There once was a God; correction, there still is a god that is revered by the logic loving Vulcans of the twenty third century. This God is known as the Great Creator, S'Jenes, the Father of All That is good and Logical.
Though the Vulcan people rarely tell other species of this God's true awesomeness, they believed in him with all their logical might.
So it is no wonder that when Vulcan was destroyed by that crazy-assed Romulan from the future, many lost faith in the Great Creator, for he had abandoned them in their time of need.
The Vulcans of the new colony, to this day, one year after the destruction of their planet, neglect to erect a new temple for their once beloved lord.
As the days go by, the Father of All That is Good and Logical loses more of his children's reverence but he does not care. None mattered more than his new children.
Oh how S'Jenes loved to blend into the society of the Vulcan's sister species, the Humans. Ever since the first contact he feel enamored with those emotional humans. He loved their strange and delicately rounded ears and loved how there was so much variety.
Unfortunately, his obsession caused him to begin ignoring the Vulcans' prayers more and more.
S'Jenes felt terrible at first but he reasoned that the Humans were more suited for his tastes. It was only natural for him to be drawn to creatures like him.
They not only did not limit sexual intercourse to Pon Farr they were expressive and bold. And for that they rocked hard in S'Jenes' eyes.
Make no mistake, he never forgot about his beloved babies. He watches over them now, even though they have no frakin' idea, (in his own words mind you).
S'Jenes knows he should have acted faster in the Vulcan crisis. He still feels unbelievably horrible for the deaths of 6 billion. But now he vows to himself that he will be ten times the Daddy he was.
The Great and (Il)Logical S'Jenes now watches over them as Kirk. James Kirk. Badass Captain of Pure and Unadulterated Awesomeness of the USS Enterprise, (again his own word.) Hey, he was a god, dammit. Not a writer of pretty purple prose.
On this ship, S'Jenes is loved. He has a best buddy named Bones. An engineer with an endless still of booze. And Spock. He swears up and down Spock is his greatest idea ever.
Of course the mixing of his two favorite species has to equal pure awesome. He is also very pretty, and much, much stronger than his human form. Too bad Spock hates him. Actually, that's kinda hot. Oh Him, sometimes he is such a pervert.
"Note to self: smite self with a holy fire after shift," mumbles Captain Kirk while in The Chair.
Unfortunately for him the bridge was silent when he said that. "Is there a problem, Captain?" queries Spock, eyebrow raised.
"Uhhhh…no…?" Good work God. That sounds confident. Good thing Bones wasn't on the bridge. Jim would never be able to live that word blunder down. But it looks like the Universe also hates him.
A sarcastic drawl came from his armrest. "Smooth Jim. Reeaalll smooth."
Oh FML. I pressed down on the stupid f*%& communication button.
"Captain Kirk! Such language is inappropriate while on duty," chides Spock, not yelling.
Unfortunately, it looks like he said that aloud as well. And now everyone is giving him weird looks.
Jim decides that he is not a happy camper.
"Oh for the Love of S'Jenes! Spock! Do you have to nitpick at everything!? Maybe you would be less of a stick in the mud after Pon Farr!" Jim exclaims oh so intelligently. Uhura gasps to his right. Spock drew in a sharp exhale. Jim can hear Bones face palming in the Medbay. Huh, the brain mouth barrier must need changing again.
"How do you know of Him? And how do you know of our Time?" He sounds accusing. Crap.
"What's Pon Farr?" whispers Chekov to Sulu in front of him. Double Crap.
"Uhhh…I am a…Xenocultures specialist …?" he asks. Spock raises an elegantly slanted eyebrow, his eyes emotional and dark. Freaking tease. Jim shifts in his seat a bit.
"Captain, incoming message from New Vulcan," Uhura reluctantly pipes in before Spock could choke the truth out of his poor abused human throat.
Jim should give her a raise for interrupting his horrible excuse.
"Main screen, Lieutenant."
"Aye aye, Sir."
One second later, the grave visage of Sarek appears on the view screen.
"USS Enterprise, I regret to inform you that Romulans have been attacking our settlement on the account that they claim this quadrant of space as theirs. We are now invading--"
"Wait," interjects Jim, "they have no right. New Vulcan is in Federation Space."
