Title- Say Cheese
Disclaimer- Gravitation and it's characters do not belong to me. I only borrow them for a rather harmless hobby that earns me no profit.
Warnings- Language, lime, crude attempts at humor, attempts at crude humor, sex, sex, sex (nothing explicit but lots of mentions of, innuendo, and subtext), extreme amounts of silliness, stray bits of fluffy sap, and what I'm sure you're all hoping for: hardcore nudity!
Summary- When Shuichi realizes that he doesn't have any pictures of Eiri smiling, he goes to extreme measures to get one, driving Eiri completely crazy in the process.
Chapter the first- The Declaration
Shuichi makes a discovery and a challenge is set down.
Eiri paused his typing and looked up from his monitor just in time to see aquick blur of bright pink followed shortly by a flash of light.
"Shuichi! What the hell?!" he shouted, trying to blink away the dark spots that had formed in front of his eyes.
"Shh, quiet, Yuki!"
Floored by the fact that the annoying menace had actually shushed him, Eiri sat in stunned disbelief while he stared in the direction where he'd last seen Shuichi.
"Ohh…" Shuichi sighed with disappointment. "It didn't work."
Eiri's vision finally cleared and he saw the kid sitting cross-legged on the floor fiddling with a digital camera, looking rather disappointed.
"What didn't work?" he snapped irritably. "Because if you were trying to blind me, I'd say you were pretty damn successful! Now, what the fuck is it you're up to exactly?"
"Oh! Sorry, Yuki," Shuichi hastily apologized, looking up at the fuming novelist as though he had just noticed he was in the room. "I thought it might work if I caught you off guard but…"
"But what? What are you plotting?"
"Bullshit! What are you trying to do?"
"Get a picture of you smiling."
Shuichi sighed. Instead of bothering to explain himself, he lurched forward from his seated position and crawled on all fours to where Eiri was sitting at his computer. Eiri raised an eyebrow at the childish display, but when Shuichi approached him he pushed his office chair away from the desk so the boy could pull himself onto his lap.
"I just realized today," Shuichi began after making himself comfortable, "that I don't have a single picture of you smiling."
He started to toy with the camera in his hands again before continuing sadly. "I thought if I snapped a photo of you when you weren't expecting it, maybe I'd get lucky and catch you in a good mood, but it didn't work out at all. You look like a deer caught in the headlights."
"Let me see." Eiri snatched the camera away from Shuichi before he could protest and stole a peek at its screen. He grimaced at the frightening image and, unwilling to come to terms with its existence, quickly deleted it.
"YUKI! NO!" Shuichi wailed. He tore the device away from Eiri as quickly as he could but the damage had already been done. "How could you? That picture was precious to me."
"What on earth are you blubbering about? You barely took that picture a minute ago, and I thought you were upset because I wasn't smiling in it."
"I was, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it."
"Shuichi, it was a terrible picture."
"No, it wasn't."
"Nuh-uh, Yuki, I liked it. At least it was better than some of my photos of you."
"You can't possibly have any that are worse than that one."
"Do too! I'll prove it," and with a quick scurry of a jump that had Eiri scrambling to protect certain body parts, Shuichi leapt from his seat on the author's lap and scampered out the door.
A baffled Eiri, who never could quite get the hang of Shuichi's odd behavior, was left wondering whether he ought to follow or just get up and leave. Before he had the chance to get the hell out of there, though, the boy came bouncing back into the room and plopped back down in his lap in a manner that once again had Eiri scrambling to protect himself.
"What is wrong with you?!" Eiri demanded.
"This," Shuichi said, indicating the shoebox he was holding.
"A pair of sneakers?" Eiri questioned, completely at a loss, and not for the first time either.
"No. Look inside."
Eiri let out a heavy sigh. He hoped that he'd have better luck at opening boxes than Pandora had and cautiously peeked inside, curious to see what the contents might be.
"These… these are pictures of me," he stated when he finally beheld the contents of the box.
"Shuichi, I can't tell what it is you're getting at. How about dropping me a hint?"
"Look at them!"
"O...kay." Eiri began to rifle through the stack of photographs. The pile consisted of everything from candid Polaroids to tabloid magazine covers. He discovered old publicity shots that had been taken to promote his novels and dust cover jackets from every single one of his books. He even found one of the purikura they took on their first date buried in the mix.
