan either. Finally, one of the people from back stage came on with a long pole. The audience cheered as the short girl tried to get the shoe down. It became painfully obvious in a few seconds that she was too short. Sam put a hand on her shoulder and with kind eyes, said, "Here, let me."
The girl handed the pole over with adoring eyes.
Sam got the pole much closer, but unfortunately, he was just a few inches short, even on his tippy-toes. At this, Ryan returned to the group, put a hand on Sam's shoulder, and said in a mock caring voice, "Here, let me."
Sam gave him a look but handed the pole over. Ryan was a little taller than Sam, and thus was able to get the pole up to the shoe. However, with a wrong flick of the wrist, the shoe was pushed further onto the lighting structure and was now definitely out of range. The producer, believing that enough time had passed between games, promised to get the shoe down after the show.
They all went back to their seats, Sam with a full-on pout. For Victor watching this, it was very surreal. He knew what the boys were capable of, and here they were, entertaining his family.
"Do you want my shoe?" Ryan asked, taking off his left shoe and reaching over to give it to Sam. Sam gave him a glare that made Ryan flinch.
Colin, however, had a good way to defuse the tension. He took off his shoe and tossed it behind him like it was the most natural thing in the world. Everyone laughed and even Sam managed to crack a smile. Dean decided to go with it and took off his left shoe as well. He and Ryan at the same time tossed their shoes behind them. The crowd loved it.
Drew haphazardly led them into another commercial break.
"Awwwwwe, another commercial break?" Jay whined.
"Don't worry, this one will be short," Marie said. "They're going to announce the winner after this."
"There weren't many games in this one," Cassia said, a bit disappointed.
"Yeah, but that bit with the shoe was great," Jay giggled. "Did you see Sam pout? I think his shoe has been taken away before."
Victor has a brief day dream where he catches Sam, holds his shoe hostage, and Sam tells him where Dean is and takes the full ride to the electric chair along with his brother. If only his job were that easy.
Within two short commercials, the show was back on and had Drew standing with Ryan, Dean, and Sam.
"Hey, welcome back to Whose Line! Tonight's winner is Colin! Colin is tonight's winner and the rest of us are going to play called Props."
Colin handed over two long, Styrofoam poles to Sam and Ryan, while Dean and Drew got what looked like a bit toy top – only Styrofoam, of course. They went back and forth, with Drew and Ryan doing more than Sam and Dean, but Sam and Dean adding in a few good ones – like when Sam tried to get his shoe down from the lights again.
It ended, Drew said don't go away, they played one more commercial, and it comes back to everyone reading the credits while searching for their shoes. The girls chatted away about the episode and how great it was. Victor felt physically drain. It was taking all of his strength to give his girls their happy Sunday night and not to pull out his gun and shoot the TV.
Marie ordered her girls to clean up their dishes and brush their teeth. After they left, she turned to Victor. "Are you all right, Baby?"
Victor rubbed his eyes. "Yeah . . . Just – I mean . . . What in god's name were they doing there?! What was the point of that?!"
Some months earlier, after the tapping of that particular Whose Line is it Anyway episode…
"God damnit, Sammy, that was embarrassing!" Dean hissed to his brother. It was finally after hours and the boys had snuck back in to do what they had meant to do.
"Hey, I wasn't the one who said we were the 'undiscovered talents,' whatever the hell that means," Sam grumbled, taking out his flashlight. They already knew the security system of this place and had disabled the alarms.
"I thought he was complementing us!"
Sam whipped around to face Dean. "Dean! Whenever someone says, 'Are you the two undiscovered talents?' while holding a clipboard, you do not respond with, 'Yes, Sir, we have so much undiscovered talent it's criminal!' What were going to say if the real guys had shown up?"
"All right, all right!" Dean huffed. "Take away a guy's shoe and he gets all cranky."
Sam glared but decided to drop it in favor of the hunt. The brothers started scanning the place, looking under seats, in cabinets, and in every nook and cranny they could find.
"You know, I'm not even sure that bitch was a real witch or not," Dean growled.
"She killed her father," Sam reminded his brother.
