DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of Sam or Dean... dag gum it! T.J. the Hooters Girl is my creation... and I hope my most likable to date :-)!. The other Hooters Girls are named after two very good friends maybe you've seen around these parts... and I hope I did them justice.
Warnings- Some sexual innuendo. Nothing graphic. But it's strongly hinted at that Sam and Dean have a VERY entertaining evening with some Hooters Girls. ;-)
By the time they made it to Hooters, Dean was bouncing so hard in his seat that Sam was sure the Impala would be due for a wheel realignment after this night. The Birthday Boy practically sprinted towards the entrance as if he were Dorothy and Hooters was the Emerald City.
"Will you hurry it up?" Dean snapped at Sam as the younger man strolled all too casually towards the door, "There's really only about three and a half hours left of my actual birthday!"
"What, are you afraid the Impala's gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight?"
"At this point, anything's possible," Dean huffed, "I mean we spent most of the day stuck in the past and trapped in our younger bodies. What if it turns out there's some after-effect to traveling through time? For all we know, we could walk through that door and wind up back in the past doomed to live in the 80's forever!"
Sam just laughed, giving his brother a reassuring pat on the back as he guided him through the front door… and straight back into the 80's!
"Oh Mickey you're so fine… you're so fine you blow my mind… Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!" came blasting from the overhead speakers.
The Winchesters stood dumbfounded as they took in the scene surrounding them.
The restaurant was decorated with cardboard cut outs of Pac-Man, Rubik's Cubes and Alf dangling from the ceiling. Stand-ees of E.T., Boy George and Ronald Reagan met them at the door. In the center of the restaurant Tom Cruise tended Bar in his Risky Business underwear while various members of Poison, Motley Crue and Stryper bused the tables. Mr. T appeared at a window in the kitchen, ringing a bell as he put an order up and David Lee Roth could be seen behind him busily washing the dishes.
The patrons were dressed in Member's Only jackets, British Flag T-Shirts, Parachute Pants and checkerboard loafers. Some wore prepped out yuppie clothes, while others wore ripped up denim jackets and jeans torn at the knees. The few female customers were wearing shoulder pads and had their hair teased up to the ceiling. And the waitresses were dressed… barely dressed in most cases, as various 80's icons. Annie Lennox with her short cropped red hair and man's suit carried a pair of margaritas to a couple who looked like David Hasselhoff and Joan Collins.
"Sweet dreams are made of these," she winked to them.
Cyndi Lauper brought a heaping tray of hot wings to a table of guys with Flock of Seagulls hairdos. Other tables were being tended to by Daisy Duke, Red Sonja, Princess Leia and even Apollonia.
"Maybe being trapped in the past isn't all bad…" Dean murmured, just as he and Sam were greeted by His Royal Badness, Prince.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called "80's Night at Hooters, dig?" said Prince, "Table for two?"
"Oh…" the Winchesters said at once.
They now noticed, with some relief, the banners overhead reading "80's Night" and that many of the patrons were gabbing on cell phones or texting as they enjoyed their meals. The very modern and very large flat screen TV's that lined the walls were currently showing various 80's movies like The Breakfast Club, Back to the Future, The Terminator and of course, Purple Rain.
Dean stood mesmerized as the scene where Prince convinces Apollonia to strip naked and purify herself in the lake came on. The crowd around the bar let up a cheer as she whipped off her top and dove straight in.
"God Bless you Apollonia!" Dean sniffled.
"Yes. Table for two," Sam said at last, shaking his head.
Dressed in full Pirate/ Indian Chief regalia, Adam Ant came up behind Prince and looked over the Purple One's shoulder as they scanned the seating chart for a suitable table.
"Smoking or Non?" Adam Ant asked.
"Oh, Non-Smoking, definitely," Dean answered, snapping back to reality as poor water-logged Apollonia dragged herself out of the lake and got her clothes back on.
"Goody Two Shoes," Adam Ant sneered as he led them to a table.
"Oh, I hope Princess Leia is our waitress!" Dean rubbed his hands together with glee studying the woman in the gold bikini and collar complete with chain dangling down her back.
His eyes then fell on the server dressed in lacy lingerie and high leather boots.
