Hello and welcome to Pandemonium!
The fun, crazy and hilarious crossover sequel
to Gaara and Yugure and Angel of Death.
I decided that instead of writing two separate sequels
that I'd mix things up instead!
Give a little shake here and a cha cha there
pour it out and here we go!
(After all they are my OC's ) Enjoy people
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
A New Team
Baki walked into the Kazekage's office, wondering what his newest assignment was. Lord Kazekage looked at him thoughtfully.
"Baki you are going to be training a Genin team starting tomorrow." Gaara said after a moment's silence
Baki who had been the Kazekage family's sensei didn't balk at the work. He had trained six teams and was one of the best teachers in Suna. The fact that he had survived Gaara stood as a testament to his patience and intelligence and added fame and notoriety to his resume.
"Yes Lord Kazekage and who will be on my team?" He asked absentmindedly.
"Tsuru…" Gaara began and Baki nodded at the mention of the Kazekage's daughter. "…Jashin and Usagi." Gaara finished.
Baki nearly scowled at the mention of Temari's twins. Suna had never quite forgiven the indignity of Temari's abduction and impregnation by the Akatsuki member Hidan. Though no one but he and the family had known of Temari's betrayal by choosing to stay with the bastard. Temari's citizenship had never been revoked and they were living in-between the neutral borders in River Country. Temari often came home and brought her children to the academy. The Kami twins were just as privately despised as Tsuru was by the adults.
Baki didn't really hate any of them, they weren't bad kids. None of them had had any control over the unique circumstances surrounding them. He was quite proud in fact of the way that Temari, Kankuro and Gaara had turned out in the end. "In fact," he told himself, "compared to teaching the Sand Siblings, these three should be a walk in the park really." He thought to himself as he began to assess the skills, flaws and personality traits of the three Genin.
First to be considered was Sabaku no Tsuru. Thirteen years old, five foot even. Other then her silky black hair, which fell to the middle of her back, she was Gaara all over again. Slender, with a fine-boned frame, pale green eyes, milky skin, thin mouth.
Personality wise, she was like none of the last Kazekage's children. Where Gaara's green eyes had been dead with pain and bloodlust hidden just behind them, Tsuru's eyes twinkled with mischief. She was always smiling and acted a lot like the prankish tanuki of children's lore rather then the blood-thirsty Shukaku who had been terrorizing their village for generations.
She had been conceived through deception by a twisted plot hatched by the last Mizukage who wanted another half-demon shinobi. The twin of Gaara's wife had been the unwitting victim to conceive and give birth to the child. They had discovered these plans only because the Mizukage's brother had attempted to assassinate the child under the guise of an abduction.
At first the village had been relieved that she was nothing like Gaara or Shukaku. She was a bright, sunny child. But when she got older the village discovered something about her they just didn't like. Stoic, stern, unbending Sunagakure had a prankster in its midst and that's when the general dislike and exasperation began to grow. Tsuru was a prankster, one to rival Naruto; whom Baki suspected secretly encouraged and abetted since her more elaborate pranks often followed on the heels of the newest Hokage's departure.
Baki looked at the papers in his hand; as far as skills went, Tsuru had unusual abilities. Gaara was teaching her to manipulate sand though the sand did not rush to protect her as it did with her father. She was also learning how to manipulate water, which would be useful in survival training drills deep in the desert. She had learned to call on her tanuki kin, though this had been passed off as a summoning jutsu to allay the suspicions of the village council. She carried a gourd like her father, much to Yugure's (who had been hoping to teach her the art of the sword) disappointment.
She had been training with the Waterfall kunoichi in water-based jutsus. She also had a talent for genjutsu due to her tanuki blood. Her taijutsu skills, he noticed were…barely passable. Like the Sand Siblings she preferred to allow other things to do her fighting for her.
Her teachers said that she was intelligent, but always sneaking off and was lazy with her work, her grades were pretty poor. Baki had to teach her to pay attention to the task at hand. Anyone who put that much thought and effort into pranking people could learn to put the same thought and effort into their work.
Next to be considered were the twelve-year old Kami Twins. A year after Tsuru's birth Temari had been captured by Hidan, she had been returned to Sand by an old man, late into her pregnancy and gave birth to a boy and girl inhabited by Jashin, God of Death and Seishin Goddess of Life. The Gods had left the twins' bodies at the age of six to battle for supremacy.
Baki wondered why in the late Kazekage's family, there was at least one in each generation who was possessed with something otherworldly? First Gaara had been forced to bear the Shukaku, Tsuru was half-sand demon and any children she might bear someday would also be part demon. Then Temari's kids had been possessed by Gods. Hopefully if Kankuro ever decided to have any they would escape the fate of their other family members.
Jashin, Temari's firstborn. The boy had lost his wings after the God left his body. He was short, only four foot eleven. His eyes had changed color from pink to purple shortly after his first birthday and his hair was a platinum blonde. Interestingly the boy didn't seem to have the killer instinct of his namesake and former inhabitant. He was something of a coward and wouldn't fight unless he absolutely had too. (Much to Hidan's disgust and Temari's exasperation.)