Terry Whitney, a teenage girl who got into a gothic phase and stumbled across some real witchcraft, had decided that her father was responsible for all the misery in her life and if he was out of the picture, she'd be happy. Poor Tom Whitney probably never thought his lungs would deteriorate rapidly and he'd drown in his own blood. Terry went to live with her aunt, who immediately decided not to indulge her gothic/witch phase. Sam and Dean had gotten there just in time to save her aunt. Terry leaped out of her bedroom window from the sixth story of the apartment building, believing she was invincible. She wasn't.
On the way out of the room, Dean found Terry's journal and flipped through it. There he found a recent entry that stated she had put a hex bag in the studio where they filmed Whose Line is it Anyway and by the "witching hour" of tomorrow night one of the Whose Line members was going to die. That's what they get for not picking her. The aunt verified that she had gone to see a tapping of Whose Line the previous night.
Dean and Sam got there just in time for them to start tapping and one thing lead to another lead to a stupid older brother saying a stupid thing lead to them being on the show. They were extremely lucky to have it all work out. Sam found it a little ironic that for all the times they planned to fool people, it didn't work but this time they were flying by the seats of their pants and they pulled it off. Sure, "Sam Scotch" and "Dean Brooks" would probably never be asked back onto Whose Line, but they had passed as amateur comedians and that's all they needed.
Of course, it would've just been easier to pretend to be interns or even just wait until everyone had gone. But there was no use crying over spilled gun powder, as their father used to say.
They searched well into the night and came up empty handed. Frustrated, they met up back on the stage.
"Sam, we've looked everywhere."
"We can't give up. There are still a lot of places to check."
Dean looked at his watch. "It's almost midnight. How are we going to find the hex bag – even if there is one? She could've been blowing smoke out of her ass."
"What are you two doing here?"
Sam and Dean turned around and found Ryan Styles and Colin Mochrie staring at them.
"Uh, what are you two doing here?" Dean asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"I left my keys here," Colin said. It was clear that he had been drinking. Ryan looked more composed, but Dean guessed he also had knocked back a few.
"You're not thinking about driving, are you? Come on, I can give you guys a ride home," Dean smiled.
Ryan snorted. "Are you even old enough to have a license?"
Dean looked back at his brother. Man, it had been a few years since someone made a young-looking joke on him.
Suddenly Ryan was coughing. Colin blinked drunkenly at his friend. "You okay?"
Ryan nodded a little, but he was coughing harder. Dean and Sam looked at each other for a second and then spilt up, rummaging through whatever they hadn't checked.
Colin managed to get Ryan to sit down in a chair. "What are you two doing!? He's coughing up blood!"
"So call 911!" Dean snapped.
Now-sober Colin found that to be a very good thing to do and pulled out his cell to do that. While he was on the phone, Ryan was coughing harder, and Dean and Sam were searching like mad men. Sam finally made it to the girls' bathroom and checked everywhere and found the hex bag in the very last stall, taped to the bottom of the toilet. He took out his lighter and set it on fire, then flushed the ashes down the toilet.
Sam was running to the stage to make sure Ryan was all right, but he got stopped by Dean.
"He's fine, Sammy. Where did you find the hex bag?"
"In the girls' bathroom."
Dean grinned. "Familiar territory for you, huh?"
Sam smacked Dean upside the head and the two left before the authorities showed up.
They were nearly out of California when Dean suddenly chuckled.
"What?" Sam asked.
Dean smirked at his brother. "Wouldn't it be great if Agent Henricksen watched Whose Line?"
Bloopers: Here are some extra scenes that came to my mind but didn't make it into the actual fic.
Drew: We're going to play a great game – Dead Bodies! This is for Sam - *looks over and jumps*
Sam: *has a shovel*
Dean: *has a gun*
Dean: *driving along* So, we'll take I-80 and get to that vampire before he can harm anyone else. If you know what I mean.
Sam: …You're going to say that until I'm sick of it, aren't you?
Dean: You know how long I can last once I've got a hold of something. If you catch my drift.
Sam: Oh, good. You'll be done in a minute.
Dean: . . . That hurt, Sammy.
Irish Drinking Song:
Ryan: Oh, I have a lass, her name is Sherry.
Dean: *is actually drunk* I'm really drunk!
Colin: She looked like an angle!
Sam: She helped me out of my funk.
All: Oh, hi-dee-di-dee-di-dee, di-dee-di-dee.
Ryan: One day I met, down in the lane.
Dean: I was drunk off my [censored].
Colin: So I said, "Hey, you want to come with me?"
Sam: It's amazing she didn't pass… *and so on*