Rating: K+ for language

Characters: Kirk, McCoy and mentions of Pike

Summary: Anon on the LJ Kink Meme requested a fic featuring Jim marking Bones. This isn't quite what they had in mind I'm thinking. But I had fun writing it. :D Hope you guys find it amusing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or anything associated with it. I'm doing this for fun, not profit.


Property of:


Leonard is sitting at the desk in his dorm room trying to unwind. The month following the 'Narada Incident', as Star Fleet Command has come to call it, has been rough on everyone and Leonard isn't an exception. Between pulling extra shifts at the campus hospital, dealing with the emotional and mental aftermath of loosing most of his graduating class and colleges, and the new, increasingly insane political maneuvering that comes with being the best friend of Star Fleet's youngest captain and savior of the world, Leonard has accumulated more than his fair share of stress.

This particular afternoon is the first day, in longer than Leonard wants to think about, that he's not going to spend running around, jumping through hoops. So he's sitting down with a glass of his favorite bourbon, reading Sherlock Holmes on his PADD. He's got it propped up against the bottle, angled to look like his great-granddad's ancient laptop because it makes him feel young again. Like he's nine years old, not a responsibility in the world, messing around with the settings on the only piece of tech his great-granddad will touch, just having fun with it.

He's finally settled into it, hearing the story in his mind as it was meant to sound (read with quiet authority in a voice old like yellowed paper in dusty books) when his PADD pings.

"Dammit." Leonard says, coming out of the narrative with a start. He taps the alert and reads the message. It's short and to the point.

Heads up, it reads, Captain Donnerman of the USS Armstrong is after your ass. Put in a request for you to staff on his ship as of 1100 this morning. Third Captain this week, McCoy. Must be your sunny disposition.

Leonard doesn't have to try very hard to see Admiral Pike's crooked smile in his mind's eye.

"What the hell..." He mutters, running his hands down his face. The Admiral has been taking an unholy delight in the plague of commanding officers who have been requesting the doctor for their ships or stations or planetary bases. Leonard doesn't know if the other members of the Enterprise's crew are getting the same treatment but he really hopes they are. If only so he knows he's not the only one on the receiving end of Pike's sarcasm.

Leonard tosses his PADD down onto the desk and drinks the last swallow of bourbon in his glass. The burn feels good and he contemplates pouring himself some more but decides against it. He's going to need it later, or if not later today he'll definitely be needing it tomorrow or the next day. He just catches the hiss of his door over his inner snarking.

"Hey, Bones." Jim says, dropping his bag to the floor and falling back onto the sofa with a sigh. The kid looks dead beat. "I hate cameras. Have I told you that lately?"

"Yep." Leonard replies. He doesn't ask for details because he knows Jim doesn't really want to talk about it. About the media and the circus act Star Fleet Command is putting Jim through. "Got another request to serve today."

"Yeah, Pike told me about that." Jim eyes the bottle of bourbon on Leonard's desk contemplatively and then drags himself off the sofa and heads into the kitchenette. Probably for a beer. "Damn vultures."

"I really don't get it." Leonard says, half to himself. "I'm a good Doctor, a good surgeon, but I know I've got a dozen or more demerits on my record. For behavior unbecoming of an officer and that sort of shit, for speaking my mind. And Tauner hates me. Personal shit isn't suppose to matter but we all know that's total crap. Doesn't make a lick of sense."

"Bones," Jim's voice drifts in from around the partition, sounding both amused and incredulous. "You were acting CMO on the Enterprise, saving how many lives? You pulled a fucking Centaurian slug out of Pike's spine. He's going to walk again in a couple of years. How many doctors in the entire Federation could have pulled that off? Seriously."

Leonard doesn't comment on Jim's praise. If he tries he'll just end up sounding flustered and get red in the face. Which Jim will tease him about, then Leonard will throw something at him to get him to shut up and he really doesn't feel like rolling around on the ground like an idiot trying to beat some sense into his friend.

"Dammit." Leonard grumbles, glancing at his discarded PADD. He reaches out for it. "Now I'm curious."

"Huh?" Jim asks, coming around the partition holding a bottle of beer and munching on an apple.

"That's disgusting, you know that right?" Leonard tosses over his shoulder as he enters his access code and waits for his file to load.

"What are you up to?" Jim smirks, nodding at Leonard's PADD. He takes a long drink of his beer, smacking his lips extra loud afterwards. Leonard rolls his eyes.

"Gonna look at my official record, see what these people find so interesting." He mutters. The PADD is still loading. Should it really be taking this long?

"Shit! No Bones, don't – " Jim's eyes go wide. He's half way across the room when Leonard's file finally displays.

Leonard sees his ID photo and his personnel overview for half a second before the screen tints gray and his PADD starts wailing. He drops it to clap his hands over his ears. It lands face up, displaying the text that's now plastered over his file.

Property of Captain James T. Kirk


"Jim..." Bones growls, turning to glare at him.

"Okay. I can explain."

Leonard tackles him before he can.