He preferred to spy on people and judging from the loud complaints Tsuru and Usagi made was a tattletale to boot. He had Kankuro's stocky build. He was shy, quiet and rarely lost his temper. He took after Temari with her cool, analytical skills, rather then Hidan's brash and obnoxious ways. His Taijutsu was nearly non-existent.
Then there was Usagi, Temari's youngest. She was Hidan's little clone as far as Baki was concerned. Her long hair was the same delicate silver and put up in sleek waist-length pigtails. Her eyes were the same pale purple as her brother's. She was loud, foul-mouthed, (much to Sand's dismay) reckless, hotheaded, brash, arrogant and ruthless. She had excellent taijutsu skills(something Suna was not known for) and brandished a single bladed-scythe on a chain, nearly identical to her father's who had forbidden a scythe at all, since she refused to become a Jashinist.
But Kankuro, who never passed up an opportunity to antagonize the former Akatsuki member had had one made for her on her tenth birthday and Temari had relentlessly bullied the priest into teaching her how to wield the weapon properly. Her skill with other weapons were decent, she had no skills in genjutsu, her skill with ninjutsu was lousy and her skills with planning and battle tactics? Nonexistent!
Baki sighed. They were going to need a lot of work.
Later on that evening…
Baki was invited to dinner with the family. All the guards had been sent out and much to Baki's irritation who should he hear bitching from the dining room?
"Ugh! It's him!" Baki grumbled as he entered the room to see the foul-mouthed priest who was under a transformation jutsu.
Baki looked around, Temari had her arm around Hidan's waist. Usagi sat next to her father, Jashin had that get-me-out-of-here look. Tsuru and Yugure were busy setting the table, Kankuro was starting to get into it with Hidan and Lord Kazekage had a glazed, faraway look in his eyes, as though he were putting as much distance mentally between himself and his brother-in-law as possible.
"Geeze where've you been?" Usagi piped up loudly. "We've been waiting a half a fuc-"
"Usagi don't you dare finish that sentence or I swear I'll wash your mouth out with soap!" Temari said in a warning tone of voice that could send chills down people's spines.
"Ooh!" Said Tsuru tauntingly as she took her place between her dad and Yugure.
Usagi looked at her mother and smiled. "But daddy says it all the time." She pleaded in a sickeningly sweet tone.
Temari's eyelid ticked at the pitiful excuse and she glared at Hidan who was completely oblivious to the whole affair.
"Maybe I'll wash his mouth out with soap!" She spat coldly.
"Huh?" Said Hidan, clueless as to why Temari was glaring at him so vehemently.
Usagi and Tsuru looked at each other and then at Temari, jaws gaping before both girls burst out into raucous laughter.
Baki couldn't contain the grin at the mental image of Temari sitting Hidan down in a chair like a naughty child and scrubbing his mouth out vigorously with a bar of soap. "So…" Baki thought to himself, "this is what it's going to be like to put up with the little monsters! At least I'll never have a dull moment with them around!"
Hidan grinned at her and kissed her deeply in an attempt to placate her. Gaara who had been startled back into awareness by the sound of their laughter turned on his most menacing death glare and found himself completely ignored by the priest…just…like…always.
"Hey! Get a room!" Kankuro complained loudly.
Somehow in the middle of frenching Temari, Hidan managed a "Fuck off puppet boy!" Yugure stifled a laugh at that.
Gaara decided that it was time for a change of conversation.
"Tsuru, Jashin and Usagi."
The three of them glanced over at the Kazekage.
"The three of you will report to Baki sensei at five o' clock tomorrow morning."
There were groans from the three Genin.
"Five o' clock!" Said Tsuru looking horrified. "Awww man! How come we gotta get up so early dad?"
"Hey tanuki brat! Don't you know that a ninja rises before the ass-crack of dawn?" Hidan said.
"Can it Hidan! And don't call her tanuki brat!" Yugure growled at the priest.
"He's right Tsuru." Gaara explained to his daughter, "Ninja do get up before-"
"Before the ass-crack of dawn?" Tsuru snickered.
Yugure's lips twitched momentarily with amusement, then she frowned at her niece.
"Watch your mouth Tsuru." She reprimanded as Gaara gave his daughter a mortified look before shooting Hidan a hateful glare.
Hidan burst into laughter.
Baki sighed, this was going to be a long night.
The next day…
The next morning Baki began to get ready to meet his team. As he walked towards the Academy he noticed that the other Jounin sensei were giving him pitying looks. Last time he had been stuck with a jinchuuriki. This time he was stuck with a half-demon troublemaker and the offspring of an Akatsuki member.
"What are you doing?" Jashin asked eyeing the simple contraption that his cousin had rigged over the door.
Tsuru giggled. "What's it look like I'm doing?" She asked, filling the bucket with the blue goop that uncle Naruto had given her as a present last time he came to visit Suna.
"Planning another one of your retarded pranks." Jashin said dryly rolling his eyes.
"Then why'd you ask?" Tsuru said nonchalantly, smirking at her cousin's weary sigh.