"Y'know, brat, if I had known you were the creepy stalker type I might not have ever let you move in with me."
"I am not the creepy stalker type! I didn't start collecting these until after I started living with you."
"If you say so, but I don't see how these are any worse than the one I deleted."
"Because at least in the one you deleted you didn't look like some sort of robot. The only emotion you show in any of these is the occasional mild annoyance or possibly extreme boredom."
"That's not true."
"How about this one?" Eiri asked, indicating one of the few shots of both of them that had been taken by paparazzi. 
"I want you to be happy in the picture. You almost scared that guy into shitting himself."
"Hey, in my defense, all I wanted to do was buy some damn groceries, and he probably wouldn't have noticed us if you hadn't been making such a scene.
"I was not making a scene!"
"You always make a scene and I had to literally drag you out of there because you kept trying to pose for more pictures."
"But posing for pictures is fun."
"No, it's not. If it didn't sell twice as many copies, I wouldn't allow my publishing company to print my photo along with my bio in my novels."
"Aww, there has to be at least one picture in here you like. How about this one?"
Shuichi held up a recent photo he had taken. It featured a very annoyed-looking Eiri trying to hold up a very wiggly Shuichi who was riding him piggyback while grinning like an idiot and holding the camera at arm's length to snap the picture.
It was surprising how well-focused it was and how much of the two of them fit in the shot considering the close range at which it had been taken. Eiri could even make out part of the stupid 'peace' sign he was making in the bottom corner.
"I still can't believe you talked me into that," Eiri groaned.
"Oh? But it turned out so cute! I told you it would."
"Pft," Eiri scoffed and rolled his eyes. He still thought that it had been a terrible idea. He looked at the photograph again and swore it was mocking him.
How had he let Shuichi convince him to do that?
Oh, yeah, that's how.
One of these days he would really have to stop letting his little head think instead of his big 'd think eventually Eiri would have built up some sort of resistance to Shuichi's manipulations, but instead he found himself caving in with greater and greater frequency.
"Cute, my ass. That picture is the worst one of the lot," he grumbled.
"Hmph," Shuichi grunted. "Then which one is your favorite?"
"They all suck."
"Well, which one sucks the least?"
"Hmn..." Eiri began to rummage carefully through the stack of photos and magazine clippings until he came across one he didn't entirely hate. "I'm kind of fond of this one."
"Oooh... lemme see."
Eiri handed it over to Shuichi as he requested and watched with amusement as the kid's face fell.
"Yuki! That's mean!"
"Blame your friend Hiro."
"He might have taken the picture, but he didn't tell you to shove the ice cream in my face!"
Eiri took a second look at the picture and the memories of that day washed over him. As sketchy as his memory could be at times, it was something he didn't think he'd ever be able to forget.
It had been an accident, or at least that was the story Eiri was sticking to. It wasn't his fault Shuichi's bandmate surprised him by popping up out of nowhere. Shuichi had been so pissed off after he recovered from the shock of having cold ice cream hit him, and Eiri was so embarrassed by the whole thing, that he had taken off and headed home.
And it wasn't until sometime later, when the irate singer was delivered to his doorstep by his psychotic manager, that Eiri was finally able to relieve his frustration after their heated argument turned in to a passionate round of 'making up.'
Just thinking back on it was enough to get Eiri heated up and it didn't help that Shuichi's plush little tushie was currently squirming around in his lap.
"Shuichi, what are you…" he began to ask when the boy's fidgeting woke him from his pleasant daydreams.
"Argh! What the hell?!" Eiri shouted and sprang up from his chair, pushing Shuichi off of his lap and causing him to collide with the ground with a resounding 'thud.'
"Ouch!" Shuichi exclaimed, then immediately broke into a fit of sniffling and tearful sobbing.
Damn. Eiri hadn't meant to hurt him.
"Are you alright?" he asked as he knelt beside the boy, his face etched with what only those who knew him well would recognize as concern.
"No, I'm not alright!" Shuichi wailed as he sat up and began to collect the photos that had scattered on the floor when he dropped the box as he fell. "Damnit! I came this close to getting my picture of you, but you had to go and ruin it all."
Eiri rolled his eyes at Shuichi's melodramatics. At least Shuichi hadn't suffered any physical damage. As for the mental damage, it was pre-existing and there wasn't anything Eiri could do about that.