"No, no. Maybe Apollonia should be our waitress…" he insisted before raising an eyebrow at the woman wearing a man's suit, "Although Annie Lennox might be fun for a change…"
"You'll have to excuse my brother," Sam told Adam Ant, "He's just excited over his birthday… He's 12!"
"Birthday!" Adam Ant cried out, "Anyone who comes to 80's Night on their Birthday gets a free pitcher of beer and a free plate of hot wings!"
He placed his fingers in his mouth and whistled towards the kitchen. Michael Jackson came dancing out at once carrying a foamy pitcher of beer in one hand and a steaming tray of hot wings which he held with a sparkling silver oven-mitt glove.
"HOOOOOOO!" he screamed setting the items down before Moonwalking back into the kitchen.
Sam and Dean could barely contain their giggles as Adam Ant handed them a pair of menus and then took his leave promising that their server would be with them shortly.
"Dude! This is awesome!" Dean declared, raising a glass of beer to his brother, "The Universe has finally decided to smile upon Dean Winchester. For once, we get to kick back and celebrate my birthday in style!"
"I'll drink to that!" Sam agreed, clinking his glass against Dean's.
"I mean on such a perfect night as this, what could possibly go wrong?"
The men felt a presence come up to their table and turned to see Madonna standing before them. Except it wasn't exactly Madonna… just a young woman who very much resembled the Material Girl. She was dressed in a mini-skirt, neon green mesh halter top, fingerless lace gloves and Jelly shoes which looked uncomfortably familiar to the Winchester brothers. But what was even more disturbingly familiar was her face. An icy chill ran simultaneously through Sam and Dean. They knew that face without a doubt... it was unmistakably the same as their sadistic babysitter… Tiffany!
"Sonofabitch!" Dean mouthed to Sam.
The brothers sat staring up into the face of their tormentor. There was no question it was the same girl… though that was impossible. The Tiffany they met in 1984 would have had to have been in her 40's by now and with all the smoking and drinking she did would surely have looked much older than that even. This woman still had the dewy youthful skin of a 20-year-old. So either Tiffany really was a Shtriga who sucked the life-force out of every child she met in order to stay young… Or she had somehow leapt with them through the Time Portal to the present day! Sam and Dean exchanged a nervous glance at one another and then cast their eyes towards the Emergency Exit. One word of asinine Valley Speak from this girl and they were out the door…
"Welcome to Hooters," the girl said plainly enough though her voice was still eerily familiar, "I'm T.J. and I'll be your server tonight… Are you ready to order or do you need another minute with the menu… Well?... Cat got your tongues, guys?"
"C…cobb Salad..." Sam stammered, his eyes shifting from the girl's face to the exit.
"Bacon Double Cheeseburger," Dean stated, "With no cigarette ash, please!"
"Huh?" T.J. blinked.
"S…Sorry…" Sam chuckled nervously, "We're sorry… It's just… You look very familiar, T.J…. Could we have met before? You didn't by any chance happen to grow up in Lawrence, Kansas did you?
"And did you terrorize small children and talk like a California Valley Mall Rat?" Dean asked bluntly.
"Dean…" Sam admonished.
The waitress folded her arms and gave the older man a bemused smirk.
"I hope that's not your idea of a pick up line," she snorted, "I would never dream of terrorizing small children… I love kids! In fact the only reason I'm working at this place is to earn money for school. I'm studying to be a Pediatrician and my dream is to one day open the World's Best Child Care Center!"
"That… that sounds awesome…" Sam said sincerely.
"And in case you're wanting me to play the part I'm sorry, I refuse to talk like a Valley Girl… even for 80's night. My mom's best friend Debbie talked like that for the longest time! Drove me up the wall every time she came to visit us from West Virginia!"
"Your mom had a friend named Debbie from West Virginia?" Dean raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah, she did," T.J. nodded, then turned to back Sam, "And we did live in Lawrence, Kansas most of my life… But I don't see how we could have met. I was Home Schooled… Didn't really get to socialize much with kids my age. My parents were these super strict Holy Roller types. The kind who would stand in parking lots and shout Hellfire and Damnation speeches to random passersby. It was so embarrassing. I split town as soon as I turned 18 and never looked back."
Sam and Dean exchanged another baffled look.
"Your mom didn't happen to preach in… Valley Girl talk did she?" Dean dared to ask.