"I really don't think Baki sensei's gonna fall for something this obvious." Jashin retorted.
"Shit! Hurry up Tsu he's comin'!" Hissed Usagi and together the two climbed out the window and shimmied up the rope.
Baki had just walked into the classroom when his vision went blue…with some sort of fruity smelling goop. He wiped the goop out of his eyes and turned his disgusted glare on a bemused Jashin.
"So you like setting traps do you?" Baki asked coldly.
"No! Wait sensei it wasn't me!" Said Jashin thinking that he was going to get the blame.
Baki turned his head towards the giggling perpetrators hanging outside of the window. Tsuru and Usagi were laughing and pointing and then both began clambering up the rope when their sensei began his ascent up the stairs, vowing revenge on the pastel-eyed troublemakers.
Tsuru slipped and began to fall, what saved her was grabbing on frantically to Usagi, at the same time both girls heard an ominous snapping sound. They shrieked.
There was also raucous laughter below. Team Seventeen had looked up to find Tsuru the class clown clinging desperately to Usagi the school bully; who was clinging desperately to a rope. But that wasn't the funny part.
"Look! Look! I can see Usagi's panties!" Came the shriek of laughter from the one lone girl on Team Seventeen.
"Aggh! The rope is breaking! It can't hold both of us at the same time! Tsuru I'm gonna kill you! Didn't you get a sturdy rope?" Usagi wailed desperately.
Tsuru was sweating, as bit by bit Usagi's skirt was slowly being pulled off. "Well it looked sturdy!" She shouted nervously.
"Looked sturdy?! It looked stur-aghhhh!" She shrieked, blushing brightly, her skirt was now halfway down her knees and Tsuru had grabbed onto her legs as the rope grew thinner, amidst fresh roars of laughter from their rivals who were rolling on the ground clutching their stomachs.
"Great Tsuru! Just great! Now half of Suna can see my freakin underwear!" Usagi roared. "DO something!"
"Whaddya expect me to do? I can't walk on walls!" Tsuru retorted. "Crap the rope!" Snap!
"Use your sand ya retard!" The silver haired girl snarled.
"O-oh! Oh yeah right!" She began to concentrate hard.
"Whoa!" They both screamed….
Baki had just reached the roof when he was greeted with an unusual sight. The force of the sand coming out of the gourd had blasted both girls back up onto the roof like a geyser. It had also blasted Usagi's pale pink skirt past her armpits, trapping her arms. A moment later Tsuru belly flopped on top of her with a yelp of terror.
"What goes around comes around." Jashin sneered as the girls tried desperately to regain their dignity.
Usagi pulled down her skirt, smoothed out her hair and balled her fists. "Ooh! You better start running Tsuru! Cause when I catch you I'm gonna beat you so bad, that even those freak tanuki cousins of yours won't be able to recognize you!"
Tsuru squealed and started to flee.
"STOP!!" Baki yelled, quite unused to it after so long.
After all, he wouldn't have been able to yell like this with his last team. It would've upset Gaara's tenuous hold on his sanity and probably gotten them all killed. "But then again," he thought, "Suna's infamous Sand Siblings wouldn't have been caught dead pulling pranks. Different kids, different team, a good sensei must adapt to the chaos commonly known as Genin." He reminded himself.
The two of them stopped, Jashin looked mildly amused, Tsuru was grinning sheepishly, Usagi was still scowling. He drew in a deep breath, willing himself to regain his patience, he also made a mental note to ask Hatake how he had dealt with Team Seven while retaining his sanity. Satisfied that he had their attention, he glared at them sternly and said;
"This is not how Sand ninja are supposed to act!" Baki continued, now receiving defiant glares from all three Genin. "We do not make spectacles of ourselves!" This last was directed specifically towards Tsuru and Usagi. One who giggled and the other who flushed a bright red. "Now let's go to the Kazekage's Tower and pick up our mission for the day."
Their mission was to pick up litter all around Suna. It was hot, irritating uncomfortable work and the three Genin were constantly complaining. Baki ignored their complaints. This was normal, this was to be expected. He'd complained as a Genin about the heat, the wind and the sand blowing in his eyes just like they were doing now. Kankuro had complained, all his Genin teams had complained; but the task kept them from bickering and playing jokes and for that Baki was grateful. After their D-rank mission had been accomplished, Baki divided them into pairs for sparring, he wanted to see his team in action. Usagi was paired with him, Jashin paired with Tsuru.
And really. In the end it was awful! Usagi was the only one who was good at Taijutsu! Jashin wasn't even worth mentioning, other then brains and dodging he had no decent offensive attacks to speak of and he had to remedy that!
Tsuru was easily distracted and a real pain in the ass. You could hear her muffled giggling a mile away and while she had decent offensive and defensive abilities she just took the whole thing like it was one big joke. He was going to force some more work out of them and then he would start survival training early. Because Kami knew that nothing would put them in a serious frame of mind faster then being forced to fend for themselves in Suna's hostile deserts.
And that's the end of the first chapter.
Hope you enjoyed it.