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JKR:Yes, Sue you.

Riss: For what I don't own anything!


40 Ways to get cruciod by the deadliest Deatheater there has ever been-Bella Black

40. Say Voldermort's name loud without using master or Lord

39. Ask her how her brother-in-law Ted is doing.

38. Contact Jerry Springer and have him place her, Andromeda, Tonks, Ted, Sirius, and Narcissa on the same show entitled "Family Reunion."

37. Support mudbloods and muggles.

36. Give her a coupon to see a hairdresser.

35. When she rips the coupon up start to cry and say that you just wanted to save the birds.

34. Ask her how her time in Azkaban was.

33. Wake her in the morning by opening her curtains to let the sun shine in.

32. Call her Bella Swan, then say opps…I meant Black, you're with Jacob right?

31. Tell her of how she reminds you of a hyena when she cackles.

30. When she threatens you with a curse jump up and down and say "Yea me" like London Tipton.

29. Constantly sing "Opps, I did it again" by Brittany Spears and ask her if she wants to join in.

28. Tell her that Snape and Greyback have wet dreams about her.

27. When she brings up the Longbottoms, ask her how things went in the ministry.

26. Tell her that Molly Weasly is looking for someone to help knit sweaters.

25. Tell her not to make too many Ginny Weasley jokes—they might come back to haunt her.

24. Tell her that Tonks has her fighting spirit.

23. Ask her what has taken her so long to kill Harry Potter.

22. Let her know that Dumbledore is the greatest wizard ever.

21. Ask where she bought her corset so you know where not to get yours.

20. Add some color to her wardrobe by buying her gold and red garments only (Gryffindor colors).

19. Whenever she looks at you smile insanely and then when she asks you why you're smiling tell her it's to keep from laughing.

18. Remind her that Rodolphous is her husband and not the Dark Lord.

17. When she swoons over Voldermort start making kissing noises real loud.

16. Slip her a note saying that Luscious wants to have a threesome with her and Narcissa.

15. Ask her who is a better kisser Voldermort or a dementor.

14. Buy her a subscription to "Glenda the Good Witch Weekly."

13. When she starts to talk interrupt her by saying—"Shsssh…girl shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips."

12. When she starts singing, "I Killed Sirius Black!" join in and sing over her.

11. When she stops singing keep going until she looks at you, then ask "what did I say wrong?"

10. Tell her that the Dark Lord was a half blood.

9. Tell her that she reminds you of that chick Wednesday from The Addams Family, except Wednesday knew what a brush was.

8. Ask her if she needs to borrow your hair brush.

7. Steal her seat next to Voldermort at the weekly Deatheater meetings.

6. When she cackles place a hand on her shoulder and yell, "The Power of Christ compels you."

5. When she is asleep at night slip into her room and start jumping on the bed while singing the theme song to "Friends."

4. Start a rumor that she is a Sarah Palin supporter.

3. When she gives you an order respond by saying "Yes, sir!"

2. Remind her that Voldermort will never love her!

1. Lastly, pass this out to all the other Deatheaters at the weekly meetings.

A/N: Okay so I made this list just to bullshit around. Bellatrix is my favorite Harry Potter character. I just felt like being silly. I know I am probably playing with fire and for my safety let's hope Bella never sees this and if she does... pray for me.