Chapter 1

Cuddy went home after another hard day at work. She finally got a boyfriend but still she loved spending time with House , even few seconds were important for her. Whereas House didn't share the same feelings, he was furious. He was planning on changing, planning on stopping being a jerk, but she chose someone else, someone he trusted, this made him even more furious, fortunately he is managing to hide his feelings, every time he is standing next to her, he shows zero emotion, instead he keeps on insulting her, not as usual but in more meaner way.

This evening Cuddy wished to spend alone. Without Lucas. Rachel felt asleep without any problems. Cuddy made herself a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa to think about her life. While drinking she thought it will be an excellent idea to start a diary, this way she could share her feeling, emotion and difficulties that she was facing. She realized that right now there is no person she could talk to. Obviously she should not mention anything to Lucas, If she would share any information with Wilson, he would immediately go to House, which will make it pretty awkward. Other people simply wouldn't care and she didn't want to spend money on psychologist.

She stood up and approached to her table, she found an empty notebook and started writing:

Dear Diary,

I feel like I am cheating on Lucas. I love him but some part of me tells me that I should be with House. I can see that House is mad at me, I know him for a long time so I am able to recognize his feeling. But what else should I have done. I gave House around eight hundred chances he didn't take any of them, although sometimes he accepted it but it was me who was scared. I regret it. I am not saying that Lucas is bad boyfriend, he cares about me, about Rachel, he is funny and smart, but something is missing, maybe a bit of sarcasm or negotiation. I don't know. Every time I am with him I feel like I am in some type of cage. This feeling disappears when Dr Gregory House appears in my eyes. I start feeling free! I find this weird because most of the times, House insults me, he would always find something mean to say but this never stopped me from liking him. Everyone thinks he is a jerk or an asshole. Ok, I should admit that rarely…actually maybe always his behavior characterizes him as a jerk but don't people see that somewhere deep inside he might feel sorry for some of his patients, I am sure he always feels lonely, I would be glad to keep him a company, to be his girlfriend but unfortunately I made a wrong decision. If I had any chance to change everything, to go back to past and say no to Lucas but what is done, is done! I guess now I can only dream about House. I can keep on remembering our kiss but this would hardly change anything. I just hope that House forgives me. I hope that everything will be as it was before. I hope that he will be kind to me as he was when he was using methadone. I hope that I have to see Lucas less and House more. Anyway it is time to go to bed. Good night.

Cuddy hid the diary in safe places in order for Lucas or House not to find it, well at least she hoped that they won't find it. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and went to bed.

Next day House was late, again. It was eleven o'clock when Cuddy entered his office.

"Does any of you know where House is?"

"Not really, he is always late, but he never explains the reason." Taub answered while looking through the boring file.

"Why do you need him anyway?" Foreman asked. Cuddy always needed him, for no reason.

"I found an interesting case, House would like it."

"ok we will take it…."

"but what about this case?" Thirteen intruded.

"we will take both."

"when House arrives…"she paused. "if he bothers coming, tell him that I want him in my office." She announced before leaving the room.

She approached to her office, thinking what she would say to House, their relationship wasn't the best. She sat at her table and started filling in the documents.

An hour later House appeared in her office.

"you wanted to see me? missed me already?" house grinned. He sat on her new coach and put his legs on her coffee table.

"I don't remember allowing you to spend half of the work day at home."

"who said I was at home."

"I don't care where you were, I want you to be in the hospital and nowhere else!"

"Yes boss. Are we done now?"

"that it? And now you are going to come on time?" Cuddy was shocked.

"If I will say yes, will you let me go?" Normal House is back.

"Get out."

House stood up and was ready to leave but he froze at the door way. He turned around to face Cuddy and started talking.

"You know this thing about you and Lucas…" he trailed off.

"House, please don't start again."

"Let me finish my sentence!" he snapped. "anyway, I am sorry for being mad at you, it is your choice not mine, I guess we are just not meant for each other." He didn't say anything else. Cuddy was speechless. Is Dr Gregory House saying sorry? That's impossible. He was leaving now. She wanted to stand up and tell me him that she regrets her choice, that she loves him but instead she sat on her chair like a statue.

House went back to his team in order to discuss the patient. Meanwhile Cuddy continued filling in the document.

It was amazing, everything she wrote in her diary came true, he finally forgave her, he was kind to her, House was back to normal!!! The day was over, she sighed out and went home. This evening she spent again without Lucas in order to write more stuff in her diary. She took out her notebook and started writing:

Dear diary…

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