A/N: This is a stand alone only because I made a huge mistake and accidentally merged two other stories, but I liked the banter in the scene and didn't want to lose it. So I decided to make a whole other story out of it… clever me (NOT). But, seriously, I did learn a good lesson, that the author Steve Barry tried to impart to the crowd at a writing conference I attended. Never work on more than one big story at a time! Or something to that effect…Or it could have been David Baldacci that said it, but I think it was Steve. Anyway, lesson learned, sort of.
PS. I have thought that house and Thirteen together would be totally hot, as evidenced by my little ficlet titled This Is So Wrong. Check it out but be forewarned MAJOR SMUT.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own HOUSE M.D.
Remy couldn't believe she agreed to this… this "babysitting" House thing. Hell, she couldn't believe House agreed to this. Nonetheless, she found herself standing outside the door of Wilson's apartment with a duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She stood there for what felt like ten minutes, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door.
Remy was tough, but House had a way of getting under her skin, of finding the weakest point and exploiting it… She was feeling a bit fragile since her breakup with Eric, so didn't know if she was up for sparring with House. She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock when the door flew open and she found House's impossibly blue eyes looked down at her, sizing her up, an unspoken challenge in them. She had gasped in surprise when he threw the door open, but now there was just silence… silence and his probing laser like stare. After what must have been only a few seconds …but, felt like an eternity…House smirked and said "Well Thirteen are we going to stand here and have a staring contest, or are you going to come in?"
She smiled and said, "Why not, I was winning?"
He almost laughed at that, it took him by surprise to hear her quip at him snarkily. House would never give away such a truth willingly, and he replied by pulling her in to the apartment getting the whole 'I am in charge here' point across, rather effectively.
After she was in the apartment, he sat down and ignored her, by watching some monster truck thing. She stood waiting for a while, and finally threw her bag down on the window seat .and plopped down next to House.
House could feel how close she was and was trying hard not to say something, he was fully aware she was trying to irritate him. Surprisingly, he found himself enjoying the company. They sat in a companionable, silence for about half an hour before Thirteen said, "I'm hungry, you got anything to eat?"
"Good idea woman! Get in there and make us some vittles!"
Thirteen fought back her laughter and acted indignant "Hey this is the twenty-first century, buddy! You can make the vittles!"
"Uhhh Hellooooo cripple here!" he whined flaunting his cane.
"Whatever! Do you think I forgot that amazing food you fed me?"
" I take the fifth!" House exclaimed. "Besides, with the wife in the hospital there's only MAN food!"
She couldn't help but laugh at House calling Wilson his wife. "Speaking of the wife… shouldn't we go visit the missus?"
"Yeah, she's probably hitting on ALL the nurses, we better get down there before some panties get peeled!"
"Good, we can eat on the way." Thirteen stood up to leave but House just sat there suddenly quiet.
"What?" she asked in mock impatience.
"Never mind, he's probably asleep anyway."
"Well how will you know if you don't go and see him? Duhhhh"
"I… Just forget it dammit!" he shouted.
Thirteen gave him a hard stare before she said "You are SUCH a hypocrite! I can't believe what a chicken you are! You poke and prod and goad everyone into doing shit they don't want to just because you think it's right, and YOU won't even go see your best friend in the hospital!"She was on a roll now… " And another thing, how many times has Wilson bailed your ass out, or I don't know…restarted your heart? Gee, I wonder how he felt about that!" By the end of the rant she was red faced and panting.
House just looked at her like she had said "please, pass the salt."
They were having a staring showdown again.
Finally House said "Well what are you waiting for, get you enormous ass out of my way so we can go visit Wilson!"
And that was it, they rode to the hospital in silence, and Thirteen excused herself when they got to the room, she left him standing in the hall looking into Wilson's room… She shuddered as the sight brought back the memory of Wilson standing outside House's ICU room and not going in. That had been awful, to see Wilson just walk away with disdain, on his face. Despite all his insane, and childish behavior ,she liked House .Remy thought him brave; had seen him, on many occasions, be reckless with his own life in order to save a patient. However, when he risked not only life but his mind to try to save Amber… His gift that made him so special… that had turned him into a hero in her eyes, a stupid hero, but a hero nonetheless.
House stood there for a few moments the juxtaposition and irony not lost on him. He could see Wilson sleeping; he could just walk away… Just then Wilson opened his eyes; he must have sensed House's presence. There was a whole conversation, in the look they exchanged. Much like the one in the operating room, much like the one held in the ICU after Amber died. They had the shorthand of a fifteen-year friendship, to speed understanding along. Finally ,Wilson waved House in to his room and House complied.
"Hey." Wilson said
"Hey."House eased himself down into the recliner next to the bed.
"So…Thanks for being at the operation and the recovery room."
"I know you didn't want to, but I appreciated it."
"You're welcome…" House said uncomfortably, and turned the tv on. "Oooh You have cable! You must know someone in power here! Like a department head , or a Dean of Medicine!"
Wilson let the "you're welcome" go; knowing House wouldn't take discussing his sudden politeness very well. " Was that Thirteen with you?" he asked curiously.
"Hey ,I thought you were asleep!"
"Nope, I was trying to see how long you would stand there in the hall, like you just lost your puppy!"
"Whoa! Getting your liver removed makes you snarky!"
"Well, I have been taught by the best." He smiled and batted his eyelashes at House.
House rolled his eyes "As IF, you can be taught… ANYTHING!"