"Nevertheless," Sarek continues, "they are attacking increasingly frequently. And as you are the nearest Starship around, we request assistance, Captain."
Kirk stopped breathing. The bridge crew and Bones, who just stepped off the turbo lift all look towards the center station at their strangely freaked out Captain.
"Captain?" asks Spock, not worried.
"How long," begins Jim, "how long have they been attacking?"
"3.2 weeks, Captain Kirk," replies Sarek promptly.
"3.2 weeks? And the casualty number?" asks Jim, his face wrinkling in dissatisfaction.
"Captain! I do not think that that was the appropriate question to ask," interjects Spock in a deadly whisper.
"How many," Jim plows on.
Sarek responds emotionlessly, "Fifty-seven injured and thirteen dead, Captain."
"Thi-thirteen dead?" Jim stutters. Bones realizes right there and then that what happens next would break reality. The Vulcans and crew did not understand Jim's reaction.
"Jim, stop and think!" McCoy tries to call out to his best friend, but it is futile. Kirk is righteously enraged. The crew and Sarek could only watch what happens next in shock.
"Those Romulan bastards. How dare they?!" The crew stare transfixed as the Captain Kirk beings to glow slightly.
Eyes got wider when the glow increases to a bright warm light. Black fires that began to burn in their Captain's eyes quickly started to spill out onto the rest of his features.
The flames lick across Jim's face like a lover devotedly peeling off a human mask. At the apex of the flame's reach, the shine died down enough so that Jim is visible to his crew once more.
The bridge crew and Sarek drew in a collective gasp.
There standing in the center of the room was a tall blond-haired, blue-eyed Vulcan. Beautiful and exotic in Vulcan standards, elfin in human, and angry. Very, very angry.
"The Great Creator S'Jenes…" whispers Sarek. Spock stares at Jim, no S'Jenes now, in utter fascination.
S'Jenes did not notice any of this. He is so angry. His hurt children, already suffering from a crippling loss, are preyed upon by those that rejected him centuries ago? Not on his watch. With a flash and a bang, he vanished from the bridge.
"I believe the proper response to that is "What the hell," states Spock. Sarek nods along.
McCoy rubs at his temples. "James T. Kirk. Lord S'Jenes of Vulcan Mythology. Creator of the largest headaches in the Universe! Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not a preacher! Look Spock, save your questions for when he comes back. He'll be back."
No sooner than after McCoy's statement, another flash erupted in the center seat. S'Jenes had returned. With a smile on his face.
"Jim…what's with the face?" ventured McCoy. The grin grew three times in size.
"Seriously, it's really freaking me out! What did you do?!" The God Vulcan lifted a finger to his lips and motioned for a sshhh. The oddly human action out of place on S'Jenes' face.
"Dear sweet heaven above, save us…"
S'Jenes swivels to face the rest of the crew and the ambassador, a smug smile on his face and one pointed eyebrow quirked up high.
"It's all taken care of now, Ambassador. They won't be botherin' the colony anymore," reassures S'Jenes. Sarek nods silently.
"Very well, thank you, Captain. If you will excuse me, I have temple plans to draw up. Live Long and Prosper," Sarek responds in logical Vulcan awe and the transmission dies. Spock then remembers how to talk.
"Captain, May I clarify some points?"
"You can clarify anything you want with me Mr. Spock," replies Jim, Vulcan ears already starting to melt into a more rounded model.
"You are S'Jenes."
"The Creator of Vulcan and the Known Universe?"
"Well, it's technically just the Vulcans. The Preservers did most of the Known Universe."
"You are Vulcan, but also Human."
"Gee, nothing can escape you. But yes. I like being human." Jim's eye brows were curved now.
"May I ask why?"
"Will you answer?"
The bridge crew plus McCoy are silent.
"Why do you prefer to be in a human body?"
"Because they don't limit fun to Pon Farr--"
"God!" Spock interrupts him.
Jim kept going, "remember when I said you should loosen up? I think I can help you with that." Bones face palms once more at his friend's one-track mind.
But after alpha shift, they had fun. Lots and lots of fun.
Chekov is still wondering what Pon Farr was.