Cloud City Catastrophe

Gaming Ikari


Technically speaking, the body Nagato used to interact with Akatsuki wasn't alive. Technically speaking, Yahiko's body was just one of six which he used to interact with the residents of Amegakure and thus, was not any more linked to his actual reactions than the other five paths of the Rinnegan.

Technically speaking, the Deva path body had no reason to raise his hand and pinch the bridge of his nose. The frustration he felt was enough for Nagato himself.

Yet, partially as a means of keeping the rest of Akatsuki from realizing how outclassed they were, Yahiko's fingers pinched the bridge of Yahiko's nose before he raised his head to glare at the most destructive team on his roster.

Konan's fingers massaging the back of Yahiko's neck were a dull impression of true feeling, yet at the same time, deliciously welcome as they quelled the exasperation he felt. A small part of Nagato could almost feel her welcome fingers carefully massaging his own neck, helping to alleviate the stress involved with the current situation.

"Now..." Yahiko's voice asked, prompting both of his subordinates to stand up a little straighter. "What part of assassinate the Cloud Daimyo involved the destruction of a palace best described as a miniature city?"

There was a pregnant pause as both of the light-haired ninja eyed one another. Sure, Nagato knew that Madara was the true leader, but he was more than happy to take the limelight as the leader of Akatsuki for now. Especially when it meant he got the respect he needed to help administrate things until the organisation could deal with it's true goals.

"He did it!" Both Hidan and Deidara called simultaneously, their fingers lifting to skewer the other.

It was times like this, however, that being the titular leader of a bunch of psychotic, absurdly destructive ninja had its downsides.

Yahiko's hand met to meet his face. After a moment, he raised his head.

"Hidan. Could you kinda explain why there's a crater where there used to be a palace?" Yahiko's body finally asked, getting a sheepish grin in turn.

"Well, it's pretty simple..." the silver-haired man began, scratching the back of his head.


What had formerly been a city of peace and order was now a scene of vast horror.

No building that stood more than a single storey high lacked a bright, cheerful fire to help illuminate the night. The cobblestones which had once boasted the best roadways for any city in the world were now slick with blood and other, less-savoury liquids. The few mobile citizens were either screaming their grief to the skies as they dealt with the madness of losing everyone they loved, or worse...

Two figures stood prominently highlighted against the burning flames which threatened to consume the city whole. Only one was vocal, and thus, the silver-haired man drew the most attention.

"Flee! Flee before the wrath of Jashin-sama!" Hidan roared, his triple-bladed scythe flashing through the ranks of amateur ninja swarming him. Fortunately for his religion, and unfortunately for the mortality rates of the previous year's chunin exams, the cloud ninja ignored his cries as they swarmed him.

He absorbed their ninjutsu with a smirk.

He slashed through their taijutsu with his scythe.

Sadly, they didn't know that regular genjutsu didn't work on a ninja who was technically a corpse. It'd take some sort of super genius to effect him that way. The unfortunate side-effect of attempting to trap the missing-nin in such was that the enemy ninja were standing ramrod straight and highlighted by the flames against the dark clouds of smoke which choked the skyline.

As another genjutsu user fell in a number of chunks which numbered more than one, Hidan couldn't help but grin to himself as he turned to his partner.

"How's that for art, you bastard?" Hidan demanded, quirking one eyebrow as he settled his scythe on his shoulders. Thus far, his blond partner had spent his time staring into the distance. Hidan's eyes narrowed as the younger man didn't respond, and he finally jabbed Deidara in the chest with the blunt end of his staff. "Wake up and tell me how badly I've won, damn it!"

"Hidan?" The blond explosives expert asked, shaking his head and glancing around. "Sorry, I was working on some art exhibits. Give me a moment."

"An art exhibit? What the hell are you doing not focusing on my awesomeness?" The slowest member of Akatsuki demanded, glaring at the young man.

The response to that glare was several explosions which impacted the two ninjas, even hundreds (or thousands) of meters away.

"Several ninja orphanages just got a demonstration, first hand, of my artistic brilliance," Deidara noted smugly, crossing his arms.

Hidan's jaw dropped in horror.

"That's right, I did it," the blond missing-nin confirmed nastily.

"You bastard!" Hidan's voice was thick with rage. His anger was such that he swung his weapon towards his partner, who nimbly dodged out of the way. "I was saving those for a post-slaughter sacrifice to Jashin! Now I've got to hunt up some orphans on my own!"

"Well, they shouldn't have taken in those jerks from Konoha!" Deidara replied with a growl. He crossed his arms and smirked at his partner. "I'm surprised you didn't get preachy on me about the sacred blood of the men protecting the daimyo."

"You didn't!" Hidan growled, glaring.

"I did," the former Iwagakure ninja replied, several explosions nearly tossing them to the ground as they erupted from the wall surrounding the cloud daimyo's palace.

"Maybe if you're fast, you can get the bastard himself," Deidara commented, buffing his fingernails on his Akatsuki robe casually.

"Damn it, I know the daibakuha no jutsu! You want explosions, I'll give them to you!" Hidan growled, his hands flashing into a crossed-shaped seal and four copies racing across the rooftops. The original narrowed his eyes at the explosive expert. "I bet you I can take out even the jonin bodyguards he has trying to protect him!"

"Nah, only my explosions are pure art!" Deidara replied, scowling. "You're an amateur trying to grasp at the basics of art, you've got no true appreciation for true creativity!"

"You don't understand the glory of Jashin-sama!" Hidan replied, narrowing his eyes. "You don't understand that true beauty is the destruction of the human body to the glory of his might!"

Technically speaking, Hidan was right.

Of course, he had an absolutely disgusting chakra pool, which meant his four kage bunshin had a fair amount of chakra themselves. Thus, when they decided to blow up, the cloud daimyo had about as much chance of remaining alive as a wheel of cheese had of remaining intact when thrown into a minefield.

Practically speaking, he was just blowing things up right alongside Deidara.

In that destruction, as the cloud daimyo's screams for moderation went ignored, a true partnership was formed.

They both looked at the results of their endeavors, and they understood... They both needed to make things go boom in an orgy of violence. Sure, they had different reasons for it, but they agreed with the reasons behind their goals.

Explosions plus bodies meant good things. For both of them.

Hidan and Deidara actually worked well together.


They worked too well together, Nagato mused.

"I want to break Deidaria and Hidan apart," the titular leader of Akatsuki noted through Yahiko, his other body still going over the damage reports.

Despite their complaints, he vetoed their objections.

He wanted to shake up the order of the ninja world, but...

He knew horror. He refused to inflict that combination on the world unless he had to.

He wasn't a monster.


Author's Notes:

This is fanfiction of fanfiction. Yeah, geek squared.

Basically, this is my interpretation of the Hidan/Deidara partnership hinted at in daniel-gudman's Spying no Jutsu. It needed to be written. I'd kinda hoped that someone else would do it, but I guess not. So, daniel, this is my belated Christmas gift to you.

Sorry it's not more awesome, but very few authors on this site can match up to you, danny-boy. I gave it my best shot, so maybe it's not entirely embarassing, at least.

Edit: Hidan immune to Genjutsu fixed. *facepalm* That's what I get for writing while tired.