"No! What is it with you and Valley Talk?" T.J. snickered then grew more serious, "Actually she didn't speak at all. I never heard my mother's voice. She was struck mute at the age of 17 before I was born… But boy howdy could she Sign a mile a minute! Those hands of hers were forever in motion warning about the evils of cigarettes, alcohol and pre-martial sex…"
"I'm sorry to be nosey," Sam couldn't help but continue their questioning, "But I've never heard of someone being struck mute before. Was there some kind of accident…?"
"I don't know how it happened," T.J. admitted, "I mean, my mom always told me that she had been a wicked young girl who was engaging in immoral activities when she and her boyfriend at the time were punished for their sinful ways. She said that a woman from her neighborhood came in yelling at them for being irresponsible and when she tried to sass back and spoke the words: 'Gag me with a spoon, already!' the woman took her up on it and beat her so hard she never dared speak again… I mean, that's the story she always told me… But I never believed her. It sounds too much like that legend of The Crazy Spoon Lady… and everyone knows that's just an Urban Myth, right?"
"Yeah, right," Dean said swallowing hard.
He had a feeling that when he gave Missouri a call the next day he was not only going to have to thank her for saving them from Gordon… but also for silencing Tiffany!
"But I don't doubt my mom was a bit of a wild child in her younger years," T.J. continued, "I mean, I found this outfit in the back of her closet. I took it with me when I left home just to have something to remember her by. It's too bad she changed into such a prude. I'd like to think the girl who wore these clothes and I would have gotten along…"
"Not if you're at all passionate about decent Child Care," Sam muttered under his breath.
"Tiffany Junior!" Princess Leia called out as she sashayed over to the table eyeing Dean, "Will you please stop your yammering and get these gorgeous men their food already!"
"Please! I hate it when people use my full name!" the other girl huffed, "My name tag says 'T.J.'!"
"And my name tag says 'Kat'!" Princess Leia snorted, "But all night everyone's been calling me 'Your Worshipfulness', 'Jabba's Slave' and 'Hey, Hot Stuff!' So get over yourself, get a move on and get these guys their food!"
She swatted T.J. on the rear and hustled her towards the kitchen. Dean stared up in delight at the barely dressed woman beside him, deeply admiring her gold bikini.
"Sorry, she can be a bit chatty," Kat said, "If you don't feel you're being served, you can always request another waitress…"
"Nah uh, girl!" the waitress dressed in lingerie with 'Rainha' on her name tag came up and playfully shoved at Kat, "I see what you're up to! Trying to steal young Tiffany Junior's tips! For shame!"
"It's not the tips I'm interested in," she said, licking her lips as she shifted her gaze from brother to brother.
Sam and Dean stared at one another as Dean mouthed "Awesome!" to Sam.
"Yeah, well just remember I'm the one who saw them first," Rainha spoke in a Brazilian accent and stomped her high heeled leather boot as she glared at Kat, "I pointed them out to you right when they came in the door!"
"Ladies, please!" Dean beamed, "No need to bicker. My brother and I would consider it an honor to be served by both Princess Leia and Apollonia!"
Rainha cocked her head at Dean.
"I'm not Apollonia! I'm Vanity!" she sulked.
"Well, the Prince girls were pretty interchangeable," Kat snickered.
"Oh, it's only a silly costume," Rainha rolled her eyes, "I had to put something together for 80's night… I could never really be a Prince girl..."
She turned at once to Sam and ran her fingers through his hair.
"I'm only into tall men!" she declared as the younger Winchester blushed.
"Yes, this is just a costume as well," Kat nodded, idly playing with the chain around her neck, "I could never really be a Slave Girl… I'm always the Master!"
She wiggled her brows at Dean who cleared his throat.
"That's…uhh… that's good to know…" he gulped.
"Oh, what do you have here?" Rainha asked, noticing the faint red spots that still decorated Sam's skin, "Are these freckles or Chicken Pox?"
"Chicken Pox!" Dean declared before Sam could open his mouth, "He's been ill… probably needs his temperature taken…"
"Shut up!" Sam snapped, embarrassed, "It's just a joke… A very cruel and childish practical joke my brother played on me. He got overly creative and drew all over me with a magic marker. I tried to wash it off but…"
"All over?" Rainha giggled, running her finger along Sam's chin to his neck, "Oh, don't wash them off! Connect the Dots is one of my favorite games."