"Is this really that important to you?"
"Of course it is!" Shuichi declared, challenging Eiri with his most determined expression. "You know how much I love you, so of course it's important that I have at least one picture of you being happy while we've been together."
"Fine. Hand over the camera."
"Just give me the camera, will you?"
At first Shuichi was a little suspicious and instinctively clutched the camera closer, but Eiri kept holding his hand out insistently until Shuichi reluctantly placed the camera in his open palm.
Eiri closed his fingers around the device, then scooped Shuichi off his spot on the floor and with a little effort lifted him up and sat him on the edge of the desk.
"Huh? Yuki?" was about all the confused kid could manage to say as his enigmatic lover proceeded to lean in to wrap one arm around his shoulders and held up the camera facing toward them with his free hand.
"Smile, Shuichi," Eiri whispered.
Shuichi blinked to clear his vision and also tried, unsuccessfully, to clear his mind of its confusion due to the author's unexpected stunt.
"There," Eiri said and tossed the camera to Shuichi, who still hadn't quite recovered from his shock and fumbled to catch it. "Are you happy now?"
"Yuki, you… you…" Shuichi's face nearly split in two from his wide grin. He couldn't believe it. Had the Eiri Yuki, the same Eiri Yuki who was always in a state of perpetual grumpiness, actually smiled? Just for him? Shuichi nearly dropped the camera in his excitement as he opened up the menu to view the picture, but his glee quickly evaporated once he did.
"What's wrong?" Eiri asked when he saw the kid's joyous expression instantly vanish.
"It doesn't count!"
"What? I thought you wanted me to smile, and I did, so what's wrong with it?"
"You're faking it."
"I don't believe this," Eiri growled. "I go through all that trouble to make you happy, and I get accused of not being genuine?"
"Well, were you? Besides, you can't take a picture of me after I've been crying, you asshole. I look like shit."
"Damn it, I can't ever satisfy you, can I?"
"That's not true! I-"
"Okay, you're right. There is one way to satisfy you."
"Yuki!" Shuichi gasped, somehow surprised by Eiri's crudeness. "You… you… You jerk!"
Shuichi leaptoff the desk and stood in front of Eiri.
"Just you wait," he said, waving the camera in the taller man's face. "I'm going to get a good picture of you if it's the last thing I do."
"Hmph." Eiri grunted and defiantly crossed his arms over his chest. "Not going to happen. Give it up already."
"Never!" Shuichi shouted and ran out of the room, pausing only to slam the door behind him.
Eiri shrugged and plopped back onto his office chair. The damn punk was upset with him now, but what else was new? He scanned his desktop for his lighter and pack of cigarettes and quickly set out to smoke away his irritation.
So Shuichi was angry. Big deal. He would go cry about it for awhile and then forget about it entirely.
Eiri put out his cigarette and went back to work.
In hindsight, he should have known how Shuichi would react to being told to give up. After all, was he not a chart-topping artist even though Eiri had told him countless times that his lyrics were no good? And how many times had Eiri tried to get the boy to give up on him only to find himself years later still living with his annoying common-law chimp?
Yes, Eiri really should have realized that the more opposition Shuichi encountered, the harder he worked to overcome it.
But somehow the poor bastard never saw it coming…
To be continued...
 - - These are based on actual illustrations from Gravitation.
 can be found in the second Gravi novel "Voice of Temptation" and also on Photobucket at:
 is in volume 11 at the beginning of track 46.
 can be found at the beginning of volume 8 and in color here:
purikura: short for print club. The photo sticker Eiri and Shuichi took on their first date.
Many, many thanks to the bestest beta ever, lawless523, for without her many, many pokes of encouragement, I might not have ever gotten this done. However, I was the last person to touch this, so any mistakes herein are mine.
I hope you all enjoy this latest tale of mine. My first multi-chaptered fic, yay! Actually, this was originally planned as a one shot, but it got a little lengthy, so I split it into three bits. I hope you stick with me for the next two chapters, as I promise it gets much better, and y'all know Shuichi is gonna drive Eiri batty before he even thinks about giving up. I will probably post the next chapter next week but it may just come down to the battle of impatience vs. laziness.
In the next chapter: Shuichi sets a plan in motion and Eiri gets a sweet dessert.
Thank you very much for reading, and please leave a review.