A/N: I'm on such a wrestling kick at the moment…xD
… … …
"P-Please, I-I can explain!" Reeve gasped as the biggest wrestler, a man with a fetching chestnut bob-cut, wrapped his hands around Reeve's throat and started to squeeze.
"Explain, then," said the wrestler, stony-faced.
"Err…" said Reeve.
"Beat 'im, Bro!" one of the other wrestlers yelled.
"Shut up!" The wrestler let go of Reeve's neck for a moment, and punched the other one in the stomach. "Nobody tells Beautiful Bro what to do! And you're not goin' anywhere," he added, as Reeve tried to make a quick getaway. 'Beautiful Bro' gripped Reeve's neck again. "You get one chance- what the hell were ya doin'?"
("Uuuuhh, Bro's fists of steel cut to the bone!" gasped the other wrestler. Reeve was not too keen to share his fate.)
"Err… well, you see, that is, err…"
"Get 'im, Big Bro!"
"I said shut up!"
Reeve tried not to cry. Every other head of department had one of those shady Turks as a guard- where was his? Just because he disapproved of their (lack of) ethics didn't mean he didn't want them to help him out when he needed it! He was proud of his hypocrisy, damn it! It made him better at his job!
I am so screwed…
Reeve was about to make another desperate at a getaway, when the gym door tinged. Beautiful Bro grumbled and then hauled Reeve across the room, shoving him into-
Why the blazes do they have a secret compartment under their wrestling ring?
"Keep quiet, buddy," Beautiful Bro hissed. Close up, Reeve could smell an aftershave oddly reminiscent of strawberries and biscuits. "We'll deal with you later." He then shut the compartment door behind him. Reeve heard him walking away, and then he overheard a very strange conversation.
"You're the one…" said Beautiful Bro, "… who wants to be cute?"
"Cute?" a male voice answered. It sounded baffled.
"Right," a female said firmly. "And about the wig…"
Wig? Is that a code? Are they drug dealers? Steroids, maybe, for bodybuilding?
"Yeah, I heard," Beautiful Bro replied cryptically. "But it'll cost ya."
Reeve was almost certain that they were, in fact talking about drugs, when the next person spoke.
"Urrrrgh!" It was the wrestler whom Beautiful Bro had punched earlier. "Big Bro! The only way you're gonna get cuter is if you can beat Big Bro!"
What? Wrestling for drugs… What?
"That's right!" the room chorused. "So, you've got to compete with us!"
"You're right," said Beautiful Bro. "Let's do squats."
Now there's something you hear every day.
"All right!" he continued. "We'll beat you out of this gym!"
The man Reeve hadn't seen spoke again, "Are you…"
"… THEBeautiful Bro?" the woman completed. Reeve frowned. What, they were doing a drug deal with the guy, but they didn't know who he was…? The head of Urban Development frowned. No, that didn't make any sense whatsoever. His theory was officially a failure.
Just like poor ol' Cait, dammit… Back to square one… You see a lot of square one, don't you?
"Dammit," Reeve muttered. He sighed and continued to listen.
"What?" asked Beautiful Bro. He sounded as perplexed as Reeve felt. "Always running around here sayin' Big Bro' this, Big Bro' that…"
Is there a person alive who can make sense of that?
"Never mind that," Beautiful Bro said in a tone that suggested a (slightly hurt) shrug. "Come over here. Now, I'll explain the rules."
The sound of steps came from somewhere above Reeve's head. Beautiful Bro then went through all the finer points of… squatting.
It doesn't take a genius… thought Reeve, rolling his eyes. Although he'd still managed to fail every fitness test Shinra ran. He was a self-proclaimed geek with that rarest of gifts- he could sit at a workstation all day, doing minimal labour and eating nothing but chips, and not put on an ounce of weight. Palmer had been needling him for his secret for a while- he thought that Reeve had invented some sort of weight-loss device. Reeve had a suspicion that it was just the lard in the tea that tipped the balance.
"Got it?" asked Beautiful Bro.
"Got it," replied the stranger. He sounded resigned to his fate.
"Whoever has the most squats after thirty seconds gets the wig," said Beautiful Bro.
It suddenly occurred to Reeve that two fully-grown men were going to be squatting above his head. He was glad that Scarlet was nowhere to be seen; she'd have never stopped bringing it up at embarrassing moments.
Why do the childhood bullies always become such successful people?
"I'm not going to lose," a voice proclaimed from above Reeve's head, snapping him out of his reverie. He realised it was the wrestler who'd been punched. "Big Bro's wig is MINE!"
What is the 'wig'?
"Just be quiet…" said Beautiful Bro exasperatedly. "It's not fair for you to start right away, so, you want some practice?"
"Don't need to practice," answered the stranger. It sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth.
"Now let's begin the real thing," Beautiful Bro said. "Start!"
Reeve's ears were ringing by the time the deafening thumping sounds ceased.
"He had nineteen squats and you had three squats," announced Beautiful Bro eventually. "Sorry. You lose."
No way… thought Reeve, snorting slightly. He'd managed seven before now!
"Since the old man from the clothing store asked me, I can't keep it from you, so…"
Again, Reeve didn't even try to understand.
"Oh, now where did I put it? All right then." There was an odd shuffling sound, followed by a few moments' silence, and then a loud crash.
"Stupid!" shouted Beautiful Bro. "What kinda place is that to hide it in!"
"Uuuuhh, Bro's fists of steel cut to the bone!" came the groaning reply.
"Sorry," said Beautiful Bro. Reeve heard the stranger give an odd snort and Beautiful Bro continued, "You should still be able to use it if you disinfect it first."
If Reeve had been one of his own robotic creations, he felt he would have gone mad trying to work out what the 'wig' was. His logic cells would have long-since fried. As it was, his logic cells had long-since fried and he felt like he was going to go mad.
There was another 'ting!' as the two people left the gym, and then silence for a few moments. And then…
"Right. What're we going to do with you?" Beautiful Bro wrenched open the secret compartment door and dragged Reeve out by the scruff of his neck.
"Err, you see, err…"
"Enter him in for the Battle Square Championship, Big Bro!" the terminally stupid wrestler said. Reeve waited for Beautiful Bro to hit the man again. And, when that didn't happen, he started to get a very bad feeling…
… … …
A/N: There y'are! Mein Gott, I love Yinza's FF7 script… ;) So useful for fanfic…I should add that many of the lines in this chapter are indeed from the original game (though not Reeve's;)), and I'm not trying to pass them off as my own- I wanted to show the familiar from a new perspective, not plagiarise. But anyway, yeahhh! :D Please review, because the purgles will get you if you don't. And you don't want to see the purgles. So yeah, review. ;)