"Oh… that's also good to know…" Sam practically whimpered as she hooked her finger under his shirt collar searching for more dots.
"I have a favorite game too," Kat smirked and then whispered something in Dean's ear.
Sam had no idea what she might have been saying, but his older brother turned beet red all the way up to his ears as his eyes rolled to their whites. He finally leaned across the table and looked Sam straight in the eye.
"We are definitely getting separate rooms tonight!" Dean insisted.
"Definitely!" Sam agreed.
They hastily had their order boxed up to go and their new friends begged off work early letting T.J. take over their tables and have all their tips. The Winchesters left the a very generous gratuity to the future Pediatrician as well and soon the foursome was racing out the door. Rainha whipped off her black Vanity wig letting her fiery red hair fly free as she dove into the backseat of the Impala pulling Sam in with her. Kat sat primly in the front seat as Dean backed out of the parking lot and onto the highway. And then as soon as he was driving along at a steady pace, she leaned over and whispered something else in his ear that nearly sent them spinning off the road.
They managed to make it to a hotel in one piece and just as Dean had requested, it was a swank affair much better than what they were used to. They even had a gift shop which Dean and Kat perused while Sam paid for the rooms with Mr. Zappa's Gold Card, Rainha purring in his ear the whole time.
Heading towards their rooms, Kat took off her Slave Collar and playfully hooked it around Dean's neck.
"Whoa, whoa wait!" he yelped, "Just give me a second here. I gotta check up on my little brother first!"
"Aww!" both girls cooed as Dean strolled over towards a very confused Sam carrying a small brown paper bag.
"Dude?" Sam studied his brother curiously, wondering what he was up to.
"Well, uhh, Sammy," Dean began, speaking low, but not low enough for the women not to overhear," I know this is your first date in a long… long time. And I just wanted to make sure you had protection…"
"Dean!" Sam gasped, utterly mortified.
"Protection against chaffing," Dean said, pulling a small bottle of talcum powder out of the bag.
"I will kill you!" Sam seethed as the girls squealed with laughter.
He charged after Dean who fled holding the talcum powder out of Sam's reach.
"He likes a little dusting on his tush, Rainha!" Dean called out, "And he needs a lullaby to help him fall asleep! 'Stairway to Heaven' is his favorite! But 'Fade to Black' works just as well!"
Sam soon caught up to his brother, tackling him and locking his arms behind his back. Dean struggled, but was laughing too hard to really fight the taller man off. Before he knew it, Sam had managed to wrestle the talcum powder out of his grip and then bent him forward aiming his butt towards the night sky.
"I think you're the one who's gonna need the talcum powder tonight, Bro!" Sam mocked, "'Cause guess what! It's time for the Birthday Boy to get his spankings!"
Both girls cheered and hurried forward rubbing their hands together with glee.
"Don't forget to give him one to grow on, Ladies!" Sam called out, holding his brother in place.
"Bitch!" Dean cackled hysterically.
"Jerk!" Sam laughed back.
And for one brief moment in time, the Universe smiled upon them both.
THE END (fer reals!)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: *sniff* I can't tell you all how much fun this whole experience has been. This was a fun story to write, but I never imagined the kind of response it would get once I put it up for others to see. I've really enjoyed all the feedback and hearing about all the memories of the 80's or just of childhood that all the readers have shared with me. It's all felt like one big happy family and I'm gonna miss it. Still, you guys have really helped me out more than you will know. You encouraged me to write faster and better and I have learned a lot about letting go of my perfectionism and going with my instincts. I've also 'met' a lot of great people and made new friends along the way. I'm so glad everyone had as good a time reading this story as I had writing it.
Oh… and what became of Professor Frink you might ask? Wellll…. I've decided he needed to have his own story to tell of his adventures in the 1970's. And that this story of his involves Castiel! Oh my! It's up now and is entitled: "Let's Do the Time Warp Again!"
(P.S. so I don't get sued, the lyrics above were "Mickey" by Toni Basil. And the famous people mentioned above were of course just regular folks dressed up for 80's night. Please don't sue me for making you a dish washer David Lee Roth!)
If you liked this tale, please leave a review and let me know what you thought. A lot of times, someone's favorite part will be my favorite part too. Other times, people will bring up some insight I hadn't even thought of before. I love it when readers share that feedback with me and I'm always good about responding back!