I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You

Summary: Mary Eleanor always had a thing for older men, and they've always had a thing for her. But when she meets one who won't have her, he turns her world upside down. RemusOC

Disclaimer: If any of you honestly think I think I'm JKR...you're too stupid to live. Clearly, I'm also not Liz Phair. I doubt she spends her time writing crappy Harry Potter fanfics.

Yay, long chapter! (well, compared to the last one)

Chapter Two: Kind of Like You're Underwater

your face reminds me of a flower,
kind of like you're underwater;
hair's too long and in your eyes,
your lips a perfect 'suck me' size.
Flower - Liz Phair]]

"Professor Lupin, could I speak to you for a moment?"

After class, Mary decided to approach Professor Lupin about her very recent idea. Of course, she wasn't about to tell him the purpose behind it (to seduce him), but figured it was best to pitch it to him as soon as possible. While the class made their way back to the classroom, she began to concoct a story to explain her sudden desire to become his teaching assistant. The man wasn't an imbecile, after all. Like Mary would lust after an idiot, honestly.

"Sure, Miss Fawcett," he said, smiling warmly; oh how Mary adored that smile! " If you'll just step inside my office."

Never having actually been inside his office before, Mary wasn't surprised at its cozy, living room-esque feel. It was very him. Or, at least, what she'd seen of him in class.

"Well, sir," she began, watching as he maneuvered himself to sit at his desk; following suit, Mary sat in the chair clearly placed for visitors. "My father suggested a while ago (try a year ago) that I come up with ideas to make myself stand out as a student for when I begin searching for internships and such."

"That's very good advice," he agreed, nodding. Professor Lupin would do this thing sometimes, where he would absently run his fingers along the top of his mustache; the action drove Mary wild, imagining what that mustache would feel like, which made her think about those soft lips against hers, which made her go weak in the knees...a never ending cycle. (insert painful sigh here.)

"Yes! That's what I thought too," Mary smiled, what a lie. "I was thinking that maybe you'd let me be your TA? I swear I'm really good at editing essays and I make a great tutor. Please?"

Professor Lupin sat in silence for a few moments, evaluating her --ugh, he was doing that mustache thing again; Mary was going to faint from desire or something if he kept that up -- before something clicked in his mind and in his eyes, too.

"Alright, Miss Fawcett," he agreed.

"If I'm going to be working with you every day, I'd rather you called me Mary, Professor," she informed him seriously. 'Miss Fawcett,' although kind of kinky, made her feel like a twelve year-old. Then again, the whole 'Professor' thing was kind of kinky too...no! Bad mind! Mary scolded herself.

"Well, Mary," he said, smiling. "Would you prefer to come in and help during a free period, or perhaps grade before or after your patrols?"

"I can't say I have a lot of free time," Mary joked (wait no, that wasn't a joke because it was true and rather not funny). "But I do have a free block Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and I have to say that Saturday mornings -- if that's not a problem with you, of course -- would be the ideal time for me to grade."

"Quite the typical Ravenclaw, aren't you?" Professor Lupin inquired curiously. Mary seemed to take her studies and responsibilities very seriously...the epitome of the Ravenclaw stereotype, really.

"If by that you mean I'm witty, ready and excited to learn, studious, and a genius, then yes: I am the typical Ravenclaw," Mary said, not sure whether to feel offended by his reference to her as 'typical.' Mary Eleanor Fawcett was not typical in any fashion. After all, she had an freaking IQ of 175, for Merlin's sake, not to mention a hardy work-ethic unmatched by most Hogwarts students (except for that one Gryffindor third year and Percy Weasley). Her complete lack of interest in romantic love and boys her age also marked her as unique from the general population. Didn't that count for anything?

"Out of curiosity, which NEWTS are you sitting for?" he asked, disregarding the slight edge to Mary's voice.

"Let me see..." Mary said slowly, thinking quickly. "Defense, Charms, Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Potions, Astronomy, and Divination."

"That's an interesting combination," he commented. "What are you planning on doing after school?"

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!! Mary thought furiously. Of course, Mary knew what she'd like to do, but in the end, she would end up following her father's wishes and probably work some boring desk-job at the Ministry of Magic.

"Actually Professor, I'm still not quite sure," she admitted, and this time, she was telling the truth. "I know that sounds awful, but I'm interested in so many things! It's tough to choose what I like best."

