The Lucky Ones - 15 - Parox
"If you love me
at all, please don't tell me now."
- Jimmy Eat World
I've been clouded by cigarette smoke and killed by dreams. I've been blinded by cheap imitations of what a summer sun is. As I walk the empty star-stricken roads of this hollow earth, I know that nothing is going to make me turn back. If I can withstand watching Spike walk away for what could be forever, then I guess I could handle anything.
I've spent a lot of time just sitting in that huge red ship and wasting away in my room. I don't want to do that again, but I don't know how to live a "normal" life. I wish I had something to actually do; sit and look at photographs of a family that didn't exist, or write unsent love letters to nobody on the other side of the galaxy. I didn't have anyone though, and even if I had that lanky bastard for a couple of minutes...that's all it was.
I hadn't frequented Earth often, and I was lost. Though nobody was outside, tons of vehicles rested in hospital parking lots and motels with no vacancy. Before I knew it, I was back in my ship cruising silently to a deserted foreign side of the world.
When I quietly stepped out of my parked Red Tail I narrowed my eyes to the lush valley of green before me. Flowers I'd never seen before sprouted beneath my toes and returned to their standing position when I stepped off of them. The stars and moon seemed to only shine on one side of a greedy sky, and the other was left stark naked and black. It was quite easy to judge what half of this land was a realm of insanity and which held sheer beauty. It was like standing before my mind and noticing how I kept memories bunched on one side of my brain and a whole dripping cove on the other. Still, these wildflowers are everywhere and even without light, they're still growing.
The heels of my boots squished in the wet ground below and I realized that sudden downpours of rain had greeted this place. Water soaked into my shoes and froze my feet, but I didn't seem to mind. I heard strange noises as I wandered around. It was only the wind though. Perhaps welcoming me into a new life and congratulating my will to live.
Sauntering through the knee-high creamy leafs of innocent blooming buds, I thought of nothing and everything at the same time. My train of thought was interrupted as a jet flew loudly over my head. The sudden noise of an engine roaring frightened me at first, so I withdrew my gun from its holster and walked with it clasped in my hand. It wasn't long before I was growing tired. This field seemed to go on forever and my ship was already out of site. Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a ice cold river flowing violently through jagged rocks and drenched dirt.
Sighing in moderation I had no urge to disrupt nature at its best. I sat on the damp grass and removed my shoes. I thought of all the steps I'd taken in my used feet and in disgust I jammed my toes into cold water below. Gasping at its ability to freeze my veins, I soon was used to this and I closed my eyes and washed away my footprints.
The sound of leaves rustling was surrounding me and when I suddenly heard a male voice, I scattered to my feet.
Turning quickly, I saw Spike rumbling through the flowers, crushing them cruelly under his heels as he stared at a device in his hand.
"Where are you?" He spoke to himself, his eyes focused on the gadget. I didn't say anything, only watched him approach me without knowing I was there. When he finally was close enough to smell, he tried giving a warm smile at me, but it only came out twisted. Throwing the machine into the air, he caught it with his other hand.
"I knew I'd find you."
"You're quite good at this."
"No, don't give all the credit to me." He held out the silver box. "Thank Ed who's smart enough to come up with devices who's soul purpose is only to find the one and only Faye." He then tucked it into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette.
"So, why are your shoes off?"
I gazed down, embarrassed at my bare feet and quickly collected my boots.
"My feet were sore, that's all."
He nodded, narrowed his eyes and blew smoke from the corner of his mouth.
"Amazing what cold water can do to you, eh?" Walking past me, he sat lazily on the ground near the stream, and flicked the river's waves with his fingers.
"What are you doing here? I mean, why did you come to find me?" I threw out a series of questions as I stood on one leg attempting to get my foot into my boot. He didn't answer at first, only stared dreamy-eyed at the valley beyond the deep current.
I asked a couple more times, but still got no response. I finally sat beside him and wrapped my fingers around my gun I had delicately laid in the grass previously. Without saying anything, he turned towards me, his cigarette laced between his fingers. He wanted to kiss me, and I obeyed without much of a fight.
We ran alongside the river, hand in hand like two school-children in love. It was strange how life always turned out. I spun around in the air, reliving a childhood I had never met. We spoke of nothing, too embarrassed to give reasons on running away.
He then stopped walking and I ran back up to him.
"Nothing. I just...I've decided I want to stay here with you."
I thought that's what he was going to do in the first place, but I was still a little shocked. Without saying much afterwards, he drew his gun from its holster and dropped it in the running water below us. Though it was too dark for vision, I could see a thousand lives sinking to the bottom for a proper burial.
"Maybe now we won't be thought of as murderers."
He smiled smugly, and I knew that words wouldn't be able to describe what I felt at the moment. But we ran...we ran and ran until we were tired and then we fell asleep. Tangled in grass; wildflowers as our blankets.
I never would be able to say in detail the way he makes me feel. When his touch clouds up my memories to points where I don't think I could breathe. We were free now, living together and though I had left behind the only family I had known, things were easier this way. Waking up in the morning and being the rarest breed on this earth. Two kids fallen from space, living on land where one half of the sky is dark and the other is bright.
It was perfect.
I didn't want to wake up. I didn't know what was going on. The Bebop was hot and the morning sounds of breakfast seeped into my room door. Sluggishly, I fumbled out of bed and sank deep into a glory star shower.
Cold water enveloped me, and I thought of the river I washed myself in. A couple minutes later, I realized everything had been a dream. I felt like I slept forever, and I might've died happy if those visions were the only thing left in my mind. Reaching beneath me, I squashed the soap beneath my fingers.
It was a severe case of Deja vu, and once again I was interrupted by Spike's incessant knocking on the door.
"You're not the only one on this ship Faye."
Closing my eyes tightly, I shivered his voice away, but then suddenly smiled when I realized what events would soon follow.
It's safe to say that I would soon fall in love. Spike and I would be where we were once again, who knows, maybe something like this could actually happen. We would awake together always and never know what the word "hurt" meant. Some people never get to live life the way they want, and even if I wasn't happy in this cold bath I knew what to expect.
"Damn it Faye!"
Spike yelled through the door once more, and I smiled and yelled back.
"I'll be out in a minute! Jesus!"
We'd be in love. Oh how great that would be. Me and Spike...the lucky ones.
"Is he real or
a ghost-lie? She feels she isn't heard. And the veil tears and
rages, 'til her voices are remembered and his secrets can be told."
- LUST, Tori Amos
A/n: I know that a lot of readers were upset with the ending of the story. 4 years ago it seemed to be a sweet and fitting ending. Not very original, though. I realize that now. I hate those "dream" endings. Hopefully my writing has improved throughout these 4 years enough to produce more appropriate, complex endings. Thanks for reading.