"Back to the Thirteen thing… " Wilson persisted.
"Yeah , that was her…"
"I know this is probably really wrong, but DAMN, is that girl HOT!"
House's eyes grew as big as saucers. "Wow, giving away your liver makes you a dirty old man too!"
"Don't tell me you haven't noticed…in fact I bet that's at least part of why she got the job on your team."
At that House waggled his eyebrows "Yeah, that, and the fact she goes both ways!"
They both burst out laughing. "We are such pigs!" Wilson said.
"Oink, Oink!" House snorted.
Wilson was laughing so hard it hurt, it pulled his stitches in nasty ways. "Oh stop, OWW! My stitches!"
House smile disappeared and concern replaced it. 'Idiot!' House admonished himself.
"Let me take a look to make sure you didn't pull any apart. We wouldn't want you to bleed out and make a mess."
"House, I am fine, seriously… sit down." It warmed his heart to see House cared but he also knew how fragile he was right now, and didn't want him to worry.
"Let me see Wilson!" House was already on the other side of the bed before Wilson could protest.
He lifted the gown and inspected the dressing it was clean and dry.
"See I told you!"Wilson grabbed the gown from him and quickly covered himself up.
House couldn't help but notice how embarrassed his friend was and proceeded to mock him
mercilessly. "Ooh nice abs…I may just turn gay at the sight of your gorgeous body! "
"As if you would want your junk hanging out for the entire world to see." Wilson whined.
"Why not? I am a god! They would be blessed to envisage my gargantuan manhood!"
Wilson cracked up again…"Seriously, OW, stop making me laugh…" they fell silent for a minute, until Wilson said curiously "Have you ...thought about it?"
"Thought about what?"
"You know… Thirteen…"
"Wilson ! What is this penchant you have for the hotties on my team? You are old enough to be her father for God's sake! "
"No I am not! An uncle maybe …"
"Wilson, stay away from Thirteen. She is vulnerable right now, and your notorious love 'em and leave 'em M.O. is not what she needs…" and then he said with a grin " Besides…I AM SO GOING TO TAP THAT!"
Wilson, was first shocked by House's paternalistic attitude, and then he was laughing hysterically again at the outrageous thing House had said to cover it.
"Dammit House! Owwww! You are killing me!" The laughter died on his lips, when he noticed Thirteen standing in the doorway of his room, holding two cups of coffee. "He…I mean, we…" Wilson stammered.
House said "She's standing behind me isn't she?" Wilson nodded. "Is she pissed?" Wilson shrugged.
"No she isn't pissed… But there is no way in hell, you 're gonna tap this, old man, it would probably kill you… you know, with your bad heart and all" Thirteen said in a sultry tone.
House turned around and gave her a quizzical look, his eyes scanned her body from top to bottom, she could almost feel them on her. "Oh trust me, I can handle it… but I doubt you could." He purred.
Wilson could not believe the exchange happening before his eyes. They were kidding right… "Is that coffee?" he said warily, in an effort to break the sexual tension and innuendo that the room was drowning in.
Thirteen turned and beamed a sixty-watt smile at Wilson "Yes it is. Would you like some?" She crossed the room to the bed and leaned in to give Wilson the coffee.
House snatched it from her hand before Wilson could take it.
"Some doctor you are! He just donated a lobe of his liver; he can't have coffee…restricted diet, duhhhh. But, I ,on the other hand, will be happy to drink it!" and he took a big gulp of the coffee… mildly surprised to find it was made exactly how he liked it, obviously ,she had made it for him to begin with.
Wilson pouted as House made a big deal over how "good" the coffee was, and Thirteen chuckled at the two's antics.
"Have a seat Remy." Wilson said "I would much rather look at you than him…" she took the recliner House had been sitting in earlier.
House didn't complain, his mind was elsewhere.
Wilson and Thirteen chatted about inane hospital gossip. He began to wonder if having Thirteen stay with him was such a good idea. There was certainly a sexual spark happening between them, which he hadn't noticed before. It was inappropriate and impossible, and he could lose his job over it…
However, the very male, very illogical, part of his brain said 'Thirteen's a big girl, and she knows what she's doing…' that thought sent his brain down paths parts of his body responded to, in ways he was not prepared for. 'What the hell am I thinking...'
"House? House? Hellooooooooooo House?" Wilson called.
"What? Oh yeah, just thinking about a paper I am writing for JAMA."
"Yeah, sure."Wilson deadpanned.
"Yes it's on the ethics of a doctor donating an organ to a patient!" House said sarcastically.
Wilson, gave him a look of irritation, House knew how to push his buttons expertly. "Give it a rest House. What's done is done, and I'd do it again. Just drop it."
House breathed a secret sigh of relief; he had successfully changed the mood and the topic in one try.
Thirteen decided she should make herself scarce and said to House "I'll wait for you in the conference room until you're ready to go." With that,she walked quickly out of the room before either man could protest.
Wilson's face twisted to a look of horror as he said "Oh my GOD House! You ARE sleeping with HER! Are you INSANE?" the words were out before he could stop them, there was no taking them back.
A look of hurt and anger flashed over House's countenance before he replied coldly "No to the first, and yes to the second." He turned on his cane and stalked out of the room, he didn't stop when he heard Wilson pleading.
"House, I'm sorry…Greg, I didn't mean it like that…please… come back."
Nevertheless, House's form disappeared around the corner, in stony silence.