Once again, not a lie. Mary liked to consider herself as a "renaissance (wo)man" of sorts. She supposed her dream job would be to become a professional student, if such a thing were possible.

"Maybe you'll decide to become a teacher," he commented, and Mary desperately hoped he was joking, but she smiled and went along with it.

"Maybe," she gave in, though rather unenthusiastically. "I really ought to be going, though. I have a lot of homework to do before the rest of my classes this afternoon. I'll see you this time, Thursday?"

"See you then," Professor Lupin agreed, and followed her as she left his office. As they emerged, Mary was hit by a wave of guilt: he had a class sitting here waiting! A blush crept up Mary's neck and covered her ears until they were beet red, and she thanked every god she ever heard of for the decision to wear her long hair down that day. Embarrassed, she quickly fled the classroom and headed back to the nearly empty Ravenclaw Common Room.

There were a few scattered NEWT students, sixth and seventh years, but no one Mary felt particularly excited to converse with. In all honesty, she didn't have very many friends and--

"Hey Mary!" one of the boys shouted. "Didn't you say the other day you scheduled a meeting with Weasley for right now?"

"Oh my gosh, I completely forgot!" Mary cried out, quickly throwing everything she'd just pulled out of her bag right back in.

"For a self-proclaimed genius, that's pretty dumb," the other boy laughed, but Mary, failing to find it funny, shot him a glare before running out of the Common Room.

How did I forget? Geez, Mary, you're such an idiot! What a spaz! she continued to berate herself as she mindlessly made her way through Hogwarts' stairwells and hallways until she reached the Head's Room*. She tapped the mirror twice, causing her image to swirl until it became that of a door. Mary reached in, grabbed the doorknob, and walked straight through the mirror, to the other side.

"About time you got here," Percy scolded her, as if she were some sort of misbehaved child. "You were supposed to be here nearly twenty-five minutes ago."

"Oh, sod off. I was talking to a professor," Mary informed him rudely. "Which reminds me: I'm not going to be able to meet during this time anymore. I'm going to be Professor Lupin's teaching assistant."

"Just because you don't take your duties as Head Girl seriously, Mary--" he began, but she quickly cut him off.

"If you don't shut your mouth, I'll do it for you, alright?"

Mary rarely carried out her caustic threats, but really, Percy wasn't about to chance it. A satisfied smile settled onto her features from seeing his reluctant submission.

"Let's get this meeting started and over with," she continued. "I have homework."

Percy rolled his eyes. And people called him uptight.


Later, during lunch, Mary's cousin Sarah Sophia (Mary could only assume Fawcett females received two names because they were so rare) approached her, sliding into the empty seat beside her.

"Your mom sent me the most awesome album," Sarah exclaimed, pulling a muggle cassette out of her bag. "She said you'd be able to charm it to play in that contraption you bought me for my birthday?"

Sarah, much to her parents' chagrin, was fascinated with Muggle music, especially the stuff Mary's mom was able to get her hands on. In fact, if it were up to Sarah's parents, their daughter would never even talk to her Aunt Vinny, but the girl was too independent for her own good...a little too much like Mary's "good-for-nothing" brother, Aidan.

"It's a cassette player," Mary snapped; during her earlier meeting, Percy had stepped on her last nerve. "Sorry. I'm just tired. Hand it over."

"S'alright," Sarah assured her cousin, handing over the plastic square and chattered on. "It's apparently a new release from the States, some chick named Liz? I don't know, but Aunt Vinny promised I'd love it. You too, probably..."

While Sarah continued to blabber on about the album, Mary was busy tapping the cassette with her wand and muttering a few spells to herself. At the end of last year, her only female cousin asked her if it was possible to listen to Muggle music while at Hogwarts. Mary, being the nerd she was, spent most of the summer researching charms. First, she looked for one to negate Hogwarts' anti-technology wards, but a few weeks before Sarah's birthday and September First, an idea popped into her head: why look for a counter charm and not one that would work with the already existing wards? The end result was a cassette player charmed to run on magic instead of batteries. The downside was only equally magical cassettes would work.

"Here you go," Mary announced, handing the music tape over to Sarah. "Should work just fine."

"Wicked!" Sarah grinned, and apparently decided to try it out sitting at the middle of the Ravenclaw table. "Wanna listen?"

With a sigh, Mary accepted the ridiculous headphones and slipped them onto her head, trying not to look suspicious (but failing miserably).

"I was sort of messing with it, so I really can't guarantee it'll be at the beginning..." Sarah apologized, avidly pressing buttons on the player. A raw guitar sound filled Mary's senses as a Sarah pressed 'play'. True to Sarah's word, the song began somewhere in the middle. After listening closely, she discerned two contrasting vocal tracks spouting very sexual lyrics.

Mary liked it.

Every time I see your face, I get all wet between my legs.
Every time you pass me by, I heave a sigh of pain.

Then, in a lower octave, the words continued.

Every time I see your face, I think of things unpure, unchaste.
I want to fuck you like a dog, I'll take you home and make you like it.
Everything you ever wanted, everything you ever thought of
is everything I'll do to you

The rest of the crude song was cut off when someone grabbed the headphones from behind. Mary whipped around to snatch them back, surprised and peeved to see one Oliver Wood holding them in his hands.

"Do you mind?" she asked with attitude. Just because he was fit didn't mean he could go accosting people. "I believe those are mine."

"What are they?" he asked curiously, examining them, but didn't realize he was holding them upside down.

"It's a Muggle thing," Sarah interjected, distracting the Gryffindor Captain. "You wouldn't understand."

"Because you're such a Muggle, Sarah-Sophia Kenna Fawcett!" Mary teased. Curses on family traditions. So many names were such a hassle, but they were really amusing when they weren't yours.

Oliver stood there watching the two cousins argue, clearly lost. Mary took advantage of his confusion to grab the headphones from his large, calloused hands (for a moment, she was reminded of Andrew's) victoriously.

"Never wrong a Ravenclaw," Elise (when did she suddenly appear across the table?) said, waggling an accusing finger at Wood.

"You mean never get on the wrong side of a Fawcett," corrected the young boy next to her, who just happened to be none other than Duncan Fawcett, younger brother to Mary and cousin to Sarah. What was this, a family reunion?

"I'll remember that," Oliver said dryly, in a deep Scottish brogue Mary hadn't noticed before. It was hard for a girl like her to resist a voice like that. His wry grin definitely reminded the young woman of her summer fling, in the most pleasant of ways. She vaguely wondered if all that Quidditch made him as built as Andrew...

"I'll see you in Charms, Mary," he said, breaking her from her reverie, and turned to leave as she gave him a slight wave.

"I thought you weren't interested in Oliver Wood," Elise remarked, a sly glint to her eye giving away that she was planning something downright evil in her head.

"I'm not!" Mary scoffed, but secretly thought that if he were older and Professor Lupin weren't so attractive, she'd enjoy flirting (and maybe more) with him very much.

"Aren't you smitten with Professor Lupin?" Duncan asked, only to be rewarded with a violent glare from his sister.

"Sweet Merlin," Mary sighed, dropping her head to the table in defeat. Was it that obvious? Would the humiliation never end?

"Think that's her version of raising the white flag?" Sarah asked thoughtfully.

"Nah," Elise disagreed. "She never gives up that easily."

"If I were you, I'd sleep with a knife under my pillow for a few weeks, just in case," Duncan added, one-hundred percent serious. Mary kicked him under the table.

"You guys suck," she said after raising her head. "I'm leaving."

Grabbing her things, Mary stuck her tongue out at the group of people she called her "friends and family" before turning on her heel and leaving the Great Hall in a huff.

"What's wrong with her?" asked a fellow Ravenclaw seventh-year, but instead of giving him an answer, Elise, Duncan, and Sarah all looked at each other before cracking up with laughter.


Seriously, though. Don't get used to updates like this because I have little to no free time or life when classes are in session. I don't think I've ever been so prolific in my life as I was today. Heck, I paid my traffic fine (yay for unsafe backing violations?), went to the dentist, got bloodwork done, finished and updated a chapter of Weather Girl, put up two one-shots (Priceless? and They Carried Their Memories), finished a scholarship essay, designed my French IV Independent Study outline for the second semester, AND wrote an entire chapter of this from scratch.

If I find time between a nine-hour marathon of Criminal Minds and my 40 Studies That Changed Psychology, I'll see if my brain can recreate this brilliance tomorrow. Might as well get as much fun in before school starts on Monday!

I'll stop babbling now.

Oh, and please review:] I love hearing what you all think and suggestions. I even like constructive criticism, though sparingly (I like to think I'm brilliant).